Ultimatum to girlfriend - ?

[Dirtheart]

To keep this brief, it has been nearly 3 weeks since I had a dispute with my girlfriend. I tried to reason with her and thought we had sorted things, but she's ignoring me again now. I called her in the week, she didn't answer or call me back.

I think a lot of her and I do have feelings for her, but these games usually end up with me being hurt.

I've been getting more attention from women lately and today a HB9 acquaintance hit on me, gave me her number and suggested we go for a drink sometime. If I was certain about my relationship, I would not call this girl, but I'm not certain and if I turn down this HB9 and my girlfriend breaks off the relationship, I'm left the loser (just like in my AFC days).

I'm not a jerk or a cheat, so I'm planning to tell my girlfriend (probably via email or text message since she won't answer the phone) that I've had enough of her ignorance and I want to break things off. Hopefully it will snap her out of her mood and raise her IL, otherwise I guess I'll move on.

It hurts to do it and my state of mind isn't particularly clear or logical right now so I'm hoping someone can give me some objective advice on how/whether I should do this or if there's another solution I'm not seeing.

Thanks.

 

[Ice Cold]

Ok... you must be really confused right now, so I'll use short simple sentences.

Girlfriends call you. Girlfriends like spending time with you. They don't ignore you.

Low IL girls ignore you. Low IL girls want to get rid of you.


So... Your "girl friend" wants you out of her life. Nothing you can do about that.

WALK AWAY. FORGET ABOUT HER. SHE DISRESPECTED YOU. SHE DOES NOT NEED YOU. SHE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU.

Keep your dignity
Forget about her
Don't call her anymore
Date other girls
If she calls u back... hang up.

Simple enough?

 

[Matt Rogers]

If every time you have an argument she gives you the silent, moody treatment then you have a problem, especially when from what I read from your first post it was a trifling misunderstanding and not really your fault. Things won't improve as the relationship gets more serious. People don't change.

Believe it or not, girls do exist who don't play these games all the time. You owe it to yourself to find one.

 

[strong like bull]

i agree with ice cold. definately give the HB9 a chance to please you.

couple of questions tho:

1.) how long have you and your gf been going out?

2.) how long did you see eachother/date before agreeing to be exclusive?

3.) what are your thoughts on open/casual dating?

ive gone through similar situations myself, only to come to the realization that no B-S wouldve came up had i continued to date other girls, and not rush into being monogamous. im curious where other people, such as yourself, stand on the issue.

-SLB

 

[Drex]

I wouldnt even bother calling your "GF" again at this point, she has been ignoring you for THREE weeks???? That's bull**** man. Either you did something REALLY bad or she's just a stuck up *****. Either way, sounds like it's over. Go out with this new HB and forget about the GF....let her call you if she wants, dont give her any more attention.

This is an implied break up...

 

[MisterAl]

I just have to reaffirm everyone else's advice here.

This is breakup by default. You've got new digits in your hand? Use them. That's not cheating or being disloyal.

How can you be disloyal when your alleged girlfriend ignores you and _disrespects_ you? You not in a relationship anymore. If you ignored your girl for three weeks, would you expect her to still be there and loving you afterward? Of course not. Return the favor.

This is OVER. Reality check is that she doesn't want to spend time with you. Look, I'm in that same boat, and I'm dating new women. My ex- ignored me without the formalities of actually "breaking up." It's just a selfish move to attempt to keep her options open. Don't be a sucker. Move on to other women.

 

[Ice Cold]

I can't beleive how "out of touch with reality"? this guy is

 

[SoFarSoGoodSoWhat]

that's right. Don't ever take **** from a girl. It's her loss. you got better things to do then worry about some *****es *****yness. plenty of other panty droppers out there

 

[MindOverMatter]

I don't see the dilemma. You have a hb9 that gives you her number volontarily and wants to hook up with you in one corner, and in the other corner you have a gf that ignores you and is probably pursuing other guy(s). Hmm tough call...haha.

I'm not a jerk or a cheat, so I'm planning to tell my girlfriend (probably via email or text message since she won't answer the phone) that I've had enough of her ignorance and I want to break things off. Hopefully it will snap her out of her mood and raise her IL, otherwise I guess I'll move on.

I advise against using the breakup to raise her interest level. It will raise her interest level, and she will be all nice and sweet, and you'll end up staying with her thinking everything is normal once again. GUESS WHAT! IT'S NOT! As soon as you get back together, her interest level will stay high for a bit, then it will start dropping again, and you'll be right at square one. Trust me on this one. Using breakups to raise interest level is a waste of time. Just move on and find someone else.

My advice? Break it off for good. Be firm, explain your situation, how you're sick of these games, don't wanna bother with that sh!t anymore, and just to be a sadistical *******, throw in a LJBF (haha). No matter how nice and sweet she gets, stand your ground. Then call the hb9.

