Update on the ex gf fvcking sh1t hit the fan

[aix237]

Well I knew that talk was coming last night. We went out got drunk etc. Went to her house she initiated sex. Then stopped. Im like wtf? I knew the talk was coming. Basically what she was asking me if I was using her for sex, and what my intentions were. I got her to spit out her intentions first. She said she is confused and scared, just like i thought. Then I got her to talk some more. She went on to say that she started talking to some guy who lives 1.5 hours away and they have hung out a couple times and he was a really nice guy etc. I laughed and said you gotta be jokin. She is the type of girl who needs a dude to stand up to her. Which I do. She claims they havent had sex. I also went on to say wtf does it show when the guy is trying to get at a girl who lives 1.5 hours away and cant get one who lives in his town (he lives in a town i did before and there is plenty of girls). I also siad he has no confidence if he hasnt trying to iniate sex. She says they were talking before I popped back into her life. which is true i think. He was gone on vacation I guess for a month and was coming back tomorrow (tonight) and was going to stay at her house cause the airport is nearby.

She then said we should just be friends and not have full sex but oral is ok lol wtf. I immedatley said cause you wanna fvck other dudes. Denied it of course. she says she is starting to get attached and doesnt know what she wants and needs to find herself (never heard that one before lol). and apparently has told the last couple people she has dated the same. I told her fvck that. I said the guy can have you and said if I walk out the door now im done for good. We kept on talking dont really remember but she kept saying shes getting attached and doesnt know what to do and just wants things easy. I told her I dont want a relationship exactly at this moment either but would like to try to work things out eventually. She just kept repeating herself and being silent so I started to walk out the door and she said ur being a b1tch so I went back and said you better apologize right now. She did then I fvcked her 1 mintue later lol.

We woke up this mornign she just kept saying the same sh1t and I said "you are basically telling me you dont want to even try to have a relationship with me cause I told u if that guy sleeps over im done for good and you refuse to tell me u wont let him." We went back to sleep for a little.

I told her I dont want to make a bad decision and walk out of her life forever so I was giving her chances. Fvck I gave this girl so many opportunities to make things right. She wouldnt change. She had to go somewhere and when I was leaving she said Ill call you tonight and let you know. I said dont call me if that guy is coming over and hopefully we will see each other again. She made some remark and I walked away. Drove 30 seconds to my house lol and said fvck it and wrote her a text. "Regardless if that guy comes over or not Im done with you. Bad move to put me second to someone." I have no clue what is going to happen now.

I told her she is stupid for bringing up sh1t cause we were totally fine hanign out. And she said would you rather have me lie? I said yes cause now things are fvcked up which they shouldnt be. What it boils down to is I dont put up with sh1t to a certain point. My other ex was the same, had the same talks, and she said the same sh1t cause I stood up and had good confidence. They want weaker men it is so obvious. Fvck that and fvck them.

 

[samspade]

You were smart to walk away, but it took you way too long to do it. Did you really need an inquisition? You obviously needed to know if she was f*cking another guy or not, and when you found out there was another guy, you got angry at her about it, because you are emotionally attached and want to be exclusive.

She was definitely testing you, and you have been putting up with more sh*t than you'd like to admit.

 

[aix237]

I know she was testing me. I dont know if the sh1t about the other guy is true or not. But still she said I dont treat her well, im using her, and despite if the other guy was even made up she didnt want to say i wont let him come over. To me i think she wanted to see if I cared and what my intentions were and she got it. She replied to my text with a ? fvck that Im not putting up with tests with an insecure girl.

 

[Truman181]

The minute you gave her the ultimatum you sealed your fate with her. The only guy that will give an ultimatum is one who has no power left in the situation. It's a weak move.

But, it looks like you don't care at this point. You walked away (which is the right thing to do in this situation).

If I had a nickel for every time a chick has given me that "I need to find myself" Bs....damn

Anyway, it turned out like I said in your other thread. She wasn't making you a priority, and I was right, you were just an option to her.

Don't worry man, you'll find plenty of women that will make you a priority. Don't settle for less.

 

[jophil28]

Well I knew that talk was coming last night. We went out got drunk etc. Went to her house she initiated sex. Then stopped. Im like wtf? I knew the talk was coming. Basically what she was asking me if I was using her for sex, and what my intentions were. I got her to spit out her intentions first. She said she is confused and scared, just like i thought.

THis is where YOU are confused. SHe is NOT confused ,she knows EXACTLY what she is doing.

