Valentines Day discussion thread (Merged threads)

[FREEDOM]

It's Valentines Day here. Buy her something???

as you can read here: http://www.sosuave.com/ubb/Forum1/HTML/015433.html

it's Valentines day in my country (next thursday) should I buy her something? Or send her an ecard or just give her a single flower? "here, take this as a valentines day gift" and then I shut up.

What do you think???

 

[Sg]

yes buy her something.
1 mop
1 bottle of pine sol
1 housemaids outfit
and handpick some dandilions for her.
she will love you.
lol j/k, depends on how long u have knows her, but she gonna expect something anyways.

 

[Shiftkey]

Take her out to a romantic dinner for valentine's day. Maybe give her a single rose for the occation. Afterwords will be a perfect time to have sex with her.

 

[UpNCominDJ]

get her something. come on now, why do you even have to ask. Just get somethin cheap, and try and get some after that

 

[Chipmonkey]

NO DON'T! Kinda 'forget' about valentines day, she'll get mad, thats fine. The day after, Buy her something!! A flower, something real little, but put some thought into it! The makeup sex will be full of fire man!

 

[FREEDOM]

Cool, as I said, I was thinking about inviting her to go to the beach with me (wich is close 15 miles) and give her something there as a Valentines gift, like a flower or something.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

You have not been with this girl long enough to let her have Valentine's Day. She hasn't put in the tenure yet.

This is from an earlier posting but it's relevant for your situation:

Giving gifts early in the relationship sabotages what you're trying to accomplish. Gifts send a couple of messages.

(1) You agree that she is a prize and that YOU are trying to woo HER.
(2) You are trying to compensate for some lacking on your part with gifts.
(3) You are attempting to buy her affection.

As a side note, you should be aware that if you buy flowers, gifts, et cetera early in the relationship, then you damn well better make sure that you buy her flowers and gifts for every other trivial event or holiday that comes up. She will begin to expect things on Valentine's Day, Sweetest Day, birthdays, Christmas, May Day, Saint Patrick's Day, Veterans Day, Arbor Day, Boxing Day, April Fool's Day, Your Three and a Half Month Anniversary, Her Dog's Birthday, and so on. And each time you'd damn well better make sure that your flowers or gifts are better than the ones you gave before, or she'll think you're getting cheap.

Let's just not fall into that trap at all.

It's appropriate to give gifts on the following occasions, PROVIDED THAT YOU'RE IN A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP AND HAVE BEEN FOR A WHILE.

(1) Birthday
(2) Christmas
(3) One Year "Anniversary" (do NOT celebrate monthly anniversaries)
(4) Valentine's Day
(5) Special event such as graduation

You may also give flowers when they are not expected just to surprise her and make her think you're wonderful. DO NOT over do this. Maybe once every three months or so.

DO NOT send her flowers when you have f*cked up. I know this sounds crazy, but sometimes a girl will purposely start an argument just to get flowers from you when you apologize (even though it's her fault). I've seen it done. Not pretty. In addition, giving flowers when you've messed up just confirms in her mind that you were a jerk. When she receives the flowers, she will not think "sweet guy" she will think "assh*le".

------------------
CASANOVA

"And he used to say, with a great deal of truth, that a good remedy would turn into poison in the hands of a fool, but that poison is a good remedy when administered by a learned man."
Jacques Casanova

"It was ridiculous, of course; but when does man cease to be so? We get rid of our vices more easily than of our follies."
Jacques Casanova

"This worthy lady inspired me with the deepest attachment, and she gave me the wisest advice. Had I followed it, and profited by it, my life would not have been exposed to so many storms; it is true that in that case, my life would not be worth writing."
Jacques Casanova

[This message has been edited by Giovanni Casanova (edited 06-05-2002).]

 

[Nightwing]

I think it depends on how long you've known this chick and has she proven herself to you to be worthy of that type of attention.

 

[Don-Wan Kenobi]

Only spend money on parents, friends, and steady girlfriends. Warning: with girlfriends (agreeing with Gio) you can not expect them to appreciate random acts of generosity. From the first time you take her out for dinner or buy her something onward, she will expect more and more and more, and resort to all kinds of ranting and theatrics whenever you "forget" to buy her flowers to mark the three month aniversary of the death of her French poodle, Fifi.

