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Was this self depracating?

War Against Betaism

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I was hanging out with some friends today and this one girl said to me "Yeah that one girl Ashley thinks you're cute." I said "Oh really? I'll just put her down on my list of girls that think I'm cute." She scoffs and then I put my hands together, opened it up like I'm opening up a scroll, took my left hand as if I'm writing into it and said "Ashley...well that's one!" everyone laughs. When I think about it, I said yeah that's kind of funny, but then I was debating with myself, it was funny but was it really self deprecating? I'm not regretting saying it or over-analyzing the situation, I'm just wondering if I should refrain from saying more things like this or continue cracking lines like this, cause honestly after all these years, I still can't get a good grip of ****y and funny lol.
 

runner83

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Taken from one of the masters (not me, Rollo Tomassi):


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Iron Rule of Tomassi #9

NEVER SELF-DEPRECIATE under any circumstance. This is a Kiss of Death that you self-initiate and is the antithesis of the PRIZE mentality. Once you've accepted yourself as a "complete douche" there's no going back to confidence with a woman. Never appeal to a woman's sympathies, her sympathies are given by her own volition, NEVER when they are begged for. Even if you don't seriously consider yourself pathetic, it never serves your best interest to paint yourself as pathetic. Self-Depreciation is a misguided tool for the AFC, and not something a true DJ will ever consider.

That said self-depreciation is pervasive and something that I myself have been guilty of in the past. You have to be hyper-aware of it and unlearn it. You have to catch yourself in mid-sentence so to speak. Women operate in the sub-communications and when you OVERTLY admit to a lack of confidence you may as well just LJBF yourself. That's a strong impression you wont recover from. Women want a compitent, confident, decisive Man not one who's self-image is that of a "complete douche" or even a partial douche. I should add that when you become hyper-aware of this you can also turn it to your own advantage when AMOGing or you're working a girl with a self-depreciative BF or other suitor. It's all too easy to reinforce her estimation of a guy like this by covertly confirming it for her, while at the same time playing up your own confidence and value.

All of this is not to say that it's wrong to recognize your own weaknesses and understanding when you're in the wrong. It's simply how you go about addressing them that's the point. We had a thread here not too long ago about admitting when both of you are wrong and this got me to thinking about healthy ways of communicating this. There are plenty of way to assume the responsibilties of fault that aren't self-depreciating. The easiest way is to always adopt the attitude that you're 'getting better all the time'. This mentality fosters confidence and projects ambition, whereas self-depreciation shoves your nose in the dog sh!t and says "please love me anyway?"

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Never put yourself down in front of a girl.

Although your line was not that bad, but she managed to turn it around on you, perhaps because she (and others?) knew it wasn't true.

Maybe just to shake things up after she said "well, that's one", you should have said something like "good thing I'm gay" or something like that, just so she couldn't have the last word.
 

War Against Betaism

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Wait, but she didn't turn it around on me. After wards she said "*laughs* wow you would say something like that! But you're funny..." I wasn't really trying to attract her, it was just something I thought of on the spot and had the C+F formula in my mind. Yeah I kind of had a feeling it was leaning more towards on the self deprecating side, but wondered if the fact that I opened it up with a ****y statement alleviated that. I should probably just stick with what I have instead of going through this tried and failed process of rounding out my "****y and funny" game, girls already think I'm funny, I think that's all I need.
 

kingsam

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it was a sh.it test of sorts, gauge you reaction and sub-communications togauge your Manly-Value then "report back" to the girl, and use information for 'gossiping'
 

omega05

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i think you should have just left it at "Oh really? I'll just put her down on my list of girls that think I'm cute."

i dont see myself going with runner's advice about saying you're gay
 

volkme68

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I repectfully disagree withthe never self-deprecating stuff. The funniest comedians tell embarrasing stories of themselves. You can tell an embarassing story or make a smart ass remark, even at your own expense and be fine, if you have the right tone and confidence. Watch in big comedian. Jokes at their own expense all the time, but they laugh it off and then immediately bust someone else's balls.

If you give off the "what the hell, its a good story" vibe it will still work for you. Just don't over do it
 

Lexington

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I don't think you can say that self deprecating is always a bad thing. What if Brad Pitt makes a self-deprecating joke? Would it diminish his value at all? In fact it would probably increase his value.

Now it's probably a bad idea if you're always self deprecating because it demonstrates insecurity. But occasionally making fun of yourself shows that you have a sense of humor and that you don't take yourself so seriously. A man who is secure in himself can joke about himself from time to time.
 

War Against Betaism

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Yeah I normally don't make fun of myself, I'm usually the one cracking jokes on other people.
 

Groovy

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I've read in a book written by some psychologists (Allan and barbara pease book about body languege) that girls find you more attractive if you can make them laugh.
 

Michajo

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Just a thought, it seems to me that some limited amount of self depreciating humor is a good thing. I think it can be a strong display of confidence. The way I see it, only a confident individual is going to poke fun at themselves.

I think everyone has probably seen the piss-ant type guy that can't take a joke if it is even remotely at their expense. And what does this behavior stem from? I would posit it's a lack of confidence.

All this aside, too much and you're just having a pity-party and you're going to look pretty unappealing. Just my two cents...
 
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