THis is one of the the classic female sex power games in a nutshell --

It goes like this ...Go get drunk with a guy who is interested in you . Then get half way into a sexual encounter with him and THEN push hard on the brakes. You now have control. HE is drooling and dumbstruck. You talk about another guy who is interested in you and is close enough to have him sleep over ( wink, nudge ) AT this point she hopes to have set up a rivalry between the guys IN YOUR MIND. The objective is to pedestalize herself and have the two guys in a competition for her "favors" . Right about then she hoped that you will fawn and worship her and profess your LOVE for her. .
Alternatively, she will assess your 'feelings' by your reaction, IF you get all upset and agree to "talk " it out you are solidly in her frame. She will just prolong the agony and play more games .."now you can have me , now you cant "..more power games.

THis is a centuries old game and apparently it still works.

Aix, this game worked on YOU . You are now texting her with threats and the like. She now KNOWS that you are invested in her because you are UPSET.
SOme guys here will tell you that this was a "test" and give you tactics to "pass" the test. YOu do not need to "pass" any test from a woman, instead you need to dismantle such a test by refusing to play.

She stopped the sex play at the stage that she did BECAUSE she knew that she was in control at that point and YOU were at your most vulnerable.
The way to crush this kind power play is to say nothing, get up and walk away.
Then you need to decide your next move when she calls you the next day and wants to "have a talk "...

Aix, you are in a power struggle with her.
MY experience is that these games are played habitually by a lot of women.
You need to kmow that she will revert to these tactics whenever she feels the need for control.

 

[slickaz]

like i said in another thread.
last time this happened..i was sitting in her car after dinner about to hook up..and she said "does it matter that i have a bf."

i told her to hold on, stepped out the car and in full view of her caught a cab home..

like jophil said..this is a test, she tried playing you against the "other guy"..and you should have been too fly to even sit a test like this..got up walked away.

i would rather go at it with ms.palmer for the night, than with a girl that has just mind f*kd me into a game that'll probably leave me wounded for a long time..and has total control..

last think you ever wanna do, is give into a girl thats using her orifice as a weapon in a power struggle..no matter how strong the urge is..leave immediately do not go back

 

[sodbuster]

would it be too early for an"I told you so from the board"? EVERY TIME I'd go back to an ex, I was reminded WHY she was an ex. You got "**** wet", was it worth the aggrevation?

 

[aix237]

omfg im going in so many directions right now. She wrote me a text and said she told the guy not to sleep over and she needs to clear her head. I personally think she made up that sh1t altogether. It didnt make sense. The guy lives 1.5 hours away, i know its a pointless proposition. she said hes a real estate broker and travels a lot (which in my experience is not true). She was also saying he is very nice and appreciates what she does etc and is just a nice guy overall which is the total opposite of what she likes. just to get the game going like jophil said. it made sense she would say that cause it tested if I cared about her, my intentions and too boost her ego by me getting upset. So I called her to leave her a message and said im not dealing with your sh1t and your lying to me i think i cant do this sh1t.

Then i read this post and was like fvck this im writing one more text. I typed i just called you but if you are planning to call me back tonight dont. I need to chill out also and need some space from you and will let you know when im ready to talk. Right as im about to send the text literally one second she calls me back. Im like fvck. answer. i tell her shes lying shes like im not blah blah. then we start joking around. Then she says well what are you going to do tonight? I was just silent. She said well u can come over. I said well i was going to rent a movie and she said well watch it here. I say fine ill be over in an hour. I know Im going to get flamed for this. We are attracted to each other like crazy and we tell each other this. Shes scared but not confused and got her reassurance from me after today. The bottom line is we dated for 2years and a relationship is hard work. She lives so close so she could possibly feel trapped since we are in such close proximity.

I dont know i told her i dont want a relationship right now but would like to try to get there eventually. Im just going to go with flow. I know she plays games cause she needs her ego raised. But i did let her know Im not dealing with it. She knows I will walk away as I have before.

 

[KingBeef]

She then said we should just be friends and not have full sex but oral is ok lol wtf.

ROFL :crackup: :crackup: Wow, I'm still laughing my head off on that one.... Makes you think what kind of mentatility girls like these have.

I agree with everyone on the board that you did the right thing in walking away (although i wouldn't have gotten my emotions all involved). She's a MANIPULATOR....she knows EXACTLY WHAT SHE'S DOING. DO NOT GET BACK WITH HER!! Start spinning plates and you should be alright.

- Kingbeef

 

[samspade]

You are letting yourself get roped in and played. At every turn.

 

[KingBeef]

omfg im going in so many directions right now. She wrote me a text and said she told the guy not to sleep over and she needs to clear her head. I personally think she made up that sh1t altogether. It didnt make sense. The guy lives 1.5 hours away, i know its a pointless proposition. she said hes a real estate broker and travels a lot (which in my experience is not true). She was also saying he is very nice and appreciates what she does etc and is just a nice guy overall which is the total opposite of what she likes. just to get the game going like jophil said. it made sense she would say that cause it tested if I cared about her, my intentions and too boost her ego by me getting upset. So I called her to leave her a message and said im not dealing with your sh1t and your lying to me i think i cant do this sh1t.

