MacAvoy she just called before I read your post I answered and she said "so why don't I take down the pics?" and didn't answer her directly and came back with "so why you deleted me from your friends list?" she said "because all you wanna do is hurt me?" I respond "how's that?" she goes "you call me the living dead." it's a comment I put on one of her pics that we took in the morning. I then asked where she was she was out doing something so I told her to add me back to her friends list and that I had to go and do something so I hung up on her. Then she calls back about 10 minutes later and says "ok you never told me why you don't take down the pics" and I say "why it's my space and I keep those for memories" her voice starts to crackle and she says "cant you just take it off and keep it in your files" then I come back at her with" I'm getting ready I have to go somewhere" and she yells "no why you being like this" then I say "bye gotta go, bye" then I hang up on her. how was that?
trying to get ex back , help
- Thread starter jacob
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MacAvoy
Banned
I don't like how you handled the first call, but the second call, I think you handled it perfectly. I like your comments about its myspace and my memories, you showed her YOU control YOUR world. You didn't back down, thats important, then you cut let her go: perfect!
Don't take any more calls from her today as she's emotionally riled. But if she calls tomorrow or whenever, take the call, and repeat the steps on the previous page, ask her what she wants, if its not a date, then tell her your busy and have to go.
Look at how it got her riled up, don't deviate from this. After a week or two, if she doesn't make a move and keeps persisting, then I would ask her on a date, if she says no, then go back to the same thing for 2 weeks.
If she says yes, then go on the date and only treat it as a date, don't get sucked into drama, don't talk to her otherwise except to set up dates. She has to earn time in your life, remember you are the prize. If you treat yourself that way, she will be forced to as well.
Remember though, your fighting a losing battle, you've given up power in the past and theres a chance you may never able to recover, so you have to stay extra strong on the DJ principles if you are going to succeed. In order to do so and build your value as the prize, get out there and start dating.
Yes this girl is great but you know what? I've had a oneitis for 3 years after we broke up, but guess what, after I finally got over her, a few years later, I found a new oneitis. Now I'd much rather have the 2nd oneitis even though for all those years after I was broken up with the first oneitis, I still thought she was "the one" only to find out, I can feel that good and that special with another women.
Granted the next women you date, might be boring and not cut it. But thats why dating is fun, you get variety, sure they're will be sh1tty ones, but eventually you'll find another that makes you feel even better than your current oneitis.
edit: if you haven't already done so, take down the pics of Gin, why you ask, two fold, 1 she's ugly and 2 to slap it in the face of Carmen that you took down Gin's pics but not hers. Although, if things ever start to get going with Carmen again, I would take them down at that point and keep them down forever.
Don't take any more calls from her today as she's emotionally riled. But if she calls tomorrow or whenever, take the call, and repeat the steps on the previous page, ask her what she wants, if its not a date, then tell her your busy and have to go.
Look at how it got her riled up, don't deviate from this. After a week or two, if she doesn't make a move and keeps persisting, then I would ask her on a date, if she says no, then go back to the same thing for 2 weeks.
If she says yes, then go on the date and only treat it as a date, don't get sucked into drama, don't talk to her otherwise except to set up dates. She has to earn time in your life, remember you are the prize. If you treat yourself that way, she will be forced to as well.
Remember though, your fighting a losing battle, you've given up power in the past and theres a chance you may never able to recover, so you have to stay extra strong on the DJ principles if you are going to succeed. In order to do so and build your value as the prize, get out there and start dating.
Yes this girl is great but you know what? I've had a oneitis for 3 years after we broke up, but guess what, after I finally got over her, a few years later, I found a new oneitis. Now I'd much rather have the 2nd oneitis even though for all those years after I was broken up with the first oneitis, I still thought she was "the one" only to find out, I can feel that good and that special with another women.
