Guywondering21
New Member
- Joined
- Dec 4, 2018
- Messages
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- Age
- 40
**Summary**: I was recently in a 4 month dating situation where a woman went from buying me gifts, affection, etc and being my girlfriend to breaking up with me, telling me she's not ready and becoming distant until I took my power back for lack of a better word. In the end, I wanted a relationship and she didn't seem ready but was I crazy all this time? Any feedback or advice for how to move forward would be great.
**Hey folks**, I'm new to this forum but have been here before.
I'm a successful **no contact survivor** and recovered greatly by using all the tools here to get over a previous relationship. To all those going through recent breakups, stay strong. You will be fine and this is a great place.
A few months ago, I got involved with a woman at work who kind of flirted with me. I followed up on it and we started going out. Things started going fast. We both really liked each other.
She told me within a month and a half of the whatever you want to call what we were doing that this is the strongest she's felt about someone in two years since her last relationship. Her last relationship ended in the guy cheating on her with \*\*two dozen \[24\]\*\*women. I repeat, two dozen. She also comes from a family environment that while their parents are still together, the dad wasn't the most loving and he was abusive early on towards the mom.
**Here's the quick bullet points about our relationship.**
\- We started dating in Aug
\- In September, about a month and a half in, I asked the girl what does she see this as? Because I wasn't looking to just **** a co-worker. I wanted to work towards something. We didn't have to jump in a relationship that day but at least commit towards building to one.
\- She replied that she wasn't ready yet and would like to take things slow, see each other less and just enjoy each other. She also told me she spoke to her therapist about me who she sees once a week. She said her therapist asked her if she liked me. She replied yes. Her therapist then said: "If you like him this means you will sabotage this." **RED FLAG #1.**
\- **Sidebar**: We are having unprotected sex \[or were\] because we were exclusive on that level \[just sex\].
\- Within the next week of telling me to take things slow, she asked me to dinner 2x and asked me to sleep over 3x. Myself? I was confused. But I liked the girl so went with it. In my head I was thinking, this isn't slow this is FAST.
\- Fast forward two weeks in early October and she tells me I want to be your girlfriend. I say "are you sure?" She goes yes.
\- She then buys me a $500 wallet which i couldn't accept and she was offended. Started taking me to dinners non stop and we would switch moments where we would pay the bills and she would always talk about going on vacation with me. Everything was going fairly well in the opening stages of at least officially being a couple.
\- Within I'd say two weeks, we got into the silliest argument. It was over me not responding to a few facetime calls because I was out at dinner. I figure this was part of her insecurity with relationships due to her past. I told her I was at a dinner and I tried ringing her when done but she was asleep. She knew about the dinner beforehand. I also got the vibe that her FACETIME calls were less about loving facetime throughout our relationship \[if you want to call it that\] but more about knowing where I am at. I went to her house to discuss it and we argued and she proceeded to throw me out. I left and she then claimed she didn't mean to throw me out.
\- She proceeded to break up with me over this. This is mid to late October.
\- She then tells me she's not ready for a relationship. I'm like ok. At this point, I could have easily walked away but i was so fn confused. One minute it felt like she was in love. The next minute it felt like she was trying to control her feelings and how i perceived her feelings.
\- We entered a weird period of periodic texting, etc.
\- Things picked back up and we continued having sex. Sleeping over each other's house etc. This is last month. She started buying me stuff again, asking me to go away to LA with her, talked about getting a joint xmas tree, etc and we had sex and she whispered I LOVE YOU. I said "what did you say?" She replies quickly: "nothing nothing i didn't say anything."
\- I'm like wtf is this mind**** going on.
\- The following week she was completely different. She was a little removed and wouldn't respond all the time. So I decided to take a step back.
\- When she would text me, I replied hours later. I wouldn't pick up all her calls nor would jump at sex when she wanted. The phone calls increased, facetimes, etc.
\- She starts taking me out for massages, dinners and all this ****. I'm sure most guys would be like **** this is the life. But after 5 months of dating with no commitment and a breakup for a ridiculous reason and all the rollercoaster of emotions with her, I was feeling i needed to take a step back so i took the approach i listed above.
\- As I mentioned she started breathing down my neck BUT ONE THING happened that caused this to finally end this weekend. Her questions....
\- Are you dating anyone?
\- Are you sleeping with anyone?
\- Do you want to buy a xmas tree together?
\- The real/fake I love you she said
\- Do you want me to travel with you?
\- The constant affection \[sans kissing\] which ill explain
All of this was a mind**** and it all came to a head this past week. It felt like she kept asking all these questions to see where my head was at or as affirmation for her to feel better about her insecure self. I'm assuming all these questions started happening because she felt i was drifting away.
We were at a restaurant and she kept asking me the questions above. I never asked her these questions because I trust her and two I have no right to because there's no commitment. So I'm like why the **** are you asking me this when you aren't committed nor want commitment? I say to her if you are untrustworthy of me or something just tell me to put on a condom or just leave the situation.
I honestly feel all these questions were due to her insecurity.
It was insane she would hold my hand, hook my arm, rub my neck, hug me and any time i'd go for a kiss on the lips she pulled back. She'd make some excuse and I'm like wtf you get girlfriend benefits but I get nothing. She'd ask me if i missed her while she was away for thanksgiving and I said yes. I'd ask her she'd skirt the question.
This past weekend, I finally told her this isn't working for me anymore. I care about her but it's either she wants in or out. She went on to say that it seems we can't be happy in a gray area and it's best for us to move on. I'm not even hurt because I sort of laid everything out on the table but I'm sort of like:
What the **** did I just go through in these last 4 months?
