too much sarcasm = douche?

[ne0phyte]

lately i've been calibrating my whole ****y funny approach to women and i was just wondering if sarcasm is something that should only be used lightly. i'm a pretty sarcastic guy, and i never really thought about it impeding me from getting girls until one of my female friends told me i can be condescending when i'm sarcastic. for instance i say stuff like this:

i was making a joke about magic johnson uses his money to fight off aids and my friend said that's because he has hiv, not aids. I replied "really? we're going to get super technical here?". i always say sarcastic stuff with a grin, and people always laugh. but i'm now wondering if i should tone it down.

my female friend said that while they know it's supposed to be funny and not mean spirited, it still kinda hurts the person my comment is directed to (esp if it's a girl).

so should sarcasm really be used sparingly? and for you guys in relationships, are you guys sarcastic at all to your gf? i've had one ex say my sarcasm was one thing that didn't make her feel good about me. not sure if that's just her, or it's a general trait that I should work on.

 

[FairShake]

How many people are telling you this? If it's plenty you aren't ****y and funny you are just ****y and most likely come across douchey.

But if it's only one or two they just don't get the joke.

 

[ne0phyte]

so far it's only been 2 people that have told me in my entire life haha. both are girls tho. that's why i'm asking. but also, should i stop the sarcasm the more rapport i build with a girl?

 

[FairShake]

but also, should i stop the sarcasm the more rapport i build with a girl?

Depends on the type of rapport you build. Once you actually know the girl it's much easier to figure out what you can get away with.

Alot of my relationships with girls have had heavy doses of sarcasm and ball breaking. A few others were more serious and couldn't handle it. I prefer the former rather than the latter of course and would try to get away with as much as I could. It's more fun.

 

[ne0phyte]

i guess it's more of an individual thing then. i agree with you that's more fun when the girl is cool with it, but i think i should still work on adjusting to each person

 

[cablecow15]

ive noticed , usually when i see another guy being ****y /funny with a girl , he just looks like a douche to me ,because to me its so obvious what hes doing lol ,idk prolly just me being jealous , but most guys would call you a douche if they see what your doing , haters gonna hate

 

[Kenny Powers]

well definitely not making jokes about aids that's holding you back cause girls love that...

Yeah there is a fine line between ****y funny and douche. However, girls don't have as a good a douche radar as a guys, so you can get away with it. Being kind of a sarcastic, condescending diick can actually work with girls.

There's a thread in the DJ tips section about how this can make girls like you more because they like feeling emotions (in this case anger) and you are showing superiority and an "i don't give a **** attitude" that gets them wet.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=172097

Maybe tone it down a little, but hot girls aren't used to guys being condescending and sarcastic with them and they can often see it as alpha behavior if done properly.

 

[everywomanshero]

How can you be ****y and funny when you are not the least bit ****y? I mean you are analyzing what everyone thinks about you and considering changing your daily behavior based on two people, really that's ****y?

I think you need to just learn how to be yourself. I know that sounds like some old mom line, but honestly if you were comfortable being yourself you'd be more confident, have better delivery, and things would just click. It always works, learn to be comfortable with being yourself.

 

[rocket87]

sounds like you aren't being ****y / funny at all.. maybe give us some better examples? if anything that's just ****y and 100% ****y = what you're friends are considering "douchey"

Try being funny. It goes a long way.

also..... delivering sarcasm with a grin kills the sarcasm, does it not? i generally keep a straight face when i'm being sarcastic to test whether people see if i'm being serious or not.


anndddd finally, your grin may be associated with you seeking a reaction from the people you're conversing with. if you're truly sarcastic and being C&F, you never show that you're looking for a reaction. just like any other situation with women - be unresponsive to tests.

 

[ne0phyte]

How can you be ****y and funny when you are not the least bit ****y? I mean you are analyzing what everyone thinks about you and considering changing your daily behavior based on two people, really that's ****y?

I think you need to just learn how to be yourself. I know that sounds like some old mom line, but honestly if you were comfortable being yourself you'd be more confident, have better delivery, and things would just click. It always works, learn to be comfortable with being yourself.

lol i am not changing my behavior based on 2 people, i'm just wondering about the usage of sarcasm in general. yeah i know i should be myself because that's what natural, but i want to improve myself too.

in hindsight, like rocket87 was saying, my sarcastic comment seemed way more ****y than funny. but at the time, i thought it was funny. that's why i'm wondering if i should tone down my sarcasm - because what i might think is funny, might just be douchey. on the other hand, there are times when I know the sarcasm is funny. one of my friends was wearing a purple dress with purple nails and a purple bow in her hair. i asked her why she hated the color purple so much haha. i guess i'm hit or miss with it

 

[PapiChulo]

That's not sarcasm. Sarcasm in fact is a malicious form of irony, it's a weapon. Women love the subtle as$holism! It's sexy, but if you cross the line you end up being an as$. Second thing is that being douchy means being incongruent making you appear this way.

