Think I'm finally starting to get it...

[goodfoot]

I've been lifting weights steady for about 6 months now. I down to 137 from 150 and all my PR's are up. I benched my bodyweight for the first time ever! I started taking BJJ and Muay Thai last month. I wanted to get stronger before I started cause I figured everyone would look like hardened fighters but I'm already one of the most fit guys there. I've already smashed all my fitness goals and I feel like I can only get better.

Everyone has been treating me differently, even though I don't feel or really look any different. My oneitis is my girlfriend now and she is steady complaining we don't talk enough, which I used to do all the time. With all the time I spend with working out, school, and martial arts, I don't have all that time I used to spend talking to or thinking about her.

My best friend's wife has been giving me sh!t as long as I've known her, belittling any accomplishments I would make and blowing up any mistake. It completely stopped a couple weeks ago. I feel like I'm becoming what I was pretending to be before.

 

[Greasy Pig]

It's true, the theories espoused on here all have a common theme: Improve yourself and good things will happen.
Amen.

 

[Nutz]

How old and tall are you? I have a hard time imaging any adult male looking built (or healthy for that matter) at 137lbs. I'm about 5'6" and 150-160 is a good trim weight for me.

 

[goodfoot]

I'm 5'8". I have more definition than before but I'm still really skinny. I have a definite 6-pack, but no one can notice that unless I take off my shirt. I don't look bigger at all. That's what surprised me the most about all these changes in people's demeanor.

 

[Mike32ct]

I'm 5'8". I have more definition than before but I'm still really skinny. I have a definite 6-pack, but no one can notice that unless I take off my shirt. I don't look bigger at all. That's what surprised me the most about all these changes in people's demeanor.

Chicks have like x-ray vision for a guy's physique. As a skinny guy myself, I thought that they couldn't tell whether I worked out or not since I usually wear long sleeve shirts. WRONG. They can easily tell who is athletic and who isn't.

They can see VERY subtle changes in your arms, shoulders, chest, face, etc. Women will pick up on this while many men won't.

And who knows, maybe some even DEEPER is going on. Maybe, on an animal level, they can also sense your higher testosterone level.

Keep up the great work bro.

 

[Mike32ct]

It's true, the theories espoused on here all have a common theme: Improve yourself and good things will happen.
Amen.

That is probably the most CONCISE way to state the DJ philosophy. +1

 

[Slickster]

It doesn't even matter if you look different. When you commit to improving yourself other people (especially women) can sense it. Your aura changes.

Don't just stop at working out. Learn something else. Challenge yourself to do stuff you never thought you'd do. Read, learn, whatever...

These moments of improvement sometimes only come in small bursts. Take advantage of your motivation now. There will be times in the future when you will feel stuck.

Go for it!

Good post by the way. We need more of these!

 

[zekko]

Improve yourself and good things will happen.

Yep, this is the best message on this site.
I was watching this nature show on "what females want". It was saying that throughout nature, the female is the selector. The guys display their strength, energy, and abilities, and the females select the healthiest and most capable.

Transferring this over to humans, guys should become as healthy and successful as they can be. Then they will get selected. Not because they display fake high value, as in Mystery Method, but because they really are high value.

Regarding lifting weights, I didn't really notice any difference in the way females reacted to me before or after I started bulking up (back in my 20s). But it occurs to me that the reason is, I was in extremely good health before I started to lift. I was too skinny, but I had a hunter/gatherer body: Very lean and fast with great stamina. This was because I played a lot of sports so I kept in shape naturally. Maybe women responded to the health cues just as much as the big muscles.

 

[Atom Smasher]

It's the direct opposite for me. When I lift regularly, I get far more looks and smiles than when I don't. Sometimes even from women!

My body responds very fast to working out, and after a layoff, within a week I'm back in shape (visually at least). I get that triangular form which is what women seem to sense.

I think the whole "aura" thing does come into play, too. You just carry yourself differently and act with more confidence, thereby triggering her attraction mechanism. Add dressing well to that and you're golden.