If you ask me, I dealt with a broken woman who liked me who like her therapist said would eventually sabotage this and while I am a little down I'm thinking I dodged a bullet in this one. In the end, we work together so its weird and will be for a while though we dont interact much there but does this girl have the profile of someone who would potentially try to sneak their way back in?
**Hey folks**, I'm new to this forum but have been here before.
I'm a successful **no contact survivor** and recovered greatly by using all the tools here to get over a previous relationship. To all those going through recent breakups, stay strong. You will be fine and this is a great place.
A few months ago, I got involved with a woman at work who kind of flirted with me. I followed up on it and we started going out. Things started going fast. We both really liked each other.
She told me within a month and a half of the whatever you want to call what we were doing that this is the strongest she's felt about someone in two years since her last relationship. Her last relationship ended in the guy cheating on her with \*\*two dozen \[24\]\*\*women. I repeat, two dozen. She also comes from a family environment that while their parents are still together, the dad wasn't the most loving and he was abusive early on towards the mom.
**Here's the quick bullet points about our relationship.**
\- We started dating in Aug
\- In September, about a month and a half in, I asked the girl what does she see this as? Because I wasn't looking to just **** a co-worker. I wanted to work towards something. We didn't have to jump in a relationship that day but at least commit towards building to one.
\- She replied that she wasn't ready yet and would like to take things slow, see each other less and just enjoy each other. She also told me she spoke to her therapist about me who she sees once a week. She said her therapist asked her if she liked me. She replied yes. Her therapist then said: "If you like him this means you will sabotage this." **RED FLAG #1.**
\- **Sidebar**: We are having unprotected sex \[or were\] because we were exclusive on that level \[just sex\].
\- Within the next week of telling me to take things slow, she asked me to dinner 2x and asked me to sleep over 3x. Myself? I was confused. But I liked the girl so went with it. In my head I was thinking, this isn't slow this is FAST.
\- Fast forward two weeks in early October and she tells me I want to be your girlfriend. I say "are you sure?" She goes yes.
\- She then buys me a $500 wallet which i couldn't accept and she was offended. Started taking me to dinners non stop and we would switch moments where we would pay the bills and she would always talk about going on vacation with me. Everything was going fairly well in the opening stages of at least officially being a couple.
\- Within I'd say two weeks, we got into the silliest argument. It was over me not responding to a few facetime calls because I was out at dinner. I figure this was part of her insecurity with relationships due to her past. I told her I was at a dinner and I tried ringing her when done but she was asleep. She knew about the dinner beforehand. I also got the vibe that her FACETIME calls were less about loving facetime throughout our relationship \[if you want to call it that\] but more about knowing where I am at. I went to her house to discuss it and we argued and she proceeded to throw me out. I left and she then claimed she didn't mean to throw me out.
\- She proceeded to break up with me over this. This is mid to late October.
\- She then tells me she's not ready for a relationship. I'm like ok. At this point, I could have easily walked away but i was so fn confused. One minute it felt like she was in love. The next minute it felt like she was trying to control her feelings and how i perceived her feelings.
\- We entered a weird period of periodic texting, etc.
\- Things picked back up and we continued having sex. Sleeping over each other's house etc. This is last month. She started buying me stuff again, asking me to go away to LA with her, talked about getting a joint xmas tree, etc and we had sex and she whispered I LOVE YOU. I said "what did you say?" She replies quickly: "nothing nothing i didn't say anything."
\- I'm like wtf is this mind**** going on.
\- The following week she was completely different. She was a little removed and wouldn't respond all the time. So I decided to take a step back.
\- When she would text me, I replied hours later. I wouldn't pick up all her calls nor would jump at sex when she wanted. The phone calls increased, facetimes, etc.
\- She starts taking me out for massages, dinners and all this ****. I'm sure most guys would be like **** this is the life. But after 5 months of dating with no commitment and a breakup for a ridiculous reason and all the rollercoaster of emotions with her, I was feeling i needed to take a step back so i took the approach i listed above.
\- As I mentioned she started breathing down my neck BUT ONE THING happened that caused this to finally end this weekend. Her questions....
\- Are you dating anyone?
\- Are you sleeping with anyone?
\- Do you want to buy a xmas tree together?
\- The real/fake I love you she said
\- Do you want me to travel with you?
\- The constant affection \[sans kissing\] which ill explain
All of this was a mind**** and it all came to a head this past week. It felt like she kept asking all these questions to see where my head was at or as affirmation for her to feel better about her insecure self. I'm assuming all these questions started happening because she felt i was drifting away.
We were at a restaurant and she kept asking me the questions above. I never asked her these questions because I trust her and two I have no right to because there's no commitment. So I'm like why the **** are you asking me this when you aren't committed nor want commitment? I say to her if you are untrustworthy of me or something just tell me to put on a condom or just leave the situation.
I honestly feel all these questions were due to her insecurity.
It was insane she would hold my hand, hook my arm, rub my neck, hug me and any time i'd go for a kiss on the lips she pulled back. She'd make some excuse and I'm like wtf you get girlfriend benefits but I get nothing. She'd ask me if i missed her while she was away for thanksgiving and I said yes. I'd ask her she'd skirt the question.
This past weekend, I finally told her this isn't working for me anymore. I care about her but it's either she wants in or out. She went on to say that it seems we can't be happy in a gray area and it's best for us to move on. I'm not even hurt because I sort of laid everything out on the table but I'm sort of like:
What the **** did I just go through in these last 4 months?
If you ask me, I dealt with a broken woman who liked me who like her therapist said would eventually sabotage this and while I am a little down I'm thinking I dodged a bullet in this one. In the end, we work together so its weird and will be for a while though we dont interact much there but does this girl have the profile of someone who would potentially try to sneak their way back in?