Unsure about life, could do with some advice (not to do with women)

[Gubby]

Yeah, despite my pontificating tone in that tip I wrote I really am more interested in my life in general than women right now. So thankyou, oh good men of sosuave, for showing me that this is a fine way to think:rockon:. Anyway... right now I'd like to ask those men here who've got a bit further in life than me for advice.

I regret none of my actions but looking back, the time I quit school was running away. Fine, and I needed to. I needed to think. But I needed companionship too, and balance in all other areas of my life, and I fancy that if I'd had some good friends I'd have put up with that ****ty place a bit better. Or at least been a bit more discreet in my rebellion.

Basically that place and time derailed my hurtling sense of purpose. I had all the things I'd loved and wanted to do. I knew I was smart enough and strong enough. But then so called "reality" called and I suddenly let in other people's fears because I had become unsure. I didn't want to impose myself on other people but I loathed the idea of being imposed upon by others so much that I kept on running away from everyone. This was a reality I had to come to terms with: society is not equal, and if we don't want to be inferior, we must strive to be superior.

I can't blame anyone or anything else for my problems anymore, that was always avoidence of the truth. It's all me. I've worked out a lot of things, and I want to think more, but I know that I can't let it be a way of hiding from my fears anymore. I need balance, and I'm scared. I'm like the bird whose cage has just been opened but he won't go out yet because he doesn't know what the great big world is like. Saying this, I'm not gonna let it stop me. But that's where I am.

I can't take the idea of mediocrity. The idea disgusts me. We live in a society that clings to its limitations out of fear of freedom. I know I have to differ. But how? What shall I do? It's probably a pretty common question at my age but intimidating all the same. If I can be happy screwing about with a few good friends what's the point of beating myself up over a vision of ascendence? At the same time, however at peace I am I know that there's more out there. And if there's so much suffering in the world that we could easily change, and so much joy we could easily bring, isn't being like children still just staying willfully blind?

How do I prioritise my dreams and needs? How do I make a balance between wanting to be social and wanting to make a difference to myself and the world? How can I cope with being something that no-one around me understands, and even strive to widen this gap further?

Guys... you who have been where I was and have got to where I want to go... how did you cope?

 

[DonGorgon]

ITS REALY QUITE SIMPLE... GET MONET GET MONEY AND GET MORE MONEY.... capitalism has simplified it all for you.

 

[Interceptor]

You have to have a defintie Mission in Life.
This is the first thing.

Do you want a perfect job?

Do you want an expereince that makes you happy but doesn't provide extremely well financially?

What kind of expereinces are you looking for?


Some of the best advice I've heard is:

"If you're not doing what you LOVE, WHAT are you DOING?"


You need to first look at the things you love in your life.

And things you would LOVE to DO in your life.

Write down your list.

You just have to HAVE this strong image in your mind of just WHAT you want to ACCOMPLISH in your Life.
Write it down and look at it , go over it.


After that, you need to look at how you can integrate a few basic concepts that will enhance your life, and are pretty much non negotiables.

SELF CULTIVATION

The Physical Realm:
Bodybuilding
Martial Arts
Yoga
Pilates
Tai Chi/Chi Kung
Learning about your physical body

The Mental Realm:
Developing your intellect and gaining wisdom on various topics
Setting values and maintaining integrity
Observing behavior

Learning about your mind, and your emotions

The Artistic./Creative Realm:
Creating art, poetry, sculpture, writing, painitng, music, dance, singing

Learning about yuor Creativity

The Spiritual Realm;
MEDITATION
Discovering your own spirituality
Understanding Nature
Learning about your place in the Universe
Seeking truth in the unknown


I Hope this helps a little

 

[Gubby]

Interceptor: it's pretty good advice, though not far removed from what I was already thinking. It has helped, at that, to see it in such a clear form.

Still, it's not quite the answer to my questions. It seems kinda impersonal. Where are YOU in life, man? What's your main occupation? Are you rich? After so many years, I'm sure you've read the advice on these forums as have I, but how did you integrate it into your life?


