To anybody who thinks they understand women

[r0cky]

I've been talking to a hb8 I met thru a dating site for about 1.5 months. I know, very long time considering that we've never met, but seen her on cam and she's seen me. We talked almost everyday and we would talk on the phone for hours some times. I always kept the "i want but dont need you" frame. its natural for me by now.
Anyways, for some time we've been talking about meeting up during my spring break, which would be next week. This would be a 4 hr ride for me. I only agreed to meeting someone so far away because it really seemed like she was eager to see me.
for example here's the last convo we had, on tuesday night:

[21:28] her: i thought...u have breake next weekend like...the 9-14th...
[21:28] me: na, but i dont have class on friday the 6th
[21:28] her: but yay at least i can see u on the 6th
[21:28] her: yes!
[21:29] me: yea
[21:30] me: can u make it
[21:30] her: yes
[21:30] her: i can..
[21:30] her: the 6th..
[21:30] her: on friday...yes
[21:31] her: i would love to see u
[21:31] me: me too
[21:31] her: i kno babe
[21:32] me: so u better not make plans for that day
[21:32] her: oh i wouldn't think of it...
[21:33] her: i wanna be w/ u all day...!
[21:33] me: yea thats the plan
[21:33] me: lol
[21:33] me: i hope its not cold by then
[21:33] me: cuz i wanna walk around a lil
[21:34] me: ull be my private tour guide
[21:34] her: i would love to be ur cute, sexy, lil tour guide...
[21:34] her: hehe
....

Now this along with voicemails and such reinforced the fact that she wanted to meet up, I was 100% convinced this was a done deal.

The next day after the online convo, wednesday, I called her around 7pm, left a msg, no call back. Then at 11pm before i went to sleep i called again, phone is turned off. Next morning I called her, she always picks up when i call her at that time, but no pick up. That thursday nite, the night before the planned meeting, I see shes logged on to myspace, in other words she's been avoiding me.

Why would she do this? Could it be that this was all a fantasy to her, but when the time came to face me in real person, she got too scared to handle reality? This is the best explanation i can come up with.

Who here thinks they can solve this one?

 

[usscrum]

you're about to get flooded with dudes telling you you're being needy by calling her that often, and they are right. its tough with someone that far away and it very very rarely works out. i just got out of a situation like that a couple weeks ago except we met in person, hooked up, then talked everyday for like a month or so. keep your options open man and dont get oneitis because the odds are against you in this situation. don't talk to her for a couple days and see what happens.

 

[The_411]

I've been talking to a hb8 I met thru a dating site for about 1.5 months. I know, very long time considering that we've never met, but seen her on cam and she's seen me. We talked almost everyday and we would talk on the phone for hours some times. I always kept the "i want but dont need you" frame. its natural for me by now.
Anyways, for some time we've been talking about meeting up during my spring break, which would be next week. This would be a 4 hr ride for me. I only agreed to meeting someone so far away because it really seemed like she was eager to see me.
for example here's the last convo we had, on tuesday night:

[21:28] her: i thought...u have breake next weekend like...the 9-14th...
[21:28] me: na, but i dont have class on friday the 6th
[21:28] her: but yay at least i can see u on the 6th
[21:28] her: yes!
[21:29] me: yea
[21:30] me: can u make it
[21:30] her: yes
[21:30] her: i can..
[21:30] her: the 6th..
[21:30] her: on friday...yes
[21:31] her: i would love to see u
[21:31] me: me too
[21:31] her: i kno babe
[21:32] me: so u better not make plans for that day
[21:32] her: oh i wouldn't think of it...
[21:33] her: i wanna be w/ u all day...!
[21:33] me: yea thats the plan
[21:33] me: lol
[21:33] me: i hope its not cold by then
[21:33] me: cuz i wanna walk around a lil
[21:34] me: ull be my private tour guide
[21:34] her: i would love to be ur cute, sexy, lil tour guide...
[21:34] her: hehe
....

Now this along with voicemails and such reinforced the fact that she wanted to meet up, I was 100% convinced this was a done deal.

The next day after the online convo, wednesday, I called her around 7pm, left a msg, no call back. Then at 11pm before i went to sleep i called again, phone is turned off. Next morning I called her, she always picks up when i call her at that time, but no pick up. Thursday nite I see shes logged on to myspace, in other words she's been avoiding me.

Why would she do this? Could it be that this was all a fantasy to her, but when the time came to face me in real person, she got too scared to handle reality? This is the best explanation i can come up with.

Who here thinks they can solve this one?

This one was over before it started ....

I've been talking to a hb8 I met thru a dating site for about 1.5 months.

1.5 months?!? going online is fine but this is way too much time for someone you've never met. If you can't arrange a date within two weeks of initiating it's not gonna happen.

 

[r0cky]

She did most of the contacting. I didnt take her seriously for the first 2 or 3 weeks and then she kinda grew on me. I always had other options and such.
But thats not the main issue. I want to know what would drive her to take it this far and then cut all contact.

 

[Interceptor]

I think she just realized that this was for real, and she kinda freaked about it.

I also think she is noticing if you stick to your 'frame' or not.
So I bet she's wondering if you're really 'natural'.
Give her some space, maybe she is realizing shes not that into you.

 

[The_411]

She wanted attention as all women do. You driving 4 hours just to see her is not attractive. That's how this whole thing projected to me. You should have gone down there and called her from there and told her to meet you xyz place. The pre-planning shows too much interest. Too much fluff chat as well. Chatting and calling are for setting up things not to talk. Talk when you are with a woman not away from her.


