Think she cheated; not sure if I should care?

[49au]

Hey guys, bit of a dilemma here.

I'm currently seeing a girl, we've progressed to the point of being exclusive (she initiated that discussion) but both agreed that we aren't putting a label on it at this time.

Long story short, I am somewhat confident that last night she was with another guy. I have no proof, it's just a strong suspicion.

The thing is that I'm not sure I care.

The other thing is that I have fukked around on her twice already. I do care about the girl, I do like her, I enjoy spending time with her. But I want variety, that's not going to change, it is what it is.

Should I just let it go? Is it realistic for a guy like me (who has no qualms cheating just for the sake of taking down new pvssy, even if it means nothing) to ever be interested in the type of girl who is guaranteed to never cheat? Should I just continue on dating this girl that I like a lot more than most?

I don't really believe in "the one", or that unconditional love within a romantic relationship is possible or even healthy.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear 49er,
The life of a Don Juan usually settles around a significant other and a variety of Plates on the side...Whether you should forgive in yourself that which you question in her is another matter....Exclusivity is nice,it's safe and reasonably reliable,but gets boring.....Comparing to marriage,the consolation is that if things go Pear shaped then you just move on,without that many problems...So just play along,it could be perfectly harmless anyway,don't get angry and remember an old adage of Rollos....A woman would rather share a good Man than accept a loser!

 

[49au]

Scaramouche,

Well said.

Having said that, don't ever give a free pass on a girl to cheat on you, regardless of your past behavior.

If I call her out on it, I have to leave her. I'm not sure I want to leave her.

If I knew I had been/will be faithful to her, it would be different.

 

[samspade]

I'm confused. You've gone "exclusive" but aren't "putting a label on it." Which is it?

So either cheated, or she didn't. If you don't care, she's just a plate. If she's just a plate, i.e. no exclusivity, she didn't cheat. If you DO care, whether she's a plate or not, next her.

It doesn't necessarily mean you care specifically for her; it means you care about your personal code and what you're willing to accept from a woman, if that makes sense.

 

[SecondHalf]

it's safe

^^^ this
and ...

If you truly don't care if she has her own 5h1t going on, then make sure you have more going on than she does. This chick can no longer be a priority, because rest assured, you won't be for her.

And if you don't use a rubber with her, you sure better start. I find 1 in 10 women care if you suit up, most don't. Be careful, be smart.

SH

 

[Atom Smasher]

Its going to eat you up inside because it hurts your pride. All rejection does, and hidden cheating is the worst kind of rejection because it is malicious. Every time you look at her from now on you will know in the back of your mind that she thinks she is pulling one over on you. Every time she laughs she is laughing as much at you as with you. She is going to tell you that she loves you eventually and you are going to bite your tongue and want to throw up. You may even feel the need to lie and say it back(hopefully it will be a lie and you wont have been sucked back in). That's just too much disrespect directly to my face for me to tolerate. I am a "pro" at going back to exes for FWB and honestly its not worth the hassle. You just become really complacent in finding new girls, not to mention worried about STDs and cuckoldry all the time. If my game was tighter I would NEVER do it.

As far as calling her out, I am generally for it. However in this case where you only have a hardened suspicion but not absolute proof there is no point. You will just come face to face with her lies in a way that is damaging to your psyche.

And if you have any shred of doubt, let me end it for you. She cheated. I can tell that beyond a shadow of a doubt from the little bit your wrote.

^^^ Winner

 

[Solomon]

I'm confused. You've gone "exclusive" but aren't "putting a label on it." Which is it?

So either cheated, or she didn't. If you don't care, she's just a plate. If she's just a plate, i.e. no exclusivity, she didn't cheat. If you DO care, whether she's a plate or not, next her.

It doesn't necessarily mean you care specifically for her; it means you care about your personal code and what you're willing to accept from a woman, if that makes sense.

This

49 use her as a plate that's what plate spinning is for

 

[Bible_Belt]

Is it realistic for a guy like me (who has no qualms cheating just for the sake of taking down new pvssy, even if it means nothing) to ever be interested in the type of girl who is guaranteed to never cheat?

And what type is that? Pentecostals?

If you have enough game to fvck multiple women at once, any woman that you would want a relationship with is going to be of high enough value so that she will always have numerous other options besides you. Therein lies the conundrum.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

I don't see the point in being in a relationship if you care about her cheating. You've both cheated. The frame is lost and she doesn't have respect for you anymore. All that will continue now is you trying to catch her in the act...what will be the point of that? She'll point the finger right back at you, you'll want to cheat again, she'll do the same sh!t, until your house and furniture are all torn up.

