Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

this board lost me my girlfriend.

mrRuckus

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Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
Alright, if you say so. It's just that the title of your thread says otherwise.

So what have you learned? What exactly did you do and to what extreme? What will you do differently next time?

It sounds as if you overreacted when she went to the club. In the past it doesn't seem as if you would have done anything or cared. There is such a thing as a "happy medium."

Next time? Not react in ways that aren't me. I'm a pretty calm and confident person and have no need to try to force someone to respect me. They either do or don't and screw em if they don't. I'm me no matter what. I mean, if the woman loves me then it's probably a foregone conclusion she respects me anyway. I'd rather give the benefit of the doubt until it's blatantly obvious.

Well sometimes she'd do or say things i thought were a little disrespectful and i'd respond a little harsher than i wanted to. I don't remember exactly what i said but last month she brought this up and i figured i was being not so bright about it so i explained why i reacted how i did. That girlfriends in my past treated me with such disrespect and this time around i wanted to cut it off before it got out of hand. She said that wasn't such a good idea because if she didn't respect me she wouldn't be with me now.. and she said not to take out past relationships on her because she's not some crap girlfriend like the others. I agree she's right and i toned down. Now she thinks she doesn't know who i really am and try as she might and as much as she cares about me she can't get the full set of feelings she had before me before she was given the brief 'dark' side of me.

It's not like i screamed and ranted at her or acted like a jealous fool or anything... was just what i thought was firm when she thought it was being mean/jerk. The largest part of the problem of the miscommunication was that it was done in txt msgs... apparently online i come off with a different personality than in person and sound really harsh. (yeah i know... later on i made the rule of no serious convos in txt msgs)

It just really sucks to lose a really good relationship over a couple things i wouldn't normally do in the first place. Hence the just be myself...
 

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sounds like she was testing you and you failed the test

sorry to tell you this but girls are like that, they will test you consciously and unconsciously, they may not admit it but if you ask like an afc then you're going to get slammed for it

i have been in this situation a few times myself, both before i started learning this stuff and recently after i have learned this stuff too

i'm just mentioning this because this is the stage i'm at currently, i just need to be more challenging

usually what happens to me is that i get a girl interested in me and she gives off all the right signals and i'm messing with her but deep down i know that if she were interested in me i would be so happy to just drop all the bs and have a great relationship with her, because deep down i know that i'm not really that successful with girls and i would probably bend over backwards to do anything for her

so i get to a point where that desperation shows, i start to like her too much and want her too much, that's usually when i know that i have screwed up because i will start to say or do things that give away that fact

i've really only come to realise this recently over the last few weeks and although i have spent a lot of time this year getting my inner game together, i really lack the experience of being in a relationship so i just screw it up

the way i see it is, you need to set the frame and be more challening, basically you know when you're heading down the wrong path if she is handing out the tests and you have to try and pass them, this requires a lot of tact and ultimately experience to deal with these situations

but the thing is if you control the frame and be the one who tests and challenges her, then she'll be too busy trying to deal with the tests that you give her to be sending anything back your way

the best way to do this in my opinion is to always seem like your busy, use time constraints when you speak to her on the phone, set limits to when you are willing to get together and for how long, even if your doing nothing, pretend that you are doing something wickedly fun so she feels like she is missing out, don't always return phone calls straight away, stuff like that, eventually she will get obsessed and be chasing you and that's when you know you are in control of the frame

if you're playing poker and you don't know who the patsy is, then you're the patsy... if you're questioning whether or not she likes you or if she's doing stuff and you don't understand why the hell she is doing it then you're the one doing the chasing not her

as far as the text messages go, that was the perfect time to use ****y funny and show her that you're a cool funny busy guy who is unaffected by her tests

anyways i can understand how you feel because i'm going through this stuff myself also, but you shouldn't be depending on anyone but your self, this site is just a resource to assist you in achieving your goals with women and dating, it's not the be all and end all, you should be testing everything in the field before you can truly decide if it's right for you or not, personally i just like sharing my ideas and experiences because it's cheaper than therapy / going insane
 

aBAzLLnA

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Don't sweat the loss, if anything use it as a lesson. Romance is necessary in any relationship, may it be a long term or even a short term. Females love romance, and I can garauntee you, 99% of women wish they were that girl being swooned in any sappy chick flick.
 

fyrefly

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Originally posted by mrRuckus
snip
Everyone look at this guy, this has to be the most AFC post i've seen on this board.

You lost your girlfriend, not this board, an internet forum cannot lose a girlfriend, if she left you it was because you weren't supposed to be together, if you were, you would be, it's incredibly simple. Now you're single and can find a girl that will unlock the "real" you no matter what bull**** you throw at her. Using this board as an excuse for anything is just pathetic, have a nice day.
 

