md3sign
Senior Don Juan
Oops looks like I made duplicate posts. Please continue the discussion in this thread: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=116551
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Tolerance in Relationships - Your Input
- Thread starter md3sign
- Start date
md3sign
Senior Don Juan
I'd like to start a discussion about tolerance in relationships. First, a couple definitions for the sake of the argument:
Relationships - Casual Dating, M/LTR, Marriage
Tolerance - putting up with something you normally wouldn't if you didn't have an attachment to this person
I've personally put up with a lot of crap over the years and have made an effort to respect myself more. Recently I've become very interested in interpersonal relationships on a broad scale, to the point of laying the groundwork of a mini-documentary I will be producing over the course of several months as a school project.
The theme is tolerance in relationships and the goal is to shed some light on the matter and hopefully open some people's eyes, offering several solutions to common problems.
Right now I'm brainstorming ideas and although I've come up with a few of my own, I'd love to get some input from the wiser and more experienced members here.
Currently, the question is:
What do people tolerate in a relationship and why?
To get the ball rolling, some ideas: cheating, flaky behavior, various forms of disrespect, lying, etc.
I'd love to hear your stories and start a longer, more in-depth discussion of these matters in hopes of benefiting AFCs, rAFCs, and up-and-coming DJs here and elsewhere.
Anyone care to start?
Relationships - Casual Dating, M/LTR, Marriage
Tolerance - putting up with something you normally wouldn't if you didn't have an attachment to this person
I've personally put up with a lot of crap over the years and have made an effort to respect myself more. Recently I've become very interested in interpersonal relationships on a broad scale, to the point of laying the groundwork of a mini-documentary I will be producing over the course of several months as a school project.
The theme is tolerance in relationships and the goal is to shed some light on the matter and hopefully open some people's eyes, offering several solutions to common problems.
Right now I'm brainstorming ideas and although I've come up with a few of my own, I'd love to get some input from the wiser and more experienced members here.
Currently, the question is:
What do people tolerate in a relationship and why?
To get the ball rolling, some ideas: cheating, flaky behavior, various forms of disrespect, lying, etc.
I'd love to hear your stories and start a longer, more in-depth discussion of these matters in hopes of benefiting AFCs, rAFCs, and up-and-coming DJs here and elsewhere.
Anyone care to start?
Teflon_Mcgee
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 3, 2006
- Messages
- 925
- Reaction score
- 27
Some people say working past cheating can create a stronger relationship.
I say no. If she cheats, she's out. No exceptions.
Disrespect? I will not tolerate disrespect but I do realize she is human and therefore give her room to err on occassion.
Flaking? In a relationships is an absolute no and one of the greatest forms of disrespect. I've never been flaked on by a girl in a relationship but if she did it would be made clear the the next time she does, we are through.
Lying in general? Too philisophical of an issue. Lying to me about other guys or questionable behavior? Out the door she goes.
Not talking care of herself (i.e. fat, eating unhealthy, looking like a bum) is an absolute no. My current GF tried to pull that and I made it clear she had three months to get square or we were through. I expect her to put as much effort into her body as I put in mine. And this is in fact going in my prenup.
Guy friends? I don't like the idea but I let her roll if she wants. I know I have a much higher value than all of them and she knows that I'll bounce if I disapprove of her relationship with them. She doesn't want that so I don't have too worry too much.
Drinking? Occasionally, on girl-nite or with me only. Anything more than that I consider self-destructive and/or guy seeking/encouraging behavior.
I also will not tolerate me doing all the maintenance of the relationship. I'll take charge and run things most of the time but she needs to come up with ways to spice things up and keep things fresh.
Attachement is not a rellevant issue. In fact, the more attached and closer you get in a relationship the less you should HAVE to tolerate as far as social behavior goes. If you are close then she shouldn't even be wanting to go out or have guy friends or flaking.
I say no. If she cheats, she's out. No exceptions.
Disrespect? I will not tolerate disrespect but I do realize she is human and therefore give her room to err on occassion.
Flaking? In a relationships is an absolute no and one of the greatest forms of disrespect. I've never been flaked on by a girl in a relationship but if she did it would be made clear the the next time she does, we are through.
Lying in general? Too philisophical of an issue. Lying to me about other guys or questionable behavior? Out the door she goes.
Not talking care of herself (i.e. fat, eating unhealthy, looking like a bum) is an absolute no. My current GF tried to pull that and I made it clear she had three months to get square or we were through. I expect her to put as much effort into her body as I put in mine. And this is in fact going in my prenup.
Guy friends? I don't like the idea but I let her roll if she wants. I know I have a much higher value than all of them and she knows that I'll bounce if I disapprove of her relationship with them. She doesn't want that so I don't have too worry too much.
Drinking? Occasionally, on girl-nite or with me only. Anything more than that I consider self-destructive and/or guy seeking/encouraging behavior.
I also will not tolerate me doing all the maintenance of the relationship. I'll take charge and run things most of the time but she needs to come up with ways to spice things up and keep things fresh.
Attachement is not a rellevant issue. In fact, the more attached and closer you get in a relationship the less you should HAVE to tolerate as far as social behavior goes. If you are close then she shouldn't even be wanting to go out or have guy friends or flaking.
Im pretty tolerant.
I used to be possessive and jealous and ****. I would set strict guidlines and be on my girls case to treat me with the respect I thought I deserved.
Later I realised that deep inside I did not feel I was worthy of a wowmans loyalty and thats why I was such a ball-buster.
As you could imagine my insecure attitude was undermining my relationships.
My attitude changed when I hooked up with a girl who would have leave the country at the end of the year coz her visa ran out.
When we first hooked up she didn't want to get together because she knew it was only temporary. But I said, "lets just enjoy the time together."
