ugh depressed over being 31

[joekerr31]

hey guys,

anyone deal with depression over your age? actually im not depressed but i do find myself starting to seriously worry.

i just turned 31. i feel like maybe ive missed the boat.

i know its idiotic and when im in a good mood i see that.

just wondering if others feel similar and if so how you get yourself back to a positive attitude.

it seems like everyone i know now is married.

ugh, maybe its the change of seasons.

J

 

[Gipper]

Uh, not yet. I'm 39, so I'll let you know when I turn 40. I try not to get depressed about things I can't change.

Gipper

 

[wheelin&dealin]

Men get better looking with age, women get uglier with age.

Who's got the upper hand?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by joekerr31
hey guys,

anyone deal with depression over your age? actually im not depressed but i do find myself starting to seriously worry.

i just turned 31. i feel like maybe ive missed the boat.

i know its idiotic and when im in a good mood i see that.

just wondering if others feel similar and if so how you get yourself back to a positive attitude.

it seems like everyone i know now is married.

ugh, maybe its the change of seasons.

J

What specifically are you worrying about? What have you missed? What can't you do at 31 that you could do at 21? Are you making this sh1t up? Dude, change your attitude, that'll enable you change your life!

 

[ER!C L!VE]

31 here bro.

Testosterone and Hormone replacement therapy for me I'm as chipper as an 18yo boy.

Could it be that you're having the holiday blues?

Cheers! :cheer:

Eric

 

[penkitten]

age is how you feel in the heart.

 

[Nighthawk]

One day, with luck, you'll be seventy and wish more than anything you were 31 again. Always look on the bright side of life, etc.

 

[joekerr31]

haha, like i said guys, i knwo its idiotic.

ya, i think im just in a spell of self pity.

looking at the glass as half empty.

not sure why i posted on this. guess i just felt like thinking out loud.

J

 

[Wyldfire]

Even though you have been behaving like a total ass towards me the last few days...

The 30's are a great decade. You're not old but at a time when you should have experienced enough to have your head on straight. These are the prime years for establishing yourself. Guys in their 20's are less likely to take advantage of being single to travel and experience the things in life they should be experiencing. Partying gets old in the 30's and the focus is geared more towards enrichment and being grounded. Guys who have already been married for awhile tend to miss out on all the opportunities these years can provide because they are tied down with responsibilities.

You can either be down for the next 9 years because you're dreading hitting 40 or you can get out there and live and take advantage of all that you are able to do that didn't matter in your 20's and you won't have the ability to do when you do settle down.

 

[SoCalMike]

31 here

Just turned 31 myself on Friday. Looking at the horror that some of my married (or now divorced) friends have gone through I consider myself lucky.

In fact, I just got out of a nightmarish relationship myself. Long story but it involved a cheating b*tch, lying about being on the pill, and an unplanned pregnancy! I don't know if the kid was even mine. Nice eh?

I figured my life was over at one point. After getting extremely lucky (miscarriage) and making it out of that relationship alive, I *really* value being single.

When a b*tch almost ruins your life, you go through a bad marriage, or whatever... it changes your whole perspective on being a bachelor bro. In other words savor your freedom! You can go where you want, when you want. No b*tch there to tell you what to do, who to hang out with, etc.

Unless you meet a "quality" one, just go for F-buddies, or hell even the massage parlor if you're in a dry spell! I do it, and it's great! Don't get me wrong, I can pick up girls, but sometimes it's just too much trouble and I want the no-strings attached convenience of Ling-Ling. LOL

Also, men can get married at almost any age to an attractive woman, even if he's not the greatest looking guy. Focus on your career/money, your body (work out), or other interests such as music. Don't stress about women - the whole "Oh my god I have to be with someone/get married/etc. by age X or I'm a failure" mentality is PURE B.S.!

Yeah, maybe if we were living in a more traditional time period, when men were men and women were women, that kind of thinking MIGHT be valid. But in today's world, with today's messed up women, forget about it!

If that one in a million comes along while I'm focusing on myself, then great. If not, I've lived a fullfilling life anyway.