 

[seabreeze]

Okay, from a woman's perspective (which I hope your okay with ) I think you should lick your wounds and not ever call her again. I cannot believe she's playing these STUPID-ASS games with you. It's uncalled for and ridiculous. I'm sorry, I don't dig the ignoring thing no matter what sex it comes from. So, from the view of compassion, I'd say she's wrong on so many levels, you should not call or email her. She should have gotten back to you by now and there's just no excuse for it. Try and enjoy going out with the other girl. One door closed is another door opened...

But, for whatever it's worth, I'm sorry...
SB

 

[blitzin']

Originally posted by seabreeze
I think you should lick your wounds and not ever call her again. I cannot believe she's playing these STUPID-ASS games with you. It's uncalled for and ridiculous.

I agree with Seabreeze, women who play these types of games are absolutely ridiculous. I recently delt with a chick who was doing that crap to me, and I called her on it, told her to quit with the bs game and when she was more mature she could try talking again. She nearly cried when I said it, and two weeks later was begging me to go out with her. I didn't of course, I've been seeing much nicer, more mature, more attractive women since then. Go out with this new chick, it might be the best thing you've ever done, but you won't know unless you try!

Oh, and by the way Seabreaze, I think it's cool to have a womans insight on here. Welcome to the boys club!

 

[seabreeze]

Thanks, Blitzin.'

 

[Dapper Swindler]

Originally posted by Dirtheart

I'm not a jerk or a cheat, so I'm planning to tell my girlfriend that I've had enough of her ignorance and I want to break things off. Hopefully it will snap her out of her mood and raise her IL, otherwise I guess I'll move on.

That right there sounds manipulative. You sound like you're trying to get your girlfriend to show interest in you by threatening her. You should tell her this but not as a threat or an ultimatum, but as a fact. And don't say it's "because of her ignorance". Figure out what you want first. Do you want to stay with this girl who treats you wrong? Do you want to stay with this girl if you can work out your problems? Do you not want to stay with this girl no matter what?

And you can't see the HB9 without telling your girlfriend about it. As long as you're still going out in any sense, it is wrong. If she refuses to talk to you then leave her a message about it in advance.

 

[MetalFortress]

Originally posted by seabreeze
Okay, from a woman's perspective (which I hope your okay with ) I think you should lick your wounds and not ever call her again. I cannot believe she's playing these STUPID-ASS games with you. It's uncalled for and ridiculous. I'm sorry, I don't dig the ignoring thing no matter what sex it comes from. So, from the view of compassion, I'd say she's wrong on so many levels, you should not call or email her. She should have gotten back to you by now and there's just no excuse for it. Try and enjoy going out with the other girl. One door closed is another door opened...

But, for whatever it's worth, I'm sorry...
SB

Wow. *looks at your location* I think you've proven that good things CAN come out of the Los Angeles area

Dirtheart, listen to her. She's right on the money.

 

[Cremasta]

Re: Re: Ultimatum to girlfriend - ?

Originally posted by Dapper Swindler
And you can't see the HB9 without telling your girlfriend about it. As long as you're still going out in any sense, it is wrong. If she refuses to talk to you then leave her a message about it in advance.

Dapper, I think you either haven't been burnt yet, or you're a heck of a lot more forgiving than a lot of us here. Expect to get a white hot flame from PRL... unless he's mellowed in his old age

If you haven't heard from a regular gf for more than 3 or 4 days, unless there is a real good reason like being in a coma, then there is something seriously wrong.

Personally I have never used ultimatums and never will. I have always believed that if it gets to that point, then you are better off taking the "or else" option anyway. You can either call her up beforehand and tell her what you are doing, or you can throw away her number and if/when she ever does call you, just tell her you were tired of being ignored so you found someone better. Three weeks is a long time to be arguing. There's a soppy old saying "never go to bed angry"... I'm a believer now... too many times I have left things go over a couple of days and they needed 10 times the damage control than if we had sorted things out when they happened.

Cheers

 

[Dirtheart]

Thanks for the responses and bringing me back to my senses. Looks like the advice is unanimous.

For those who asked, we have been together for nearly 3 months and she seemed to fall for me very quickly. Until this happened, I'd say our relationship was flawless and her IL was very high (she'd call or text me all the time and stress out if I didn't respond the same day). She's actually one hell of a great person, but I believe you are all right, and if I put up with this, it's just a downhill slope from there.

I think I'm just going to do what most of you suggested and go out with this girl who gave me her number. Sure beats moping around and feeling rejected.

 

[check_mate_kid_uk]

look at it like this, if your car broke you would try and fix it, but if you could get another car (pretend it does not cost you money, say some 1 gave it to you or somthing) you would get another car rather then hopping you could fix your old 1 and missing out on a new car.

 

[MindOverMatter]

yeah, and the second car wanted you to drive it, instead of ignoring your calls for 2 weeks!

 

[Ice Cold]

And the second car wanted to blow you...

 

[giartodil]

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