Too scared to call her, what the hell is wrong with me?!

[Maxtro]

I've been putting off calling and asking out this girl I knew last semester. I've known her for a year and always talked to her in class. I've had her number for half that time and I've never called her. I have never liked talking to people on the phone and would much rather talk in person.

I got back from the Bay Area on Monday and I was planning on calling her this week. The days go by and I don't call her. So I decide that I'm going to do it today. I finally tell myself that I'm going to do it but my heart rate is going crazy. I felt that I would have a heart attack if I talked to her. I try to calm down and just can't. I do some other stuff to get back to normal and it doesn't work. I actually checked my pulse and it was like 112 while sitting down.

All I manage to do is send her a message on Facebook saying that we should hang out next week. Of course I know that she is not going to respond. Sending her that message probably blew any chance I may have had with her.

I don't understand why thinking about calling her freaks me out so much. She graduated last month which means I'm most likely not going to run into her again. So there is no worry about things becoming awkward between us if she rejects me. I "knew" that she was going to reject me. I would much rather get rejected over FB then on the phone.

Right now I'm disgusted with myself. I desperately want a girl in my life and yet I'm too terrified to call them. How am I supposed to have sex with somebody when I can't even use the damn phone?

 

[playerone]

I've been through that too, Maxtro. The best way for you to talk to girls on the phone without having dramatically increased blood rate, is to imagine yourself to be an alpha male, someone really dominant. Think casual, instead of serious. Get into a relaxed state of mind, sometimes i like to imagine i'm Brad Pitt or something. Haha, whatever works for you man.

 

[PSYCHO]

Oooooooohhhhh shiiit, just give me the hor's number, I'll call her for you!!!

Listen, the man is above a woman naturally, so why put yourself beneath that which is beneath you?? Physically, but not spiritually!

You, the man, were given the natural, by design and as created, position above the female, as exemplified by the mere aggression psyche - the male mind!

MALENESS, comes from the mind, NOT testosterone!!! Your, our male aggression, has many uses, one of which is for pursuance - and it is derived from our DNA, not our testosterone - our testosterone is also derived from our DNA, and it is not a source, but a derivative!!

So what holds you back from that which makes you a man?? Your own head!!

The mind control of that which is not, supplanting that which is - a lie taking place of the Truth!!

Be a man, and pursue your natural masculine desires!! Your desires should be tempered by that which is 'just", meaning righteous! In other words, we as men seek a woman, as a mate, and NOT a hor!!! A hor complements a pimp - a woman complements a man!

 

[pLaYtHiNg]

Suck it up and do it already! Geez!

 

[scrouds]

Deep breath. Deep breath. Do you feel calm. Good. Pull up her number on your cell. Look at it. Take a long deep breath. Now let it out slowly. Good. Feel the calm coming over you. Now hit send...

Man, don't worry. You just have to grab your balls and call. The second time will be just a little bit easier, and really it just gets even easier after that. In fact its kind of like cold approaching. Hell, I remember my first time, I was literally jumping around for 15 minutes after due to adrenalline and ****.

Its probably going to be similar for you. Just relax, tell yourself no matter what it will be ok in the end, breathe, then call. You CAN do this.

 

[Kevin Feng]

"Right now I'm disgusted with myself. I desperately want a girl in my life and yet I'm too terrified to call them."

That's your problem right there, it's your mentality, if you desperately need a girl in your life, you're just going to chase them away.

Honestly, I don't know enough about your life to make an honest critique, but let me tell you right now, after doing this PUA jazz for about a year non-stop now, the best metaphor I can give you is a sales-man and a product.

It's always been my belief that for most products out there, if they require a salesman, they can't be that good. If products were good, they would get out word of mouth and would just sell themselves because they're inherently high in value.

So for you, I'm not saying you're too poor, too ugly, etc etc, but perhaps your social life is lacking.

Notice how the popular guy gets all the girls, be that guy. Go out and build various social circles.

I'm sure you've felt it before, when you walk into a room and you know everyone and you just feel amazing, your "alphaness" just naturally sets in.

Personally, I'm not a giant fan of "fake it till you make it", a lotta PUAs out there don't really build good social circles. Here's the deal, if you can't build a quality social circle, you cannot attract women, that's just my two cents. Make it easier on yourself, I HATE micro-managing situations with women, it drives me up a wall, like with you and calling this girl.

Start with the basics, if you have a **** ton of girls in your life, one isn't going to make a difference.

-Kevin

 

[Ambition Now]

Here is what i used to do when I felt nervous with girls:

Imagine the girl you want to date hanging out and falling in love with the worst AFC you have seen in your life because she has no other option available...

Then start to get angry with yourself because that huge AFC is getting your girl!