Just my 2 cents, hope it helps. :cheer:

 

[joekerr31]

socalmike,

great post man. thanks. thats what i needed to get my spirits up again.

i've had a number of chances to get married, but i knew that they werent the ones. in a wierd way, they were fine for me, but when i thought "do i want my one day kids to be raised and conditioned by this woman?" the answer was NO WAY.

i personally can't create a life with someone that i don't have the absolute utmost respect for.

when its just me, fine, i can put up with some sketchy behavior for a while. but when it comes to creating kids (which is the ONLY reason id get married) i owe it to my offspring to make sure they have the best start they can get. and that means i want them to have the genes and to be raised by a woman that i truly fully respect and admire.

anyway, i agree on the marriage comment. i feel sooo friggin bad for all these guys i know who are married and not getting one ounce of joy from it.

also, ive taken care of business first and fore most. always have. i make 6 figures now and ive got 6 figures saved in the bank. not to bad for just turning 31 i think.

J

 

[joekerr31]

Originally posted by Wyldfire
Even though you have been behaving like a total ass towards me the last few days...

The 30's are a great decade. You're not old but at a time when you should have experienced enough to have your head on straight. These are the prime years for establishing yourself. Guys in their 20's are less likely to take advantage of being single to travel and experience the things in life they should be experiencing. Partying gets old in the 30's and the focus is geared more towards enrichment and being grounded. Guys who have already been married for awhile tend to miss out on all the opportunities these years can provide because they are tied down with responsibilities.

You can either be down for the next 9 years because you're dreading hitting 40 or you can get out there and live and take advantage of all that you are able to do that didn't matter in your 20's and you won't have the ability to do when you do settle down.

hey wyld

lets be friends

thanks for the post. actually i dont know why but i'm feeling a bit like a woman lately with the clock ticking.

generally i see the positive side of things. heck, if you're still breathing you got something to be thankful for.

and ive got a lot on top of that to be thankful for also.

J

 

[Johnny Double]

Hey, I'm 40 and feelin 20, or how my twenties should have been, I'm in decent shape and getting better, I'm reaching closer and closer to a point of social fearlessness. So it ain't all bad. I went through the same thing you're going through when I hit 35. It's nothing, if life is passing you by, then tackle to the ground and punch in the face til it gives in.

Later.

 

[WestCoaster]

Joekerr, I'm somewhat older than you and often feel I've missed the boat several times, and still do. But I try not to worry about it.

That said, reading your posts and so forth, you are MILES ahead of most men -- married and single -- in the U.S. You're at a good age, you can date youngsters and older women, too. You're way ahead of me right now and miles ahead of where I was at 31.

You're doing well, no reason to worry. I'm impressed with your thoughts and ideas.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by joekerr31
hey wyld

lets be friends

thanks for the post. actually i dont know why but i'm feeling a bit like a woman lately with the clock ticking.

generally i see the positive side of things. heck, if you're still breathing you got something to be thankful for.

and ive got a lot on top of that to be thankful for also.

J

We'll get along just fine as long as you treat me the same as you do any other poster here. That's all I ask for. I don't want to be pandered to, flirted with, patronized or any of that...but I get really sick of being hated on just for having tits.

I'm 39 and I don't consider myself old at all. I'm not dreading 40 either. I did the marriage thing for 10 years and to be perfectly honest, I'd be perfectly content to never go there again.

Letting any "clock" get to you is a dangerous thing. Think aout it for a second...marriage is not something you should rush into at any age...especially not in the prime of your life. Why on earth would you want to waste some of your best years tied down to the wrong person? You've gotta take your time. As I posted on another thread earlier this evening...I've been lucky enougn to have real, mature love twice in my life. And both times it came to me when I wasn't looking for it at all. I was busy with other things and it just kinda snuck up and bit me on the ass.

Women can sense when a guy feels an urgent need to start "nesting"...and they tend to run from that. You'll be more likely to find the right person for you to settle down with when you stop worrying so much about finding them. It always happens that way.

 

[SoCalMike]

Originally posted by joekerr31
socalmike,

great post man. thanks. thats what i needed to get my spirits up again.

i've had a number of chances to get married, but i knew that they werent the ones. in a wierd way, they were fine for me, but when i thought "do i want my one day kids to be raised and conditioned by this woman?" the answer was NO WAY.

i personally can't create a life with someone that i don't have the absolute utmost respect for.

when its just me, fine, i can put up with some sketchy behavior for a while. but when it comes to creating kids (which is the ONLY reason id get married) i owe it to my offspring to make sure they have the best start they can get. and that means i want them to have the genes and to be raised by a woman that i truly fully respect and admire.

anyway, i agree on the marriage comment. i feel sooo friggin bad for all these guys i know who are married and not getting one ounce of joy from it.

also, ive taken care of business first and fore most. always have. i make 6 figures now and ive got 6 figures saved in the bank. not to bad for just turning 31 i think.

