loveshogun
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Feb 19, 2009
- Messages
- 721
- Reaction score
- 35
So, this weekend, I had three different girls, hb7+, throwing themselves at me on the same night. I was just bein' myself, singing songs and havin' drinks with my friends.
Granted, they were college girls, so it's not all that difficult to be impressive when you're employed and you don't look like a frat boy.
I managed to surprise myself and not take any of them up on their offers. Immediately I thought to myself, "It's free, you jackass! Take it!"
But, I thought about the sound of the voice in my head, and it sounded like high-school-me.
I was already having a good time either way. I was out with my friends, some of whom I haven't seen in a while, and I was just content with where I was at that time - catching up about great things, making plans for the weeks to come, and just enjoying the new sh*t that's been happening to all of us.
So content, that I gave up an easy Saturday lay.
Even my friends were telling me that it was almost like I wasn't myself, and that I should go for these girls.
Initially I was inclined to agree with them, because of my, for lack of a better word, training.
But I stuck to my own guns and decided I wanted to stick around my friends - the ones I'd known for more than 10 minutes.
The following morning, which saw me narrowly avoid a hangover, I asked myself whether I was just being a p*ssy, or making excuses.
Maybe I was.
Regardless, I realized that when I asked myself whether I was being a p*ssy, that banging these girls, though it surely would have been enjoyable, wouldn't prove anything about myself that I didn't already know - that I like sex.
So, for possibly the first time in my life since I became aware of my d*ck, I was not swayed by my sex drive to bang for the sake of banging.
I've mentioned before on this board that my sex drive has always been my biggest weakness in terms of prioritizing my life. My id is a horny little grade schooler - he doesn't look out for my best interests because by definition, he can't. He wants tang without regard, and if he sees it in front of him he screams for it. When it's not around, he cries for it. And, like a nagging backseat driver, he's ALWAYS talking to me.
I don't know if I've mentally castrated myself, but I feel genuinely focused on my personal goals for the first time ever. It was a peaceful feeling. One where I feel that I always have the option of pursuing women, rather than the need.
I've started some new pursuits in the last month, and I'm also starting a new book project. That might have something to do with it.
I hope it lasts, because it feels like freedom.
Thoughts?
Granted, they were college girls, so it's not all that difficult to be impressive when you're employed and you don't look like a frat boy.
I managed to surprise myself and not take any of them up on their offers. Immediately I thought to myself, "It's free, you jackass! Take it!"
But, I thought about the sound of the voice in my head, and it sounded like high-school-me.
I was already having a good time either way. I was out with my friends, some of whom I haven't seen in a while, and I was just content with where I was at that time - catching up about great things, making plans for the weeks to come, and just enjoying the new sh*t that's been happening to all of us.
So content, that I gave up an easy Saturday lay.
Even my friends were telling me that it was almost like I wasn't myself, and that I should go for these girls.
Initially I was inclined to agree with them, because of my, for lack of a better word, training.
But I stuck to my own guns and decided I wanted to stick around my friends - the ones I'd known for more than 10 minutes.
The following morning, which saw me narrowly avoid a hangover, I asked myself whether I was just being a p*ssy, or making excuses.
Maybe I was.
Regardless, I realized that when I asked myself whether I was being a p*ssy, that banging these girls, though it surely would have been enjoyable, wouldn't prove anything about myself that I didn't already know - that I like sex.
So, for possibly the first time in my life since I became aware of my d*ck, I was not swayed by my sex drive to bang for the sake of banging.
I've mentioned before on this board that my sex drive has always been my biggest weakness in terms of prioritizing my life. My id is a horny little grade schooler - he doesn't look out for my best interests because by definition, he can't. He wants tang without regard, and if he sees it in front of him he screams for it. When it's not around, he cries for it. And, like a nagging backseat driver, he's ALWAYS talking to me.
I don't know if I've mentally castrated myself, but I feel genuinely focused on my personal goals for the first time ever. It was a peaceful feeling. One where I feel that I always have the option of pursuing women, rather than the need.
I've started some new pursuits in the last month, and I'm also starting a new book project. That might have something to do with it.
I hope it lasts, because it feels like freedom.
Thoughts?
