We find what we expect to find.

[EastWind]

In the last year I've become a cynical, world-weary bastard. I have learned to expect nothing from people. I have learned to keep to myself and I've had more than one girl stating "you just can't open up to me."

Now we all know that's a good thing, right? Keep her uncertain, keep her in the dark, on her toes... yes, in a way, that is good.

But I have come to the realization that I haven't met a "nice" girl in a very, very long while. Obviously I know - and some of you will tell me - that girls in the 18-28 range are all bananas. And I agree. Mostly.

But every now and then I'll meet some distant acquaintances and they'll turn up with a solid 7 who's just nice and sweet in general. Not a genius, but sharp. Enjoys life. Likes to cook. Laughs at nerd jokes.

Why don't I meet those?

And it hit me.

It is my expectation that all girls need a good, solid dose of sarcasm to get them even a bit interested, because if you don't show her you don't take her seriously, she'll run off. It is my expectation that she will play games, because she will constantly evaluate my "alpha-ness" index. It is my expectation that she will lie, cheat and in general do everything necessary to make everything as comfortable as possible for her and that whatever form of relationship evolves will be a constant uphill struggle for me.

And of course we know that this is independent of whether or not we're actually "alpha". We all know girls are just random and will change their fancy like a weathercock.

And so we learn not to care. Which, don't get me wrong, has its upsides. We learn to expect her to need constant insecurity to keep the flame alive, we learn to expect her to cheat, we learn to expect her to run off at the slightest sight of a guy who's more "alpha" than you are. We learn to be on the constant sarcastic side.

And you know what? We find what we expect to find.

We find girls who respond to sarcasm and "negs" and however you want to call it, and the girls who don't respond, we filter out because she's weird / not interested / you name it.

We find girls who NEED to be kept on their toes ALL the time in the relationship because that's what we expect it to be like. If she seems to be calm and chilled about everything, we suspect foul play even more.

Now, before some of the more radical veterans get all over my case, notice that I'm not advertising being "nice" or giving any girl "too much" leeway. "****y and funny" is quite necessary, and you sure as hell should know what you want in life in general and in relationships and strive to get that and not compromise too much. And I know it's not about what the girl wants, but about what I want. I know all about what's being said on here.

I'm saying that we find what we expect to find. And we on this board in general do not expect to find anything good.

 

[SamTheHobit]

tl;dr b1tches be crazy

 

[NotAgain]

Life is different from online. You can't take things like PUA's and DJ's seriously. At it's roots, yes it makes you a better man but you only live life by living. I find it's a matter of mixing what we learn on here and putting it into suiting our lives not taking it all as the bible and going out trying to pull these HB9's with negs etc.

 

[MainDroite]

Well, there is more than one style of game...

If you stick to negs and stuff like that you're not gonna get far... especially now that many of them are used to it. Kind of like the 3-days rule with the telephone. It also used to be original, a method of keeping her on her toes. Now it's simply a dead giveaway for what you have in mind for her (which might work if her interest level is high).

Girls might fall for dirty tricks, but they're not stupid, you know. They have a crotch to protect against invaders and they're not always gonna let their guard down easily.

I find learning to recognize certain patterns of behaviour and subsequently adapting to it works a lot better than trying to mind-**** her with ****y-and-funny lines. I suck at this, anyway.

Some girls are very motherly, for example - and positioning yourself as a "victim" whom they can confort has a very good chance of working. Negs will disgust them.

Some girls love to play with fire, especially if they have a BF.

Also learn to play with contrasts. It's not about acting here, but maybe overplaying things a bit. If you're always sarcastic and ****y with a girl, learn to show her a more sensitive side of you in private.

I guess the key word here is adaptation.