Trying to get ex Back, need help

[davy_74]

Hi guys

I’m looking for some ideas. My ex and I broke up 8 month ago. In fact she broke up with me or wasn’t me the one writing in this forum. In those months at first I tried to get back together and solve our problems. I think I messed up all the chances I really had to get back together again. For every step I did, I realize I really was doing things to put her far away of me. I tried to move on. I was dating with 4 good looking woman, the last one was a 9, but nothing make me really connect with those chicks. I’m still in love with my old girlfriend. In the three years we were together I always felt from the beginning that she was the one. She is a very sweet person, loyal, a truly classy lady, and she is very beautiful, no matter she is two years older than me, she is 35 but looks much better than a 25 years old good looking woman. I’m not in love of her body, I’m just in love of her, I really don’t care if she maybe will look older than me in a couple of years, or if she gets fat. She is one of the uncommon decent women out there who are honest, sincere and have integrity, and at the same time she’s a tigress in bed with her man. She’s still a woman, love to go shopping but really don’t care how much money you have in your pocket. Being together I had wealthy moments and low income ones too, and always she was by my side. In those month everywhere I look there is nothing but lying, cheating, and manipulative b!tches, and nice woman that I don’t really care and I can’t connect with even if I try … and I’m not sure how nice and honest they really are. I must say that in those 8 months my ex only dated me, she wasn’t and is not seeing anyone and furthermore she is not having a life, sometimes looks sad, and is always at home with her mom, who is the b!tch of this story. Never approved me, maybe I’m not hansom enough for her daughter or I don’t have enough money, or prefer jerks, I don’t know, but I really know she helped as much as she can to ruin things every time she could.

My ex and I work at the same office. We still lunch together and walk home together some part of the way wich is the same for us. She knows I’m really inlove with me, and the reasons she gave me was that she doesn’t feel the same, that there is no passion between us anymore. She said to me that she knows the kind of men she is loosing but she doesn’t feel the same, but if she feels she really need me, she will find me no matter if I’m alone or in a relationship. She noticed the last girlfriend I had, and ask me. I said the truth, that I was having a girlfriend. She said nothing but got extremely sad in the next days, was like asking to get back together just with her eyes, sometimes silently cried, I noticed for her eyes. Some other times she asked how I was doing, and when I started looking worried because I realize I really doesn’t want to be with my girlfriend, she noticed and ask if I have some problem and if she could help. Finally my relationship ended and I really don’t care. The truth is that I could’t stop thinking In my true love. Sometimes she ask if I’m seeing someone, or what I did the weekend or what I plan to do on Saturday night. Why? I just don’t know.

After that we date sometimes, and everything goes fine, I make some hands touching and she allows me to do that, she smile and behave like always. It’s like being friends but a couple steps beyond. (we were a couple, but were friends too, which is essential in a long term relationship) Sometimes I touch her in a way she admit be touched only by her boyfriend. Sometimes I grab her and steal a kiss sometimes with a little protest sometimes she smile and say that I’m audacious. Sometimes we get together to my home and make love, it’s not sex, everybody being in love knows the difference. Some times when she go to my office I huge her, and ask for a kiss. Sometimes she kindly argue the reasons for not doing that (we are not together) and sometimes just smile and kisses me. She stills call me honey, or baby 80 % of the times she talks with me at the office. I’ve set clearly that I’m not interested in being her friend, that’s why I tried to keep kissing, hugging and touching further frontiers.

I think our problem is lack of attraction and passion, but somewhere there are some little fire in the ashes. Some how I stop looking attractive to her and I don’t know how to make those steps back. Some how we loose the passion in the way, and I don’t know how to restore that and get back together. These is the first time in my life I’m completely faithful to a woman while we had been together, and the first time I feel a woman it’s a part of my life just like if we lived one life together.

I wish to hear your opinions, ideas or whatever, and I’ll be very grateful.

David

 

[KarmaSutra]

Through all of this discombobulation I'll give you my assessment:

She likes having you on her back burner. You don't provide for her any chance to let your presence mingle in her mind or body because you're always up her ass on way or another.