BUT until you reach the lovey-dovey stage of any relationship, gift giving will leave you vulnerable.

DWK

 

[FREEDOM]

THANKS!!!

This is what I want to do.

Call her on Valentines Day (tomorrow thrusday) and ask her out to go to the beach with me on saturday evening.
Saturday will bring some wine and Hägen Dazs ice cream. Beacuse I LIKE IT AND REALLY ENJOY IT and want to share it with her. & Some good romantic jazz songs... A DON move: I will ask her to drive with her car It's 50/50!

During the call I wont say anything about Valentines day, just "hi, how are you etc... lets go saturday to bla bla bla..." OK!

Thanks GIO and others, that was very insightful.

[This message has been edited by FREEDOM (edited 06-05-2002).]

 

[Take A Number]

Originally posted by Giovanni Casanova:
It's appropriate to give gifts on the following occasions, PROVIDED THAT YOU'RE IN A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP AND HAVE BEEN FOR A WHILE.

(1) Birthday
(2) Christmas
(3) One Year "Anniversary" (do NOT celebrate monthly anniversaries)
(4) Valentine's Day
(5) Special event such as graduation

Question: What if you’ve been dating for a few months, casually, not too frequently (every 2-3 weeks), but steadily, and Christmas is rolling around? Of course, she got (made, actually) me a present; I would have felt really awkward not getting her something (I made it simple: a few mystery novels, which I knew she enjoyed). How do you handle it when you anticipate that she’s going to get you a Christmas present (or she gets you a birthday present and her birthday is coming up next)? Or, put another way, how do you forestall her doing that; how do you make it clear that it’s not that kind of relationship?

I sidestepped Valentine’s entirely by just saying I didn’t go in for “scheduled romance” (which is true), which she bought okay.

 

[JustDoItAlways]

There are two exceptions to the rule about not giving gifts early in a relationship - Valentine's Day and her Birthday (Christmas doesn't even make it if you have been with her less than a month.)

So get her something, take her out to dinner, but make sure it is something simple and not expensive. A flower and (non-expensive) chocolates are perfect. As well, take her to a nice (but inexpensive) restaurant.

Rule No. 2 is never ever, go all out on Valentine's Day. It is very important to a woman for her man to do something a little special for Valentine's Day. However, making it a really big deal is almost always the "Kiss of Death". It reeks of desperation and just tells her that she has already won you over.

A fews years ago, I went to town on Valentine's Day and even made her cry over the special touches I put into it. She said that it was the "best Valentine's ever" more than a few times between her long-lasting crying sobs (and she was over thirty and had been through quite a few Valentine's Days.)

Three days later, she was out fu*king some other guy.

[This message has been edited by JustDoItAlways (edited 06-08-2002).]

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Originally posted by JustDoItAlways:
There are two exceptions to the rule about not giving gifts early in a relationship - Valentine's Day and her Birthday (Christmas doesn't even make it if you have been with her less than a month.)

*Bzzt.* Wrong answer. Thanks for playing.

You DO NOT give gifts on Valentine's Day or Birthdays unless you've been in the relationship (a committed one, not just a "casual dating" situation) for a while. The reasons for this are listed above.

Now, for the girl who gets you a birthday gift, and her birthday is coming up, you can reciprocate if you want to, but don't do or spend any more on her than she did on you. In other words, if she gets you a cool CD you've been wanting for your b-day, don't give her a diamond tennis bracelet for HERS. You laugh, but I've seen it done.

But if you've only dating a girl a handful of times (like in FREEDOM's situation), then doing the whole Valentine's day thing is exceptionally unnecessary. The girl might THINK she wants it, but she doesn't. She's not important enough nor has she proven herself to you.



