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This interest thing

WildThang

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Okay, I see a lot of guys on here posting shyt like 'I tried leaving a message and she didn't call back but I know she has exams and stuff so... is there still hope?'

Here is a basic bottom line thing which you've doubtless read elsewhere but which some guys here still aren't getting, so I'm going to explain it again:

A woman is either interested or she isn't. If she's interested, she acts interested. She makes it easy for you. If she's not interested, she makes excuses.

That's it. That's all you need to know.

It doesn't make any difference what her excuses are, or whether they're true or not.

Yes, she may have exams. Yes, she may have 'family stuff.' Yes, her pet cobra may have died.

None of this matters. All that matters is that you are getting an excuse from her. This tells you the only thing you need to know - which is that there is something in her life which is more important to her than you are, and therefore she does not, at this moment in time, have any desire to spend time with you.

Now, you may be thinking 'Yes, but what if she really *does* have exams?'

So what? All this tells you is that she's busy. She may not be available for dating you. Hell, she may not be available for dating anyone (even though she may not realise this). If you keep calling her, she'll get off on the attention anyway. And you'll be in chumpville quicker than you can say 'Not Tuesday then. Howabout Weds? Or Monday? Friday? Any day? Please?'

AFCs don't get this, which is why they waste their time playing phone tag. Worse still, AFCs take rejection personally. They think it's about them - it's some huge tragedy that this woman said no.

It's not a fvcking tragedy. It may, or may not, be that she doesn't like you personally. It may be that she really is busy.

The reason doesn't matter. Anything other than a 'Yes, I'll see on you on such and such a day' means 'I am not interested at this time.' And you have to accept that fact, because otherwise you'll be hitting your head against a wall.

Now, the other thing to remember her is that women are all-time world champions at plausible excuses. So if you get an excuse from a chick, it will also sound 100% believable. It will also sound 100% believable when she tells you she's still interested, but, you know, this time it's kind of not right and - no, don't give up, keep trying, just not right now, till you get so frustrated you start screaming so hard blood comes out of your ears.

So... don't fall into the AFC trap of wondering what any of that shyt means.

'Maybe sometime' means 'No.'

'Not right now' means 'No.'

'I have a lot on my mind right now' means 'No.'

'I have exams' means 'No.'

'I'd love to but I can't because I have a meeting with my boss' means 'No.'

'I'm having family problems' means 'No.'

'I have to go delouse my best friend's turtle' means 'No.'

Experience shows that once you get a 'No' you're pretty much guaranteed to be wasting your time. If you're feeling generous maybe cut the chick some slack, bump her to the end of your list, and ignore her for a month or three before you even think about asking again.

Realistically, once you get a 'No', the odds against a 'Yes' start to skyrocket. Still, sometimes it happens. But don't waste any time hoping - treat her as strike-out last resort material, or a space filler if you're bored. If you try again at random sometime when you no longer care and get a yes, think of it as a bonus.

In the meantime - engrave somewhere on the inside of your eyelids that anything other than 'Yes' means 'No'. Always. No exceptions. No excuses.
 

Giovanni Casanova

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Originally posted by WildThang:
In the meantime - engrave somewhere on the inside of your eyelids that anything other than 'Yes' means 'No'. Always. No exceptions. No excuses.
And sometimes, 'Yes' means 'No' also.
 

NowArriving

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Originally posted by Giovanni Casanova:
And sometimes, 'Yes' means 'No' also.
Yep. Cancellations happen.

A few more:

"Let me check my schedule and call you back, what's your number?" means no

"maybe next week" means no

"I'm really busy right now but we should get together sometime real soon" means no

I figure it is ok to try again a week or two later, just in case. After that, you've asked her out twice so she knows you're interested.

Say NEXT, and let her call you, though that won't happen since she wasn't interested to begin with.
 

VeryBadGirl

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No one is ever THAT busy that they cannot place a simple 5 minute call. (Even if all they say in the call is "I am really busy this week, but I will call you on Friday.)