KARMIC LAW #7 - The greatest gift you can give a woman is the gift of missing you.

Let this Law sink in a bit young brother. Every word is Gospel truth. You need to give it a rest and find some time to become aquainted with who you are and what makes you happy.

Know this is true too:

KARMIC LAW #10 You must be happy single before you can be happy as a couple.

.

Why don't you take some yoga or meditation classes? Anything to occupy your mind and keep you progressing further towards your own maturity will help in EVERY aspect of your life. Your goal should be oneness with your inner guide.

Women should be the last thing on your agenda.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Most of the OP is about how great she is supposed to be, then she tells you that she is not 'in love' and dumps you. You say she is so special, but she sounds just like any other woman to me.

 

[davy_74]

Hi Bible Belt. Thanks for answering. Maybe the information I gave it's not enough. I centered in the things I feel about her, and not really in how is she. But my friend, she is really special. I'm 33 and never met before a woman like her. She has bad things as everybody does, but has virtues that make her special. I'm not saying that because I'm in love, NO!!! I could say it about her anyway, because she really is. I want to get back not only for my feelings. If she were a b!tch or a slot or cheated me, I will never tried to get back. So, it's not a matter of feelings only, it's the quality of the person you are with. Love change with age, and my friend, she is the kind of woman you can think for the rest of your life. She is the lady, your friend, your lover, it's openminded in bed. I found in her everything I was looking for to get married and get a family, and always found in separated woman, she has all those things in one person. In my past, when younger, no matter if I was inlove or not with some other lady, I always cheated, or had two girlfriends, not very often, but I did, but when I meet this woman, I just stoped, It just happen, I had everything I always wanted. I hope you get my point.

Just need steps, ideas to get back, to rise the attraction level again to the point she ask me get back together, just a way to play my cards.

Thanks my friend

David

 

[davy_74]

Hi KarmaSutra

Thanks for the advice, I think is a good point. Now I have a questions for you. We work together at the same office. How could I make her miss me if we work in different offices just 3m away. I just can stay away, or look busy, but thre is not much more I can do. Some ideas?

Cheers

David

 

[My Name is Nobody]

Hi KarmaSutra

Thanks for the advice, I think is a good point. Now I have a questions for you. We work together at the same office. How could I make her miss me if we work in different offices just 3m away. I just can stay away, or look busy, but thre is not much more I can do. Some ideas?

Cheers

David

Man I just broke up with a woman at work and I am changing my shift. I feel your pain there.

As for getting the Ex back my attempts have always been in vain so I suggest move on don't waste life moping about an EX. Go out and meet someone else you can do it and you will thank the ex later because you meet someone better.

 

[Desdinova]

My ex and I broke up 8 month ago.

You were with her for three years. Your memories of her and the emotions that go with those memories aren't going to go away overnight. But you have another problem:

My ex and I work at the same office. We still lunch together and walk home together some part of the way wich is the same for us.

You CANNOT heal or move on if you are remaining in contact with her. Everytime you have contact with her, you are setting your relationship recovery back to zero and have to start all over again.

In those month everywhere I look there is nothing but lying, cheating, and manipulative b!tches, and nice woman that I don’t really care and I can’t connect with even if I try[/quote[

Wow, a whole 8 months of dating (or did you even date these women?) and you've realized she's the only good woman in the entire world. I take it you must have dated thousands of women in those 8 months to come to that conclusion.

The truth is that I could’t stop thinking In my true love.

"True love" cannot exist if it doesn't go both ways. You are infatuated with her. You are "in love" with her when she reciprocates.

After that we date sometimes, and everything goes fine, I make some hands touching and she allows me to do that

Again, you keep setting your recovery back to zero. Don't touch her, don't talk to her, and cut as much contact with her as possible. If you don't make the effort to recover from the relationship, you will remain a spinning wheel inside a rut.

This woman is having her cake and eating it too. She's getting all the attention she wants from you, but once a better guy comes along, she will ditch your ass. You're getting the 5hit end of the deal here. You keep yourself attracted to her and emotionally involved while she treats you like a free hooker.