Then i read this post and was like fvck this im writing one more text. I typed i just called you but if you are planning to call me back tonight dont. I need to chill out also and need some space from you and will let you know when im ready to talk. Right as im about to send the text literally one second she calls me back. Im like fvck. answer. i tell her shes lying shes like im not blah blah. then we start joking around. Then she says well what are you going to do tonight? I was just silent. She said well u can come over. I said well i was going to rent a movie and she said well watch it here. I say fine ill be over in an hour. I know Im going to get flamed for this. We are attracted to each other like crazy and we tell each other this. Shes scared but not confused and got her reassurance from me after today. The bottom line is we dated for 2years and a relationship is hard work. She lives so close so she could possibly feel trapped since we are in such close proximity.

I dont know i told her i dont want a relationship right now but would like to try to get there eventually. Im just going to go with flow. I know she plays games cause she needs her ego raised. But i did let her know Im not dealing with it. She knows I will walk away as I have before.

Listen to me, please.....CUT ALL CONTACT WITH THIS GIRL, FOREVER.... You are feeding fuel into the fire of what is her soap opera life!!!!!
Forget her and pursue new women. Then, when you have a few favorable plates spinning simultaneously you'll barely remember (maybe forget) who this chick was to you.

- Kingbeef

 

[Mr.Positive]

She said well u can come over.

Aix, did she use these exact words..you CAN come over.

Anytime a woman has told me I CAN come over, it's been bad news. Like she's doing me a favor of her graciousness, by allowing me to be blessed with her presence.

Don't go over there, wait until she says PLEASE come over..

She's totally baiting you here. She definitely sees herself as the prize, wants to control and manipulate you..and want's you to fit in a nice little box that she has, in her mind, already placed you in.

Be careful with this one. Everytime you respond to her, she wins a victory.

If I was in your shoes, I'd walk away for good. Unless, you like a life full of drama like this.

 

[Truebrit]

THis is where YOU are confused. SHe is NOT confused ,she knows EXACTLY what she is doing.

THis is one of the the classic female sex power games in a nutshell --

It goes like this ...Go get drunk with a guy who is interested in you . Then get half way into a sexual encounter with him and THEN push hard on the brakes. You now have control. HE is drooling and dumbstruck. You talk about another guy who is interested in you and is close enough to have him sleep over ( wink, nudge ) AT this point she hopes to have set up a rivalry between the guys IN YOUR MIND. The objective is to pedestalize herself and have the two guys in a competition for her "favors" . Right about then she hoped that you will fawn and worship her and profess your LOVE for her. .
Alternatively, she will assess your 'feelings' by your reaction, IF you get all upset and agree to "talk " it out you are solidly in her frame. She will just prolong the agony and play more games .."now you can have me , now you cant "..more power games.

THis is a centuries old game and apparently it still works.

Aix, this game worked on YOU . You are now texting her with threats and the like. She now KNOWS that you are invested in her because you are UPSET.
SOme guys here will tell you that this was a "test" and give you tactics to "pass" the test. YOu do not need to "pass" any test from a woman, instead you need to dismantle such a test by refusing to play.

She stopped the sex play at the stage that she did BECAUSE she knew that she was in control at that point and YOU were at your most vulnerable.
The way to crush this kind power play is to say nothing, get up and walk away.
Then you need to decide your next move when she calls you the next day and wants to "have a talk "...

Aix, you are in a power struggle with her.
MY experience is that these games are played habitually by a lot of women.
You need to kmow that she will revert to these tactics whenever she feels the need for control.

Ditto - best answer would have been not to react and move on, maybe keeping it as a plate (your choice) - you have ruined what you had as you played HER game when SHE wanted on HER terms. Doesnt matter about winning or loosing - the sh*t test is that you played it and you did.

I don't think you heard the last from this chick but you just relegated yourself from the premier league to division 4 in terms of interest, and you can be sure if you do keep in contact that more of the same is in the post for you....she set the game, you played, so whys she going to change it?

 

[Alexander the Great]

Well, that's the problem. Aix has feelings, Aix is attached to this one. He can't do as everyone here with a more objective view suggests: walk away. Which was my first thought when reading his OP.

Maybe Aix needs to crash and burn a bit more. It's okay Aix, what you want. We've all been there before. It's difficult to detach sometimes.

Nonetheless it's good that you called her on her games, though the manner in which you do doesn't help to take the frame away from her and back on you. Or in the middle ground between you, even. This'll just become a push and pull situation ad infinitum this way.