------------------
CASANOVA

"And he used to say, with a great deal of truth, that a good remedy would turn into poison in the hands of a fool, but that poison is a good remedy when administered by a learned man."
Jacques Casanova

"It was ridiculous, of course; but when does man cease to be so? We get rid of our vices more easily than of our follies."
Jacques Casanova

"This worthy lady inspired me with the deepest attachment, and she gave me the wisest advice. Had I followed it, and profited by it, my life would not have been exposed to so many storms; it is true that in that case, my life would not be worth writing."
Jacques Casanova

 

[FREEDOM]

Ok, so we went to the beach and had a REAL GOOD TIME there, no sex (4th date) but it was intense, lots of kissing, huguing, tongues

kisses with tongues licking each other, asz grab, tits, REAAAALLY GOOD.

Now I will invite her to dinner next saturday, and then sex.

WOnt give her anything on V day, by the way it's june 12 not 7 like I said before ehehehehhe

 

[Z Man]

Okay, Two situations:

Christmas is coming up before too long. I have a female friend (she's married) who's B-Day is in mid November. The other day on the phone I joked with her about not knowing what to get her as a gift and she was laughing and saying " No. No. You don't have to get me anything!lol!" ( A few years ago before she got married she invited me to her B-Day party where everybody brought gifts. I gave her some inexpensive earrings. )
Anyway, One reason I keep in contact with her is because I'm attracted to her younger sister who I've been on one date with so far and she's shy around me but she tags along when the married sister and her husband and I get together. So far, the four of us have gotten together for activities a bunch of times, a few times with extra people included. We have another get-together planned. The married sister knows I like her sibling and supports my interest( Hence, the inclusion of both of us in the "group" ). I've been playing the Interest/Disinterest card but maybe I'm showing too much disinterest. My goal is to get more time with young sis. alone.

So, anyway:
1. By Chistmas, it will be over a year since I "met" young sis. We went on a date independent of elder sis. knowing about it so I know young sis had high IL, at least initially. Since she's not officially a "girlfriend" , may I still plan to give her a simple gift for Christmas? Or is this no different than what Gio wrote earlier?

2. Is there a difference if I give a simple gift to elder sis. since she's just a "female friend" for Christmas?( I've known her for approx. 3 years )

3. Would giving them both something be construed as "just friends"?

I think it helped some to get this off my chest, but I'm still confused since my gut instinct tells me to go ahead and give a gift to each of them for Christmas.

The ladies of this board, help please!: Eliza, Princess, VeryBad, Wyld...who else?

Guys, your thoughts also:

Thanks in advance!

 

[TesuqueRed]

I don't know about Bogota, but in the US, the young women use Valentines Day as a test--as if they have an entitlement to getting a lot of money spent on them, a gift, a romantic dinner, flowers showing up at work, etc.

DISCLAIMER: Not all women are this way, quite a few women have level heads about this and resent all the nonsense surrounding Valentines Day.

Yet, I noticed that when flowers arrive at work, the woman isn't impressed by the man's consideration at all. She dismisses his effort entirely since it is PREDICTABLE and EXPECTED (and she'll have to deal with whether she should "give it up" in exchange later..)

What counts is having the other women in the work place SEE her receive the flowers: she will avoid looking like a date-less loser or having a loser for a BF who doesn't rate her enough to send flowers.

Flowers showing up for her confirms that she has a guy, which is the ultimate social proof. And having several guys send her presents is better, even though she'll pretend to be annoyed and embarrassed.

Now it gets worse: by having flowers show up shows she is so desirable that she's got the guy whipped into buying her flowers on Valentines Day and spending 4X the usual price to do it. Who spends 4X on flowers, 3X on champagne and an expensive dinner because it's expected? A whipped wuss. This is the test, and it's a very dangerous one, too.

If you're only seeing her once every 2-3 weeks (did I read that right?) you're not in that category.

Generally, I agree w/Gio on this. Above all, she'll rarely be impressed w/what you actually do, she'll react to how she compares with other women.

 

[VeryBadGirl]

Z-Man:

Would you be getting a present for the big sis if you didn't have the hots for her sister? I mean, I usually just get gifts for good friends and family - does the big sis fall into this catagory?

And, is there a good chance that you will see these two around the holidays? Do you think that big sis will have a gift for you? (Cause that is always quite awkward when someone give you something and you don't have anything.)

First of all, you need to ask the little sis out again and date her a few more times before you can really gauge interest.

But, in general, I would say not to buy gifts for anyone you are dating around Christmas unless they are your girlfriend. I think that is a pretty good rule for any holiday.

