Think I'm in a triangle - next her or just wait it out?

[49au]

Hey guys -

I recently started seeing this girl. 25, solid 8. Very classic natural beauty. And we do genuinely have a LOT of fun. We've been out 5 or 6 times.

She's been FB friends with me for 2+ years, seen pictures of me with numerous girls and has commented on how hot my ex is. So going into it I already had a lot of social proof. I also went into it with a very strong, confident, ****y frame. During the second date she's telling me how classy she is, how much she loves going to church with her parents, etc. By the end she's telling me how much it turns her on when I pull her hair and smack her ass in front of people (which I did quite liberally). She also told me I'm very aggressive and she likes it. So frame is good.

First few dates her IL was sky high. She was blowing me up on FB, texting me, 100% compliance, etc. I was careful to not always respond. After what I think was the 6th time - where I did bottle service with a friend and we had like 5 other 21-25 7+ come with us, but this girl was my date - I noticed a shift.

Anyway, sparing the details, I think there's another guy in the picture that is suddenly interfering with things. She was still contacting me, but not as much as before. Something felt different. I just kept my distance.

Yesterday I sent her a message to the effect that I had a lot of fun with her, but I felt that interest was dying on both sides and we hadn't seen each other in a while (over 2 weeks). I kept it light and inserted a couple of jokes.

She wrote back quickly and played along with it, saying that a lot had been going on, she was busy, etc. And something about us being friends for life. I made a smart comment about selling her phone number to this guy who has been absolutely stalking her. One more joke and I was out.

I deleted her number.

That night she starts posting those stupid picture cards with stuff like "A real woman values her time and avoids drama", "I'm thankful for difficult people because they show me how I don't want to be," etc.

I think I got to her.

I have MUCH bigger problems than this going on right now (business stuff and some other things). So this morning I post on FB about how I am thankful for the tremendous tests I'm going through right now, and how it's time to man up or go home.

I get a text like 60 seconds after posting this. I deleted her # but I could tell it was her. She's asking if I'm alright.

Over a few texts back and forth she tells me that she really respected what I said to her the day before.

I replied that I felt like she didn't want to hang out, and I'm not going to chase her or try to force something. She said that wasn't the case at all and then fed me some BS about how stressed and upset she's been from moving, her overbearing mother, real estate classes, etc. Also said that she wasn't seeing anyone else, which I found odd because I never asked.

She said we would "def hang out", we have so much fun together, blah blah. Just asked me to let her get settled in the new house first.

To this BS I responded, "x, you do what you have to do. So will I. And we'll see what happens. "


I do think there's another guy. Yet I think she still has interest and wants to keep me as an option. I like the way I handled the conversation today, and I really like that she clearly sees I'm not afraid to lose her.

So on one hand, it pisses me off if I'm right and I'm being shelved, even if it's just temporarily and she chooses me over the other guy. On the other hand, I've had other plates the whole time and I don't exactly think 5-6 dates is some big commitment - so is it even within my rights to be bothered by it?

Just next her and tell her I don't appreciate being lied to? Or chill and just accept it when/if it comes to me?

 

[49au]

And yes, I have fvcked her already. But despite us getting really physical every time we hung out, she made me wait until the 5th date. I actually took that as a good thing because normally I get it really quick.

 

[49au]

Yeah, it's possible she has some screws loose.

I don't think the friends for life comment meant much. She was probably just trying to be non chalant after I caught her off guard.

 

[49au]

Fuk it - I just decided to call her on her BS and let her know that while I have no hard feelings, I don't remain in a situation where someone is not being 100% honest with me. I sent her a simple, non-confrontational text to that effect.

Not sure if this was the right thing to do... but at this point it's taking up too much space in my head, so I like the idea of just forcing the issue. I guess playing games and being coy has its place too, but in this case it just felt good to be assertive.

 

[slitherjef]

Why not create your own triangles?

 

[Iceberg]

Fuk it - I just decided to call her on her BS and let her know that while I have no hard feelings, I don't remain in a situation where someone is not being 100% honest with me. I sent her a simple, non-confrontational text to that effect.

Not sure if this was the right thing to do... but at this point it's taking up too much space in my head, so I like the idea of just forcing the issue. I guess playing games and being coy has its place too, but in this case it just felt good to be assertive.

Well, if your goal is to get it off your chest, then do what you gotta do. I'd say that the benefit of playing it cool and simply going No Contact is that in the future, the girl will still consider you as an option. Because you disappeared just as mysteriously as she did.

I've had situations where girls did the same to me. We're banging once a week, and next thing, she's "Too busy" to come see me. So, she goes No Contact and I go No Contact. But the benefit is, on the rare chance that you bump into this girl, she'll see you as "the guy she used to f**k" instead of, "The guy she broke up with".