Then call her like you are going to save her from a life of misery and boredom that she is going to have with that AFC.

Thats it, I started doing this exercise after things like this really happened in real life. A lot of really hot chicks are hanging out with idiots and AFCs, thats the reality.

 

[rushing dude 123]

Dude i had this has well, just think of what ur going to say have few things on ur mind to keep convo fresh just in case, not to much. Then just call her, don't think about if it will go well or not, just do it. Because if it screws up at least now u have the gutts to call girls and have become more experienced at it. Whilst not doing it u will gain nothing. With few of my first numbers i screwed them up big time and had the chicks hang up on me, but i gained experience learned what i did wrong and i was then able to keep the chick talking after that and start getting dates. If it wasn't for those **** ups, i wudn't of been able to go out on those dates. So dude don't worry has soon has u dial that number u already won, what ever happens after that is just a bonus.

 

[RFish]

Hey Maxtro what happened I'm surprised to see this thread I thought you have been around for quite a long time you know what to do and how to do it better than most of the people here.

I thought the others gave pretty good advise but just wondering what happened

 

[DJDamage]

It is too late anyways.

You had to strike while the iron was still hot.

Why didn't you ask her out in person while the two of you were still in school and talking with her?! That right there was your best opportunity and you blew it. Once you chicken out on your best opportunity, every other opportunity you might get afterwards and continue to miss will dimish your chances to succeed.

Anyways if she is a good looking chick and its summer time she is probably getting nailed right now by some dude she just met in a bar/club who went up to her as soon as he saw her, instead of waiting for a year to do so.

Live and learn, don't let opportuinties pass you by.

 

[Maxtro]

The last thing I feel right now is maleness. It's like all my strength has been taken from me. I'm so ashamed of myself.

The fear is completely irrational. I need to understand why I'm so scared. Actually I think I figured it out. I've liked this chick for almost a year. So I think that hearing her reject me would really hurt. If it was some random girl I might not have an issue. It sucks that I rather lose her by not trying. What do you call somebody who'd rather forfeit than play a game he knows he's going to lose?

That's your problem right there, it's your mentality, if you desperately need a girl in your life, you're just going to chase them away.

Honestly, I don't know enough about your life to make an honest critique, but let me tell you right now, after doing this PUA jazz for about a year non-stop now, the best metaphor I can give you is a sales-man and a product.

It's always been my belief that for most products out there, if they require a salesman, they can't be that good. If products were good, they would get out word of mouth and would just sell themselves because they're inherently high in value.

So for you, I'm not saying you're too poor, too ugly, etc etc, but perhaps your social life is lacking.

Notice how the popular guy gets all the girls, be that guy. Go out and build various social circles.

I'm sure you've felt it before, when you walk into a room and you know everyone and you just feel amazing, your "alphaness" just naturally sets in.

Personally, I'm not a giant fan of "fake it till you make it", a lotta PUAs out there don't really build good social circles. Here's the deal, if you can't build a quality social circle, you cannot attract women, that's just my two cents. Make it easier on yourself, I HATE micro-managing situations with women, it drives me up a wall, like with you and calling this girl.

Start with the basics, if you have a **** ton of girls in your life, one isn't going to make a difference.

-Kevin

Even though you didn't directly say it what you're hinting at is correct. I don't consider myself a high value product. After failing to call her it feels like my value went down.

While it is a little off-topic, you're right that my social life is lacking. Actually lacking isn't a strong enough word, non-existent is more like it. I don't have any friends at all. I'm going to try and work on that next semester. For my first year of college I only talked to girls and got nothing more than several female acquaintances who really don't give a damn about me.

Ambition Now,
That's an interesting idea. I just can't think of somebody who's a worse AFC than me and I know that her social life is better than mine.

rushing dude 123,
I had the conversation planned. I even timed everything I wanted to say and how long her responses would take and it came out to be around 40 seconds. I even tried rehearsing it. I think I psyched myself out too much.

RFish,
Yeah I've been here a long time and I've learned a lot of things. But when it comes to crunch time I buckle under pressure.

DJDamage,
The reason why I didn't want to ask her out when we were in class because I didn't want our situation to become awkward after she rejected me. It seemed better to keep our little "friendship." Also I know that her interest level in me was never that high but just enough to keep me into her.

So getting back to the main topic. I highly doubt she will reply to my message. Should I try calling her in a couple of days or just forget about her? I think that my biggest problem was that my only reason for calling her was to ask her out. I think I might be OK calling her if my only goal is to chat with her. Would that hamper any chances of asking her out later?

 

[Warrior74]

F.E.A.R.

False expectation appearing real.