If you want a relationship, you won't get another one with this woman. You've become the chump; the substitute in the absense of a better guy.

 

[Bible_Belt]

But my friend, she is really special.

Maybe she was, then you got oneitis and put her on a pedestal.

 

[bigjohnson]

Trying to get her back will never get her back. Don't waste effort and don't be pathetic and give her anything positive OR negative, just drop it. If she misses the attention she will come back if not she won't.

In the mean time move on.

 

[sav]

there's no such thing as a "special" woman... they are all the same and exhibit the same traits in the end.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Hi KarmaSutra

Thanks for the advice, I think is a good point. Now I have a questions for you. We work together at the same office. How could I make her miss me if we work in different offices just 3m away. I just can stay away, or look busy, but thre is not much more I can do. Some ideas?

Cheers

David

All you're asking are for ways to temporarily dissassociate yourself from the situation. It won't work, never does. I've already given you the best advice you're going to get. She has moved on to someone else. Deal with it in a mature manner. Fawning over this girl will do nothing but drive you nuts.

If she's so great then she should have a couple of just-as-great girlfriends.

Give them a Spin.

 

[KarmaSutra]

there's no such thing as a "special" woman... they are all the same and exhibit the same traits in the end.

Untrue. There are different levels and layers to a woman. If you believe this it's only because you have neither the mental fortitude or psychological constitution to peel each of those layers to get to the heart of her and what value she can bring to your life.

Don't construe this as a personal attack on you brother. Instead, view this as a suggestion to open your mind to the inner workings of women and not the blatant bullsh!t they have on the surface.

 

[Bible_Belt]

they are all the same and exhibit the same traits in the end.

"Special" debate aside, all women do exhibit the same trait in that what matters above all is how you make her feel. As soon as you lose that, it's all over. The OP's oneitis and pedestal treatment destroyed the way that he used to make the girl feel. His Hallmark card attitude is the problem. In real life, pledges of undying devotion and unconditional love are not attractive to women. The OP became boring and predictable, lost the mystery, and his girl lost her excitement that he once brought to her. It is a common story, most of us have been there and done that.

 

[davy_74]

Hi guys, I want to thank you for the replies and ask that forgive my bad English, it's not my born language, but any way you understand what I say.

I've been reading your posts. I want to thank everybody for your opinnion. I just asked for some help and ideas to raise attraction and get her back. Moving on will be the last action, the last resort. I know everybody when inlove says the same, she is special, I need to get back with her, etc. Yeah!!, I know, I'm inlove, but 8 month later of being broked up, I have enough neurons working out of the situation. Sometmes I get confused, but now I know what the problem is. She doesn't want to screw my life, or make me feel like sh!t, or spent my money, or having spensive meals or gifts, she just don't feel attracted to me in the way she was, but there is still something that she doesn't move on yet, we still have a relationship, a weird one I know that, but exactly I want to change that, just don't knowing how. I mean, if a pretty woman aproac me at the office she discretelly look what is happening beetween us, if somenody calls me, etc. Sometimes she give me to taste some food from her own fork, just like a couple use to do.

I need to amplify the reasons that make her do that, to the point to desire get back with me. I don;t know is possible, but if everybody here is agreed to probe and fault in meeting new girls why not to struggle our brains to get back someone really important we loose.

I've tried to move on, not with a thousand girls, I know, just 4, included dates and sex more than once, but they weren't just some girls to have sex and keep me busy. My last attempt for example, was the better one, a nice young doctor, nice education, nice trate and very good looking, blond, green eyes and younger, but two weeks later I just realize that my old relationship and my old woman was better in several ways when things were ok with us.

there's no such thing as a "special" woman... they are all the same and exhibit the same traits in the end.

