Unexpected 3rd date flank

[wishyo]

Unexpected 3rd date flake

I havent dated seriously in years, had some party hook ups and stuff, but havent developed emotions towards girls for many years. Last week a girl got in touch with me thru our friends asking me to go out.
After figuring out how she got my number, I agreed to meet with that girl this Monday. We met, talked about some garbage. Most notable part was that at the end of the date I offered her a handshake (yea, i suck ), she gave me look "are you retarded" and unexpectedly kissed me in my chin.. Then in about an hour she followed up with a text "Everything went fine" which confused me, really confusing once not sure what that suppose to mean.. Did she think I was nervious or something (I was not at all, at least that's how I felt) Guess this way she just wanted to talk more because we didnt arrange any follow up during the date. So I asked her directly to meet again, we arranged it for this Friday. Then she texted me on Wednesday "hi, how are you doing?" We talked about some random stuff for some time.
On Friday we met, talked again a lot about some garbage, 85%+ of the time she was talking. Occasionally she was touching me when she talked or when we were in subway. To make it short, I was sure as fvck (my somewhat little dating experience and common sense) that she likes me. We arranged another date thru texting (she was waiting for her parents to pick her up, so she left somewhat unexpectedly and once again didnt arrange any follow up on the actual date. Not even sure whether our meetings can be considered a date) on that Friday. She was once again first to text saying "thanks for taking me to X place", then some texting went on, she said she will be busy Saturday, perhaps we can meet on Sunday, so we arranged to text each other on Saturday. On Saturday night I've got a text saying she can't come because she forgot that she has to paint a picture for her friend's birthday on TUESDAY and said we should arrange something during the next week, freaking stupid excuse.. I waited for about an hour and texted her "ok" and then said "sure, sometime during the week" and I got no response back.
To sum it up, this girl is uber hot, beside that we really have a lot of common, I haven't met or seen girls like this for literally years.. I will type our last texting session just FYI, mb it will spark an idea why this happened. 5:56 was the time she had to leave so her parents would pick her up.
HOT GIRL (HG): Thank you staying with me until my parents would come (6:00 pm)
ME: No problem. When the weather will get better, lets meet again (6:16pm, tried to play it cool like i dont check phone every 10 seconds which I did)
ME: I was checking parks in our city other day, figured that I havent seen most of them. (6:17pm)
HG: ZOO! ^^ (6:23pm)
ME: Fine, let's go there. But only on the weekend as zoo closes by the time I get off work. (6:31pm, I DESPERATELY wanted to meet her again ASAP)
HG: That's right. I have a bus at 9:05pm (the one that takes her home) as you remember (6:41pm, I was like "fvck yea, she wanna meet ASAP too this weekend)
HG: Do you like art? (6:42pm)
ME: We can go to art museum too. Still I suggest to walk around the city afterwards. (she mentioned that she was getting tired of long walks. On Friday date we have been walking around the city for about 4 hours, had one "lunch" break) (6:52)
ME: Because I feel like a foreigner in the city. Everybody talk about certain places they visited during the weekend in the city. I just nod around. (I recently moved to this X city)(6:55)
HG: What do they discuss? (6:56)
ME: Like who have been where, who is going where and so on. And I use google to understand where they went (6:59)
HG: Soon you will be telling them about places (oh man, this text. I was so happy) (7:01)
ME: Yea. Since I have decided to move to this city, I have to know basic stuff about this city) (7:02)
HG: By the way, I havent been to the planitarium. Wanna go there sometime. (7:02)
HG: Have you ever been there? (7:03)
ME: Nope (7:08)
HG: So let's go, let's watch stars. (7:10) (I was feeling like, "b1tch, lets go anywhere ASAP, if u tell me now, I will do it now)
ME: Let's go, when? (7:11)
HG: First - zoo (7:13)
HG: But we gotta plan it based on the weather. I am not going there when it's cold. I figured that out today (it was quite cold and she was wearing mini skirt, so she indeed probably was cold) (7:13)
ME: Try to figure out when the weather is fine with you and when you have time. (7:16, I was getting tired of her taking so long to make a concrete decision)
HG: When you want, can? (7:26.. took her 10 minutes to type it..)
ME: This weekend is the best time for me. Better tomorrow or on Sunday. If tomorrow, let's then meet around noon. (7:28, I wanted to meet her BIG time)
ME: Wanna sleep some more tomorrow (7:28)
HG: I can't tomorrow, but on Sunday we can. (7:30)
HG: And it's also cold tomorow. (7:30)
ME: Ok. Let's talk tomorrow about the exact time (tomorrow=saturday)
HG: Alright. (I guess she was not happy that our conversation ended like that as I was texting her only when we were arranging a date/meeting. That's my guess) 7:36pm.