MightyMate

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If she loved You she wouldnt say such stuff.. trust me.
Anyways. There is big difference between DJ gtting woman and DJ in LTR.
Personally im very good at getting girls number, geting them laid. I slep/got head from about 60 woman. 3/4 of them while i was 21-25 years old. But by all this time i were only in 4 LTRs and most of them ended after year or so. I was in 4 LTRs because i found only 4 woman interesting enaugh to be in one. Im not lame, im lik 70% success with getting sex from every woman. And i date only HB9. Not more and not less.
Its a huge problem to stay in LTR and there are different rules for it than for getting girls. Im learning all the time. Atm im trying to give my tips for LTR people and look for ones like that. **** is mad hard.
 

Reagan2

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Originally posted by mrRuckus
I used DJ principles and lost my 7 month girlfriend because of them.

They don't always work is my lesson. They'll land you a smart girl to begin with but they surely don't keep her. I know you'll say I used them wrong but i'm sure if i didn't employ them at all i'd still have her. Being yourself works for me. What i got about a month ago was "i feel like i don't know the real you" then i was like yeah i did too much of just following "the rules" instead of going with what i really wanted to do... by then i'd already killed her feeling and today she was just like "well we tried and you have been better lately but the feeling i originally had is lost and i can't get through that mental block." The main mental block? Me being "mean" (really wasn't) when i thought she was being disrespectful towards me. She wouldn't get over that fact even though i hadn't done anything like that in months.

Trying my damn best not to be AFC over the break up.

I believe in just be yourself as long as you're not a complete chump now. Two girls in a row now i lost over almost the same reason when i had no trouble keeping them before. My main goal was help getting them in the first place but once they're interested and involved i think a lot of this is crap.
You have to realize these tactics only work on girls that are ****ed in the head. If you have a good girl with a good head on her shoulders she won't put up with it.
 

mrRuckus

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Re: Re: this board lost me my girlfriend.

Originally posted by fyrefly

You lost your girlfriend, not this board, an internet forum cannot lose a girlfriend, if she left you it was because you weren't supposed to be together, if you were, you would be, it's incredibly simple. Now you're single and can find a girl that will unlock the "real" you no matter what bull**** you throw at her. Using this board as an excuse for anything is just pathetic, have a nice day.
If i'm giving her some crap spewed at me from a message board about what i'm "supposed to do" instead of what i really think to do then it's in essence lying to her and not being myself whatsoever. I wasn't being a man and listening to my own head.

Smart girls see through that crap. I listen to threads like this http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=76959
(see the mindovermatter post) and got all up in arms about it when i normally wouldn't care because it's too much trouble to worry about inappropriate behavior. The way i really feel is that she can go out to clubs because if she's going to cheat on me she would find a way to one way or the other. She's not some common bimbo out to shake her ass on some dude's crotch or she wouldn't have been with me in the first place. I have enough confidence in myself that she'd be dumb to want to cheat on me anyway.

Last point.. I DO blame myself for listening to a lot of the bull**** in the first place. The "pick up" methods seem to be all well and good but listening to anything on here about relationships just seems not worthwhile... which was my entire point. I never meant the thread's title literally.

If it's AFC to admit my own mistakes then so be it.

"unlock the real you?" It's things like that that are crap. What the hell? Unlock me? It's just overthinking crap backed up with no evidence or field experience. It's almost like cliches like "out of site, out of mind" and "absence makes the heart grow fonder." Everyone goes around spewing things like that but they're completely contradictory. I think it's just not worth worrying about.

I don't mean to attack you. I know i sound that way though now that i think about it.
 

DonJuanMonk

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F-uCK YOU!!! For blaming any of us or this website for your probs.

1. Where is the proof?
2. We don't know you in real life, DUMB ASS.
3. What you do, was on YOU not us.
 

SeldomSeen

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RE:

always remember everyone situation is different and what applies to them may not apply to you. Some people take everything to be the truth and thats why they have trouble with success. I remember everyone reading that 'Truth About Women' article and freaking out like idiots as if it was the universal truth applying to all women. You have to learn to take things with a grain of salt and you should also have a feel for the woman you're dealing with and learning to adapt to situations.
 

Reagan2

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Re: Re: Re: this board lost me my girlfriend.

Originally posted by mrRuckus
If i'm giving her some crap spewed at me from a message board about what i'm "supposed to do" instead of what i really think to do then it's in essence lying to her and not being myself whatsoever. I wasn't being a man and listening to my own head.

