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Verbal Combat : How to handle hurtful remarks given by others to bring us down?

mistyc

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I know you want to insult him back...

But I still think you should stop playing his game. This is obviously eating you inside, and the more it happens, the more you try to fight back, the farther digested you get with this anger and defeat.

Time for a strategic retreat.
 

Chunking2399

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I would of when he said that the girl was an easy target, I would of at that point just ( if you were at work and the girl was around,)get the girls attention, interrupting him and say" T.A here had something he wanted to tell you ," and procceed to humiliate him in front of the chick, I would have said " go on tell her what you were telling me. Since everyone knows about it." let him use these socalled verbal skills to get him out of it.
 

baccart

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As it has been said earlier,

STOP PLAYING HIS GAME

He is tricking you into answering his questions and then using YOUR answers to push YOUR buttons. Your answers should be not what he wants to hear, but something that throws him off. Dont think too much into it.
http://www.taxi1010.com


[This message has been edited by baccart (edited 08-07-2002).]
 

SexPDX

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Originally posted by IntermediateDonJuaner:
I want him to get injured emotionally as bad as I am now.
This quote screams insecurity. IDJ, I know some people can be very irritating but such a strong emotional reaction that you are apparently having to this guy is not coming from HIM, it is coming from YOU. You will find this much easier to deal with when you genuinely don't give a crap about him and what he says. Having read your conversations with him it is evident that you put yourself in a passive role when you are actually IN the situation yet you feel such strong emotions as result of it. He is able to see this. Why do you even associate with this person? What does he bring into your life? Do you deep down feel you DESERVE to be treated this way?

You are taking the approach of trying to figure out how to defend yourself verbally which is helpful in a way, however don't let that take precedence over the much more important issue of being self-examining about the cause of these strong emotional reactions because that is coming from you, not him.

Nick

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- The performer known as Nick
 

PlayerinTraining

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Originally posted by IntermediateDonJuaner (in bold):
Thanks playerintraining.

But here's the rest of the convo which comes up just two days ago :


Ok, I've been following these
"conversations" and agree with almost everyone else that you would do better to avoid this guy, and not get involved.

But if you really want to get involved, I'll try to help. But you gotta work with me!

You are getting so emotional about this guy, that it is throwing you off. I suspect you are thinking this without even being aware of it:

"What if everyone believes what he says? They will all laugh at me. I'll be a laughing stock, and I CAN'T TOLERATE that. "

Well, what IF people believed him (an unlikely event). Do you really care? If so, why? Can he get you fired, arrested, injured, or killed? Can he do any meaningful damage to you? Think about this, and the insults will begin to bother you less.

I suspect these insults bother you b/c you think there may be some truth to them.

T.A : I heard you're after a new girl here.It looks like you don't like the girl I recommended. Anyway, the girl you're after is not quite bad. She never rejected anyone before.

IDJ : I am smart so I make the right choice. Things have been going on well for us. And I am skillful enough to get her.


I'd simply ask: "Who gave you this info? You are such a gossip. I mean, I know you life is boring, but do you really need to know what I'm up to?"

T.A : She has dated many guys before. She never disagrees going out with guys. She is basically an easy target.

IDJ : Oh I see, how do you know so much? You've been out with her before?

T.A : I slept with her before as well.


"Come on, T.A. The only way that could have happened is if you slipped her some roofies (the date rape drug). Have you really sunk that low?

The other poster's idea was good. Get him to admit that in front of the girl in question. That would shut him up REALLY fast, if it didn't get him reprimanded at work.

(snip)

T.A : Well,do you know how to chase after girls? You seem to always failed.

IDJ :


Well, he wins the game again!. My problem is not having enough ammos to blast him.


Just a few things.

First, He only wins if you think he has. It sounds like he has persuaded you that his insults are true. Now, if you stop believing what he is saying, it will hurt you less. You MUST have a poker face, and NEVER let him know he got to you. Once you can do this, no one will think he won.