I didn't text her anything after that text being 100% sure we will meet on Sunday..
Saturday text:
HG: Hi, I can't come tomorrow. It just came up to my mind that I have to paint a painting for a birthday present for Tuesday. And I haven't been home today all day. (8pm Saturday)
HG: Maybe during the week. (8pm)
ME: Ok. (8:54) <I was uber disappointed and desperate to meet her... It took me some time to figure out how to response. Painting a picture is pretty retarded excuse to come up, especially since it for tuesday. I got very very frustrated. I decided to text her "ok" playing it as it's cool with me, also note that i didnt text her during whole Saturday so I won't sound desperate)
ME: Yes, let's meet sometime during the week (8:55) Decided to add it as "ok" only is a bit rude in my opinion.
Worst thing is that she never replied anything to me, it is disappointing. She could have followed up like "yea, sure, lets meet on Wednesday"

So now I am trying figure out WTF to do.. Whether she liked our dates/meetings. Now all these thoughts are coming up like "she is so hot, no way girl like this would wanna date me" "maybe my friend asked her to meet with me as a favor, to kind of give me a chance or so"
My plan now is to wait until Thursday to ask her if she wants to meet somewhere. Will be one VERY long week.. I am still so disappointed that she didnt follow up our text conversation..
Last 24 hours have been a nightmare, I was confident that we would been and she flanked.. even worse is the excuse she came up with. Freaking picture painting...
Now on to quick analysis of what makes me think she likes me:
1) On the second date she was accidentely touching me when she talked, when we were riding subway. => Just my common sense, I would never touch anyone without having interest in that person
2) She was talking most of the time, was smiling and looked up happy. We didnt have awkward silence situations, each time she was coming up with something very fast. She was talking about how well she cooks and that one day I should try what she cooks
3) She pretty much always was the one who texted first.. And some other points like that her best friend/cousin is planning to get married, she spends a lot of time with her. My guess would be she wants a relationship or something..
In short, I am confused as fvck... I am not sure whether I overplayed with being too cool or busy or uninterested with her, probably I wasnt. Because each time she mentioned something about going somewhere, I was firlmy and quickly saying "Yes". Maybe the fact that I didnt text her since that Friday text conversation made her think that I was not really interested and so got afraid of being flanked and flanked me first.. All these are hopeful thoughts.
Worst is just she didnt like me and was just being nice It is really sad because this girl is the one who REALLY attracted me, probably I am falling in love. "this time is different..." feelings I got towards her during our last two dates are so different from the ones I had before. I really need some advice as THIS girl is not the type of girls which will be easy to replace. I might upload pictures later, seriously I never talked to girl like this.. ever.

 

[wishyo]

sorry for billions of typos and bad spelling as well as badly organized post but this is very important, drop some thoughts please

 

[Tictac]

You are over-gaming. Ease off. Enjoy yourself and her.

 

[wishyo]

well, maybe.
But the thing is that she cancelled that date and didnt respond... my next step is?

 

[sylvester the cat]

Sorry OP but you are not ready for the dating game.

By your own admission you are desperate for this girl and as we all know desperation kills attraction. My advice - major work on yourself to kill your neediness. You can start by letting this one go.

