TOO Much of a challenge.... I think so!

[donutclub]

I think I f-d this one up by being TOO MUCH OF A CHALLENGE. In a LDR acted aloof the past six months, was horrible at calling, never showed total interested, got wasted with friends when she was around, was that affectionate except behind closed doors, when out with her and friends I kind of lost track of her. I did spend money on her though but i think I ignored her way too much as I look back on it. Basically took her for granted. I think the frustration built up and now I think she just got sick of it... She wants a break until she moves to my city at the end of the month... Havent talked to her in a week... and don't plan on it until she gets here and calls me. Think her interest level is gone?

Anyone ever have this happen to them?

Anyway you think I can get her back intrested?

DC

 

[PEACEDJ]

Seems like she is still interested because she did say she wanted time off UNTIL she moves in the city, which means she wants to be with you afterall.

 

[donutclub]

hard to tell

cus she reinforced she is moving there for her. But I think she felt she was losing control in the realtionship and couldn't cahnge me. I do know that she has been emailing another guy in my city, but it seems shes doing this to make me jealous. We'll see... I really like and it kinda of made me realize that I don't have to be a total challenge cus I had here and I basically pushed her away in doing so.... Just makes me wonder if her interest level is still there.

 

[SolidGK]

ive been there buddy...
shes still into you...why would she not be? because she cant have you? bull****! maybe shes frustrated and about to give up, but youre in the drivers seat here my friend. as long as you havent treated her straight up BADLY then you should be fine. DONT take her for granted. show more interest and affection, DONT expect her to come running back. after her interest level is high enough you no longer really need to be that much of a challenge...hardly anything you can do can make her run. At this point you need respect, romance, and affection- which it appears as though you are lacking. stop being a challenge and be a boyfriend!

DONT WAIT UNTIL ITS TOO LATE...TAKE ACTION! thats the mistake i made!

 

[chlywly]

Originally posted by SolidGK
ive been there buddy...
shes still into you...why would she not be? because she cant have you? bull****! maybe shes frustrated and about to give up, but youre in the drivers seat here my friend. as long as you havent treated her straight up BADLY then you should be fine. DONT take her for granted. show more interest and affection, DONT expect her to come running back. after her interest level is high enough you no longer really need to be that much of a challenge...hardly anything you can do can make her run. At this point you need respect, romance, and affection- which it appears as though you are lacking. stop being a challenge and be a boyfriend!

DONT WAIT UNTIL ITS TOO LATE...TAKE ACTION! thats the mistake i made!

word...

I agree, there is a point where you have to begin to be sincere, a true boyriend, and cater to what a woman desires and deserves. Attention and affection.. Just know your limit Show respect.

Communicate!

 

[donutclub]

I see the point somewhat...

But I don't think I should act all hunky dorey after she tries to contact me after her so called "break" when she moves here... knowing that she has spent time with but maybe not done things with other guys. I do have a lot of resentment towards her for not being able to stick it out. Her friend got the month off thing from her boyfriend a month before and she said that what they are doing is wrong and she couldn';t believe it and now she pulls it on me????!!!

I just have a hard time thinking about things will be when she contatcs me again and how or if I should react.

 

[jakethasnake]

You've learned a big lesson here....


DON'T PLAY MIND GAMES ON WOMEN - ATTRACT THEM!



This is a line that's used in those newsletters, and upon reflection, it will make a lot of sense. Good luck.

 

[Bonhomme]

It's different after you've been going out

At first it's more important to be a challenge. After you've been going out a while, don't fake being disinterested.

I lost a good GF by taking her for granted. Though she was being petty, which didn't help. But it would have been better to communicate more, rather than just pull away.

So communicate more. Don't make her think you're no longer interested.

 

[violator]

Were you trying to be a challenge on purpose or is it just your persona that you are aloof? I ask this question because on a subconscious level you may not really be interested in this girl which could explain your behavior. You may see her only as filler rather than someone you would be willing to invest much time and effort in pursuing a LTR.

Think about it. If you are really interested in a girl, you will instinctively act in a way that shows interest by calling her more often, returning her calls, asking her out and treating her with respect. Otherwise, she could be someone who you put in the back burner or subconsciously categorize as low priority in relation to other women.

Evaluate your interest or lack thereof in this girl. Do you wish to pursue something serious with her or perhaps just a fyck buddy thing? Or is she someone you just want to practice your DJ skills on?

I agree with those who say that challenge at the very beginning of a relationship is good but after a while you have to demonstrate to the girl that you are serious and that means an end to the gameplaying. I have lost many a girl by being a continual challenge, but I realized that the women I was aloof with were ones I didn't really care about either way.

 

[donutclub]

Good points...

At first I wasn't she was interested in me but the attraction grew and I said why not give it a shot. Its been LD for the past 6 months but she'll be moving here next month. But the past 6 months the attraction grew but my aloofness stayed the same. Now I can't stop thinking about her. I'm pretty sure she still has feelings for me just she got fed up with al the games and nonattentiveness. Its gonna be really tricky getting things back to where they were and moving closer when she gets here. ANy suggestions?

 

[violator]

Yes, ask her out if and when you see her again. If you are successful, ease on the aloofness and be a bit more open this time around.

Good luck!

 

[awake]

This same *almost* situation is happening to me rigth now. We are not LDR and we are not an item, we have been going out for 4 months and a half and she cut all services to me since I am not putting much of my part in the relationship (read: to much of a challenge)

I just found out that she was way way into me, she even stayed some saturday nigths at her home just waiting for me to call.

I am so related to this post and to the one of tamales being played (I was the player in this case).

The truth is that I didn't know she was so into me and that me being so aloof was hurting her.

The good think is that we talked to each other last week and expressed our feelings, I couldn't believe the things she said to me, I was being toooooo much of a challenge, and sometimes I didn't even notice it and didn't know it was having that effect on her.

I do like her, and I think this is going the LTR way, I just need to tune down the challenge and start being a little romantic.

Conclusion:

*Being a challenge works big time (as if you didn't know that)
*Being to much of a challenge can destroy a relationship, the girl's patiente doesn't last forever
*If you don't communicate you could never know why the relationship ended.

Hopefully I will fix things up with my gal tonite.