Second, you need to focus on his weak spots--appearance, personality, love life, money, etc.

Third, STOP ANSWERING HIS DAMN QUESTIONS! This is where you get into trouble.

Answer all of his questions with a loaded question--one that makes him look bad no matter how he answers.

The moment he asks you something, turn it around. ATTACK HIM FOR GOODNESS SAKE!

Or, avoid dealing with him. The choice is yours.
 

Big-J

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I must say you've got a lot more patience for these kinds of guys than I do. Seriously, if he really, really ticked me off in that crowd of people I probably would have hauled off and turned his lights out.

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Big John
 
R

Richard Ames Hart

Guest
In many ways, it doesn't matter what you say back to someone, just as long as you say something ... to prove that you heard what they said and you can stand up to it.

Over at http://www.taxi1010.com we have a more thorough analysis of the 28 attacks posted here. I hope you enjoy it! It's at the following URL:

http://www.taxi1010.com/assignment.htm#guttersnipe

[This message has been edited by Richard Ames Hart (edited 08-09-2002).]
 

IntermediateDonJuaner

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Why do you guys keep on saying "STOP ANSWERING HIS QUESTIONS!"?

I just don't see that answering his questions got me into trouble. Suppose if he asked me a question and I refused to answer and kept quiet, he will probably say "Why are you so quiet now, you looked depressed. Are you okay?". Or he will probably say "See, he's quiet now. He is admitting he isnt as good as he is".

Now I need to thank the guy who showed me thw website to insult. It really helps.! If any of you guys have any other websites, pls feel free to let me know.
 

Tryin to Grow a Chin

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IDJ, I'll make you the offer of a lifetime. If you give me his name and actual address (street, town, state, zip code), I'll see to it that the bastard suffers. I won't harm him but I'll make his life unpleasant from however many hundreds of miles away from him I live. I get a high off of tormenting strangers (hence my penchant for political arguments on this site).

------------------
"Ben Affleck is not a homosexual; he just plays one in the bathhouse."
 

diplomatic_lies

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Well, it appears you're not making effective to throw back insults at him. If you're not good with it, you could play the weirdass game and answer all his questions in a totally crazy and illogical sense:

Him: Hey, hows that fat girl you went out with?

You: I am going to stab you tonight when you go home. Your blood will be my supper and I will have sex with your empty eye sockets.
 

Borknagar

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I didn't read all the replies but, Why I would question why he would have a picture of a fat girl on him? Just ask him how she is in bed, cause your sure he would know since hes obsessed enough to keep a picture of her with him.

Anyway, I usesd to get defensive about ****, but then I started looking at the people who tried to make fun og me. All insecure peices of ****, and most of them being "wiggers" who just being that, theres no need to insult back, their already insulting themselves by their own stupidity in the way they act.

Just point out their own faults, everyone has them, major or minor.

Its like with hot chicks, make them feel al; weird by mentioning their physical faults. It'll shock them.
 

FlyGuy

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Seems to me you have a hard time fighting back because of the pattern that has formed. Every time you've fought back, he has won. Why? Because he is better than you with verbal sparring, this is true. But the other thing is, you don't seem like you are really standing up for yourself. You try but from what I've seen in the examples you post, whenever he starts to win you fold.

I say, use your anger. Don't get sad, embarrassed, hurt, or whatever when this guy starts in on you. Get mad. This guy won't stop, ever, until you sufficiently stand up to him. You can do that if you have something pushing you, and in this case you can use your anger to help you. The danger of using anger is that if it builds up enough you probably won't be able to control yourself. Use your anger for something good, but don't lose control.

This is actually a lesson I've had to learn recently. Before about 6 months ago, I was pretty much a nice guy to the extreme. So naturally I would put up with people's ****. I was taught since childhood to "turn the other cheek" like a good Christian. I would get pissed sometimes, but something always held me back. So even if I fought back, it was never really enough. I ended up looking weak and pathetic.