On some technicals.

"
Yoga
Pilates
Tai Chi/Chi Kung"

Sounds interesting, I haven't tried any of these, but in principle they attract me...

How would you combine bodybuilding with these other things? It seems to demand rigorous planning, diet and specific rest times, which doesn't exactly mesh with doing martial arts too.

 

[AznPlaya]

relaxe GUbby ur only 18 years old, just like what Intercopter said do what u love, thats all there is 2 it i dont know what other answer u are lookin for.. everybodys prospective is different there isnt 1 universal answer and MONEY isnt even that important 2 tell u the truth
Most people in this age see illusion, but only the few see whats real.. what is real?

 

[Dongfu]

You have to have a defintie Mission in Life.

I always enjoy your clarity and positivity on this topic.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Everyone's an ignorant fool at 18; I was no different. Just don't take yourself very seriously and always keep working hard, whether that be in school or building your own business. However you feel about pretty much anything - that will change with time. In ten or twenty years, you will find it hard to believe that you thought this way or that way about some things. All of us change over time. Don't take your teenage philosophizing very seriously - or at least just don't quit your day job, and good luck in this journey of life.

 

[Gubby]

Everyone's an ignorant fool at 18; I was no different. Just don't take yourself very seriously and always keep working hard, whether that be in school or building your own business. However you feel about pretty much anything - that will change with time. In ten or twenty years, you will find it hard to believe that you thought this way or that way about some things. All of us change over time. Don't take your teenage philosophizing very seriously - or at least just don't quit your day job, and good luck in this journey of life.

This is good advice, I think Thankyou Mr. Bible

 

[DonGorgon]

I still say he needs to get money...

 

[Gubby]

I still say he needs to get money...

I'd like money but it's a means to an end isn't it? Not life itself. And hardly the BIGGEST challenge either... you can get it while focusing on other things...

 

[DonGorgon]

I'd like money but it's a means to an end isn't it? Not life itself. And hardly the BIGGEST challenge either... you can get it while focusing on other things...

You are so right but sadly or humanly most people hunt money and sex in no particular order... and neglect those other things.

 

[The Bat]

Hey man, don't base your life, your dreams, your passion based on what others around you will think of those things. It sounds like you're trying to look good, socially, to others around you and at the same time, trying to find and develop your passions. You can't do both. Why try so hard to look good socially? Of course, I'm not saying, be a creepy rapist looking dude. But, why do you tell yourself, "I hope my friends will think greatly of me if I do so and so"?

It's foolish to judge your friends based on what their passions in life are. It's even more foolish to judge yourself based on what your friends think about your passions. Read that one more time to understand what I'm trying to tell you.

 

[Gubby]

Hey man, don't base your life, your dreams, your passion based on what others around you will think of those things. It sounds like you're trying to look good, socially, to others around you and at the same time, trying to find and develop your passions. You can't do both. Why try so hard to look good socially? Of course, I'm not saying, be a creepy rapist looking dude. But, why do you tell yourself, "I hope my friends will think greatly of me if I do so and so"?

It's foolish to judge your friends based on what their passions in life are. It's even more foolish to judge yourself based on what your friends think about your passions. Read that one more time to understand what I'm trying to tell you.

Yes. I agree. But what about loneliness? Isolation? What if nobody lets me open up to them?

But I think that my solitude is likely to have a different cause then this.. or at least in part. Looking at what I''ve just written it looks like an irrational fear......

 

[canadianmetalhead]

i think the answer to your question is that there is no answer. you have to find your own purpose in life and it takes a lot of thought. as far as balancing social life with goals (that was my understanding of what you meant, but i may be wrong), for me personally, i prefer to go after my goals with both hands. you will always meet people along the way as long as you are open to it, and starving yourself of social contact to pursue goals makes you thirst it even more. i have found for myself that it makes me more WILLING to be social and make connections, compared to my former tendencies.

hope this helps, id be glad to talk with you further about this so feel free to PM me

 

[Ripper]

Hey man, I thought you might benefit from my experience.

