Third Date Flake

[ChrisHughes]

I'm spinning plates at the moment, have a lot of options, but there's one girl I've been gaming in the past month who is probably the hottest, and so my emotional investment has been dangerous.

Date one: Just a casual drink, lots of kino, a make-out within the hour, get invited in for coffee, tells me she's "very attracted" to me. More kissing, but we didn't go all the way - I realized I actually liked her and didn't want it to be another cheap same-night lay. She was very sexual, but we both stopped it from escalating.

She initiated texts, kept up communication. I phoned her a few days later, scheduled another date.

Second date: More subdued. Dinner and drinks. She has a very high powered job, and is a total workaholic (long hours, has to travel a lot). She was very tired from having just got back from a work trip. The sexual tension wasn't as great as a result, but there was still a make-out and lots of kino and flirting. Though, no invited coffee invite.

After this, no contact from her. I called her, she said she couldn't do weekday dates because it was too much, so we made plans for the following Saturday.

The week trudges by, and she doesn't initiate one text. When Friday comes, I get what I was expecting: the flake. A family function she forgot about, lots of deadlines, etc, etc. I have ignored the text.

I was thinking of silence for a few weeks and then trying again. Or is the best advice to just leave it? Some more context: this is a woman 5 years older than me (40s, never been married, no kids, and seems to have put the job first her whole life).

 

[Nycnyc]

I'm assuming you know what your big mistake was: not sleeping with her the first night.

She invited you over and basically wanted you to bang her. You rejected her- doesnt matter whatever chivalrous or romantic reason you had. That makes you look less manly, and less attractive- especially to a 40-something, career-focused, self-focused woman. Shes not a twenty-something chick worried about getting married and relationships and looking like a slut.

I'm surprised she didn't flake on the second date. Your attractiveness to her got cut in half when you didn't take her that first night.

Unfortunately, I think it's over with her. The old rule of thumb applies here- once her interest level drops, you can't get it back.

 

[Tiguere]

More kissing, but we didn't go all the way - I realized I actually liked her and didn't want it to be another cheap same-night lay.

lol live and learn mr Suavecito

 

[ChrisHughes]

I'm assuming you know what your big mistake was: not sleeping with her the first night.

She invited you over and basically wanted you to bang her. You rejected her- doesnt matter whatever chivalrous or romantic reason you had. That makes you look less manly, and less attractive- especially to a 40-something, career-focused, self-focused woman. Shes not a twenty-something chick worried about getting married and relationships and looking like a slut.

I'm surprised she didn't flake on the second date. Your attractiveness to her got cut in half when you didn't take her that first night.

Unfortunately, I think it's over with her. The old rule of thumb applies here- once her interest level drops, you can't get it back.

In my own defense, there was a lot of last-minute resistance and her verbalizing that she wasn't sleeping with me on the first night. Now, I did try and push through it, but stopped when I hit the brick wall. Had it been someone from online who I knew I was probably never going to see again, I would have done more to escalate. I did worry about not going for the lay, but the next day, when she was blowing up my phone, I presumed her interest level as still quite high.

But the essence of your advice is probably correct.