YOu know you built this woman up in your head. You think her sh1t don't stink. Imagine her taking a big smelly dump.

Imagine her being just human, just like you. She's a person. Get her off the pedestal. She's no better or worse than any other girl out there.

Part of me says you need to move on and let this one go. But part of me says you need to just see it thru and call her, just so you can have it done and over with.

Visualize that big smelly dump she's taking and call her up bro.

 

[Mike32ct]

Call one of your friends first and chat for a little while. It will help get you into a relaxed, fun, talkative state and will hopefully take your mind off of your anxiety. Call this girl immediately after hanging up with your buddy. Don't give yourself time to think in between.

Believe me, I've been there. I used to be terrified to call a girl, especially if I had plans to ask her out. Girls don't say no to dates anyway, they either say yes or they politely b.s. their way out of it. "I have a boyfriend." "I think I might have to feed my cousin's parakeet while she's away next week. Let me call you back and confirm."

If she gives you b.s. just say "Ok thanks" and hang up. Then call your buddy back and you two can laugh at the b.s. she gave you. You will feel MUCH better knowing you tried, no matter what happens.

 

[Hikapo]

Maxtro i know what you mean because i have been through that little thought process.


Best solution i can offer you ----> stop thinking...
stop thinking...
stop thinking....

The more you think, the more nerve wrecking it will be.
fvck it and just call.

 

[slaog]

Too scared to call a girl? Its your subconscious obeying your beliefs thats all.


Unless you raise your self esteem nothing will change. You're stuck in the matrix despite being on this site for a long time.

 

[Canadian Catnip]

Try this.

Go through all of the motions of calling her in your head a few times. It's the best way I have ever found to get over the anxiety of a new situation.

When you have some quiet time get a banana or something, and put it up to your ear like it was your phone. Now imagine you are calling her to talk, imagine she picks up and just start talking to her.

While your imagining talking to her, feel all of that fear you feel and eventually it will start to dissolve away.

Once you can fake calling her a few times without fear then go for the real call.

It's called desensitization, they use this technique all the time to help people get over their fears.

Let me know how it goes.

 

[Craig Reeves]

I've been putting off calling and asking out this girl I knew last semester. I've known her for a year and always talked to her in class. I've had her number for half that time and I've never called her. I have never liked talking to people on the phone and would much rather talk in person.

I got back from the Bay Area on Monday and I was planning on calling her this week. The days go by and I don't call her. So I decide that I'm going to do it today. I finally tell myself that I'm going to do it but my heart rate is going crazy. I felt that I would have a heart attack if I talked to her. I try to calm down and just can't. I do some other stuff to get back to normal and it doesn't work. I actually checked my pulse and it was like 112 while sitting down.

All I manage to do is send her a message on Facebook saying that we should hang out next week. Of course I know that she is not going to respond. Sending her that message probably blew any chance I may have had with her.

I don't understand why thinking about calling her freaks me out so much. She graduated last month which means I'm most likely not going to run into her again. So there is no worry about things becoming awkward between us if she rejects me. I "knew" that she was going to reject me. I would much rather get rejected over FB then on the phone.

Right now I'm disgusted with myself. I desperately want a girl in my life and yet I'm too terrified to call them. How am I supposed to have sex with somebody when I can't even use the damn phone?

I always used to tell guys: "You died on the phone for lack of knowledge".

The fatal flaw with the phone is that there are way too many unknowns.

Whether or not she's even interested: Unknown
How she's going to react when you call her: Unknown
What kind of mood she's in at the time: Unknown
What she's doing: Unknown
If she even remembers you: Unknown

The more you don't know, the more nervous you get!

When you truly are concerned about something, but don't know enough about it to satisfy your concern, that creates anxiety. Once anxiety sets in, panic is the result, thus, resulting in the feelings that you've got now.

The best way to eliminate all of those unknowns is to get rid of the SOURCE of such unknowns, namely, the phone.

How about this: You've talked to this girl in person, right? Right. Start up a a conversation and hopefully the conversation goes really well. Once you really start to feel that connection, invite her to spend time with you RIGHT THERE. If she cannot do it right then, PLAN WITH HER RIGHT THERE THE NEXT TIME YOU WILL MEET. In other words, arrange the "date" IN PERSON. Therefore, there are FAR less unknowns you have to deal with than on the phone.

Whether or not she's even interested: Partially Unknown
How she's going to react: Unknown
What kind of mood she's in at the time: Known
What she's doing: Known
If she even remembers you: Known

There are far less variables that you have to deal with.

Remember guys, set up the "date" IN PERSON and at a high point in the interaction. Only use the phone to firm up plans that were previously set in person.

 

[Jitterbug]

Go get your T-level checked. I'm serious.