Granted the next women you date, might be boring and not cut it. But thats why dating is fun, you get variety, sure they're will be sh1tty ones, but eventually you'll find another that makes you feel even better than your current oneitis.
edit: if you haven't already done so, take down the pics of Gin, why you ask, two fold, 1 she's ugly and 2 to slap it in the face of Carmen that you took down Gin's pics but not hers. Although, if things ever start to get going with Carmen again, I would take them down at that point and keep them down forever.
thanks macavoy and evolution if she calls again today I won't answer as far as Gin is concerned there's a whole lot to that, that I didn't update yall on cause it would just confuse everything. I don't think she looks that bad anymore and I'm pretty sure Carmen doesn't think she looks ugly I'll try and make something happen with Gin, she likes me and I dont want to hurt her but she's an "option" so I'll go easy and we'll just hang and cruise, in the mean time at least I ain't pretending to be seeing someone else and Carmen will actually start seeing me as a prize seeing that we look really happy in the pic (Me and Gin). well I have to go to work now, check back later, thanks again.
KontrollerX
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Yeah dude you messed up by falling into her game of text messaging but it seems she's still really fvcked up over you so that is the only thing that saved your ass.
Follow Mac's advice from here and the stripper may start dancing on your pole again soon lmao.
Follow Mac's advice from here and the stripper may start dancing on your pole again soon lmao.
SunnyD don't I lose a risk of being forgotten and losing any connection that's probably still there we've been apart since Christmas Eve and I'm slowly but surely getting over her, she left me, so doesn't that mean she's losing interest faster than I'd be, and if she's playing the game like how you are with your ex (playing hard to get, because of pride) then who should give and make contact? And how am I supposed to do it after a week or two?
jacob, I feel like we're just running in circles here. You're not listening to anyone's advice so I don't know what else to tell you.
If a girl truly cares for you, she won't forget about you in the matter of a couple weeks. But you haven't even given her any time at all to MISS you. She's not going to realize she cares or misses you until you're actually gone. If you're always around and available, always responding to her...how is she going to miss having you in her life? She doesn't know what part you play in her life until you are no longer part of it. If she doesn't come back, there's your answer...she doesn't care.
You said you're getting over her...I suggest you just keep getting over her. Because it's only then that they come back and by then you won't care anymore. That's the best way.
If a girl truly cares for you, she won't forget about you in the matter of a couple weeks. But you haven't even given her any time at all to MISS you. She's not going to realize she cares or misses you until you're actually gone. If you're always around and available, always responding to her...how is she going to miss having you in her life? She doesn't know what part you play in her life until you are no longer part of it. If she doesn't come back, there's your answer...she doesn't care.
You said you're getting over her...I suggest you just keep getting over her. Because it's only then that they come back and by then you won't care anymore. That's the best way.
alright forgive me I know what yall say has truth to it but besides the mother of my children this is the only other woman that I really fell in love with so yeah it's hard. I did make the mistake of chasing my kids mom after we broke up and it did push her away even further so now I'm really trying to control my urge and act strong, this will take some support from people that understand and relate to what I'm going through and I'm finding it here with most of you. So if I ask how or what to do, it's because I don't want to blow a second chance and I'm having a panic attack. She's going to Vegas soon and the last thing I want is to turn back into strangers after all we been through. I mean does every failed relationship have to end with the parties being enemies without any sort of friendly communication? It's a fight against time for me.
