Went out like a wimp...

[will1258]

This girl I see frequently at the gym has been looking at me off and on for around a year. Now, I'd give her no older than 22 and I'm over 30 so it's a age difference in there. I just broke up with my ex girlfriend in February and I haven't been dating really much and I'm not good at starting convo.

In the past I use to catch her staring dead at me and turning away when I look at her, knowing her age I kinda know that younger women don't really know how to behave or at least hide that fact that they're attracted to a guy.

Of course, she's really pretty so I know she's off the market and today I went in there (gym) with the full intention of just opening up and saying hello, how are you, how's life..blah...blah to open the air.

The problem is she gives one word replies when I say something to her and I don't know how to respond to that, I'm shy when conversating with women are seem to be equally shy.

So I walk in and she follows behind me, I left her pass and I turn a right, she turns a right and so goes behind the desk like she's looking for something (of course she's not) and immediately goes back to her work area.

Of course this was intentional on her behalf, either to look at me or for me to start talking to her, unfortunately I chicked out when she was behind me and just let her pass and that's that.

I ended up going home and finding her on facebook and acted like I "saw her somewhere before and just said "Hey, you work...blah...blah" and yes it's a ***** move and the move of a wimp and women don't like wimps...

So I'm gonna close the book on this and forget about trying to get with her, instead I'm gonna dig deep in this site and learn some game and techniques which will help me more in the future with women.

I'm dark-skinned and I get looked at often, I'm just really shy and bad at starting convo with women and that's the problem.

I got a number from a co-worker last week but she's very friendly and open so I had no discomfort since she loves to talk and my job was made much easier.

 

[8ball]

You're over-analyzing this. Get some confidence. Act like you don't care and that you ask out 100 women a day. Just grab your balls and talk to her (women love this, they might say no, but THEY WILL RESPECT YOU). "Hey, wanna go grab a beer/smoothie/coffee?" Do it, and then you'll know. If she shoots you down, don't hide or be ashamed, flirt w/ her shamelessly.

 

[btownbuck2012]

Just grab your balls and talk to her (women love this, they might say no, but THEY WILL RESPECT YOU). "Hey, wanna go grab a beer/smoothie/coffee?".

I'm not so sure about this. I've easily cold approached over 200 girls in my life and i honestly think some of them could give two sh!ts about your "balls". As guys we see it as brave and balsy but some women I think find it easier to label you as a "creeper" because that's the cool term to use now in regards to guys who actually have the nuts to approach but might be a slight bit nervous as well. God forbide you're not PERFECT when approaching......

 

[8ball]

Here's the thing btown....women always are the choosers. Always. And you can tell if you're chosen if she looks you in the eye and smiles. If she does that, THEN cold approach. If not, you're a creeper. I'm not making this up, read some of the archived "best" posts and you'll see what I'm talking about.

 

[will1258]

Here's the thing btown....women always are the choosers. Always. And you can tell if you're chosen if she looks you in the eye and smiles. If she does that, THEN cold approach. If not, you're a creeper. I'm not making this up, read some of the archived "best" posts and you'll see what I'm talking about.

You're right its really a women's game we just play in it and hope to win at it. With thatvsaid does the facebook move look like a coward move or should I just cold approach next time she states at me?

 

[LE6END]

You're over-analyzing this. Get some confidence. Act like you don't care and that you ask out 100 women a day. Just grab your balls and talk to her (women love this, they might say no, but THEY WILL RESPECT YOU). "Hey, wanna go grab a beer/smoothie/coffee?" Do it, and then you'll know. If she shoots you down, don't hide or be ashamed, flirt w/ her shamelessly.

8Ball, I hope you aren't taking this back, because I agree 100%.

Firstly, why you care if she thinks you're a creep is not going to help you in the long run, approaching women; you have to accept that some women just aren't going to be turned by you. She doesn't think Will is a creep, she thinks a stranger is a creep. She'd want you if she knew you. If you don't take it personal, fear of being called a "creep" shouldn't fluster you. That type of thing never stopped me from cold approaching females. I realize she doesn't have any idea who I am, and If she did, she would not let me escape the room without her number.

As with 8ball, I also disagree with Btown. Females do respect direct approaches, it makes them feel sexy; Like they got you to throw yourself out in the blistering cold in hopes of being sheltered in by their acceptance. And at the very least, any girl would respect that over a private facebook message--- especially when you saw her in PERSON, every day and didn't say anything..