I don't think so, and there is no offense in my comment. If you are with a woman you don't feel and believe it's special why to have a relationship with her anyway? for sex? How can I marry or have family with someone you can't think it's special or different? Maybe you are thinking in the b!tches I talked about in my post, and I will be agreed with you, but there are special people too, people who are one of a kind, and she is one of them. She is a real person, not a peace of meat, a real woman, and doesn't misstreat me, and doesn't get advantage of my feelings, the fact is that somehow I stopped being attractive to her, I'm scared of the "friend zone" that's why I touched her, I have sex with her, and I'm not talking touching her side arms only, I touch her in the way just her man can do.

She has moved on to someone else

If she has someone else and allow me to touch her and have sex, and go out with me, then I'm agree that she is not special, and is a b!tch wearing camouflage. I didn't ask her, she just told me because she sensed I was thinking about that. She is not having someone else. Everybody who knows us, when see her on the streets tell me that saw her on the streets alone, and there is a lot of people we know around us that think we are together and doesn't even know we broke up.

If she's so great then she should have a couple of just-as-great girlfriends.

She doesn't have many friends, In three years only met one real friend who is outside the country, and some college friends that now has their own life and only see her on the street. Her friends really are MY friends, she lives a lonely life with her mom who never agreed with her relationships and criticized her in all ways no matter having 35 years old. If she were having someone else I just walk away, but is not the case.

I don't want to get back just to break up again for the same reasons. I need help and ideas, a plan, a knoledge on how to build attraction again, if possible, but I wanna try. If she gets someone else I just will move on, but in the man while I want to play my cards to get what I want, and maybe I can.

Cheers and thank again for your comments.

David

 

[davy_74]

Nore data

Hi folks

A little more data. Few days ago, I was feeling really bad, depressed, etc. I just get mad, because it’s better than being sad, so, I wanted to be alone, so she came to me and ask if I was upset with her. We had a conversation about us. She told me that she knows how I feel. That every time she date me or have sex, is just trying to recover that something we loose on the way, and if we get back together without that, it will not work for both of us. She said that she cares me, but she knows I will not be her friend, because I love her, and must allow her to develop again those feelings (if it’s possible). She said she has no pride or shame with me, we have lot of confidence and trust, and if she miss me she will come to me to get back. I felt like sh!t . That’s why I asked for advices in rising attraction, I know the problem is there, with attraction. I realize I’ve been lost the confidence in myself and the power and strength I had to achieve things. I’m feeling small. I’m not trying to succeed with a lot of woman, or have several woman at the same time, I just want being alpha like all of you my friends, because being alpha will make me look different, will make my life different, and will make me recover confidence and trust in my self that now I lost, and raise attraction.

Thanks for hearing me. I will wait your comments

David

 

[Bible_Belt]

She said that she cares me, but she knows I will not be her friend, because I love her, and must allow her to develop again those feelings (if it’s possible). She said she has no pride or shame with me, we have lot of confidence and trust, and if she miss me she will come to me to get back.


Option #1:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JDTAqsMNEM

Follow your feelings, pine away over her, become an even bigger wuss in her eyes, watch as she meets and fvcks new guys while you sit alone and torture yourself, give up on ever dating anyone else or getting laid again, and basically be miserable. You could do that, and it looks like you probably will.

or

Option #2

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bu07QRKCUq4

Read my post on this thread and Rollo's post towards the end. Follow that advice, and you will be happy again.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=137696

 

[davy_74]

Hi friends

Hi my friends. I just returned of a trip a had to do yesterday all day long.
I red your posts and thank every one of you for saying what you already think.

Anyway. like said "If you keep doing what you are doing, will still getting what you are getting.

Well Bible Belt, you leave me without hopes, but definitely I don’t want to be miserable, even having her again.

I just want what to do, if somebody have an idea, how to change things, and make her want to be with me again. If I can achieve that I will not made those errors again, puting her first of me, and putting her on a pedestal . Just need to recover my position. I have to say that in first place when we got together three years ago, I handle it like a DJ, I was so proud of myself getting this hot woman. Anyway as good as I did to get her, as bad as I did after having her. I should keep my initial image, but trust and love turned me in an AFT. ****!!!

I will do this, I will move on. If she reconsider will have to "work" for getting me if I'm stil interested. I will trate her as a co-worjer at the office an no contact outside the office. The question is How can I have no contact working together? I think I can handle not having personal contact, but remember we work together and sometimes have to work in team.

