Urge to rekindle long-distance

[lifeislearning]

Hey gents,
I've been living what most guys think is the dream for the last few years. I live in a beautiful city filled with many beautiful and single women. My would-be male competition are mostly gay, douche bags, or just plain beta (or worse). I've damn near perfected the meeting, dating, and early phases of relationships. To put it simply there is no want for ladies here. If women were ice cream I've sampled 31 flavors.

I have noticed it is tough finding quality ladies, and for some time I've avoided ONS because I'm just not that interested in meaningless sex. Been dating exactly the type of girl I thought I wanted: sweet, cute, lives to please, wild in bed, and a genuine person actually worth a damn. In short Mrs. Cleaver, or whatever ideal housewife married men fantasize about.

Problem is I'm finding the submissive housewife doesn't really intrigue me that much. More and more I find myself missing a previous relationship with a girl who was independent as I was, but damn were we wild for each other. Everything was passionate between us; fighting, f***ing, constantly teasing each other, we were the couple you hate being around because your gf wants to be like us. We only split when her job toom her 4 hours away and I didn't want to do long distance. Now she is even further, but I cannot help missing that constant passion we had. Never seen that in anyone else.

I know you're thinking oneitis, and I hate to be that guy saying its not, but I could honestly get damn near any girl I want here, though none I've met (and I've been looking) have that same passion, personality like mine, and the tight a** that goes with it. Hers not mine.

I know long-distance sucks, been there, but this girl is crazy about me. She's been wanting to hold on to whatever she can get with me, but I'd always denied it.

Is it crazy to contemplate a long-distance here? Is this passion worth pursuing?

 

[romangod]

Is this passion worth pursuing?

"Passionate love is a quenchless thirst...." Kahlil Gibran.


You're barking up the wrong tree.


Cheers!

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Life is for learning,
"Is this passion worth pursuing?".....It's all in your mind,distance and time,do make the heart grow fonder...Modern Independent Women are bad News full stop...Certainly unsuitable for marriage,or the kitchen sink...forget about her,you are young enjoy yourself.

 

[Colossus]

Life,

I understand your feelings. It is often the women who give us the wildest highs and lows that we keep returning to...it's a chemical addiction.

However, I think in the long run you will find yourself drained, disillusioned, and depressed. You are romanticizing your past relationship with her. It's not uncommon for us men to do that. We get what we want, then we become bored and consumed with wanderlust. You know as well as any of us that LDRs are a losing proposition. Plus, as Scara said a marriage to this type of woman would be insane. Think about it this way: if your friend came to you and asked you the exact same question, what would you tell him?

 

[scammbone]

If she's crazy about you. And you're crazy about her. And you two are wildly passionate for eachother I don't see what the problem is. But, no one knows whether its worth pursuit but you.

 

[Boilermaker]

..., but I could honestly get damn near any girl I want here,...

Kudos to you if you can say that with confidence. This is the antidote, whatever you have been feeling with this woman is easily transferable to the next one, provided that you overcome the initial threshold of starting a new relationship.

From experience and from the teachings of this community, I have become convinced that "passionate love" and emotions are all in your head and can be repeated with different women under different circumstances ad nauseam.

I hope you can find a better prospect to relieve your pain.

Good luck.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

I tend to agree with the comments on "passionate love" being unsustainable, and the idea that we "romanticize" relationships not seeing what they really are. I agree that LDRs are difficult; they fail to allow the physical relationship to move forwards and keep the relationship in the realm of mental/emotional -- at some point this wears thin. Yes there are examples of couples out there who have weathered LDRs and pulled through -- I'm not saying it's impossible with the right people -- but I would say the success rates are low and when 1:1 physical is resumed it can be a bit "off" (this is from my personal experience of having a physical relationship with a woman, going to a 2 month LDR, and returning -- there is a "rediscovering" of that person that can sometimes not be congruent with whatever your mental images of her are)...

I would say you are romanticizing a past relationship and wanting to return to that place where you once were. That's a normal thing man -- we all have positive memories of where we've been and with whom we've known and experienced -- wanting to return to those places is a normal way of thinking -- but it is likely that resuming this relationship may not pan out the way you imagine -- at some point if you want it to grow you'll have to relocate, or she will, and who knows what you may sacrifice in doing so, and it may not work out as you've planned.