So, if she isn't calling, she isn't really that interested. Or she's in jail. Either way, not good.
 

Survivor

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It all goes back to the root of the problem...self-respect.

AFC's simply do not respect themselves.

That's why they always rationalize disrespectful behavior. That's why they take rejection personally. That's why their self-worth is determined by whether or not they have a girlfriend.

They don't have anything else going on in their lives. To think that I was once an AFC makes me wanna puke.

It's painfully evident in every other post on this forum.

[This message has been edited by Survivor (edited 02-06-2002).]
 

slim2002

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That's one of the best posts i've seen in a long time. I asked out this girl I work with last week out and she said she was really tired from moving to her new house. What a trick. I'm gonna ask her out once more and see what she says.
 

Amlothi

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Slim I'm in the same boat, except I didn't get a real excuse, but a "I'll probably be busy..." line.

Thank you for setting us straight WT! Another good post from you.

*crosses out the number*
 

DuffMan

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Hmm . . but don't DJ's say "no" sometimes too? Does that mean WE'RE not interested? Personally, I don't think there's any way to really know a girl's interest level.
 

WildThang

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Originally posted by DuffMan:
Hmm . . but don't DJ's say "no" sometimes too? Does that mean WE'RE not interested? Personally, I don't think there's any way to really know a girl's interest level.
Sure there is - if she makes excuses to spend time with you, thinks you're the funniest guy on earth, wants to help you out in big ways and small ways, she's interested.

The problem a lot of guys face is that they have never experienced high interest from a woman. So they assume it either doesn't exist, or that she'll keep her interest hidden, or whatever.

Wrong. When a woman is truly interested it is so friggin' obvious you'd have to be blind, deaf and dead to miss it.

Here's a basic give-away sign: if a woman puts spending time with you above spending time with her friends, she's definitely interested.

Note that this test weeds out the serial daters and strokers and sunshine girls. There is *no way* any of those will put you in front of their girly girl buddies, no matter how much talking and laughing and touching they do around you. If it's a choice between time with you, and time with the friends, the friends will win.

But if a woman regularly blows off her friends for you - you're in. No doubt about it. If it happens once you can start to wonder. Twice and it's looking promising. Regularly - it's a done deal.
 

crowes22

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Originally posted by WildThang:
Sure there is - if she makes excuses to spend time with you, thinks you're the funniest guy on earth, wants to help you out in big ways and small ways, she's interested.

The problem a lot of guys face is that they have never experienced high interest from a woman. So they assume it either doesn't exist, or that she'll keep her interest hidden, or whatever.

Wrong. When a woman is truly interested it is so friggin' obvious you'd have to be blind, deaf and dead to miss it.

Here's a basic give-away sign: if a woman puts spending time with you above spending time with her friends, she's definitely interested.

Note that this test weeds out the serial daters and strokers and sunshine girls. There is *no way* any of those will put you in front of their girly girl buddies, no matter how much talking and laughing and touching they do around you. If it's a choice between time with you, and time with the friends, the friends will win.

But if a woman regularly blows off her friends for you - you're in. No doubt about it. If it happens once you can start to wonder. Twice and it's looking promising. Regularly - it's a done deal.

Hey WildThang is right Duffman. I agree most guys haven't had a girl highly interested. You need to be keen on noticing this. It will be obvious, but you can't second guess it, you know question the signs and doubt her interest. He's right on the 'her friends' aspect too. That principle also applies to a BF I'd like to add. If she blows off a chance to be w/ him to be with you, the BF is toast, she wants you.
 

Snowboard Dude

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Excellent Post especially for DJ's that used to be AFC's and need to avoid slipping back into old ways. In general what you are saying is totally true but i have question about applying this to girls you have hooked up with in the past a couple times. Last semester i hooked up with this girl, once randomly and again at my birthday party but now she is declining my very casual offers for dates but with true excuses. The problem is i always ask for doing something that day and need to just call her and ask if she will do something 4 days later and if not i guess i should give up.
Any Advice dudes?
Later on, SB
 

Galactus

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I've been noticing something lately. The AFCs complicate the sh!t out of everything. For them there are all kinds of shades of gray. For DJs it's black and white.