Then something happened that changed me forever. I was pushed by a life event to my breaking point. I won't go into details, but basically I had so much anger and sadness over what had happened that I suddenly stopped taking **** from people. I was angry and I used it. No longer was I suplicant, or submissive. If someone started pushing my buttons I let them have it - verbally of course. The thing is, I have the confidence that if they lose their temper over something I say I can kick their ass or at LEAST make them sorry they picked a fight with me.

Now like I said, anger IS dangerous and I don't rely on it to solve most of my problems. But it is a tool now that I can use when I NEED to. My life has definitely changed for the better since then.

Get the attitude you need to fight back effectively.
 

Tristania

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IDJ, If one smites you on the cheek, smash him on the other... for whosoever turns his face is but a cowardly dog...
" Cruelty to those who envokes it." as i would have it.. (try pranks) ... now, an article that reveals your solution..

Know your weaknesses
You must play, debate and fight with your friends. You must test yourself to know your own weaknesses. Every time you test yourself your weakness becomes a little clearer, and therefore, easier to avoid. Every test nullifies potential weakness.


The biggest weakness of all is not knowing your weaknesses, and leaving them wide open for anyone to abuse at any time. If you value your friends it is advantageous for you to train their skills, too, so that those around you admire you, and those who are not your friends admire you, and those who are your enemies fear you.


So far this essay is a patronizing lesson in common sense.


Strength of strength
A strong, dominant physical appearance can go a way in your favour. But not as much as one would assume. You find that those who are well built, tall, imposing are frequently subject to a different set of social rules than others. For instance, they are perceived to be strong. This in itself can cause hatred, nervousness or repulsion in other people.


You cannot really judge how strong a person is from their size. You cannot really judge it from their movements. For those who look strong, a confident air will complete the picture of a brick ****house, but nervousness or humbleness will then cause others to "see through" you, and then they'll be able to hide their imposed-upon feeling by acting overly aggressive towards you - ie, if you want to go for the look-strong powerbase then you also need confidence, practice, etc.


Simply "looking" strong is a mixed blessing. You can avoid much trouble if you have confidence, but people can be unpredictable, and you will also attract trouble from people who are themselves stronger. If you look strong, or big, you are advised to do some proper physical training. A small amount of skill will make you resilient and confident, even if you are not a good fighter.


Strength of appearance
Some people can, through their appearance only, exert a lot of influence on the people around them. A nervous young goth will get laughed at by his family, but a confident, outspoken and unafraid goth will receive a different reception altogether.


Smart black cloths, pentagram and cleanliness is an imposing look. It makes people think that you know what you're about, that you are set in stone, and the pentagram tops it all off.


Sunglasses are a weakspot of goths and "alternatives" and any others, because they hide your eyes. Once your eyes are hidden you add another barrier between yourself and whoever is around you. Although it may air your image, when it comes to direct communication with people taking your sunglasses off is a must. Direct eye contact, ie, looking them in the eyes as you apprach them, move around, is important, it asserts you as a person rather than you as an image. Armed Forces training also instructs that if you want to get people to do what you want, don't wear sunglasses. They hide you, they make you more untrustworthy, less human, more dismissable. Etc. On the other hand, when in open territory they can be useful - to purposely add a non-inteferance layer between yourself and those who don't know you.


Keeping eye contact with a person makes them know you are concentrating on them, that they are "spotted", and as animals, knowing you are spotted by another animal makes you respect them more. Hiding your eyes allows people to prey on you longer and harder.


If you are "posing" and you make a mistake, your entire image can be broken or enhanced by your response. A nervous, "****!" response will make it evident that you are faking. A practical, normal, confident rectification will make you appear all the more together.