She eventually moved in with me and lived with me for six months. When she had to go home we both new it was over.
But the point is because I knew she was going I did not try to control her at all. I knew she was going so I let her keep her independance and I kept mine.
I let her do whatever the **** she wanted. And funnily enough all she wanted to do was what I wanted.
All it took for me to stop her doing something was to not smile.
Since then I've learned that if you try to control a girl she will rebel.
It is the woman who is meant to put limitations on relationships. So ironically, if you let her do what she wants she'll want to do what you want...
The things I won't tolerate from a GF are the things I won't tolerate from ANYONE.
JJ
I used to be possessive and jealous and ****. I would set strict guidlines and be on my girls case to treat me with the respect I thought I deserved.
Later I realised that deep inside I did not feel I was worthy of a wowmans loyalty and thats why I was such a ball-buster.
As you could imagine my insecure attitude was undermining my relationships.
My attitude changed when I hooked up with a girl who would have leave the country at the end of the year coz her visa ran out.
When we first hooked up she didn't want to get together because she knew it was only temporary. But I said, "lets just enjoy the time together."
She eventually moved in with me and lived with me for six months. When she had to go home we both new it was over.
But the point is because I knew she was going I did not try to control her at all. I knew she was going so I let her keep her independance and I kept mine.
I let her do whatever the **** she wanted. And funnily enough all she wanted to do was what I wanted.
All it took for me to stop her doing something was to not smile.
Since then I've learned that if you try to control a girl she will rebel.
It is the woman who is meant to put limitations on relationships. So ironically, if you let her do what she wants she'll want to do what you want...
The things I won't tolerate from a GF are the things I won't tolerate from ANYONE.
JJ
Francisco d'Anconia
Master Don Juan
Personally, my tolerance varies from casual dating, to LTRs to marriage. It all depends on the level of mutual commitment and the level of the consequences associated to being tolerant or not.
Hitman10000
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- May 29, 2006
- Messages
- 602
- Reaction score
- 9
It's the same reason why people tolerate jerks at work or why some parents stay together even though they don't have any romantic feelings towards each other.
Francisco d'Anconia
Master Don Juan
Exactly.Hitman10000 said:
ChaseLachey
Don Juan
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2006
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- Reaction score
- 0
At first, I tolerated my girlfriend flirting with other guys (mostly my friends)... I finally stepped up and respected myself and told her that if she wants to flirt with other guys, keep doing it so I'll let her have her freedom. She listened to what I said and shut out other guys. I saw her once (she didn't see me) with my friend who was trying to hit on her, and she completely shut him down! I have never been so proud of a girlfriend!
I also cleaned out my end by being a faithful boyfriend. She didn't nag me about it, but she told me she didn't like how I flirted with all her friends (I didn't even notice until she told me), how I texted other girls, and how I went out with other girls.
Right now we have a strong relationship, and we are both conscious of eachothers feelings. Yeah.. I know this might sound AFC (not really sure if it is)... But it's working in this relationship.
I also cleaned out my end by being a faithful boyfriend. She didn't nag me about it, but she told me she didn't like how I flirted with all her friends (I didn't even notice until she told me), how I texted other girls, and how I went out with other girls.
Right now we have a strong relationship, and we are both conscious of eachothers feelings. Yeah.. I know this might sound AFC (not really sure if it is)... But it's working in this relationship.
WC2
Master Don Juan
I'll never recommend a book to use for seduction, but as far as tolerance and dealing with your woman go, The Way of The Superior Man by Deida is an excellent read. He gives a very general understanding of what women like and don't like from their spouse and why men to this day can't understand. Even with the general gist, he does give plenty of examples too. I thought I knew just about everything when it came to dealing with my girl, but I found out there were some things I didn't know.
It's a book most men should read, regardless.
It's a book most men should read, regardless.
DJF or John
Banned
- Joined
- Oct 29, 2006
- Messages
- 340
- Reaction score
- 9
"What you can Tolerate, you cannot change."
Remember that quote buddy. If you can live on $6 an hour you will never make $7. If you can live with $100,000 a year, you will never make $200,000.
What you can Tolerate, you cannot change.
That's why I'm against seduction, and all these tips and techniques. When guys start nexting women to go to the women THEY want, then 95% of "women" problems will go away. You guys still think that just because a chick fvcked you, that means she likes you. Chicks will fvck you, all the time. But 95% of the chicks you fvck and encounter, DON'T LIKE YOU. Meaning, they will fvck you, but they will also be a thorn in your side.
But since you guys just want some azz, (guess because you seem to can't get it that often?), I guess you'll settle for anything. What a fvckin shame. Shame, shame, shame.
Remember that quote buddy. If you can live on $6 an hour you will never make $7. If you can live with $100,000 a year, you will never make $200,000.
What you can Tolerate, you cannot change.
That's why I'm against seduction, and all these tips and techniques. When guys start nexting women to go to the women THEY want, then 95% of "women" problems will go away. You guys still think that just because a chick fvcked you, that means she likes you. Chicks will fvck you, all the time. But 95% of the chicks you fvck and encounter, DON'T LIKE YOU. Meaning, they will fvck you, but they will also be a thorn in your side.
But since you guys just want some azz, (guess because you seem to can't get it that often?), I guess you'll settle for anything. What a fvckin shame. Shame, shame, shame.
md3sign
Senior Don Juan
Oops looks like I made duplicate posts. Please continue the discussion in this thread: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=116551
md3sign
Senior Don Juan
Thanks for the input so far. I guess I'm looking more for personal experience stories, most likely AFC ones (since a lot of them deal with tolerance to the utmost degree). Chase thanks for sharing, any others?