It all boils down to demonstrating self-respect to them. That's what they're looking for - a man who conveys that he respects himself first.

 

[imarockstar]

Best post I have seen in a while Goodfoot. When you stay busy and are using your time productively, you have no time to worry about anything else or stress about anything, because you are this zone where you kind of just take everything a day at a time and live more in the moment. The best possible advice I can give you, DONT GET LAZY. Do not become complacent, you must stay on the path you are on forever.

I was on top of the world a year ago, and very very slowly and gradually, I became lazy and content, because I had a great job, had friends, was pushing myself to try new things, was very healthy and going to the gym, had a hott woman. Within a year all of it got taken away from me (excluding the job, and I still go to the gym, just not as frequently), because I felt I had WON. It is almost like I felt my work was done, so why try new things or continue to improve. Ugh, makes me cringe now.

Yes, you are doing it right at the moment. Im begging you to maintain it though. This is your maintenance period, don't let all of these good things slip away by becoming too comfortable.

Excellent post though, you have reminded me that I need to change my current lifestyle and get back on the track of improvement and self-respect.

 

[Nutz]

Oh, and shoulders that pop out and big arms are to women what big boobs are to men.

 

[synergy1]

Since I have gotten in shape, the type of attention I get from women and guys has both improved substantially. People respect me more when I first meet them than they did when I was in my early 20s. However, one can not confidently conclude that its because of being in better shape; its also well known that being healthier allows you to be more outgoing. You can tell people's personna based on their health; if they are out of shape, they come off as droll.

"getting it" takes time, but its rewarding. Pook wrote a post about getting in shape, and his metamorphosis is a rough outline for mine as well. If you keep going, you will see these changes as well.

 

[backbreaker]

I was always skinny, and got a fair though not too much attention from the opposite sex. when i balloned up i was like casper the AFC ghost. no one noticed me.

when i got back in shape, the more in shape i got in the more attention i got. i remember the first time a girl blatantly flirted with me in some years i was so caught off guard i did not know what to do.


you will get a lot of people that will tell you "it's not how you look it's your confidence" that's about the biggest crock of bull**** on the face of the earth. we are a shallow people, and that's not a bad thing per say it's hardwired into us and i'm the same way i have no time for unattractive women.

just remember this.. there is no finish line. you are either moving forward or moving backwards. there is no idle time. don't make the mistake many make and hit a goal and think all is going to be fine and you never have to work again or never have to go to the gym again or you can stop bettering yoursself it doesn't work like that. you will quickly find yourself going back to old afc ish ways.

but you seem to be on the right path. the game is sooooo much more easier when take care of yourself and do what you are supposed to do.

 

[goodfoot]

Update

I wanted to give an update since a lot has happened in the last month or so. I didn't talk too much about my girlfriend since I knew everyone would disapprove. She is pretty much everything the people here say to avoid. Daddy issues, textbook BPD, suicidal(at one point), and a long-distance relationship. I didn't find out most of this stuff until I had already fallen for her. I thought if I controlled the frame it would help her. Her mood would flip for no reason. We broke up and reunited 3 times in a month. She initiated every breakup and makeup. Even my sister told me to get away from her(they're best friends). I wouldn't listen though.

She would say stuff just to get a reaction out of me. Once I realized what she was doing I would not respond to her calls and texts. Then she would break up with me. Our last fight, she said some stuff that made me feel like I could never really count on her. This was about a week ago; I mailed her a letter basically wishing her the best. Even if at some point she came back completely remorseful, I would always be concerned that something would set her off again.

She would have wound up driving me crazy if I stuck around. In a way, I feel like she is the last holdover from my old life. Before our last fight, I was already considering leaving her because I started noticing other girls kinda presenting themselves (hanging around, kinoing me.) I definitely have options. The only thing I need to do is ensure I don't let her be that important to me again. I shirked my schoolwork messing around with her all the time, and I have a lot of work to make up the next couple weeks. Hopefully I can salvage this semester. Either way, I know I want to keep getting better. I have a lot planned for the summer.