I think ending it and moving on is the best thing you can do. I suggest just don't get into a relationship at this point in your life right now.

 

[49au]

Thanks for responses guys.

samspade I think your question is related to Bible Belt's statement; what I'm willing to accept from certain women is based in large part on her SMV.

He has a very good point that "high value" guys will not want to be in a relationship with anything other than a high value young woman (if at all), thus they are constantly going to have to contend with other men.

Everyone knows monogamy is boring and unfulfilling for men with strong drive and ambition. Yet there are tremendous benefits that can come from a woman who has strong social connections, income potential, and a circle of high value female friends. This girl is like that.

I'm so disillusioned with my own ability to truly love one single woman that I am beginning to ask myself if I should tolerate some level of cheating by a woman if the "outside" benefits are big enough to have a very positive impact on aspects of my life (social, financial, career), and I can continue my own side endeavors within reason.

Kind of like the stereotypical trophy wife of the high powered executive; she knows he cheats but as long as he does it away from home, she is never confronted with it, and he keeps bringing home the bacon, she fulfills her part of the contract and keeps her mouth shut.

Such women instinctively understand that alpha males and high earners have tremendous leverage, and the same natural instincts that make them desired will make them cheat.

The double standard is nice, but is it realistic?



PairPlus,
I think open and flagrant cheating is malicious; "hidden" cheating where the woman obviously does not want you to find out is another matter.

A woman may audition a guy for a role but then find that the guy lets her down, or, just uses her as a pump and dump. And sometimes perhaps they just want some d!ck on the side.

I think if the woman really wants someone else, she will be a lot more open about her behavior in an effort to get you to reject her so she can look like the good guy.

Same thing when I have fooled around on her. Neither of the girls meant anything to me, just nice young pvssy. I didn't tell this girl about them in some guilt-induced confession because I value her far more than the other girls and don't want the drama.

I'm not saying I've made up my mind; my feelings are still very much in flux on this issue of the double standard and cheating.

 

[samspade]

Thanks for responses guys.

samspade I think your question is related to Bible Belt's statement; what I'm willing to accept from certain women is based in large part on her SMV.

He has a very good point that "high value" guys will not want to be in a relationship with anything other than a high value young woman (if at all), thus they are constantly going to have to contend with other men.

Everyone knows monogamy is boring and unfulfilling for men with strong drive and ambition. Yet there are tremendous benefits that can come from a woman who has strong social connections, income potential, and a circle of high value female friends. This girl is like that.

I'm so disillusioned with my own ability to truly love one single woman that I am beginning to ask myself if I should tolerate some level of cheating by a woman if the "outside" benefits are big enough to have a very positive impact on aspects of my life (social, financial, career), and I can continue my own side endeavors within reason.

Kind of like the stereotypical trophy wife of the high powered executive; she knows he cheats but as long as he does it away from home, she is never confronted with it, and he keeps bringing home the bacon, she fulfills her part of the contract and keeps her mouth shut.

Such women instinctively understand that alpha males and high earners have tremendous leverage, and the same natural instincts that make them desired will make them cheat.

The double standard is nice, but is it realistic?



PairPlus,
I think open and flagrant cheating is malicious; "hidden" cheating where the woman obviously does not want you to find out is another matter.

A woman may audition a guy for a role but then find that the guy lets her down, or, just uses her as a pump and dump. And sometimes perhaps they just want some d!ck on the side.

I think if the woman really wants someone else, she will be a lot more open about her behavior in an effort to get you to reject her so she can look like the good guy.

Same thing when I have fooled around on her. Neither of the girls meant anything to me, just nice young pvssy. I didn't tell this girl about them in some guilt-induced confession because I value her far more than the other girls and don't want the drama.

I'm not saying I've made up my mind; my feelings are still very much in flux on this issue of the double standard and cheating.

You are looking for an equivalency between male and female cheating. It's not that simple.

And I don't mean just "morally." Biologically speaking, there is NO equivalence between a cheating man and cheating woman.

You are wondering if you can play the Hillary Clinton role to her Bill - ride some woman's connections and "income potential" (?!) while ignoring her philandering.

You're a man. Get your own income potential and connections. There is nothing she can truly provide you besides holes to stick it in, a warm dinner, and support for YOUR life. NOT the other way around.