Will, If I could be the judge, provided she really was trying to get your attention, i.e likes you (and not just you over-analyzing her actions), she's going to lose respect for you interacting through messaging, when you had ample opportunities to interact face to face----the opportunities SHE provided. If I was in your position, I would talk to her in person----and I'm aware she gives you short, sweet answers, but i would say enough in person to where I can then hold a conversation through messaging without introductions. Not a, "Hey, haven't I seen you?"

But a "hey, what's up?.. Man, work out today killed me.. Im gonna be hurt for days, heh."

She'll give a, "Hey Will. Yeah, my body is sore, ill be moping around all day lol." something along those lines.

Take it from there. I know how shy girls are, and I know how being bashful feels. I'm not certain how many don't advocate messaging, but it can be such a great alternative to shy individuals --- to an extent. Conclusively, say enough in person to where you feel you can speak to her online without having to re-introduce yourself.

 

[btownbuck2012]

You're right its really a women's game we just play in it and hope to win at it. With thatvsaid does the facebook move look like a coward move or should I just cold approach next time she states at me?

Facebook is a cowards game. same thing with POF and all online dating sites. Many guys (and by many i mean 98.7%) are terrified to even think about going up to an extremely attractive girl they don't know and trying to start a convo with her. And that's probably just in the bar setting. Forget about K-mart, a baseball game, the beach, etc

You guys say that the game is against us and women have the advantage, i.e. they choose us. I disagree. Guys need to learn how to control and own the frame when talking to girls. Squirrels wrote a brilliant post a while ago about how, usually at first, even girls who are into you will act disinterested just to see if you're man enough to keep going. Instead of jerking around on facebook and POF guys should be in the field talking face to face with women. I'll admit its scary as sh!t sometimes but it has to be done. Enough with facebook! enough with pof!

My point earlier was that it's frustrating to approach SOME girls and get shot down without them really appreciating the balls it took to approach them. Some are so caught up with how AWESOME they are (or at least how Awesome they THINK they are, i.e. thanks facebook) that they don't realize how balsy it was for you to approach them. That's all I was saying earlier. Not all girls r like that but a few are.

 

[will1258]

8Ball, I hope you aren't taking this back, because I agree 100%.

Firstly, why you care if she thinks you're a creep is not going to help you in the long run, approaching women; you have to accept that some women just aren't going to be turned by you. She doesn't think Will is a creep, she thinks a stranger is a creep. She'd want you if she knew you. If you don't take it personal, fear of being called a "creep" shouldn't fluster you. That type of thing never stopped me from cold approaching females. I realize she doesn't have any idea who I am, and If she did, she would not let me escape the room without her number.

As with 8ball, I also disagree with Btown. Females do respect direct approaches, it makes them feel sexy; Like they got you to throw yourself out in the blistering cold in hopes of being sheltered in by their acceptance. And at the very least, any girl would respect that over a private facebook message--- especially when you saw her in PERSON, every day and didn't say anything..

Will, If I could be the judge, provided she really was trying to get your attention, i.e likes you (and not just you over-analyzing her actions), she's going to lose respect for you interacting through messaging, when you had ample opportunities to interact face to face----the opportunities SHE provided. If I was in your position, I would talk to her in person----and I'm aware she gives you short, sweet answers, but i would say enough in person to where I can then hold a conversation through messaging without introductions. Not a, "Hey, haven't I seen you?"

But a "hey, what's up?.. Man, work out today killed me.. Im gonna be hurt for days, heh."

She'll give a, "Hey Will. Yeah, my body is sore, ill be moping around all day lol." something along those lines.

Take it from there. I know how shy girls are, and I know how being bashful feels. I'm not certain how many don't advocate messaging, but it can be such a great alternative to shy individuals --- to an extent. Conclusively, say enough in person to where you feel you can speak to her online without having to re-introduce yourself.

That's why I made this post but I only facebook her once and she hasn't answered. So I was gonna talk to her in person and there is a age difference.

I really messed up by facebook not only does. It look like stalking but also looks like a coward move but it's a part of learning women. Her eye contact goes background a while, almost a year and a young attractive 21 yea old obviously has a man lol.

But I'm not gonna come off blunt and just try to create small talk as friends and if her eye contact is still there ill go for it. If it's not due to my coward move no problem its alot of women out there.

Excuse the errors I'm typing from my phone.

 

[will1258]

Facebook is a cowards game. same thing with POF and all online dating sites. Many guys (and by many i mean 98.7%) are terrified to even think about going up to an extremely attractive girl they don't know and trying to start a convo with her. And that's probably just in the bar setting. Forget about K-mart, a baseball game, the beach, etc

You guys say that the game is against us and women have the advantage, i.e. they choose us. I disagree. Guys need to learn how to control and own the frame when talking to girls. Squirrels wrote a brilliant post a while ago about how, usually at first, even girls who are into you will act disinterested just to see if you're man enough to keep going. Instead of jerking around on facebook and POF guys should be in the field talking face to face with women. I'll admit its scary as sh!t sometimes but it has to be done. Enough with facebook! enough with pof!