J

no problem, glad i could help.

you are by no means alone in this bro. you have no idea how many decent looking, well off financially, 30-something guys i've met here in LA who are in the same boat we are.

like you, i've dated many women. in the last 5 years alone i've probably been with 5 different women in semi-serious relationships! they all had positive qualities of course, but the negative were so bad that marriage was unthinkable.

and i agree with you, the ONLY reason for a man to get married these days is to start a family. even then it is risky.

i doubt either of us are "too picky". all that i ask is that i be treated with the same kindness/respect that i give my woman, and that my woman NOT have serious mental issues. LOL but this is merely a result of brainwashing and a messed up culture... a whole subject in itself.

btw, one good thing about being single is the freedom to travel.
sounds to me like you're in a good position financially. as soon as i have even half that saved i'm going to take time off from work and travel... often.

i get pissed when i see all these spoiled brat high school or college kids who get to travel the world at mommy or daddy's expense. i worked my ass off in school, held part time jobs to pay expenses, took out loans, etc. i never got to do that...

well, now it's time for me to travel. it's time for me to enjoy all the things i never got to do when i was younger. and i'm going to appreciate it more than most of these brats will.

now that i'm free again - i'm making plans to go to south america at the moment. hey, who knows i may even meet a nice lady who doesn't think "sex in the city" is a great show. ;-)

the point here is, there is plenty to do in life besides focus on american women who's minds are poisoned with cheap propaganda.

 

[Crowes]

You are right where you need to be bro, just work..and pocket that money, work, work work, NOW. Freedom will be the reward. I wish you all the best. FREEDOM. 99.9% of men haven't a clue what that means............chumps.........such chumps they are.........but not you bro,........hold tight.

 

[SoCalMike]

Originally posted by Crowes
You are right where you need to be bro, just work..and pocket that money, work, work work, NOW. Freedom will be the reward. I wish you all the best. FREEDOM. 99.9% of men haven't a clue what that means............chumps.........such chumps they are.........but not you bro,........hold tight.

i think you said with those few words more than i did with like 3 pages. LOL

amen!

 

[KarmaSutra]

Re: 31 here

Originally posted by SoCalMike
When a b*tch almost ruins your life, you go through a bad marriage, or whatever... it changes your whole perspective on being a bachelor bro. In other words savor your freedom! You can go where you want, when you want. No b*tch there to tell you what to do, who to hang out with, etc.

Unless you meet a "quality" one, just go for F-buddies, or hell even the massage parlor if you're in a dry spell! I do it, and it's great! Don't get me wrong, I can pick up girls, but sometimes it's just too much trouble and I want the no-strings attached convenience of Ling-Ling. LOL

I just hit the 32 mark myself last month. Let me tell ya, I truly love being in my 30's. My perspective has done a complete 180. I used to be sullen and arbitrary about "hitting the hump" but I've realized that this is the time in my life where I'm content with maturing and learning about myself. In my 20's I had many many different girlfriends and even was married for 5 years and now, ecstatically, 6 months divorced!

Now I'm seeing that life has more vibrant color and I don't have any limitations. Women in our age group are looking to settle down with whatever shmoe comes thier way because they're desperate. Quite the opposite for me.

Brother Joekerr, life only gets sweeter with the options we can enjoy now.


Karma

 

[Wyldfire]

Re: Re: 31 here

Originally posted by KarmaSutra
Women in our age group are looking to settle down with whatever shmoe comes thier way because they're desperate.

Karma

Not always true. What you say most likely applies accurately to women who have never been married and/or don't have children and wants them. In this day and age the people who do get married seem to do so in haste, and rather foolishly and pretty young. A good portion of women in their 30's have already been married and already have children. Those women don't feel any rush to settle down and get married again. I know I sure don't. As a parent I have basically been settled down since I was very young...but I honestly have no interest at all in getting married again. It's just a piece of paper that adds so much pressure to a relationship and tends to make both people think it's a license to get lazy in the relationship and get a pass.