Strength of being
Most Satanists do not have a "typical" look - ie, within Satanism there is no code of dress. A Satanist could look like anyone. The main reason for this is that Satanic doctrine is self centered. The individual is the most important object in his own life, and as such it is counterproductive for Satanic community to develop a "look". Every person fares differently under different styles, so that each person should find what their own sense of aesthetics allows them to perform best with. A communal "look" or a "in-look" amongst Satanists could never happen, because as a community we are left hand path, and not ones to follow others. There is an automatic rejection of trends that make people have to conform within Satanists, so any "look" that began to develop would be rejected.


Strength of Being is an example of having a strong presence and powerful aura, without any particular style. These are people who others assume "have seen the world", and come across as being bloody good at whatever it may be that they do. There is not a particular "look" in this category, a business man, punk, chocolate-girl (read: tart) or any person can have it. It results from when a person has found their own aesthetic balance, that they do not need to think about their appearance and they're not worried about what it says about them. With this no-concern attitude, anyone can achieve anything once they have settled in their own aesthetic.


Strength of Nesting
Nesting is when you settle in to an area. Just by knowing the local area, the people in the streets and the flows of events around you you can command a much greater control.


Familirarity will make you much smoother, efficient and powerful. Brooding over a subject (maths, a sport, a person) makes you better at dealing with it later. Getting to know the subject and look around it, finding out information and learning it's behaviours are highly advantageous.


For example. The worst place you can attack someone is their own home. They will know it's layout, location of light switches, location of objects, phones and doors much better than you. Instead, pick neutral ground.


Strength of Command
Command is when you make people do what you want, or you curb their behaviour in subtle ways over a period of time. All people do it to each other constantly, it is lesser magic.


If you are a shadow, your strength in commanding is making people not bother you. If you are dominant, your strength is in directly telling people what to do. Your control comes from your body language and tone of voice, not from your clothes or confidence.


Know which type of person you are and which areas you are not good at. Try role playing.


Strength of Self Interest
This is the binding power of all your strengths and weaknesses: Your ability to employ them to attain success.


There are Satanists who are unheard of, unknown and theologicaly secretive. Strength of Self Interest is in not listening to me, or anyone, and doing what is required to make yourself happy.


Get out there are program those computers, repair those cars and build those train sets. As a Satanist myself, I do not expect you to do anything except that which pleases you.
 

FlyGuy

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"Strength of Self Interest is in not listening to me, or anyone, and doing what is required to make yourself happy. "


I like the Wiccan philosophy better. Do what you need to to make yourself happy, as long as it doesn't harm others. In certain instances though (like this one) you HAVE to hurt someone out of defense. I have no problem hurting someone if they initiate it.
 

Glide

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PEOPLE!!!!!

We fellow DJ's next chiks all the time for not having the right qualities. You should be treating friends the exact same way!!!
Relationships vs. friendships= very similar.
You shoud NEXT this a-hole. He is just a dikhead, plain and simple. Just like you need to be playing the field looking for girls, the same thing goes for friends. You gotta hang out with a variety of people. I have probably went through dozens if not hundreds of people throughout my life. A few good ones will always stay. Thats just life. Next this ashole.

By the way, why is everyone so dam passive here? If he woulda said that to me, I would have grabbed him by the shirt, shoved him in the wall or even slapped him in the face.

Where are you located? look up a martial arts style called Brazilian Juijitsu. Its the best martial art in the world. You learn ju-jitsu, you will have the confidence to basically whip anyones azz. Simple as that. I would HIGHLY HIGHLY suggest you take it up. My 2 years in jujitsu was the most important thing I ever did in my life. Definitely life changing.
 

Tristania

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lmao! Do what ye wilt,but harm no one..
Truly a sign of weakness... Any GOD would require warrior, not a whimp.
 

FlyGuy

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Digressing from the topic, but...

I think you're missing the point of that command Tristania. The Wiccan law of "Do what ye will, but harm no one" isn't saying be a wuss. It is basically about respect for life and others. Why harm someone if there is no need to? If you are truly looking out for your best interests, you will try to avoid hurting others.

Heh, I'm not even Wiccan. I don't know what I am considered, except a spiritual philosopher.
 
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