My point earlier was that it's frustrating to approach SOME girls and get shot down without them really appreciating the balls it took to approach them. Some are so caught up with how AWESOME they are (or at least how Awesome they THINK they are, i.e. thanks facebook) that they don't realize how balsy it was for you to approach them. That's all I was saying earlier. Not all girls r like that but a few are.

Your right and I also notice these women don't post their man on facebook either and ibthink most their men don't deal with that stuff.

I think I'll just give it up, learn from it and move on to the next..

 

[LE6END]

Facebook is a cowards game. same thing with POF and all online dating sites. Many guys (and by many i mean 98.7%) are terrified to even think about going up to an extremely attractive girl they don't know and trying to start a convo with her. And that's probably just in the bar setting. Forget about K-mart, a baseball game, the beach, etc

You guys say that the game is against us and women have the advantage, i.e. they choose us. I disagree. Guys need to learn how to control and own the frame when talking to girls. Squirrels wrote a brilliant post a while ago about how, usually at first, even girls who are into you will act disinterested just to see if you're man enough to keep going. Instead of jerking around on facebook and POF guys should be in the field talking face to face with women. I'll admit its scary as sh!t sometimes but it has to be done. Enough with facebook! enough with pof!

My point earlier was that it's frustrating to approach SOME girls and get shot down without them really appreciating the balls it took to approach them. Some are so caught up with how AWESOME they are (or at least how Awesome they THINK they are, i.e. thanks facebook) that they don't realize how balsy it was for you to approach them. That's all I was saying earlier. Not all girls r like that but a few are.

Nah, Btown I never said I was one of the guys that believe the game is against us. The extent of my point was to not be afraid of approaching a female because of what she'll think of you----and I stand by that. You and I are in agreeance with the facebook jerking. The best experience is in the field, not in front of a computer screen.

@Will, yeah learn from it, man. Shyness is a killer. heh.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

First off it sounds like this girl works at the gym since you mentioned work area etc right?

Realize that A) its her job to be friendly, flirty and smile etc IF she does in fact work there.

B) If she doesn't work there, but you see her there and were get strong EC etc for all that time and you waited MONTHS to approach, then you have no one to blame but yourself.

C) The gym is a little tricky. Many women are there simply to get attention, while others are there simply to work out and GTFO. Sure if they see a guy they're attracted to, who is in good shape etc they will likely be open to his approach, but the more important lesson is to strike when the iron is hot.


Lastly, whoever was talking about creepy has it all wrong. Women will NEVER think your approach is creepy UNLESS they were never remotely attracted to you in the first place. Creepy is a word they use which is similar to her saying "I'd never go out with him, ewww!"

Yes, the Facebook move was a very chump, coward move. The fact that you said she only gives you one word answers is more telling to me, that most likely you read this girl wrong and what you thought was attraction on her part was not.

I have NEVER approached a girl who was giving me tons of EC, smiles etc who wasn't excited as a pig in shiat when I walked up to her and started talking to her. One word answers, no excitement on her end shows low interest.


I'm mainly interested to know if the girl works at the gym... that will answer a lot.







PIMP

 

[will1258]

She works at the gym as a customer service girl. She used to look at me and smile and then turn away when I notice. She looks Hispanic and I'm a darkskinned black male. I know attraction but she's young id say no older than 22 and I'm over ten years older. I didn't pay it any. Mind due to age but she's pretty hot.
The
Some women are in this dark men thing and I'm dark so maybe so but after the facebook move I decided to let it go.

But each woman is a little different. How she reacts when I see her will determine what I do, I'd the stares are gon due to the non approach, ill just leave the issue.

I think she thinks I'm attractive but won't mess with me, and some women just aren't like to stare at times.

 

[vatoloco]

Lastly, whoever was talking about creepy has it all wrong. Women will NEVER think your approach is creepy UNLESS they were never remotely attracted to you in the first place. Creepy is a word they use which is similar to her saying "I'd never go out with him, ewww!"

Listen to PIMP. He knows what he's talking about.

 

[will1258]

So I'm going to end this thread and look forward. I'm going to be.

1. More focused
2. Get rid of all social networks
3. Continue to be very active in the gym.

My simping ends now and I realize this isn't a part time job but a full time job.