Unwritten rules with friends

[SteR]

For as long as I can remember, there's always been an unwritten rule with my friends that once one of us hooks up with a girl, she's off limits unless otherwise specified. In fact if I'm honest, I've always assumed that this was pretty much an innate rule among all men.

So a while ago, I got together with this girl for one night. We didn't really have that much in common but we ended up sleeping together. The following even we were out again and we got into a bit of an argument. I gave her the cold shoulder so she started flirting with my friend right in front of me. Fast forward a few hours and I head back for the night. I later found out that the two of them hooked up and I was livid.

What struck me wasn't the girl's behaviour (I didn't expect any loyalty from her), however I felt betrayed by my supposed friend for going behind my back. I spoke to him later and he apologised profusely, which made me feel that I had a legitimate grievance. However It did make me question whether it was wrong of me to assume that guys shouldn't do that to one another?

Don't get me wrong, it was only a brief fling so I understand that I can't expect the girl to remain faithful to me, but I always thought guys would know not to move in on someone else's territory that quickly - or maybe it's me in the wrong?

What do you guys think?

The thing that's bothering me now is that it's looking like the situation may repeat itself, however this time I'm wondering whether it'd be unreasonable for me to be up front with him and tell him to back off? After all, I'm not in a relationship with her, but I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't be incredibly pissed off..

 

[Huffman]

I'd have felt the same if he's a good friend.

However, about unwritten rules: some people just don't know them. You have to set them straight and write them down together.

 

[marmel75]

I dunno man...this is some random chick you hooked up with, not an ex-GF or someone you were serious with in any way. I would just think she is a super slvt and that I dodged a bullet.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear SteR,
"For as long as I can remember, there's always been an unwritten rule with my friends that once one of us hooks up with a girl, she's off limits unless otherwise specified. In fact if I'm honest, I've always assumed that this was pretty much an innate rule among all men."....Of course you are right,and your friend knows it too...He doesn't need a rule book put in his hand when he becomes a friend does he...Tell her he has Herpes LOL.

 

[samspade]

Unwritten rule, yes. Another one: Don't let a woman get between you and a good friend. Laugh it off as best you can.

 

[ERB]

Unwritten rule, yes. Another one: Don't let a woman get between you and a good friend. Laugh it off as best you can.

Above is rule number one

 

[ubercat]

Heheh I once nearly killed my mate from Karate. Took 4 black belts to separate us. He slept with my girlfriend of 4 months the day after I broke up with her. We're still mates now

 

[CMNILS87]

I don't think this is just a friend thing. This is more an ego thing, stick with me. You hooked up with this chick, you thought your game was tight, she thought you were cute. She slept with you and you thought you had something special that she saw in you so she dropped her panties. Fast forward a day, she's hooking up with another dude and it turns out to be your bud. Ego cracks and you realize she's just a slut, but you still want sex from her, yet she went elsewhere. Honestly, if she was hooking up with ransoms and you didn't know about them, you're ego would still be intact and you'd care less. Ya know "out of sight, out of mind". Which this case you know now that you're not a super special stud that has game, but just another notch on this sluts bedpost

 

[SteR]

I don't think this is just a friend thing. This is more an ego thing, stick with me. You hooked up with this chick, you thought your game was tight, she thought you were cute. She slept with you and you thought you had something special that she saw in you so she dropped her panties. Fast forward a day, she's hooking up with another dude and it turns out to be your bud. Ego cracks and you realize she's just a slut, but you still want sex from her, yet she went elsewhere. Honestly, if she was hooking up with ransoms and you didn't know about them, you're ego would still be intact and you'd care less. Ya know "out of sight, out of mind". Which this case you know now that you're not a super special stud that has game, but just another notch on this sluts bedpost

Yup, to some degree I'd say you're right.

The problem with this scenario isn't the girl though. It's more that I feel I can't trust my friend. I did however have a chat with him last night and I told him straight up what was bothering me. He seems cool with it all though.. but I'll believe it when I see it in his behaviour, ha.

 

[Yewki]

You guys were a thing for what, 24 hours? This is just a case of a sl*t getting around. High five your friend and move on.

Hopefully your friend doesn't get into a LTR with her though that could be awkward

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Some friends have rules where anything is fare game, but no **** blocking, but the babes are for all.

 

[logicallefty]

Unwritten rule, yes. Another one: Don't let a woman get between you and a good friend. Laugh it off as best you can.

I used to swear by this rule to my grave. But now that I have a better understanding of human psychology I can't say I would follow this 100%. It would depend on the situation. If a friend and I both liked the same woman but I had cause to believe that he liked her more, I would step back and let him run with it. On the other hand though, if I really liked a woman and had a friend defame my character and disrespect me to the woman, either in person or behind my back, then the friend would be history. I just did that to a guy a couple years ago who I had been friends with for many years. He was smearing me on social media and his smears were aimed for a woman I was dating to see. He tried to play the "Oh I'm just joking card" but the red pill on the matter is that he was jealous because he had never had even close to as good looking of a woman as she was. I gave him a call one night and said one more FB post and he should forget I exist. He tried to throw another "joke haha" post in anyway, to test the waters to see if I was serious, and that was it. I haven't hung out with him since, and don't plan to, even though he keeps inviting me to get togethers. And he once texted me and said he can't believe I would throw away 20 years of friendship. I ignored it, and eventually blocked him. In my eyes, I didn't throw the friendship away, I gave him a choice to make and he made it. I don't tolerate disrespect, even from friends, and neither should you.

 

[samspade]

I used to swear by this rule to my grave. But now that I have a better understanding of human psychology I can't say I would follow this 100%. It would depend on the situation. If a friend and I both liked the same woman but I had cause to believe that he liked her more, I would step back and let him run with it. On the other hand though, if I really liked a woman and had a friend defame my character and disrespect me to the woman, either in person or behind my back, then the friend would be history. I just did that to a guy a couple years ago who I had been friends with for many years. He was smearing me on social media and his smears were aimed for a woman I was dating to see. He tried to play the "Oh I'm just joking card" but the red pill on the matter is that he was jealous because he had never had even close to as good looking of a woman as she was. I gave him a call one night and said one more FB post and he should forget I exist. He tried to throw another "joke haha" post in anyway, to test the waters to see if I was serious, and that was it. I haven't hung out with him since, and don't plan to, even though he keeps inviting me to get togethers. And he once texted me and said he can't believe I would throw away 20 years of friendship. I ignored it, and eventually blocked him. In my eyes, I didn't throw the friendship away, I gave him a choice to make and he made it. I don't tolerate disrespect, even from friends, and neither should you.

I don't disagree with you there. There's a level of disrespect no man should tolerate, and two men should be able to come to an understanding about it before it gets to disrepair. I was thinking more of a casual situation where the girl is inconsequential and she chooses one guy over another...even if the guy pulls a minor d!ck move, if he's a friend I suppose I could forgive him. Your friend pulled a bigger d!ck move though. Every situation is different and every man's personal code is different. Like you said, you gave him a choice and he made it.