I've heard posts on here before regarding people who "want to not care" about what people think about them, or to not care so much about things. Well I've always been a guy that's required validation from others. I always care what others think about me, etc.
I consider myself a nice guy, but I noticed I would 'filter' what I say often because I wanted to come across as a nice guy as well. I would think of sayin something, then a lot of times quickly decide to my self "A nice guy wouldn't say that." or "That's not a nice thing to say." and say something else. My desire of wanting to come across as a type of person (who I may or may not actually be) who other people like made me act in a way where I wasn't being honest with myself.
Another reason how caring what everyone else thinks hinders you. Last time I was at the club, I saw this girl that kinda interested me. She wasn't the best looking girl...but something about the way she looked really attracted me. I never talked to her. Part of the reason was the fact that if I went anywhere with this chick, I didn't feel she was 'hot' enough to show off as a trophy to my friends. Even though I would be totally cool with her, she was attractive to ME...I declined partly because I didnt' feel she was good looking enough by everyone elses views (even though most people have lower standards than I do). The other reason was of course I was afraid of rejection - what will she think of me if I talk to her? what will my friends think if they see me get rejected? etc etc. All these things running through my head doesn't help at all.
I've realized that people who care too much about what people think about them aren't truly happy with themselves. It's because they aren't satisfied with their true selves is why they seek validation from others. I've noticed a lot of times I want to talk to a girl not because I actually think the girl is someone I'd like to spend time with - but rather someone I can show off as a prize so all my friends will think I'm cool. It's the girls that I actually think I would like to get to know I most avoid because they aren't the best trophies to show off.
Well lately I've decided that no matter what, I am happy with myself no matter what happens, and I'm totally fine with that.
I am totally happy with myself now, so I just say whatever I want to without thinking whether it's 'nice' or 'not nice' or whatever. Who cares if people don't think I'm a nice guy? I'm just being myself and I'm totally cool with that. Even though I say whatever I want now (within reason) I still think I'm a nice guy but I'm happy with my personality because I am being honest with myself. As a result, I don't care nearly as much about what others think about me. I still care a little bit (who doesn't) but a lot less than before and I feel that's a good thing. This should not be confused with being a jerk, arrogant, or complacent - because being content with yourself has nothing to do with those. Not caring has to come from within. Trying to simply make yourself 'not care' doesn't work. I never did that. I never tried to make myself not care...I just realized I was happy with myself no matter what and as a result I noticed I don't care about what people think about me nearly as much. I don't filter what I say nearly as much, either.
And already I've noticed a difference in how people are treating me. Suddenly people who I would call 3x as much as they would call me...start inviting me out, asking what I'm doing etc. I guess I am giving off the vibe that I'm just gonna do my thing, and I'm content with who I am. People like to be around others who don't seek validation and are happy with their own being. Next time at the club, I'm gonna talk to a girl who I think I'd like to get to know. No pickup lines, just say whatever I want and if it works out...great. If not, that's cool because not everybody is compatible and it's fine if she's not interested. I'm sick of this urge to pick up girls just to say to myself and others "I picked up this girl! Look at how big of a pimp I am!" I want to meet a girl to enjoy the time with her, instead of using her to show off so I look cool. I could care less about that now.
So am I DJ, an AFC...? I don't really care. I'm myself and whatever category I fit into I'm totally cool with because it's just a label. Anyways I hope this post can help some people here. It's not really a lot of advice, but just kind of a little inspirational story so take what I say with a grain of salt.
I consider myself a nice guy, but I noticed I would 'filter' what I say often because I wanted to come across as a nice guy as well. I would think of sayin something, then a lot of times quickly decide to my self "A nice guy wouldn't say that." or "That's not a nice thing to say." and say something else. My desire of wanting to come across as a type of person (who I may or may not actually be) who other people like made me act in a way where I wasn't being honest with myself.
Another reason how caring what everyone else thinks hinders you. Last time I was at the club, I saw this girl that kinda interested me. She wasn't the best looking girl...but something about the way she looked really attracted me. I never talked to her. Part of the reason was the fact that if I went anywhere with this chick, I didn't feel she was 'hot' enough to show off as a trophy to my friends. Even though I would be totally cool with her, she was attractive to ME...I declined partly because I didnt' feel she was good looking enough by everyone elses views (even though most people have lower standards than I do). The other reason was of course I was afraid of rejection - what will she think of me if I talk to her? what will my friends think if they see me get rejected? etc etc. All these things running through my head doesn't help at all.
I've realized that people who care too much about what people think about them aren't truly happy with themselves. It's because they aren't satisfied with their true selves is why they seek validation from others. I've noticed a lot of times I want to talk to a girl not because I actually think the girl is someone I'd like to spend time with - but rather someone I can show off as a prize so all my friends will think I'm cool. It's the girls that I actually think I would like to get to know I most avoid because they aren't the best trophies to show off.
Well lately I've decided that no matter what, I am happy with myself no matter what happens, and I'm totally fine with that.
I am totally happy with myself now, so I just say whatever I want to without thinking whether it's 'nice' or 'not nice' or whatever. Who cares if people don't think I'm a nice guy? I'm just being myself and I'm totally cool with that. Even though I say whatever I want now (within reason) I still think I'm a nice guy but I'm happy with my personality because I am being honest with myself. As a result, I don't care nearly as much about what others think about me. I still care a little bit (who doesn't) but a lot less than before and I feel that's a good thing. This should not be confused with being a jerk, arrogant, or complacent - because being content with yourself has nothing to do with those. Not caring has to come from within. Trying to simply make yourself 'not care' doesn't work. I never did that. I never tried to make myself not care...I just realized I was happy with myself no matter what and as a result I noticed I don't care about what people think about me nearly as much. I don't filter what I say nearly as much, either.
And already I've noticed a difference in how people are treating me. Suddenly people who I would call 3x as much as they would call me...start inviting me out, asking what I'm doing etc. I guess I am giving off the vibe that I'm just gonna do my thing, and I'm content with who I am. People like to be around others who don't seek validation and are happy with their own being. Next time at the club, I'm gonna talk to a girl who I think I'd like to get to know. No pickup lines, just say whatever I want and if it works out...great. If not, that's cool because not everybody is compatible and it's fine if she's not interested. I'm sick of this urge to pick up girls just to say to myself and others "I picked up this girl! Look at how big of a pimp I am!" I want to meet a girl to enjoy the time with her, instead of using her to show off so I look cool. I could care less about that now.
So am I DJ, an AFC...? I don't really care. I'm myself and whatever category I fit into I'm totally cool with because it's just a label. Anyways I hope this post can help some people here. It's not really a lot of advice, but just kind of a little inspirational story so take what I say with a grain of salt.