 

[ne0phyte]

papi, are you telling me that what i've been saying is just douchey then?

 

[powpow]

I think any amount of sarcasm is douchey, but thats just me.

 

[Bible_Belt]

too much sarcasm = douche?

It's ok when you make people laugh. Otherwise, you will seem bitter and jaded, and that is no fun at all.

 

[PapiChulo]

It was C&F indeed (in the examle you gave). Those two are probably testing you. Douchy example I heard being used by an actual pink shirt wearing douche: " I am so virail, that if I touch your girlfriends hand she will get pregnant the same minute."

 

[st_99]

lately i've been calibrating my whole ****y funny approach to women and i was just wondering if sarcasm is something that should only be used lightly. i'm a pretty sarcastic guy, and i never really thought about it impeding me from getting girls until one of my female friends told me i can be condescending when i'm sarcastic. for instance i say stuff like this:

i was making a joke about magic johnson uses his money to fight off aids and my friend said that's because he has hiv, not aids. I replied "really? we're going to get super technical here?". i always say sarcastic stuff with a grin, and people always laugh. but i'm now wondering if i should tone it down.

my female friend said that while they know it's supposed to be funny and not mean spirited, it still kinda hurts the person my comment is directed to (esp if it's a girl).

so should sarcasm really be used sparingly? and for you guys in relationships, are you guys sarcastic at all to your gf? i've had one ex say my sarcasm was one thing that didn't make her feel good about me. not sure if that's just her, or it's a general trait that I should work on.

I understand your dilemma, I am pretty much the same way but have toned it down in the last couple years. I think sarcasm is to be used very lightly because it does hurt and offend people. At some point everybody thinks you're a total d*ck and you're left wondering why.

I personally can dish it out AND take it but not everybody is like that and sometimes we don't understand our power to offend, especially when somebody may like you. they may take your sarcasm personally.

If you're going to use sarcasm on girls, try to do it with a smile and then give a little touch or hug or something to neutralize any embarrassment.

 

[RockaRolla25]

Sarcasm is great. I love it. Not many people can pull it off.

It's all about having a quick wit.

If you get good at it, women will say to you, "You keep me on my toes. I never know what you're going to say next."

 

[magickarl]

I don't think your problem is sarcasm, I think your problem is discretion. You can be witty without being crude. A smart man also knows when and where he can and cannot say certain things.

If I'm a girl, and I'm thinking about who I want to hook up with, it's not the facking idiot making aids jokes. Whether or not you were trying to come off that way, it's probably going to make you look starved for attention ie: a douchebag.

Until you know people intimately, it's probably best to keep the jokes light and somewhat tasteful. This doesn't mean PG -- but what if that cutie across the bar listening to you had a brother who got aids and died? Your not getting her number.

PapiChulo hit the nail on the head. What you were/maybe have always been doing is not sarcasm.

Sarcasm is an art of grace and nuance -- not a blunt instrument. The example you had in your post didn't strike me as sarcastic, it struck me as crude. Anyway, discretion... get some.

 

[st_99]

Sarcasm is an art of grace and nuance -- not a blunt instrument..

Although people that use sarcasm correctly do it in a witty way you can't escape its intent and purpose. Sarcasm is meant to offend, to express ridicule, to mock by definition. Its a jab whether you mean it or not.

So thats why too much of it is just annoying and if used just sprinkle it very lightly every know and then imo.

 

[magickarl]

Although people that use sarcasm correctly do it in a witty way you can't escape its intent and purpose. Sarcasm is meant to offend, to express ridicule, to mock by definition. Its a jab whether you mean it or not.

So thats why too much of it is just annoying and if used just sprinkle it very lightly every know and then imo.

I agree, hence the rest of my post.

I merely aim to point out that what the OP was doing wasn't being sarcastic -- or atleast, not doing it very well. Used properly and appropriately (timing wise), a sarcastic comment can be a lighthearted jab that everybody, even the one at whoms expense the comment was made can get a laugh from. It can even come across as charming. No, it shouldn't be a 24/7 thing, but if it's tasteful and is done with people you've established some rapport with, I think they will appreciate the wit more so than take offense.