The benefit of this is - you're still seen as a sexual option. In my situation(s) with this, months after No Contact, I'd see the girl on the street or I'd get a random "how's it going" text. And the girls that I'm referring to would invite me out to "catch up", we'd get drinks, and end up f**king again for a month or two.

On the flip side, in the situations where I'd get emotional and demand to know where I stood, all I ended up with was more female bullsh*t, and nothing to show for it. "She's too busy" "It's just not the right time." Blah blah blah.

I've been in your shoes. And sometimes it does feel good to tell the girl that you see through her sh!t. But I've come to learn that feelings don't make the world go 'round. My feelings don't matter...her feelings don't matter...all that matters is the end result. And if the end result is going to be "not getting laid by this girl regardless of what you say/do" then why not just walk away with your head held high instead of loosing your cool?

 

[MisterD]

so she's never mentioned another guy right? you're assuming there is one because you noticed a change in her behavior?

i'd drop her.

i don't do the triangle thing where you constanty feel like you have to prove yourself and one up the other dude.

girls love when men compete for them. i dont do it

too many girls out there to waste energy competing over just one chick

if she comes back to you, fine. but don't put much thought into this. don't even give her the benefit of the doubt that you're affected by it. live your life the way you did before you met her

NC and if she comes back, she comes back. if not, at least you left with some pride

 

[49au]

It's funny. I sent her this and she immediately wrote back. She sent me several texts so I just called her instead of going back and forth. We talked for a couple of minutes and I felt her out. She again told me how much she respected how direct I was with her yesterday, and told me she wants to see me.

I'll proceed with caution.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

49au,

I respect your perspective on things based on that post you made about age and enlightenment.

But in this case I disagree with the route your taking.

Clearly you like this girl and your letting your emotion cloud your better judgement. 5-6 dates is solid, its an investment, but either your other plates are wayyyyyy below her in every aspect or you invested too much of your emotion too soon in this girl.

I've never been a fan of calling girls out on their bs or anything of that regard. To me its an exercise in futility. Furthermore at the point your at with this girl you don't really have the right to do that since you guys aren't anything.

I think this girl has interest in you still, but it went waaaaay down because of your recent text actions.

You most likely are absolutely right about the possibility of another guy in the picture, but thats the point of dating.

If you maintain your frame its only a matter of time before she see's how much different you are from the rest.

If she has been "busy" lately, pull back. Its a give and take situation.

The power to walk away is a great weapon and one that can create higher interest on the girl's side, but again I think these things should be communicated covertly, rather than the other way around.


Keep us posted and all the best to you bro.


PIMP

 

[Johnnyventana]

K, but you have "talked" enough. So whatever you do, stop that! Go with the flow, or just go. No more talking though. You're reversing the roles. And she is likely secretly loving the attention.

 

[LearningSlowly]

I would not contact her more about your feelings. Make your feelings a closed book to her, she doesn't deserve them.

I would start calling her to invite her out. It's harder to flake or deflect over a phone call. There's still interest, and there's still attraction, but it's buried under emotion about her life situation and guilt over making you feel bad.

Leave the emotion behind and make things fun again.

 

[Zarky]

I get a text like 60 seconds after posting this. I deleted her # but I could tell it was her. She's asking if I'm alright.

Over a few texts back and forth she tells me that she really respected what I said to her the day before.

I replied that I felt like she didn't want to hang out, and I'm not going to chase her or try to force something.

Somewhere in there you blew it, IMHO. Everything before that seemed fine to me. Once you blew her off, you should have played harder to get for longer, not discuss your feelings about your "relationship" with her.

 

[Johnnyventana]

Somewhere in there you blew it, IMHO. Everything before that seemed fine to me. Once you blew her off, you should have played harder to get for longer, not discuss your feelings about your "relationship" with her.

This. Because then she's "stuck" with the new guy. And that is much less awesome when she is wondering if she blew it with you. But when you go all in with your feelings, she A. decides she made the right decision, or B. knows/thinks she owns your arse, and can just play you in the background.

Take all that away from her, and watch her squirm.

 

[49au]

Thanks for the posts guys.

5-6 dates is solid, its an investment, but either your other plates are wayyyyyy below her in every aspect or you invested too much of your emotion too soon in this girl

It's more of the former. I like her, yes, but she is way higher overall quality than my other plates. So she matters to me a lot more than they do.




Yeah, the next time we hang out it is definitely gonna be an action date, something fun. I know I need to really have fun with her now.

In my defense, I showed her very clear that I'm NOT afraid to lose her. Also, my messages (and then the convo I had with her today) were very level, not dramatic at all. And I expressed clearly that what she does is her business. I even joked around a little bit.

I also don't consider her my gf and she knows that.

And as far as setting stuff up via text... she claims to have sent me a message Saturday asking to see me that night. This isn't the first time I haven't gotten a text from her, this happened before and she got aggravated because I "ignored" a text asking me what time I was coming to get her. I actually believe her. Phone is definitely better than text.