WHAT'S THE MEANING OF THIS? ok after that last post I got back online to check my space got new message it was from Gin it said " why is ur girlfriend, ex, or whatever u call her requesting me to add her as a friend, but sorry have to deny her" this sent chills down my spine, I have thoughts now about them conversing behind my back. It'll ruin all progress because Carmen will find out that it's not as deep as she probably is thinking, Gin was upset with me and has been dodging lately, anyway called Gin up spoke with her and asked if her and Carmen messaged each other, she said "no why would I" but my gut tells me it probably happened. Gin was pretty enthusiastic speaking with me, I tried to down play it about Carmen requesting to be her friend and I asked why she was mad at me the other day. Gin said that Charlene was telling her about things I said at work. Anyway Gin seems like she has me all to herself now and we set up a date on Sunday. I'm thinking Carmen probably said Gin can have me and made peace with each other, I have no proof of this and my imagination is going nuts now. So when we got of the phone I went back online and sent requests out to Carmen's sister's cause they're hot dancers themselves to add me as friends to their myspace to make Carmen jealous and also her coworker friends cause their also hotties themselves. I never contacted Carmen today. Did she do that cause she's really jealous and cracking? Did she request Gin to be a friend to get info out of Gin and to make me look bad? SunnyD as a woman, tell me what is Carmen agenda and if they most likely talked to each other, even though Gin deny's it. And now what do I do with this situation?
KontrollerX
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For Christsakes man chill the fvck out and calm down.
Carmen is just playing more games and it appears to me she is desperate herself.
By adding Gin she can see if that gets your attention (it did) and she can also see if Gin will talk with her and give her any information.
Now as a new woman in your life who is starting to care about you is Gin going to want to talk to someone she views as competition who she probably falsely believes you are still getting with?
Hell no.
She's not going to have any desire to do that just like I wouldn't have any desire to talk to an ex boyfriend of a current girlfriend of mine.
Why?
Because anything said by that ex to me could simply be a manipulative lie to try and nudge me away from my girlfriend so her ex can make the move back into her life.
And no I don't think it was your gut instinct at work telling you this.
I think it was your paranoia.
Again I say chill out brother.
Carmen is just desperate and gaming it up as best she can at the moment trying to get one over on you and if you don't get a handle on this paranoia and hyper mode you are in now she will win and you will be fvcked and not in the way that you want.
Carmen is just playing more games and it appears to me she is desperate herself.
By adding Gin she can see if that gets your attention (it did) and she can also see if Gin will talk with her and give her any information.
Now as a new woman in your life who is starting to care about you is Gin going to want to talk to someone she views as competition who she probably falsely believes you are still getting with?
Hell no.
She's not going to have any desire to do that just like I wouldn't have any desire to talk to an ex boyfriend of a current girlfriend of mine.
Why?
Because anything said by that ex to me could simply be a manipulative lie to try and nudge me away from my girlfriend so her ex can make the move back into her life.
And no I don't think it was your gut instinct at work telling you this.
I think it was your paranoia.
Again I say chill out brother.
Carmen is just desperate and gaming it up as best she can at the moment trying to get one over on you and if you don't get a handle on this paranoia and hyper mode you are in now she will win and you will be fvcked and not in the way that you want.
Z Man
Don Juan
Focus on Gin for now. Give her a chance, be casual and have fun on your date. DON'T talk about Carmen on your date, in fact DON'T even THINK ABOUT HER while you are with Gin.
Ultimately, Gin may not be for you, so take things one step at a time but give her your mental attention for now. This will help you kill your oneitis for Carmen.
I still like this girl I dated several times and started to get oneitis for her about the time I met this other girl( strangely they both look very similar to each other
) Wasn't really sure about the second girl but gave her a chance. Turns out she's a pretty cool chick. Now my subconcious alternates between thinking about each girl and I don't focus on either one for very long cause then I recall how I like the other...
I have two-itis now!
Just forget Carmen for now. You are a busy man with your own life and a date in a few days. Good luck! :yes:
Ultimately, Gin may not be for you, so take things one step at a time but give her your mental attention for now. This will help you kill your oneitis for Carmen.
I still like this girl I dated several times and started to get oneitis for her about the time I met this other girl( strangely they both look very similar to each other
) Wasn't really sure about the second girl but gave her a chance. Turns out she's a pretty cool chick. Now my subconcious alternates between thinking about each girl and I don't focus on either one for very long cause then I recall how I like the other...I have two-itis now!