Smart girls see through that crap. I listen to threads like this http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=76959
(see the mindovermatter post) and got all up in arms about it when i normally wouldn't care because it's too much trouble to worry about inappropriate behavior. The way i really feel is that she can go out to clubs because if she's going to cheat on me she would find a way to one way or the other. She's not some common bimbo out to shake her ass on some dude's crotch or she wouldn't have been with me in the first place. I have enough confidence in myself that she'd be dumb to want to cheat on me anyway.

Last point.. I DO blame myself for listening to a lot of the bull**** in the first place. The "pick up" methods seem to be all well and good but listening to anything on here about relationships just seems not worthwhile... which was my entire point. I never meant the thread's title literally.

If it's AFC to admit my own mistakes then so be it.

"unlock the real you?" It's things like that that are crap. What the hell? Unlock me? It's just overthinking crap backed up with no evidence or field experience. It's almost like cliches like "out of site, out of mind" and "absence makes the heart grow fonder." Everyone goes around spewing things like that but they're completely contradictory. I think it's just not worth worrying about.

I don't mean to attack you. I know i sound that way though now that i think about it.
Good man. They don't like it when people say it like it is. You're right. This stuff is meant for people that are ugly and are looking for a short term thing with a very insecure girl. It's that simple.

Look at David DeAngelo's crap. The most important trait that derives attracting from both sexes, is confidence. David DeAngelo's methods derived confidence by putting down women. You play with their insecurities. You knock them down and all they can see from you must be a confident person. But in a relationship, you're giving someone the real you. You know the real her and she knows the real you. All that David DeAngelo bull**** doesn't work, unless she's deeply insecure and screwed up. She'll see the real you, and she won't put up with it. Anyone can see this.
 

The Juan and only

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Originally posted by ScrewIt
It's true, a lot of the so called "rules" simply dont apply when you get into exclusivity with a girl. In the end all you have left is just to be yourself (the confident you) anyway.

EXACTLY. Many of the rules are about self-development and only really apply in the beginning.

Also, I wouldn't recommended that you suddenly start practicing all these principles with a girl who already knows you - it will make you seem insincere and insecure, especially if you're just starting out and don't really know what you're doing. Think about it, you're dating someone and their personality suddenly changes - what does that say to you?

You also need to consider that a lot of DJ/PUAs/etc get WORSE before they get better, I know I did. It takes time to fully understand the principles.

One more thing though, are you sure it was the DJ principles that drove her away? obviously the relationship was already in danger or your wouldn't have come here int he first place.
 

Marlimus

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this board lost me my girlfriend.
No. You lost your girlfriend by not using your adult discretion and your common sense. Take responsibility for your decisions.
 

Docs

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Re: Re: this board lost me my girlfriend.

Originally posted by The_Shezzler
NO ALL THE NOOBS WHO TRY TO GIVE AWESOME ADVICE IN THEIR FIRST POSTS ONLY TO FUCK IT UP LOST YOU YOUR GIRLFRIEND!

SARGE ON...
The_Shezzler has done it again! Blunt accurate truth!

Never should first words be words of the wise, for wiser know the faults of your own.

:D
 

Julian

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this board didnt lose your gf, YOU lost your gf.
 

wavejams007

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Being a DJ is not about following all the rules and all, this should be more of a guide, not the absolute law. You should be able to adapt the principles to your situation.
 

frivolousz21

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Sounds like a typical excuse from a girl who wants to break up. You really don't know that things would be different if you hadn't acted that way. People have disagreements/arguments/fights about all sorts of things, especially when you've been with someone for a good amount of time. Rarely will you ever get the TRUTH about why someone wants to split. Sometimes you get the "it's me not you" or some incident from the past that can't be overlooked (among an infinite number of reasons).

im not here to flame you or pick you out.

but you have admitted your a 26 yr old virgin?

how do u know all this? how can you have all this LTR advice or knowledge...

does this mean you have had many LTR's but never had sex?


I can tell you that he probably acted out of character...I wouldnt date someone who was acting like 2 diff people.

nor would I stay with someone who played DJ games
 

frivolousz21

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Though I have her, I'm still doing approaches so that my DJ skills wont get rusty. I still get some numbers but I don't bother to call / text them at all. Well, maybe when I get bored.

why dont you be a man and tell her you do this???

and see how she takes it...or how you would take it if she did this to you.