I'm 22 now but about 3 years ago I went through the same thing you're going through now. You know what I did? I took the advice of some very wise poster on here. I took a sheet of paper and wrote down 5 things which I really wanted to accomplish. They were:

1. Learn to play guitar
2. Learn to ice-skate
3. Get my perfect body
4. Write a thesis I'm proud of.
5. Learn to surf

Now, 3 years on, the only one I consider myself to have accomplished to a level I prescribed before I started is the first one. But you know what? Thanks to that list, I've found my calling in life because it's the one thing I love doing more than anything else. It's the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last before I go to sleep. To me, it's my purpose. No.s 2 and 5 i'm tackling on a year out next year in Australia, 3 is an ongoing one and 4 will be done by the end of the month. If you haven't noticed already, each one requires work and dedication. THat's because and i'm sure you'll find yourself agreeing with this, if not now then in the future, accomplishment is always more fulfilling than consumption. Took me a while to figure that one out when you live in a culture/society that is founded on consumerism and instant self-gratification.

I found that bit of advice about writing down the 5 things I really wanted to accomplish the best tip I ever got off this site and it turned my life around. For that I'm truly grateful.

 

[Gubby]

Hey man, I thought you might benefit from my experience.

I'm 22 now but about 3 years ago I went through the same thing you're going through now. You know what I did? I took the advice of some very wise poster on here. I took a sheet of paper and wrote down 5 things which I really wanted to accomplish. They were:

1. Learn to play guitar
2. Learn to ice-skate
3. Get my perfect body
4. Write a thesis I'm proud of.
5. Learn to surf

Now, 3 years on, the only one I consider myself to have accomplished to a level I prescribed before I started is the first one. But you know what? Thanks to that list, I've found my calling in life because it's the one thing I love doing more than anything else. It's the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last before I go to sleep. To me, it's my purpose. No.s 2 and 5 i'm tackling on a year out next year in Australia, 3 is an ongoing one and 4 will be done by the end of the month. If you haven't noticed already, each one requires work and dedication. THat's because and i'm sure you'll find yourself agreeing with this, if not now then in the future, accomplishment is always more fulfilling than consumption. Took me a while to figure that one out when you live in a culture/society that is founded on consumerism and instant self-gratification.

I found that bit of advice about writing down the 5 things I really wanted to accomplish the best tip I ever got off this site and it turned my life around. For that I'm truly grateful.

It does sound like great advice, and I'm gonna chew it over well. Thankyou man

 

[DonGorgon]

I dont do anything....LOL but work and pay bills.. yeh it sucks but I dont feel like doing hobbies...

 

[Birdem]

sosuave is one of your hobbies.

 

[Gubby]

I dont do anything....LOL but work and pay bills.. yeh it sucks but I dont feel like doing hobbies...

LOL man, you could do with expanding your mind

 

[Technical1]

Why does everyone, myself included, have this strange, mushy self-questioning period from 17 to 19? God damn that was unfullfilling, all this "who am I, where am I going, whats the best way" stuff. Thank goodness that at around 21 or 22, you emerge from that period and say, "Hell with this, I'm going to DO what I WANT". Suddenly you don't have a thousand questions anymore. Until then, you get to play 20 questions with yourself till the cows come home.

I regret none of my actions but looking back, the time I quit school was running away. Fine, and I needed to. I needed to think. But I needed companionship too, and balance in all other areas of my life, and I fancy that if I'd had some good friends I'd have put up with that ****ty place a bit better. Or at least been a bit more discreet in my rebellion.

If you're talking about highschool, I hear you. I was an outcast properly, literally no friends (except outside school). Youll certainly want to make your peace with the establishment though if you want money and a successful life (in the traditional sense), plus a guy with your brain really belongs at college, I think, and could be useful to alot of people. So I hope you didn't get too far off the rails.

