Upbringing has much to do with AFC'ness.

[Raziel Kayne]

Does anyone else think this too?

Some people are born shy or with social phobia, but many AFCs are raised to be AFCs.

 

[rgeere]

To a certain degree, yes. If you grow up around people that couldn't give a crap about you then you are going to build up a lot of barriers to numb the rejection and have this emotional void.

Edit: 800th post!

 

[KillingTime]

Absolutely agree. My parents got divorced at an early age so I was pretty much raised by my mom, she was extremely over-protective and tried to shelter me a lot which made me very shy. I'm 19 now and only one or two years back have I started to discover that i actually have a very outgoing personality, I've just had a hell of a hard time adapting to it b/c I wasn't raised like that... plus it caused a HUGE blowout with my mom. My dad isn't as bad, but he has a lot of feminine qualities (really scared of things, wouldn't take a risk if his life depended on it) so I guess either way i was bound to turn out AFC.

 

[Life-Trainee]

Very true. I had very traumatic childhood having all sorts of phobias etc, being very stubborn on top of that. When my father wasn't much of a man role model my parents divorced when I was 12, so during the critical years i've been raised by my mom. Because of my mother's overprotectiveness I became very dependant on her opinion and acceptance. Hence no personality until late teens. When I started slowly changing around 17, I was getting into constant fights with my mother. My upbringing was truly screwed up. So it's still very hard to eradicate all the insecurities that remain at conscious and subconscious level.

 

[afc_007]

I'd also agree to this. I've done a lot of introspection recently, over why I am less of a "man" than what I feel I should be. I looked back at the kind of person my father was, and how he was with my stepmother (who walked all over him).

However your history may influence the kind of person you are today, it is you who are responsible for what you are tomorrow.

 

[chicksrock]

I personally can identify with all of you!
but there is hope... you can CHANGE!
here are some steps I took to stop being so god damn fvckin AFC.

1) start internally...look at yourself...decide on the person you want to be...
2) convince yourself you are this new person now.....you convince yourself this when you start doing all the things the new you wants to do....
3) start projecting this "new you" image to family first.... *warning* you will encounter lots of conflicts....and will have to constantly prove yourself ....but eventually you will get the respect you deserve (but obviously depends on how true to yourself you really are....) ....if you are not serious about making the transformation.....you wil stall on this step
4) project new image to friends.... for me I just couldn't get along with my friends anymore.... infact I couldn't stand them....they were part of the reason why I was so chumped out to start with ...so i distanced myself from them

5) make new friends...associate with positive people.... do positive things... always improve yourself....... try and get along with family and friends.....

and on a personal note: I am always self introspecting and improving myself.......this site has sort of always encouraged me.....and I have improved all facets of my life eversince....

goooooood luck everyone! and remember just cause you were brought up an AFC doesn't mean you will always remain one....
the decision is yours to break out of and set yourself FREEE....

 

[Beatflux]

This is absolutely true. You learn beliefs, values, strategies, and behaviors from your parents and others when you are too little to know what is better. Trauma in our early years can cause us to feel bad or even lower our threshold to the point where you go pyschotic.

 

[comic_relief]

agreed

Unfortuanately upbringing constantly makes or breaks the AFC within you. If you are raised in a ghetto you won't have time for AFC stuff. You will go soft and get a "cap in yo a$$". You have to be tough.
If you are raised on tv with the entire feministic culture that America has you will become an AFC more than likely. LIke I was.
Your parents and the people around you make you AFC's(very big generalization).

chicksrocks laid the plan out for how most people did it. I did it all in one massive step. I dropped my friends, showed the improvement to my parents, showed improvement to my friends (I would never even hurt them if they did anything to me including stealing or anything)I just picked up and threw one of my friends off a dock earlier this week)

 

[2xp]

Originally posted by Raziel Kayne

Some people are born shy or with social phobia, but many AFCs are raised to be AFCs.

i even think nobody is born whit shyness or social phobias, you just get them along, like you guys said. it's all a matter of education and upbringing

 

[afc_007]

I'm reminded of the quote from Fight Club "we're a generation of men raised by our mothers"

 

[Raziel Kayne]

Just thinking about my life right now (early part of my life) makes me want to puke. I could have been SO much better.

 

[crotchrocket]

I think it is 100% upbringing and social programing, think about every 2 year old boy you know, have seen or met, how is he? timid? shy? does he give a crap about what his parents, sisters or anybody else thinks? not likely. It's somewhere around here where it all starts, and where our upbringing either makes or breaks that spirit inherent in every male, right from birth.

I remember, as a little kid, coming home proud as hell about winning a contest or sport, and being told by my AFC dad (he was raised by his mother) not to get too 'proud' (like pride in ones accomplishments is a bad thing), it didn't do a whole lot for my confidence that's for sure.

It will likely take a constant and conscious effort on my part for the rest of my life to overcome the crap that my well-meaning parents and our feministic society has programmed me to be - but 'I WILL OVERCOME IT' damn-it !

 

[Bigsnake]

I completely agree.

After I moved out of my parent's house I started to see how much I had picked up from them and how protected I really was.

I'm working on my problems and my friend's that have known me over the past couple years have seen a big change in me. My parents would always worry about really stupid stuff that doesn't even matter. They also ruined my social life a lot of times when I was growing up before I could drive, "What? I don't feel like driving. Why can't they come pick you up?"

 

[faustus]

steps to becoming less AFC

Just want to say that chicksrock's 'steps to becoming less afc' are right on the mark. AFCs may be average and frustrated but it seems to me that one of the reasons they are like that is because they've let their environment define them rather than defining their environment. So when you start to define yourself and think differently, your start to see the restrictions in your surroundings rather than the comforts. At least, this is definately what I've found.

