Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Waited To Long 4 Sex..now What?

DavenJuan

Master Don Juan
Joined
Mar 22, 2003
Messages
792
Reaction score
32
Location
mistake by the lake
i have been talking to this girl for almost a year now and we have yet to get "down and dirty". I dont know what the problem is but i have tried to f*ck her three times now and every time it seems to be naturally UNcomfortable. she is a hott girl but she doesnt really flirt or show much affection at all. I dont konw if tat may have sometihng to do with it. I am going to keep this short and sweet, i just wanna know some opinions from you guys who may have been in this situation before. Is it hopeless to expect to turn things completely around and have a sex-filled era with this girl, or do i throw in the towel. When i sit back and think about it, i am still getting laid from my ex girlfriend with no problems, so it cant just be me. Apparently this girl im tryin to f*ck hasnt slept with anyone over a year now. All suggestions and opinions welcome. Thanks for hearin' me.
 

TesuqueRed

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 30, 2001
Messages
1,852
Reaction score
7
Location
SF, US
If she wanted it, it would've happened by now.

The comparison with the ease of doing it with the ex shows you're on the right track here.

At some point you will have to figure out or accept that this thing isn't happening. Do it now. Some guys marry girls like this and don't figure it out for 20 years. Next time, try to cut the learning cycle down to a few dates, not a year...

Remember, there is no confusion, unless it's intentional...
 

DavenJuan

Master Don Juan
Joined
Mar 22, 2003
Messages
792
Reaction score
32
Location
mistake by the lake
reply

thats just it- thats what i dont understand. She has told me numerous times that she wants this to happen. She just isnt persistant or out going. Basically, if i dont ever make a move then nothing would ever happen, even if she wanted it to. But she told me that she wanted to sleep with me, but it still seems akward. I think that i waited so long, that when we do try to sleep together, i feel uncomfortable. All i know is i like this girl, shes hott, and i wanna f*ck her....but it just doesnt happen.
 

Grey Fox

Master Don Juan
Joined
May 14, 2003
Messages
545
Reaction score
12
Dude she's a tease. If she brings up wanting to do it, just say "Actually no, I just see you as a friend. I mean I know so much about you you're like a sister to me. Its best if we see and do other people, otherwise we might spoil the great relationship we have and you know how long that took to build." One of two things will happen, her jaw will drop and she'll accept the fact there is nothing there. Or her jaw will drop and her panties will shortly there after. Why you might ask, because the message you give her is coded in ******** and creates a huge challenge for her.

Friend= Your not sexy
Sister= Let me make it clearer, your only sexy in a hillbilly way
Its best we see and do other people= I've got some leads..ah ha ha ha, oh and I've lost major interest in you
We might spoil the great relationship we have and you know how long that took to build= Did I mention that you had a chance but I so tired of waiting that I find anything further with you unbearable.

Granted every instinct in your body will tell you not to say this. But it sets a challenge, it puts her in her place. And if you start being less available, and telling her to complain about her "problems" to her gal pals, she may turn around. But I promise nothing, a year is long enough to know how far you can go.

-Grey Fox
 

htemorp

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Apr 8, 2003
Messages
276
Reaction score
0
I think the problem here is that YOU are not experience enough. I think that you don't know how to work with the mood to get her into the mood. Sex isn't just, let's take off all your clothes and get down...especially to a girl like yours, you gotta play the game. How can it be uncomfortable if she's wet as hell and can't wait to get down?
 

TesuqueRed

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 30, 2001
Messages
1,852
Reaction score
7
Location
SF, US
<sigh> Ok, a couple things Davie-J...

I repeat: there is no confusion unless it's intentional. There is confusion, she intends that and--surprise (really, not)--you just don't get it, you don't understand it, you...

...you were probably listening to what she's saying and not paying attention to what she's doing.

We had a succinct observation on that somewhere here, right? I think it went: "pay attention to what they do, not what they say". I have found this simple, fundamental observation usually clears up many confusing situations for me.

In your case:
---she says: "I wanna get laid and laid by you."
---what happens? You should be mounting her within 3 minutes (those damn bras are still so tricky to get off!) of that discussion. But it doesn't happen, does it?
---Whoa! Lest we forget: what are we paying attention to?

Action--only action.

As in: she's not getting mounted and mounted by you.

What is happening is that it's awkward, it's weird, it's uncomfortable, it's confusing and it just doesn't ever happen. This is her BL or your gut talking to you! -- which is coming from her -- which is what she consciously or unconsciously intends -- which is no accident!

Nothing to understand, really. Here is where "why is it, though--???!" is just an unhelpful question that will only lead you into your own mind-fvck. Any answer she gives you will be bogus and/or misleading. She probably doesn't know, and if she did, she probably wouldn't tell you since it would be socially awkward. And even if someone could give you the straight answer, you could't do anything with it.

Accept this: it just IS. That's as deep as it'll ever go.

________
Other points: if you never made a move, nothing would ever happen.

Granted, part of the dance of seduction is that the girl quietly lets the guy know it's safe to approach / guy approaches and initiates contact / girl makes decision for sex based on this interaction and replies back with kino, smile, etc. / guy initiates / girl responds-------Ok, that's way over simplified, not true for all cases, wrong in some particulars, whatever--what I'm saying is that you initiating and her not responding is wrong somewhere. She should be involved in the give and take of all this. This is a major RED flag and her hotness is clouding your judgment.

Do you really need a trophy fvck outa this girl--??? I've had mine, sure, and I knew it was a trophy fvck when I was doing it. And she may sense this from you, too, and it gives her all the power.

Ultimately, you didn't know enough to know this was a losing game. That's fine, it's a learning situation. Soon enough you'll know fairly early whether anything is worth pursuing or not. This one isn't. You should've cut your losses long ago, do so now.

Unless you ready badly need a trophy fvck outa this one.
 

DavenJuan

Master Don Juan
Joined
Mar 22, 2003
Messages
792
Reaction score
32
Location
mistake by the lake
reply

Red- i agree with you ....

but i dont think that i am being understood correctly/ or maybe its just im not explainin well enough details.....

i havent been "chasing" this girl and trying to sleep with her. Honestly, sex hasnt been on my mind 24-7 with her either. Its just that almost a year has passed and we havent really been to intimate. There has been 3 occasions were we have actually had a condomn on and "ready for insertion".

first time.. she couldnt get wet
second..... i was too drunk to STAY erect
third......... felt akward and seem to try to hard

I seems like the impression that you are getting is that she is playing hard to get, or maybe in a sense "subconciously' not ready to sleep with me. but she has made some comments as well that she is somewhat frustrated as well just like me. Normally when im with a girl she is in to it and ready to jump right on top of me. Hell, most of the time there tryin to shove my sh8t inside before i can get a condomn on.

This girl on the other hand doesnt do any of those things, If i tell her to take her panties off, shell do it. If i tell her to lay in bed, shell do it. but as far as doing anything on her own, it seems impossible.

Time as played a huge issue making this 10x harder to do.

Im just trying to figure out a way to not feel so UNCOMFORTABLE. Not just for a "trophy f*ck", but so i know that this is something that i can conquer, maybe for even future incidents.
 

Bonhomme

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 2, 2002
Messages
3,963
Reaction score
16
Location
Land of the Ruins
Gotta play with her better

It's very late, so I'll just suggest to read the appropriate sections in the DJ Bible on how to get her worked up.

If those foreplay techniques don't work, nothing will, and "next" is your only reasonable option.
 
Top