And also, on the Valentines day note, a good way to gauge what kind of women you are dealing with is to see if she gets you anything for Valentines Day. C'mon, it isn't the "Shower women with gifts" holiday it is the "Show the person you care about how you feell" holiday. Women who don't reciprocate on this day kind of piss me off.

 

[much2learn]

So what happens if she buys you a gift but you didn't get her one?

 

[Z Man]

Thanks Red for your thoughts.

Also VeryBad: I admit I've been a compulsive gift-giver for most of my life. It's a way to communicate that I care about someone if I can't find the words to tell them in person. I put a lot of thought into the gifts I give others b/c I want them to know I care, but I'll have to think about your questions and if giving gifts is appropriate.

I'm not going to beat around the bush: I was attracted to the elder sister( now 23 yo ) before I found out she had a bf( now her husband ). I still think she's HOT, but she's married so I'm not going there! She's even told me she likes me b/c I never tried to hit on her like other guys did, and still do. She doesn't like it when guys are always "checking her out!" LOL!
Honestly though, she is a very kind-hearted woman and has shown a lot of trust in me( with her sister )

Young sis.( 20 yo ) is also kind-hearted and she is very HOT( more Hot than her elder sis.!) but she's SO SHY and reserved! For some reason I find this very attractive! LOL! I mentioned to elder sis. that I can't quite figure her sister out! She agrees that she can't figure her out either! Every time she senses a guy likes her she starts to get scared and withdraws! Elder sis. claims she's like that with people in general and doesn't make friends easily. Even she has trouble getting young sis. to talk to her!LOL!

Truth is, I care about both of them.

You're right. I've gotta get Young sis. out on another "date", just the two of us, before I can decide about gifts, etc.

Thanks VeryBad, and feel free to add anything else or any questions you might have.

Much2learn: I'm guessing, if she got you something you should return the favor, something of approx. equal value. But if she gets mad at you DO NOT APOLOGIZE.Good Luck!

 

[Don-Wan Kenobi]

Originally posted by Z Man:

...Maybe I'm showing too much disinterest. My goal is to get more time with young sis. alone...

...By Chistmas, it will be over a year since I "met" young sis. We went on a date...


Not clear. You met her one year ago. How long have you been attracted to her? How long have you been after her?

Reason I ask is this: There is a difference between starting to date a woman who you have known for a while already (usually a good thing) versus dating a woman who you have just met and then spending the best part of a year seeing her every now and then and keeping in touch through other people (usually means that you are a friend).

I'm wondering if she is worth your time.

On to your questions...

she's not officially a "girlfriend" , may I still plan to give her a simple gift for Christmas?


I will assume that you WANT her to be your girlfriend. Most of the time, premature gift giving backfires. You've known her for a year and if there is something special that you have in mind for her, I would be curious to see how she would respond (I'm trying to be open-minded given your circumstances); however, if you buy her something run of the mill... "Ooh, how did you know I could use a pair of gloves???" then you might as well sign the card "YOUR FRIEND, Z Man," or "THE GUY WHO'S GETTING NOWHERE FAST, Z Man," or "IT TOOK ME A WHILE TO THINK OF WHAT I COULD GET YOU IN ORDER TO RUIN ANY CHANCE I EVER HAD OF SEEING YOU NAKED, TOO BAD THERE ISN'T A THIRD SISTER.. AFFECTIONATELY, Z Man."


2. Is there a difference if I give a simple gift to elder sis.


You're friends with the elder sis and she is married. Get her whatever you want.


3. Would giving them both something be construed as "just friends"?


Probably. Nothing is definite, but if you get lil' sis something for Christmas (unless it means a lot to her or makes quite the impression on her), you will not be helping your cause.

I'm not very familiar with this hook-me-up business where you befriend one sister and work your way into another. You have infiltrated this family with the hopes of getting laid, and I'm guessing you want the long term relationship option. Good luck with your unorthodox tactics.

Make gifts meaningful or don't give them at all. Usually, gifts to anyone short of friend and relative fall short of meaningful by just enough to keep you single. And remember, you either set or fall short of a standard every time you give a gift.

DWK