I would say if you are looking for a more exciting girl, build that into your attribute list for the girls you are dating. You make it sound as if finding women is easy for you -- so find a woman who is adventurous or independent as you are -- but who is accessible to you.

If I were you, I would probably want to explore things with her (maybe even despite advice here) based on your romantic view of the past -- but from all of my experiences in this way, your relationship with her will probably stay where it's at -- there is a reason things moved the way they did and you are where you are -- if that relationship really was going to workout, do you really think you'd be this far away right now from her? What will necessarily change if you rekindle? If I were you, I'd probably have to learn the hard way (which I have). Advice on this board, sometimes whether we want to take it or not, isn't often that far off.

The future however, holds women you have yet to meet -- and that independent woman you seek may be right under your nose right around you.

 

[lifeislearning]

It seems most replies believe I am either romanticizing previous experiences, or that a relationship with a "modern independent woman" is unstable, exhausting, and nearly impossible.

Take my word that I have been wary of both and have taken means to avoid either. I know our relationship was NEVER perfect, and there were our share of shortcomings and issues between us. Even our best times are remembered as simply good times, there is no wild fantasy or unbridled exaggeration of our experiences. Still our interactions and time together worked like nothing before or since has. It had a feeling of rightness, I'm finding hard to describe within a limited post.

As for the "modern independent woman," I'm not quite sure my version of that definition fits what you all have in mind. I am well aware that the traits and tendencies of this woman are hard to handle (or are preferably avoided) by most men. Personally I always felt she acted like a whetstone to the blade of my masculinity. Not my pen!s. Rather my patience, self-control, ambition, and development. Women like that need a Master Don Juan, like every Don Juan needs the right woman to be his best. To teach us to be the men our fathers, schools, and jobs could not.

I believe a woman that can challenge and help us push ourselves is rare, and for many men vital. When I say challenge I do not mean argue and irritate, but she simply required my performance as Don Juan to gain her trust and affection. Anything less and she KNEW I was living up to less than I could, less than I wanted to.

And or most men this would be unstable, exhausting, and nearly impossible.

This is what I miss most. A woman who is thankful for and praises me after a minimum effort will never secure my interest like one who demands the best, as I do. I have little desire for a LDR with anyone, but I do miss that.

 

[HeadLightsOn]

Um where is it you live?

I live in a beautiful city filled with many beautiful and single women.

Dude

I just want to know:

What country are you in.

What area.

What city or town.

Are you still there, and is the action with women still great?

Thanks (I travel a lot!).

 

[scrouds]

There are hot women in pretty much any city of a decent size. Its not what city, but where they live.

In orlando when I lived in suburban hell, a hot chick was a rare sight, and usually attached to a dude. Moved downtown and the floodgates opened wide.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I have noticed it is tough finding quality ladies, and for some time I've avoided ONS because I'm just not that interested in meaningless sex. Been dating exactly the type of girl I thought I wanted: sweet, cute, lives to please, wild in bed, and a genuine person actually worth a damn. In short Mrs. Cleaver, or whatever ideal housewife married men fantasize about.

It hurts my soul to read 26 y.o. men write this sappy rationalization shít. You haven't even begun to realize your true potential yet you're eager to put on the handcuffs of monogamy and commitment. Son, I am disappointed,..

 

[samspade]

Long distance only works for you if she comes to you and you keep it simple and non-committal - i.e., just another plate.

I understand having the occasional wistful reminiscence of a long-gone lover, but believe me, those moments are better off stored in our memories. Trying to recreate them usually results in the equivalent of a bad Hollywood sequel.

Enjoy your memories on occasion, but more importantly, keep making more.

 

[sodbuster]

OK, marry her. TRIPLE the fighting and Quarter the screw1ng....then see if you are happy.

Seriously, I only had ONE fight with my ex-wife before the wedding.B!tch pulled the broom out of the closet and flew around the house AFTER we had our first kid...when I had something to lose.

She's currently parking her broom in another garage..alone

 

[Slickster]

We only split when her job took her 4 hours away and I didn't want to do long distance.

It seems like ^^this^^ was the turning point.

What I don't get, is how did the two of you let go of something that was "so right"?

If the two of you REALLY wanted to be together, you would be, right?

It's one thing to romanticize but what is the reality? Neither of you were/are willing to sacrifice to be with the other.

It doesn't sound like there is enough there to keep any relationship going, let alone a long distance one.