An AFC will make all kinds of excuses, and believe there could be multiple reasons for occurrences, that there are multiple tactics they could have tried. They cloud their thinking with a multitude of possibilities. In your example, an AFC would let the excuses go on and on, allow himself to be given the runaround forever. A DJ says: She made an excuse? She's not interested. Move on, end of story.

Things are simple when we start opening our eyes:

Touch her.

Be confident.

Have other interests.

Make eye contact.

Don't give her control of the relationship.

If she dumps you, move on.

And a bunch of others. The point is, these are simple rules that can't be disputed. It's not like you're gonna think, "Hmm, in that particular situation, maybe I should have let her control me." No. You're either in control or you're her puppet. It's black and white.
 

SPQR

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I asked a question last week similar to what WildThang is talking about (actually I think this is partially directed at my question), and personally, I think its a situational thing. The girl that I asked out last week really was busy, but I didnt give in and keep calling her, I walked away and put the ball in her court. She hasnt called me back, and Im fine with that, its her loss.

HOWEVER, I just got out of a 2 year relationship with a girl that had no idea how to act around a guy when we first started dating. She kept cancelling on me, but I knew her situation, and I gauged her interest level to be about the same as this new girl, so I kept at it. Even though we are through now (I ended it) it was the most fulfilling relationship of my life.

Now Im not saying that keep at a girl that gives mixed signals by any means, but I personally wouldnt apply the tips in here to women like instructions to making homemade crystal meth. If you deviate a little based on whats in front of you its not likely to explode in your face, and get you arrested.
A rule I like to follow is that there is an exception to every rule.
 

PoachR75

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Wild Thang...

Most valuable tip I've seen in awhile.

Some DJ once use the term at the bottom for mixed signal girls, and I like it:

(********):

"I'de like to but I'm really busy"
and
"Call me sometime next week"
and
"I have exams"
and
"my pet Cobra died"
and
"I'd like to, but the antichrist is pillaging my house"

ALL TRANSLATE TO:

"DANCE, PUPPET, DANCE"

------------------
Treat the ho's like queens and the queens like ho's. Do it. No guilt.
 

Jake Steed

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Originally posted by DuffMan:
Personally, I don't think there's any way to really know a girl's interest level.
If she lets you put your penis in her vagina, I'd say she has high interest in you. I fvcked my girl in the backseat of my car last night, I would say she had an interest level of 99%-100% at that time, wouldn't you agree?


Jake
 

indy

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BUMP BUMP BUMP!!!

Ahhh, the sweet simplicity of the DJ principles!

Where was this site 5 years ago??? Wheer was I??? LOL!
 

djbr

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boompie!
 

Pure Drive +

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This post sucks. It's too damn negative and breeds a loser mindset.

Just because you fail once doesn't mean you should give up. If everyone did that then we'd still be back in the stone age.

Also, just because a girl's family might be more important to her than going on a DATE with you, you're going to next her? Give me a break!
 

djbr

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I can't agree with you. Your arguments are valid, BUT...

When you're a newbie, you have to be strict, otherwise you're easy meat to the AFC hell again.

I know this from experience: you HAVE TO stick HARD to your rules.

I have a real hard time doing this because I change my mind so fast and many many times in a second (wow! :)). I'm trying to stick to some rules, after all consistency is necessary for anything to work (or not -- but you have to be sure if it was the rule that is flawed or the situation was not good for it to work).

Feedback is (as always) welcome!

cheers...
 

homi

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good post, really simple thing to live by.

one question though, what if its the girl who always asks me out to hang out or whatnot.

but when time comes down to it, and i say ok im available next week, she ALWAYS seems to have something to do.


i know its a bit of an AFC question, and she really doesnt mean that much to me, but her unrealibity is annoying.
 
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