Getting back to equivalency - think about this. When a man cheats on a woman, it's masturbation. When a woman cheats on a man, it's (generally) in pursuit of greater emotional and sexual fulfillment. It means she either lost interest, or you never moved her needle far enough to begin with. Your frame is all out of whack here. Remember, you're a man that produces sperm constantly and your body was designed to fukk at the drop of a hat. Hers was designed to select. Do you see what I mean about it being different? It doesn't matter if it's flagrant or hidden. "Hidden" is what leads to cuckoldry, after all. Would you be willing to accept raising some other guy's spawn if it gets you "connections"?

I know you know this.

 

[49au]

Good points to consider.

A couple of things:

1) I will perform paternity testing on any child before accepting responsibility for them (whether I have to do it behind the girl's back or not).

2) I do not agree that all a woman can provide for you is a warm meal and a wet hole. I do realize that this is all many if not most women can provide. I make my own money, been making six figures since I was 27. But the money and social circles she can help me get access to is of another level than what I currently have.

Again, I am not arguing for or against either side here. Still trying to figure out what I really want from this girl. I know I will need side plates either way.

 

[samspade]

Good points to consider.

A couple of things:

1) I will perform paternity testing on any child before accepting responsibility for them (whether I have to do it behind the girl's back or not).

2) I do not agree that all a woman can provide for you is a warm meal and a wet hole. I do realize that this is all many if not most women can provide. I make my own money, been making six figures since I was 27. But the money and social circles she can help me get access to is of another level than what I currently have.

Again, I am not arguing for or against either side here. Still trying to figure out what I really want from this girl. I know I will need side plates either way.

Fine, but in the right frame a woman gives a man compliance. If she doesn't, something's off.

 

[Stagger Lee]

You are looking for an equivalency between male and female cheating. It's not that simple.

And I don't mean just "morally." Biologically speaking, there is NO equivalence between a cheating man and cheating woman.

You are wondering if you can play the Hillary Clinton role to her Bill - ride some woman's connections and "income potential" (?!) while ignoring her philandering.

You're a man. Get your own income potential and connections. There is nothing she can truly provide you besides holes to stick it in, a warm dinner, and support for YOUR life. NOT the other way around.

Getting back to equivalency - think about this. When a man cheats on a woman, it's masturbation. When a woman cheats on a man, it's (generally) in pursuit of greater emotional and sexual fulfillment. It means she either lost interest, or you never moved her needle far enough to begin with. Your frame is all out of whack here. Remember, you're a man that produces sperm constantly and your body was designed to fukk at the drop of a hat. Hers was designed to select. Do you see what I mean about it being different? It doesn't matter if it's flagrant or hidden. "Hidden" is what leads to cuckoldry, after all. Would you be willing to accept raising some other guy's spawn if it gets you "connections"?

I know you know this.

These are good points that I agree with. I believe woman can slvt it up and have ONS and while it's not the same as when a male does it (masturbation), she may not get emotional attachment to the guy(s). But what I do believe is that a woman can't be accepting c0ck from more than one man in the same time frame and be attached to any of them. She either attaches to one male and does not get sexual with any others, or she attaches to none.

I mean I'm sure there are exceptions, the porn star or prostitute that has a BF. And I've heard of swingers and couple with an open relationship. But I think that's very rare and the exception, not to mention certainly not a desirable situation for the man.

My point is, unlike when a man has some action on the side, when a woman does it it's only a matter of time before she stops being sexual or attached to you. She may not even get with the guy(s) she original cheated on you with, but she'll soon be replacing you with some other guy.

Also, women have the pregnancy thing. It will always be her baby, but may not be yours. Also females are more susceptible to contracting stds though sex, and women seem to be attracted most to men who are more sexually successful and more likely to have STDs themselves.

Bottom line is it is two completely different things when a man cheats vs a woman.

Me personally, I highly value a woman being only sexually available to me. I can't continue to have sex with a girl I know is having sex with other men.

OP, if it happened just once or maybe it didn't happen, then it might not be much of an issue. But if she is regularly getting side action then I think it will be a problem if only because I think she'll lose interest in you.

 

[Bokanovsky]

samspade I think your question is related to Bible Belt's statement; what I'm willing to accept from certain women is based in large part on her SMV.

He has a very good point that "high value" guys will not want to be in a relationship with anything other than a high value young woman (if at all

Ah, but Bible Belt does not practice what he preaches (if you've read his long post). Personally, if you genuinely don't care about those, don't want a future with her, then who cares if she's banging someone else.

 

[Bible_Belt]

One thing I've learned from sosuave is that no one on a how-to-get-girls web site is in any position to tell you the value of the women you're fvcking. Value is in the eye (& d!ck) of the beholder, and thus the value of anything is what someone else is willing to pay.

 

[Zunder]

Take the lead first. Tell her YOU cheated and see how she reacts. Serious. Do it.