Aix seems in denial. Despite his "resistance" to this one, he's still under her spell. "I'll play your game, as long as you don't play it too obviously anymore!" is what he's saying by his actions. Which is inviting this girl to keep playing, time and time again. My thought is she's just enjoying messing with Aix's head. My thought is that it's truly become a game to her: watching the puppy dangle, bark and wail when she needs to have her emotional rollercoaster riding again.

You think she knows by your actions that you're walking when she acts up? Nah... This girl doesn't know you'll walk when she acts up; this girl know she can EXPECT a great drama if she does. And obviously, she's loving every minute of it!

Be careful if you're not walking, Aix!

One question I would like to ask closing: you're obviously wanting to be more serious with this one. Why? Are you waiting for her to grow up and change her current behaviour? Do you really believe she really needs to find herself? Aren't you just swallowing the excuses for her lousy act towards you because you can't let go? Why can't you?

Consider giving her the final message: walk away without retorting, and show you don't play games. At all. Save all of us men some face in the process.

 

[aix237]

The way I see it is yes my ex is an aw with issues but what girls aren't and don't have issues? She is a good looking girl with a sexual vibe to her. She gets hit on all the time and if not she figures a way to get what she wants. She is well trained in games becuase of how many social interactions she has had. There are probably a very small percentage of good looking girls that don't play games. She was being manipulative because I wasn't showing her my cards. Calling her once a week and hanging one day and fvcking her then going another five days with no word from me. Yea that comes off as me using her provably which I wasn't. I even told her this, if I called u up the next day after we fvcked I would've looked needy and smothered u and thay would ruin our chances of going back at it again. She agreed with that. I don't blame her that much. But I know it was well calculated by her cause she said I didn't expecf u to act like that when I was telling u about blah blah. If I acted like I didn't give a sh1t its game over. So I wanted to show I cared but was also willing ti show I could walk away, I've done it before for like 2years.
I still don't know what to make of everything right now. I went over her house last night and we just watched a movie. She touched my d1ck a couple of times I was tired and so was she. I didn't try to have sex cause she said before that it seems llike that's alll I expect. She says sh1t about sex but I thinkk its because she is worried im vusing her and she's getting attached, doesn't want to get things complicated etc. I think yea right. I get up this morning kiss her on the lips and go to work. Very incongruent words and actions from her. I think she wants me to wine and dine her to make sure im not using her and make her feel more appreciated. She says cutoff sex to see if ill stick around. No girl syas ur d1ck drives me crazy and I am highly sexually attracted to u that is truly going to give up sex.
Im not going to act like a puppy but I will not call her today butb will ask her out to dinner tomorrow. She can say she doesn't want a ltr but she's full of sh1t. Her shield is up I guess about that but she aint going to end anything with mme in the near future just as long as im not pushy.

 

[Latinoman]

Dude...you ought to start acting like a Man that has control over his life.

You have no control. She has ALL the control over you. This is sad.

 

[samspade]

Im not going to act like a puppy but I will not call her today butb will ask her out to dinner tomorrow.

Dinner?!?! Are you kidding me?

Why don't you send her a dozen roses and a puppy dog while you're at it?

Bang this girl if you are enjoying the free and easy sex, but quit worrying about whether you two will get back together. You think as long as you aren't pushy she won't end it any time soon....odds are she WILL end it, and it will be because a) she found a new guy, b) you got too clingy, or c) both.

You've pretty much lost your leverage, and are her toy for now. If you don't mind being her plaything, go right ahead...just quit kidding yourself.

 

[SoCalMike]

She then said we should just be friends and not have full sex but oral is ok lol wtf.

Man you need to bail ASAP. Look around you next time you're in public, like at the mall, or bar, club, etc. Look at all the other women out there.

Nuff said.

 

[squirrels]

Two threads in the last week about one woman.

Is she worth it?

 

[Desdinova]

What's really amazing about this whole thing is how both of these people are attracted to each other, and are BOTH using games and techniques to keep each other around. What appears on the surface is a dysfunctional relationship.

Aix, if you were playing out a seduction, I'd say you're doing a fantastic job. However, the fact that you've invested your emotions into this woman and have been doing so for two years tells me that you're not conducting a seduction. You've got one-itis and she is being taken on an emotional rollercoaster ride which has been constructed by you. The drama is so high that she's NOT going to give it up. There's way too much emotional fluctuation for her to get bored, and she'll even add to the drama to make it more interesting and exciting.

Aix, if you're genuinely sick of her 5hit, then you need to COMPLETELY cut her off. No phone calls, texts, or emails to her, and ignore any that come from her.

However, if you're enjoying this whole mess, then there's nothing we can help you with.