What should I do about breaking contact firmly without beign rude or unpolite? She will ask sunner than later, and I just want to try if she misses me, and try to get me again. I don't want to fight with her, just to shake her brain, if it doesn't work I will be apart enough to keep moving on.

I have to say that I'm not without any options. I know peopke, have friends, and actually there is about 8 woman right noe I know has interest in me. So.

I red the post of Jacob struggling with her ex Carmen. Maybe I can do similar without screwing things.

Want to ear you thougts

Cheers

David

 

[Bible_Belt]

I bet oneitis girl does not appreciate that there are eight other women after you. Women don't dump a guy when they know that they have to compete for him with other women. Don't be transparent about trying to make the ex jealous, but just start dating other girls. This will make you more attractive to your ex, and make you feel better. It will also help you get to where you don't want her back nearly as much.

 

[davy_74]

I bet oneitis girl does not appreciate that there are eight other women after you. Women don't dump a guy when they know that they have to compete for him with other women. Don't be transparent about trying to make the ex jealous, but just start dating other girls. This will make you more attractive to your ex, and make you feel better.

Are you saying to make her jealous, but not being transparent? Let me see if I get the idea. Are you talking about I should behave as a nab with options, but not telling her or sowing her. It's that?

I'm agree with that. She has been always God damned jealous. Every time when she got mad while beeing with my that was the cause. Every woman that aproaches us to say "Hi" was competition. Maybe that's why I started became wussy, because I tried to convinced her with my "devotion" and actitude to her that I was not interested in other woman, no matter if other woman were interested in me or not. I only wanted her and think anout her, but it really wasn't enough, she projects her own insecurity that way because being social, saying or receiving a "Hi" to or from a beautiful woman you know (while being or not in the company of your girlfriend, wife or date, ) doesn't mean you are going to have sex with that chick when your woman turned the corner.

Being so jerk of telling her I have options for making her jealous, will be putting myself on deeper sh!t. I'm not stupid saying "Hey I have 8 chicks around my crazy and ready for action". No way man, that's not me. When I really like a woman I go for it without noticing nobody. I have some victories in my past having the woman everybody was trying to have. Doesn't last, but I earned the points.

My ex knows in the past before her being my girlfriend I had frecuent visits of nice looking ladies at my office, and every time she hget jealous she talks about that, so it probes she has that present in her mind all the time. So she always saw a girl saying "Hi" as someone interested, and don't knowing how to manage this, felt mistreated or I don't know. I have options and if I don't have it's just a matter that I don't care right now have an option. But right now I have. I will love to get her back, but if don't I have those options to move on, ladies I already know and had good approaches, because they noticed me (I don't know why because I'm not Jmaes Bond) I knew they were looking at my eyes, or smiling me, and I got my chance and win their numbers. All of them are nice girls, cute, beetween 7-8 in the scale.

It will also help you get to where you don't want her back nearly as much.

A big truth. That's why I try to get those numbers. It feels exiting and help to forget the sadnes and feel you are alive no matter if you are feeling like sh!t. Seeing a just met woman smiling at you and talking with you helps a lot, even is you are just socializing.

Women don't dump a guy when they know that they have to compete for him with other women.

Unless he had been catch playing with one of those woman, jejejje.
It's not my case.
Or dumped a man when they stop feeling attraction, because he become a wusy and loose his power, stopped being alfa, stop being the prize, so, stoped making her feeling woman. So, I need to revert these process to get together again. There is no other way, and I'm not sure how to do that. I started going to gym to get better shape, started reading the DJ Bible, for thinking better.

So, my friend let me know what you think, and clarify my concern in the top of the post (make her jealous but not transparently? make her jealous looking happy just as I had a great nigh of SEX, or whta do you mean?) Forgive for my bad English and for posting long, but I always have the concern if you guys understand what I wrote, so always try to make myself more clear and write a little more.

Your friend

David

 

[davy_74]

No replies? Please guys give me your comments.

Thanks in advance

David