She was putting you on because she knew she had you.

 

[DonJuan11]

A girl loves it when she can talk to a guy for online or on the phone for hours and hours and have him interested in her without seeing him or giving him sex. It's beautiful for her ego and she doesn't have to give up anything in return.

You shouldn't be talking or seeing a girl without expecting sex in return. Talking and chatting are for her girlfriends and you were one great girlfriend for 1.5 months.

 

[Interceptor]

Rocky, are you even serious about this woman , or is she something to experiment and play with to you? A convenience?

You need to find out real fast what she really means to you.

 

[r0cky]

Rocky, are you even serious about this woman , or is she something to experiment and play with to you? A convenience?

You need to find out real fast what she really means to you.

Mostly experiment and training. Thats how I see all girls. And I'm only concerned about what could have caused this response so i can learn from it, I'm not about trying to revive the relationship. I already deleted her #.

 

[Bass-Turd]

well, from the looks of it she wasn't that into you in the first place. all you can do is move on.

thank this girl for showing that you were about to waste 4 hours and a tank of gas to go see someone who wasn't interested

i don't think she was in it for real, she might have just been having fun flirting.

no amount of showing less interest or some bullsh1t would have made the situation any different because in my opinion she wasn't for real in the first place

lol be thankful

 

[Duffdog]

This seems like a big ego stroking puff of smoke. She never wanted to do anything at any time with an "internet guy", especially since she was probably getting banged by the dude next door while her phone was off. Because you are far away, you had no real power over any situation and she controlled every angle of it including how and when she contacted you.

This 1.5 month "thing" wasn't anything to her. I bet you she will contact you again after you stop calling/txting/IMing and give you and excuse like: "my mom/dog/aunt was sick/in town/whatever, sorry I didn't call you back" and then she will expect that you will say "oh, thats ok" and continue to talk to her, confirming that you were a chump.

Get a real live female, not an internet one.

 

[Splendidostring]

Hey

It all comes back to her being aroused in what was the present moment because she didn't have to care ..you weren't there and the conversation made her feel good and so she created those false promises..

Just like her mind went into "movie" mode, she put aside the real life to focus on her false emotional world. It's like unconscious lying.

 

[EastWind]

From my experience, talking to some girl on the phone for hours and keeping the "want but not need" frame do not work together. She's 4 hours away, if you're calling but not meeting her, you obviously have needs that you can only fulfill in that way. Which is not good.

Now, you've said this is all training and experience to you....... which is fine. But I think that investing HOURS into text-based conversation doesn't help much. At all. It's asymmetrical conversation. Phone is a little better, but not really. You want to have the girl in front of you, read her body language, touch her, feel her, etc. etc.

I strongly advise you not to spend so much, or any, time on a girl that far away. It's another thing to keep in touch with old friends by having conversations once in a while... but not this.

 

[r0cky]

Update:
She called me last night. (you were right duffdog)
Throws excuses for not calling me, doesnt mention anything about our plans for meeting up. However, she tells me her mom has told her they may come to NYC during the summer. I'm thinking wow, is this bi.tch for real? isnt she happy with fu5king me over once, she's coming back for seconds?
I said "im sorry this is very weird for me because i thought this was over, and now you call me back like everything is fine..."

She told me she was sorry she couldnt call me blah blah. She gave me 2 excuses, on wednesday night she had gone over her minutes for the month, so she couldnt call anybody cuz her mom would get mad, yes her mom pays for her bill. I know this is bs because 1- everybody gets free talk time at night, and 2- she has at&t and so do i, and she told me some weeks ago how she doesnt pay for calls made to att numbers. Her second excuse was that she went on a field trip for the weekend, if that was true I think she wouldve told me about it last week.

Anyways I called her out on it and told her that "I'm sorry but those excuses dont cut it for me, good nite." and hung up.

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

See that which is before you, my friend. Internet dating is a waste of time, it is the perfect female ego stroking device and nothing more. They love the thought of getting attention and having some guy jerking off to them without having to meet him. Regardless of how much you may banter and establish a fake rapport with someone on the internet, I cannot believe that any woman worth my time in real life would not be sitting there thinking what a tool I was for trying to meet women on the internet.

Anything worth having will not come easy. Go out and sarge in real life.

 

[russell]

Update:
She called me last night. (you were right duffdog)
Throws excuses for not calling me, doesnt mention anything about our plans for meeting up. However, she tells me her mom has told her they may come to NYC during the summer. I'm thinking wow, is this bi.tch for real? isnt she happy with fu5king me over once, she's coming back for seconds?
I said "im sorry this is very weird for me because i thought this was over, and now you call me back like everything is fine..."

She told me she was sorry she couldnt call me blah blah. She gave me 2 excuses, on wednesday night she had gone over her minutes for the month, so she couldnt call anybody cuz her mom would get mad, yes her mom pays for her bill. I know this is bs because 1- everybody gets free talk time at night, and 2- she has at&t and so do i, and she told me some weeks ago how she doesnt pay for calls made to att numbers. Her second excuse was that she went on a field trip for the weekend, if that was true I think she wouldve told me about it last week.

Anyways I called her out on it and told her that "I'm sorry but those excuses dont cut it for me, good nite." and hung up.

i like that ending. a bit resentful, but abrupt. haha good one.