Wha?
Are we reading the same article? Because most of this actually seems like decent advice.
Great smelling cologne, fixing things in your tight t-shirt and jeans ..."Is there anything else I can do for you ma'am?" followed by a wicked grin ... Leading... Leading anywhere... on the dance floor, talking to the waiter... buying the tickets... Asking us out up front and direct...A sense of excitement and the unexpected when we see you...making love in the car listening to the music we grew up with.. A rogue in a drop-dead European suit and beautiful leather shoes... a great car, educated vocabulary and good manners ... The skill of listening well before you try to fix us ... Going out of your way to bring us soup when we're sick ... Balding or hairy, a guy who likes himself.
All of the above triggers have something in common - assertive behavior. Give us men who are strong. A man wants a beautiful woman and a woman wants a man who can provide for her financially and emotionally. It's not sexist or wrong for us to want what turns us on. It's just the way we are hard-wired
How is this bad advice??
And this could come straight from the DJ Bible:
The most important trait to acquire is the attitude that you have a right to walk the face of the earth. If you feel that you are somewhere lower than a slug in a latte, we should talk. Remember that even John Wayne wore lifts in his shoes. And walking tall is an acquired skill. If you practiced confident conversation as much as you practice TV or computing you'd get dates. Just DO it.
And this!
You think in time she will come around and leave Edwardo? You believe when she gets through her "busy work schedule" or comes back from France that she'll warm up to you and it's been six months? Well, if she isn't kissing you or letting you touch her by the third or fourth date, there's very little possibility that it will ever happen. Get a clue: You are acting like a doormat. I'll bet you've heard the "f" word once too often.
Friend is another word for "NO SEX."
This guy loves to hang around and buy her dinner, hoping she will finally come across. The more he lets her treat him like a friend, the less likely she will ever see him as a lover. Stop torturing yourself! Go out and find someone who will appreciate you.
This is actually a pretty accurate description of "what women really want in a man."
The author never says that EVERY woman deserves such treatment. There's another book on the OTHER side of this story titled, "what men REALLY want in a woman" and you should be constantly evaluating whether a woman is giving you what YOU want before you start doing these kinds of things for HER.
You guys out here who say that women should pay their half of everything...let me put it this way. If on a first date, who pays even becomes an ISSUE, then it's YOUR fault for taking her on a first date you can't afford.
When it says, "Pay for her babysitter, her iguana-sitter, etc", it doesn't mean just do it out of the goodness of your heart, but if you ask her to come away with you on some tropical vacation, the LEAST you should do is pay her way.
Which is why you NEVER take a woman on an expensive date until she's EARNED it. Pool, bowling, movies, etc...all cheap dates and still can be fun/romantic. You don't buy a girl you don't know drinks in the club because she hasn't EARNED it by showing value to YOU. (And no, p*ssy does not count as value). But if you're taking your fiancee out for a drink, you damn well better pay for it and be happy to.
Rule: You ask, you pay. is a pretty good rule of thumb. If you don't want to pay for it, or you think that she hasn't EARNED it yet, then DON'T ASK. Or establish up-front that you're "going Dutch". Women generally DON'T have good jobs or a lot of money. The ones that DO will probably offer to pay anyway.
So let's review:
-If you ask her out, and it isn't discussed, you should expect to pay.
-If you can't afford to pay for her, or don't feel that she's earned the right to be paid for yet, don't ask her...or ask her to something less expensive.
-If the two of you decide you want to do something, but you know in advance that you can't or don't want to pay her way yet, establish that up-front at the time of asking.
-If you pay for something and she's unappreciative, DROP THE B!TCH.
One compromise you may want to consider is just paying for the CORE expenses of the date and going "dutch" on everything else. For example, if you go to the movie theater, YOU buy the tickets, but if she wants snacks or popcorn, it's on her. Or if you go out to a bar/club, YOU pay cover, but she can buy her own damn shots. I'm going to the beach with this girl next weekend. She asked me "how much it was going to cost" her, I told her I would take care of the hotel, she should just pick up a couple of the meals and we'd be cool.
Last time we went away somewhere, we established in advance, since we had never really met (and since she hadn't established any value to me), that we'd be splitting on the hotel bill, and I stuck to that. But once we got down there, I paid for dinner.
Allen said it best:
The most important thing to remember is what the PURPOSE of the date is. Quite simply, you want to have a good time; you want her to have a good time; and you want to get to know one another better. Who actually pays for the meal is somewhat irrelevant. Your paying for the meal is not your goal for the evening. Her paying for her half or getting a free meal is not her goal either. The goal is to have an enjoyable evening together and to find out how compatible the two of you are.
Adopting this simple attitude, when the check arrives you'll consider it fairly unimportant who actually does the paying. It won't really matter to you if you pay for the whole thing or she pays half or whatever. Heck, let her pay for everything if she wants. It really doesn't matter. Remember your goal.
(One reason it's not a big deal is because you haven't made the amateurish and sometimes fatal mistake of trying to "buy" her... by taking her to the most expensive restaurant in town. The more expensive the restaurant or date, the more stress and tension you induce into the situation. Nice and inexpensive is the rule (especially for the first few dates). If the check's more than $30 or $40 total, you screwed up. And ALWAYS have enough cash with you to cover everything.)
On the other hand, just because you feel that the check is no big deal doesn't necessarily mean that she will feel the same. Maybe she wants you to pay for everything. Maybe she wants to pay her half. Who pays may be important to her, or it may not be important to her. You don't know. That's why you're going to pay attention to certain clues throughout the evening in order to "read" the situation correctly
Try to find the balance. And if you don't have any money, you should be less worried about getting women and more worried about GETTING MONEY!
