Watching Friends Destroy Their Lives

[Egoist]

Question ALL decisions in life by asking yourself, "Am I doing this for MY OWN good, or will it only serve to make someone else happy?"

can't be repeated enough.

 

[Maverick001]

I'm a bit aprehensive to post this, but most everyone on the Mature board knows me well enough so,...

I'm kind of in a precarious situation with this myself these days. My nephew is planning to marry his girlfriend this year. The guy is 22 (so is she) and the only chick he's ever been with. He originally proposed to her at 21 right after they'd both graduated and she turned him down, but they kept seeing each other. He accellerated his studies taking on an unreasonable amount of credits so he could graduate at the same time as she did since she entered college sooner than he and, though he wont admit it, I'm certain he chose this university in order to facilitate the relationship.

This is the son of my brother-in-law who committed suicide when his wife (my wife's sister) decided to leave him after 20 years of marriage, who consequently "started"dating (her story) and married a multi-millionaire less than a year after his father was underground. His step-father employed him in his company (in a job completely unrelated to his degree) in a six figure salary and bought him a company car right after he graduated. I'm not sure exactly what changed his girlfriend's mind recently, but the engagement is set now and I see his behavior paralelling that of his father's when he first married my wife's sister.

Needless to say, this is a very touchy subject on my wife's side of the family now considering my sister-in-law's history. I was very critical with her after her first husband's death, but I managed to keep it in check with my wife. Her mother however was (and is) resentful of her sister now and sees this as a grand plot on her sister's part. Her ship had come in and the man she's been with for 20 years (who busted his ass for the better part of that) was now a casualty of that.

My wife is very familiar with my dissapproval of anyone marrying this early and I know she agrees with my POV, but on the same note she wants to be supportive of her nephew. I honestly want to see him successful, but I fear his AFC mindset is only reinforced by this. I have tried on many occasions to tactfully get him to think about what he's doing and the footsteps he's following, without drawing the wrath of his mother or her new husband (and my own wife to a degree). He is open to what I say, but if I'm the one responsible for him calling off the engagement I earn the ire of my wife's side of the family. Even my mother-in-law, who's not foolish, would have problem with this.

Rollo,

Ok, I have a radical suggestion and the sosuavers will probably think I'm nuts but what you should do is clandestinely setup your nephew to cheat on his fiance.

This will, hopefully, achieve 2 aims. First, it may stop the marriage. Second, it may open your nephew's eyes to all that he's missing at this time in his youth.

If the situation is as bad as you say then strong medicine is needed to remedy it.

Just my 2 cents.

Cheers,
Mav

 

[Tazman]

From what I see, a lot of this stems from guys wanting a sure thing (guaranteed, enthusiastic *****). These are usually guys who've had a bad experience and/or find it difficult to chase women they're attracted to. One of my friends recently got married to a girl he wasn't even attracted to when he first met her. He seemed increasingly frustrated with not getting any ***** so he decided to give in to her pursuit of him. He hooked up with her and lost his virginity, but ended up breaking up with her because he didn't like her attempts to control him.

You'd think he was off to a good start, but he wasn't pursuing any other girls and he wanted to have sex, and she was his only source, so he got back together with her. She pretty much guilted him about everything and withheld sex unless he compromised on her terms. He's been wipped ever since. He doesn't argue or resist her too much because he says he doesn't want to deal with her anger. Any time he brings up an issue they're having I just give him a short response because it's pointless to think he's going to ever change.

It's seems impossible to come between a man and his ***** (that he may not even be getting).