Find a way back into the establishment, even though you've been ejected once to the periphery. All real power, money and success is to be had through the establishment (in one way or another) unless you envy poor artists, singers and English teachers. These people are all very in touch with their feelings and they all have to check how much they pay for groceries in a given month. Dont let the beauty of your soul lead you into making impractical long-term decisions.

Basically that place and time derailed my hurtling sense of purpose. I had all the things I'd loved and wanted to do. I knew I was smart enough and strong enough. But then so called "reality" called and I suddenly let in other people's fears because I had become unsure. I didn't want to impose myself on other people but I loathed the idea of being imposed upon by others so much that I kept on running away from everyone. This was a reality I had to come to terms with: society is not equal, and if we don't want to be inferior, we must strive to be superior.

I'm sure this introspection was real enough for you but without any external points of reference its impossible for me to follow, but its dually noted.

I can't take the idea of mediocrity. The idea disgusts me. We live in a society that clings to its limitations out of fear of freedom. I know I have to differ. But how? What shall I do? It's probably a pretty common question at my age but intimidating all the same.

You're obviously not a mediocre person, so its hardly surprising you find the idea of mediocrity repellent. Continue striving, you already are set on a course that precludes the possibility of mediocrity, but if you keep it up you can get really far away from the middle point. Basically, you've already gone really far astray, now just keep going till you find your own patch of ground, and set up a house there.

If I can be happy screwing about with a few good friends what's the point of beating myself up over a vision of ascendence?

This isn't even a question except in your mind, you're looking at a grey figure in a painting and asking whether its black or white. In the end you will definitely do BOTH: pursue the "lower pleasures" of human camaraderie while being torn towards whatever it is for you is special enought to be considered 'transcendent' (ascendent?). If you go too far to either side of the scale that part of your nature that demands the other one will suffer, causing you to adjust. There is the sadness of too many books and the sadness of too much (poor) human company. I suspect you will oscillate between these two extremes until you find a balance that fits you.

How do I prioritise my dreams and needs?

By assigning first place to one and second to another, then looking to see if the first priority is bringing enough fulfillment vis-a-vis the second priority to justify its higher ranking. Everything that starts off good will first seem to be an obsession... then the realization comes, "I dont actually like this THAT much," and then it becomes just another little thing in your life. Its like this with pvssy, learning, art, languages, travel.

How do I make a balance between wanting to be social and wanting to make a difference to myself and the world? How can I cope with being something that no-one around me understands, and even strive to widen this gap further?

Just be sure to keep drinking lots of fluids throughout the course of the day and avoid sugary snacks. No, this is another calibration thing where you will experiment, take one thing too far, swing back in the opposite direction too far, and strike a balance. What appears to your mind now as binary yes-or-no possibilities will gradually emerge as balances that you have to maintain between two things. At first one understands a dichotomy, and 'feels' only the inherent contradictoriness, and imagines oneself only being able to fulfill ONE of these possibilities. But you as a human are labile and demand variety; I'm not fond of touchy-feely phrases but "life is like a dance" and alternating between these different things is what gives it this quality.

Guys... you who have been where I was and have got to where I want to go... how did you cope?

This reminds me of your other thread where you talked about falling in love like a real man. I felt that was a bit unjust because alot of SoSuavers come from a position of being the lover... the lover whose girl fvcked the other guy. I don't think anybody discovered this board without unrequited love causing him a life crisis, so your admonition appears off-base when seen in that light.

Frankly, you're getting ahead of yourself. You have a great analytical machine in between your ears and you want to use it to figure out the answers... but for these questions, it simply takes years of interacting with the world to settle them. There is no quick way out, or trick. Its all very non-linear, there is no "answer" in the normal sense, its more like a groove that you develop that works for you.

Thats why when you ask people these questions, they always shrug their shoulders and tell you something about their own lives. The real answer to these questions will emerge in the next 5 years of Gubby's life and will be specific to him. In short: keep striving.