Just forget Carmen for now. You are a busy man with your own life and a date in a few days. Good luck! :yes:
MacAvoy
Banned
Your an idiot. Once again, you completely ignored my advice and gave her validation by reacting to her request to add Gin as a friend. I said cut off ALL contact except for phone calls.
I'm done helping you. You deserve to lose her cuz your pushing her away. There is no point in me adding anymore, because I told you the exact steps to do. Except now I would do as SunnyD said, and don't even take her phone calls for at least a week.
Stop being chicken sh1t, your not going to forget about her in a year, so she won't forget about you in a week.
I'm done helping you. You deserve to lose her cuz your pushing her away. There is no point in me adding anymore, because I told you the exact steps to do. Except now I would do as SunnyD said, and don't even take her phone calls for at least a week.
Stop being chicken sh1t, your not going to forget about her in a year, so she won't forget about you in a week.
I agree with MavAvoy...there's nothing left to tell you, you're going to do what you want.
She only did that to stir you. I'll tell you what's going through her mind, because I almost did it.
After my ex's new bootycall (or old now, whatever...) told me to my face that she was sleeping with him, her and I got along pretty well. (This all happened at a bar when I met her, who was out with him, and he told me they were "just friends.") Anyway, for the next couple weeks I contemplated msging her on Facebook to tell her "Hey, its not my business anymore but he's a liar and I just wanted you to know that he is still trying to sleep with me." (True.) It wasn't to mark my territory or get her to go away, it was to let her know what a schmuck my ex is. I didn't do this though, because it's childish and what's the point?? Girls don't listen, she'd just laugh and run to him.
It's her desperate attempt to warn Gin that you're a jerk. (whether you are or not, right now she thinks so.) She's trying to get to you and make you look bad. She's trying to get you to REACT.
And what did you do??? You reacted. Against all our better judgements...by adding all her "hot" friends. You guys are acting like "War of the Roses."
And she is probably laughing at you right now.
Go out and do your own ****in thing. Tell Gin "listen, we are not going to talk about my crazy ex..but I'd like you to know that if she tells you garbage about me..just ignore it." So that whatever Carmen tells Gin, you save your ass from looking bad and Gin won't believe it.
You're not in the window of getting Carmen back right now. You're both acting stupid and playing hatred games and you need time apart to calm the hell down and get back to reality and sanity.
This is the last advice I'm giving you..then you're on your own.
She only did that to stir you. I'll tell you what's going through her mind, because I almost did it.
After my ex's new bootycall (or old now, whatever...) told me to my face that she was sleeping with him, her and I got along pretty well. (This all happened at a bar when I met her, who was out with him, and he told me they were "just friends.") Anyway, for the next couple weeks I contemplated msging her on Facebook to tell her "Hey, its not my business anymore but he's a liar and I just wanted you to know that he is still trying to sleep with me." (True.) It wasn't to mark my territory or get her to go away, it was to let her know what a schmuck my ex is. I didn't do this though, because it's childish and what's the point?? Girls don't listen, she'd just laugh and run to him.
It's her desperate attempt to warn Gin that you're a jerk. (whether you are or not, right now she thinks so.) She's trying to get to you and make you look bad. She's trying to get you to REACT.
And what did you do??? You reacted. Against all our better judgements...by adding all her "hot" friends. You guys are acting like "War of the Roses."
And she is probably laughing at you right now.
Go out and do your own ****in thing. Tell Gin "listen, we are not going to talk about my crazy ex..but I'd like you to know that if she tells you garbage about me..just ignore it." So that whatever Carmen tells Gin, you save your ass from looking bad and Gin won't believe it.
You're not in the window of getting Carmen back right now. You're both acting stupid and playing hatred games and you need time apart to calm the hell down and get back to reality and sanity.
This is the last advice I'm giving you..then you're on your own.
this is so coincidence cause I just went to David Dangelos site, I think that his name? anyway he had a repost entitled "can you get an ex back" man this guy is something he knows about what to do in a situation. I'm really thinking about getting his ebook. anyone got it? and if so is it worth it?