 

[wishyo]

As I mentioned, I dated/banged quite a bit of chicks. Hot ones, ugly ones, fat ones etc. I never cared about them, I had cases some girl would just stop talking to me and never really cared.
This case is SO DIFFERENT, she had something no other girl had. I don't really even want to bang her, she is just too good for that so early..
Besides letting her go, any other options? What made you think that I am not ready besides that I shared that I am desperate... I dont think I sounded desperate during that texting, doubt that I was during our date too..

 

[sylvester the cat]

This case is SO DIFFERENT, she had something no other girl had. I don't really even want to bang her, she is just too good for that so early..
.

This is pedastalisation at its finest and a one way ticket to oneitisville.

 

[HoneyHitter]

This case is SO DIFFERENT, she had something no other girl had. I don't really even want to bang her, she is just too good for that so early..

^^^ And this is exactly your problem.

I want you to remember this for the rest of your life:

If you think she's special, fvck her as HARD and FAST as possible!



Play to win.

 

[wishyo]

ok, lets take this approach.
1) Over next few days, even today, i can overcome that feeling. At least lets assume that I can. What will be my next step?
option
2) let's assume I want to form a longer relationship, does this type of objective fits this forum?

 

[JohnChops]

^^^ And this is exactly your problem.

I want you to remember this for the rest of your life:

If you think she's special, fvck her as HARD and FAST as possible!



Play to win.

Once you do this, you realize they're all the same. Good advice.

 

[Greasy Pig]

The biggest problem I can see is that you're letting her lead the interactions and you basically letting her call the shots on when you guys meet.
It sounds like she's wishing you would just be a man already, take some iniative and lead her to a fun time with a seemingly great guy.
And fvck all that "I'm a man of honour and she's a delicate flower who I can't bang" bvllsht.
You have to set firm plans and when you meet, establish some rapport and comfort and then make a move.
"Hey HB, I'm going to that planetarium on Saturday. Bring your painting gear and you can draw me pretending to lift Jupiter over my head. Then I'd like to take you to this awesome new cafe on Smith St. Tell your mother I'll have you home by 9pm....maybe."
I'm not overly happy with that example but you get the idea. Make firm plans, assume she's keen on you and will want to come, be funny and flirtatious.
When you're with her looking up at the shyt they have at the planetarium, initiate kino and then make your move once you've established she's comfortable with you touching her.
I've been laid a few times looking up at the stars with a woman and casually putting my arms around her from behind.

 

[El Payaso]

Don't send a follow up text. Make other plans for that day and just go about your business as usual. If she texts you to confirm if you guys are still going out then good. If not, then still good because you made other plans.

And stop pedestalizing her like others said. It well lead to massive neediness and oneitis which will kill all attraction now and in the future. Be cool, calm and collected.

 

[thunder_god]

OP you ****ed up bad. She was obviously interested in you but you let her down and now it looks like she lost interest. Its ok though, because this is how we all learn. I also had to learn this the hard way with my oneitis. When she tried to kiss you on the chin, you should have went for her lips. You should have tried to escalate and touch her more on your second date and again tried to go for a make out session with her. Now it appears your acting needy and clingy which is a huge turn off for girls. My advice would be to back off and wait for her to contact you back, and if she does try to arrange for another date. Make sure you act like a real man this time. If you find her attractive and sexy, grab your balls and go for what you want, because if you don't she'll definitely find someone else who will!

Don't let me down.

 

[wishyo]

Hm, interesting thoughts. Indeed I probably should have been more aggressive. I will wait now probably until Thursday to text her asking out if she will not text me earlier. If she will respond, I will make adjustments. If not, next I guess.
But this one is tricky too. I have to mention that she played sports most of her life, doesn't like clubs, drinking. She said she mostly hangs out with her sister (she gave her my number). To be honest I am not even sure if she had sex before, I think she is 19, she looks like 19 though. I believe that her parents are Russian, she was considering for some stupid reason that she is Jewish... Even though she is blond with green eyes and like 6' tall lol
As I said, I am still thinking (hopeful thinking) that she did so because she was afraid that I would cancel the date by myself...

