What about being the bigger person?

[aim22]

After less than 30 days of NC I'll have to inevitably meet the ex and spend time together for a couple hours, seriously, no way to avoid it. A good thing is that it will only happen once and then never again (unless we run into each other randomly or something).

There's 2 things that can happen:
1. She pretends like nothing happened and tries to make small talk and avoid the subject.
2. She tries to explain herself... stranger things have happened, I guess?

Considering that the break-up was not that traumatizing (e.g. I didn't get dumped after years of marriage, cheated on with my best friend, etc.) What if, the moment she starts talking I just stop her and say I am not really interested in having a conversation, there's no hard feelings and if she feels like she did nothing wrong then she shouldn't worry about it, but implying of course that after that meeting she'll never hear from me again.

Has anyone ever tried this approach? how did it make you feel? If anyone is wondering, it is not a move trying to win her back. But I think I can manage to do this and be authentic.

 

[Tictac]

If it's authentic, do it.

As a tactic, it will blow up in your face.

You're done. Why do you even care?

 

[aim22]

If it's authentic, do it.

As a tactic, it will blow up in your face.

You're done. Why do you even care?

Because as I said, I have to meet her and I really really doubt she won't say a word. So what are the other options, make small talk or listening to her make more excuses? No, thanks.

 

[cola]

What if, the moment she starts talking I just stop her and say I am not really interested in having a conversation, there's no hard feelings and if she feels like she did nothing wrong then she shouldn't worry about it, but implying of course that after that meeting she'll never hear from me again.

Thats sexy right there. Say it with a grin, totally non chalant. But mean it.
Instead of having that statement be just words make it your attitude going forward.

No need to have a meeting of the minds when they break up. Just move on. She shouldn't even be a thought at this point.

 

[kraytkiller]

Who cares? What result do you want? If you never want to fvck her again then say whatever the hell you want to her.

 

[Serenity]

I've tried meeting an ex after a very short relationship turned awkward. The setting was a party and I allowed her to be there because she's a friend of my friends, I don't think it's fair for me to sabotage her friendships so I allowed it. I was dealing with the same potential outcomes, I hoped she would be over it and not bothered by it. However she clearly wasn't as she sat there quietly and awkardly through the entire evening while I was having fun and socializing like everyone else. I noticed late in the evening and took her to another room to talk, she explained she was just tired but I knew it was BS. That conversation was going nowhere so I just didn't give a fvck and went back to my party, I was just trying to make her understand she can be herself and do whatever but she kept giving off an awkward vibe.

I figured out why it went down this way because my friends told me what she said. She thought I wasn't over her, but I know and my friends saw that I was. The truth was that she wasn't over me even though she dumped me, she also oddly enough stated that I deserve someone who likes me back and that I'm a good guy. I think she later realized what a huge mistake she made and regretted dumping me, especially after showing I respect myself enough to not give a sh!t and just simply move on.

The approach of just simply deciding on having fun and letting the recent past go felt good. Knowing she regrets it makes me feel even better, hopefully she thinks twice before playing with a good mans heart next time.

To be the better man you just do whatever stands in your power not to create or engage in a complicated drama. Just accept the fact that the relationship is ended, you have no unfinished business. You may small talk and have fun, but there's nothing going on besides just that. She may be silent and act awkward in your presence, don't let it affect you just let her act that way. There's nothing wrong with a conversation, but if she asks or talks about the relationship you just say it's over as far as you're concerned. Meaning that on your part there's nothing about it you feel the need to talk about. After that you'll know she's over it if she doesn't have a need to talk about it, if she does you just avoid it unless you find a better solution.