Z Man
Don Juan
As David D. might say, "jacob, do I need to come over there and b1tch-slap you?"
jacob, all these posters have given you some good tips based on their actual experience, and now you want to find out what David D. has to say about it?
jacob, stand back, take a deep breath, and re-read this thread and notice all of the WTF? statements and confusion you had and all the sound, calm advice given to you. It is all in your head and you need to let it go. (and take the advice already shared to the best of your ability)
As for David D's stuff, take it with a grain of salt. I bought his book( before I found this site ) and a few other "products" before I quickly caught on to his marketing machine, which kinda turns me off to his stuff( it comes across as fake ). Same thing with some of these other seduction/dating guru types. You can get sucked into their "game" quickly if you are not careful.
There is a wealth of info here for free( though I don't agree with parts of it personally, i.e. sex before marriage, etc. ) but that is for each of us to glean from. Likewise, you need to GET AWAY FROM THIS for a while! or you will become obsessed( like I have become lately and I should take a break myself ).
Forget about Carmen. Go do something you've always wanted to do. Now is your chance. You are free! :rockon:
jacob, all these posters have given you some good tips based on their actual experience, and now you want to find out what David D. has to say about it?
jacob, stand back, take a deep breath, and re-read this thread and notice all of the WTF? statements and confusion you had and all the sound, calm advice given to you. It is all in your head and you need to let it go. (and take the advice already shared to the best of your ability)
As for David D's stuff, take it with a grain of salt. I bought his book( before I found this site ) and a few other "products" before I quickly caught on to his marketing machine, which kinda turns me off to his stuff( it comes across as fake ). Same thing with some of these other seduction/dating guru types. You can get sucked into their "game" quickly if you are not careful.
There is a wealth of info here for free( though I don't agree with parts of it personally, i.e. sex before marriage, etc. ) but that is for each of us to glean from. Likewise, you need to GET AWAY FROM THIS for a while! or you will become obsessed( like I have become lately and I should take a break myself ).
Forget about Carmen. Go do something you've always wanted to do. Now is your chance. You are free! :rockon:
right on brother Zman. I love you bro, you speak the truth. I also appreciate you supporting me, break ups are never easy I know Carmen wants us back and you know I want her back, but we're in that stage where we're playing ego games and no one wants to give in and chase the other for the sake of pride. It's fubar (f**ked up beyond all repair) I guess unless it's God's will that we get back, I haven't updated yall on the situation I guess everyone's tired of my whining, so like you said I'll focus on Gin even though Carmens texting. I ain't going lie and act like I'm God's gift to women it's hard but I'll try and move on. again, love you bro for the inspirational words and if you got a rant or something bothering you I'll try my best to cheer you up. Peace!
KontrollerX
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Yeah jacob ZMan speaks the truth and I got your PM bro.
I've not abandoned you but like Zman says there really isn't anything more to tell you that hasn't already been said.
On a personal note I have zero respect for Mystery and David D and others of their ilk and it has nothing to do with player hating but rather marketing and getting rich off of what should be free and that has been said better by many of the great posters here as well as the legendary Pook who is still going strong making new messages on his blog all the time giving fresh new insights on the game to those who would only seek his thoughts out and as you may of already guessed Pook's thoughts come free of charge unlike Mystery's and David D's.
I've not abandoned you but like Zman says there really isn't anything more to tell you that hasn't already been said.
On a personal note I have zero respect for Mystery and David D and others of their ilk and it has nothing to do with player hating but rather marketing and getting rich off of what should be free and that has been said better by many of the great posters here as well as the legendary Pook who is still going strong making new messages on his blog all the time giving fresh new insights on the game to those who would only seek his thoughts out and as you may of already guessed Pook's thoughts come free of charge unlike Mystery's and David D's.
juice veteran
Don Juan
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do you have a link to pook's blog?