And as for the old friends - my best friend refuses to even speak to me anymore because of all the 'changes' - 'you're too smooth a guy', he actually said that!! Then again that guy won't speak to anyone who doesn't like his favourite bands, so how can you get along with someone with that narrow a world - view...

Anyway, I'd rather have my eyes open.

 

[ogre]

definietely my upbringing screwed me up big time. My momma is a secular jewish liberal feminist new-age fruitcake and she nagged my father to death, literally. (drink and valium) Big-time sexual shame and repression.

But on a global scale, it is feminism that is destroying our sexuality. women are urged to become man-hating dykes and men have become emotionally nuetered whimps. (aka "AFC") many excellent websites on this subject. for starters:

http://www.nomarriage.com
http://www.heretical.com
http://www.savethemales.ca

 

[squirrels]

Point?

The question isn't at this point "What caused it?", it's "What are YOU going to do about it?"

The issue of "what makes us 'AFC'" has been done to death. Overactive mothers, underactive fathers, failure to socialize at a young age, sometimes genetics, the American socio-corporate structure, lack of testosterone, media, etc, etc..it goes on and on.

Being a MAN is a transitional thing where you're supposed to take the reigns from those who raised you and start living life for yourself. Sitting around placing blame does nothing but give you an excuse not to take control of (and responsibility for) yourself. Sure your parents may have f**ked up, but guess what: NOBODY who's never had a kid before is ever fully prepared to raise one. YOU try it if you think it's so easy. People do the best they can and they don't always get everything exactly right. The point is, now it's YOUR turn to take your life and do everything with it that your forbears failed to do. And you're wasting it whining about how disadvantaged you were.

Put away the whiny-ass EMO punk music for a while and stop b!tching about how your parents didn't know what they were doing...especially those of you that are 21+. Try taking control of your own destiny for a change.

 

[HuangBei]

I'll have to agree. My father isn't very manly, not to dis on my own pops, but it's true. He constantly gets owned by my mom. He's a very charismatic person, but within, he's not strong willed like his father or father-in-law. So he has a wife whose basically the man of the house.

This caused something for me. I was naturally charismatic. I could get girls to like me, but I had no balls to get them or take what I wanted, and I couldn't keep them in relationships. This said something about my closest male role model, my father.

I used to back down from challenges, like girls who were incredibly hot. With the help of my brother (whose quite aggressive) and DJ, I find myself running at challenges rather than backing down like a pansy a$$. It's the difference between being a whipped and domesticated dog or being a wild and free wolf for me.

 

[So Many Ways]

My dad was a total mans man who never took **** from anyone but I turned out to be completely AFC.

I've been trying to change for years and it's been dificult. As a kid, I was extremely timid and shy. People used to f*ck with me, friends use to take advantage of me and when it came to women, forget about it. Even when women gave me glaring buy signals, I was unable to act and I had absolutely no confidence in myself. On the other hand, I went to college, graduated, and got a good job right out of school. Go figure.

This has been a lenghty, tiresome, uphill battle to say the least but it's worth it.

 

[McEwan]

I myself noticed that my upbringing was feminised to a point. This affected me regarding confidence and AFC-ness. The fact that I have an accent since childhood helped not.

Then, spookily enough, I got into the Sci-Fi scene.

Now, I am in Scotland. The stories of Scots being psychopathic nutters are true. The Sci-fi ones are even crazier.

But the point of this is, well, this:

Those in the Sci-fi community were ex-bikers, hells angels, Navy, Army and RAF members, Scientists and martial artists. And they were all Star Trek fans.

Through them, I learned the building blocks of what is described in the DJ bible. The martial artists taught me how to fight, the bikers taught me how to drink and the military boys taught me respect and honour.

So you CAN overcome the AFC-ness of your parentage and childhood. You just need the right support.

 

[MikeYikes122]

I had a very similar upbringing to everyone whose posted on here. I honestly think my dad meant well, but he just ultimately didn't know what the fvck he was getting himself into. It seemed like one night he was just like, "ahh hell yeah let's have that kid." The only thing I think I ever got from my dad was his jumpshot. My dad and I hated each other for the majority of my teenage years, but I responded well to it and that is one of the main reasons I think I bailed myself out of AFCism so fast at the age of probably 17 or 18. I didn't take a crying, listen to emo music, and shop at hot topic response. I just played it out like a hard ass and pretended like it didn't bother me, and I still do that to this day.

My dad is a good dude though - it's just unfortunate he had to have a son who was type B while he was the stereotypical type A. The guy and I are exact opposites in everything we do. He is a business minded, mathmetician, and engineer while I'm a writer who's is a good people person. He is a spot-up, sharpshooting, two-guard, while I'm a flashy, no look pass, point guard. Nowadays he and I just don't talk much. There isn't any hate.

I could probably write a novel about my parents and my upbringing.

I was raised heavily by mother, and there is good things in being feminine you just have to find them. I have a good sense of style because of her. I understand girls real well too, and I think girlfriends like to see the mom influence. It makes you sensitive, but I was reading in an interview with 2pac once where he had a comment on being raised by his mom. He said something like, "Being feminine does one thing to you and it makes you hella sensitive, but it's my sensitivity that makes me so hard." I can kind of relate to that sensitivity I'm gonna snap at any point.

While I could go on and on about this, I guess I can just finish by saying that I don't mean any disrespect to my parents - I'm grateful, but I just know I'm gonna do things with my son a lot differently.