I took it to the extreme the other direction after this site. Nothing romantic.
ive did that too for a while..and she wanst as receptive...
then for christmas this yr..I got her a 1/2 carat diamond neckless of a cross...cost me a pretty penny. she welled up.

be a man in ur LTR not a arsehole...

remember the advice here was written by nerds and dorks who took it to the extreme to land a gf, date, or fb.

follow ur heart and gut.
 

frivolousz21

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sorry to tell you this but girls are like that, they will test you consciously and unconsciously, they may not admit it but if you ask like an afc then you're going to get slammed for it

i have been in this situation a few times myself, both before i started learning this stuff and recently after i have learned this stuff too

i'm just mentioning this because this is the stage i'm at currently, i just need to be more challenging

usually what happens to me is that i get a girl interested in me and she gives off all the right signals and i'm messing with her but deep down i know that if she were interested in me i would be so happy to just drop all the bs and have a great relationship with her, because deep down i know that i'm not really that successful with girls and i would probably bend over backwards to do anything for her

so i get to a point where that desperation shows, i start to like her too much and want her too much, that's usually when i know that i have screwed up because i will start to say or do things that give away that fact

i've really only come to realise this recently over the last few weeks and although i have spent a lot of time this year getting my inner game together, i really lack the experience of being in a relationship so i just screw it up

the way i see it is, you need to set the frame and be more challening, basically you know when you're heading down the wrong path if she is handing out the tests and you have to try and pass them, this requires a lot of tact and ultimately experience to deal with these situations

but the thing is if you control the frame and be the one who tests and challenges her, then she'll be too busy trying to deal with the tests that you give her to be sending anything back your way

the best way to do this in my opinion is to always seem like your busy, use time constraints when you speak to her on the phone, set limits to when you are willing to get together and for how long, even if your doing nothing, pretend that you are doing something wickedly fun so she feels like she is missing out, don't always return phone calls straight away, stuff like that, eventually she will get obsessed and be chasing you and that's when you know you are in control of the frame

if you're playing poker and you don't know who the patsy is, then you're the patsy... if you're questioning whether or not she likes you or if she's doing stuff and you don't understand why the hell she is doing it then you're the one doing the chasing not her

as far as the text messages go, that was the perfect time to use ****y funny and show her that you're a cool funny busy guy who is unaffected by her tests

anyways i can understand how you feel because i'm going through this stuff myself also, but you shouldn't be depending on anyone but your self, this site is just a resource to assist you in achieving your goals with women and dating, it's not the be all and end all, you should be testing everything in the field before you can truly decide if it's right for you or not, personally i just like sharing my ideas and experiences because it's cheaper than therapy / going insane

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
or you could be a man...stand on your beliefs.




You have to realize these tactics only work on girls that are ****ed in the head. If you have a good girl with a good head on her shoulders she won't put up with it.


this is 10000 percent correct

All that David DeAngelo bull**** doesn't work, unless she's deeply insecure and screwed up. She'll see the real you, and she won't put up with it. Anyone can see this.

BINGO....again 100 percent correct...I learned this with my current Fiance...she is 100 percent confident..and the only thing she wants from me is to be giving and caring...stuff this board calls afc.

but G and C with cofidence are diff then supplicating a girl whos never touched you. :)
 

Francisco d'Anconia

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Re: Re: Re: Re: this board lost me my girlfriend.

Originally posted by Reagan2
...Look at David DeAngelo's crap. The most important trait that derives attracting from both sexes, is confidence. David DeAngelo's methods derived confidence by putting down women. You play with their insecurities. You knock them down and all they can see from you must be a confident person...
WTF??? Did anyone else get this from DYD?
 

Tazman

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quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sounds like a typical excuse from a girl who wants to break up. You really don't know that things would be different if you hadn't acted that way. People have disagreements/arguments/fights about all sorts of things, especially when you've been with someone for a good amount of time. Rarely will you ever get the TRUTH about why someone wants to split. Sometimes you get the "it's me not you" or some incident from the past that can't be overlooked (among an infinite number of reasons).
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




im not here to flame you or pick you out.

but you have admitted your a 26 yr old virgin?

how do u know all this? how can you have all this LTR advice or knowledge...

does this mean you have had many LTR's but never had sex?


I can tell you that he probably acted out of character...I wouldnt date someone who was acting like 2 diff people.

nor would I stay with someone who played DJ games
I have not penetrated a girl yes, I am a virgin, technically. I have had experiences with women, and based on this experience, observations of my friends, family, and others, and that I'm a human being I feel I can offer advice. I know people who have been in LTRs and they are clueless as to why things went wrong, can they offer advice? Maybe. It's funny though, I've given advice to a guy who was married for 6 years and he said it helped him tremendously (not this forum however).

mrRuckus really didn't provide much information about how he behaved, he says he doesn't remember. We have no idea how long he acted a certain way (whatever way that was, controlling, mean, jealous, etc) or what he actually said. What also doesn't make sense, is that he said he didn't have a problem with women before, so why did he feel the need to come here and change what wasn't broken?

I still stand by this as it has happened to me and plenty of others:
"Rarely will you ever get the TRUTH about why someone wants to split."
 
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