 

[wishyo]

Any other ideas? I am trying to decide whether I should text her TODAY asking about her plans. Good thing about this decision - no more uncertainty, just a coin flip, whether we meet or we dont in case she is not interested anymore/wont even reply.
OR I maybe I should wait until the end of the week hoping she will text me.

 

[Skyline]

I stopped reading at the part where you said you had a 4 hour date of walking around. And you text to much! Agree on a date and setup up a time and place, making definite dates is a sign of leadership! And don't reveal all the details, leave the basics and the other stuff as a surprise/mystery. But besides that 4 hour date, obvious one-itis, and pointless texting, that's not where you messed up from which she just lost attraction.

When a girl "finds" you that means her interest is about an 8, from 1-10. She basically thinks you're the sh*t. At the end of that date where you offered your hand instead of kissing her... She began to question your masculine side. When she kissed your chin or whatever she could tell you were "surprised" by this. In other words, you were acting weak and not going after what you wanted. You didn't even follow up from that "chin kiss." Also, when a girl is breaking the kino barrier first, that's high interest. During that subway date or whatever it was basically an invite to touch her and possibly kiss her. Because you didn't physically escalate, her interest dropped to basically a friend level.

If you're on a date and don't know if its okay to kiss her, pull her aside and sort of hold her hips or her neck. Make eye contact and look at her lips then back to her eyes briefly- within a 2-3 second span. If she looks at your lips back then looks away or moves away, then she's almost ready to be kissed. Use more kino and you'll be good to go. If she just kind of breaks away, then there's most likely little attraction.

And no date should last longer than 2 hours, And that's pushing it. The ideal limit, for me that is, is an hour and a half. And I usually get tired after the hour mark. Next time, for a different girl since this one is basically done, just touch and kiss her.

 

[pdx1138]

.
OR I maybe I should wait until the end of the week hoping she will text me.

Ya wait, but don't HOPE for anything...you need to nip this needy behavior, as it will surely kill the attraction as others said.

best thing to do is go ghost and if she gets back to you then you know
for a fact she is still interested.
then take it easy, be a man and lead.

If you don't hear from her in three weeks, move on.

You probably won't take the advice ,but thats as good as it will get to regain the frame.

 

[wishyo]

**** is so tough when you care, jesus christ.
As for physical escalation.. it is tricky one because I care what she will think. Important reason is that my family knows her family for decades. Maybe she wanted to be nice and just accomodate me, to become friends and sh1t as I JUST moved to the city. Just take me out to show me the city or perhaps learn something from me (I was studying abroad last 3 years)
It will be extremely awkward if I try to escalate, especially awkward with her sister (we are good buddies with her cousin-sister, know each other for years, played the same sport etc.) I am pretty sure she talked to her about our meeting/dates..
That kiss stuff test is interesting, thanks. Very useful
But I gotta meet her first to do that, I will make adjustments if we will meet. I agree with most of the stuff guys replied about my mistakes, IT IS different when U care.
Do you agree with Espi that I should go ghost for over a week+?

 

[wishyo]

Ya wait, but don't HOPE for anything...you need to nip this needy behavior, as it will surely kill the attraction as others said.

best thing to do is go ghost and if she gets back to you then you know
for a fact she is still interested.
then take it easy, be a man and lead.

If you don't hear from her in three weeks, move on.

You probably won't take the advice ,but thats as good as it will get to regain the frame.

As for needy behavior, I shared what I thought deep inside after the second date, I didnt really care much after our first one. During our dates and even texting sample, I am pretty sure I didnt act desperate or needy, at all. In fact, when I date or even just meet people, I am somewhat close to sociopath. ALL those feelings and emotions arised AFTER the date and especially after she cancelled our date. I DIDNT care that much about what was going on between us UNTIL SHE CANCELLED OUR DATE. Then all this emo sh1t came up afterwards

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Hey there! I read your post and thought it would be a GREAT thing to discuss... in a video! Check it out: http://youtu.be/WoMvNY8tx8Y

Hope this helps!