The whole "monkey girls" and "girls w/ BF's" subject, DJ's who piss me off

[crowes22]

This has been annoying me so here it goes. I see DJ's here commenting on these "monkey" girls that wait for a new guy to come along before ditching their current man. The DJ says: forget her, move on, you can't trust her, she'll leave you for another guy too, blah, blah.

You DJ's who say this I have to ask, what type of woman will surely not leave you or not cheat on you or surely not betray your trust? Please disclose the attributes of this type of woman for me, b/c when you do I will begin my quest to find one of these divine female creatures. I would assume I will be following a yellow brick road accompanied by a scarecrow and a fukkin squeaky tin man on my way to find this woman of my dreams.

Get real! There are no absolutes in life except death. How do you know you can trust a certain woman? Some of you say well if she is leaving him for me she'll do the same to me. How do you know that? Please tell me. How do you know you won't be able to trust her with you? Please tell. How do you know the single woman you date will be trustworthy? You don't. It involves risk dealing with all women, and it's the same for them dealing with us.

I can hear it now "But Crowes, if she left him for me, she'll leave me for another guy." So what! Grow some balls! Maybe she won't leave you, won't cheat on you, be a great partner. No way to tell but try.

You know what, that little 20 year old virgin that is in church every Sunday and is innocent as they come, she might leave you azz too, she might cheat on you, she may be untrustworthy.

DJ's will say: well those "monkey" girls have low self esteem. Yep, probably do. But do you agree all women are needy? You know they are so that makes them all insecure in a way. Plenty of DJ's here are insecure, do we banish them and deem them not worthy?

Any DJ's here used a girl for sex or social proof? We all know the answer. Then when the right girl came you ditched her for this other girl. WTF is the difeerence in that and a girl staying w/ a guy until a better mate came along?

This is a huge double standard we are applying here. You DJ's that say a girl like this will leave you for another guy too, tell me how you know this? Is that what happens in every case of a girl leaving one guy for another? Hell no.

And you know, if I was in a relationship with a girl and the sex was great, but I didn't really love her, and I fell in true love with another girl, I'd leave her azz for the better girl. DJ's will say, well I wouldn't be in a relationship w/ her to begin with. Yea right. You can't predict how things will happen or what your feelings toward a person will be. It's all about risk.

Any DJ's here been exclusive w/ a girl but flirted with other women, or cheated, or left her b/c the relationship was going sour and you had a new honey showing interest? Does that make you a monkey too? Are you the same DJ bashing these "monkey girls"?

You cannot tell me that a woman in a certain setting (ie: single) will be trustworthy for certain, or not leave you for another guy.

Why are some of you DJ's scared of what the woman may do? Why don't you have any balls? Why can't you accept the fact that any woman may leave you for another guy? Why are you so damn scared of getting involved with her because you are afraid she may leave you? Again, why don't you have any balls?

In my opinion if you are scared that she may leave you for any reason, you are not a DJ. If you are scared to get involved with her because she left her man for you, and your'e afraid she'll do the same to you, you are not a DJ.

You "scared DJ's" don't make sense to me. To me a real DJ will assume risk, be fully aware of it, and deal with what happens, like a fukkin man. As I said, there is no woman guaranteed not to leave you. If you eliminate your options by being afraid to accept she left him for you and may do you the same way, you have lost. Your fear of what she may or may not do has defeated the possibility of you being a DJ, it confines you to act or not act on the possibility of what may or may not happen.

I choose not to be one of these hypocritical DJ's.

 

[Paradox]

Wow! Although this looks like a rant it actually contains a lot of great information for DJ's. Great post!

Moved to 'Tips'

 

[VeryBadGirl]

True, there are no absolutes. You can never know 100% whether or not a person is trustworthy.
All you can do is look at the PATTERN of their ACTIONS.

If a woman cheats on a guy with you, flirts with you shamelessly (all the while saying "Oh, but I have a BF) or hints to you that she is unhappy with her current guy and maybe you are in the running, this woman has off the bat proven herself disrespectful and untrustworthy.

By not getting involved with a person like this, you are not being scared, you are being smart.

The purpose of dating is to find out about who a person is and how they act so you can weed them out if they don't meet the qualifications of what you want in a mate.

These women are giving you a glimpse of what they are like. It would be stupid to ignore it.

Just my 2 cents...

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Hey Crowes, I usually agree with pretty much everything you say but I'm going to have to disagree this time.

Dating isn't about absolutes, to be sure, but it IS a numbers game. A lot of it is based on probability and chances of this versus chances of that.

For example, a girl who stands you up is probably not worth your time. Now, MAYBE she is worth your time, and maybe you SHOULD give her another chance, but the DJ generally doesn't. Why not? Because life is too f*cking short to bet on a horse with a sprained ankle and a 200 pound jockey. Could it win? MAYBE. But I sure as hell wouldn't bet on it.

The same with a girl who would cheat on her boyfriend for you. Past performance is somewhat indicative of future results. Not always, but often. The DJ knows that HE DOESN'T HAVE TO SETTLE... This chick has cheated on her boyfriend before, and she may do it to you. She is certainly statistically more likely to do so than a girl that you meet while she's unattached.

I've dated so-called "Monkey girls" and girls with boyfriends and they do generally turn out bad. A true DJ can pick and choose the girl that he finds most suitable FOR HIM, and if that girl is a monkey girl and he's cool with that, fine. He knows the risks and he takes them. But if she does the same thing to him that she's done to past guys, he shouldn't be surprised if he loses. Why hit on a 19 when the dealer's showing a deuce?



------------------
CASANOVA

"Before we set our hearts too much upon anything, let us examine how happy those are who already possess it."
Francois de La Rochefoucauld

"But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown."
Carl Sagan

"Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he doesn't become a monster."
Friedrich Nietzsche

 

[crowes22]

Originally posted by VeryBadGirl:
True, there are no absolutes. You can never know 100% whether or not a person is trustworthy.
All you can do is look at the PATTERN of their ACTIONS.

If a woman cheats on a guy with you, flirts with you shamelessly (all the while saying "Oh, but I have a BF) or hints to you that she is unhappy with her current guy and maybe you are in the running, this woman has off the bat proven herself disrespectful and untrustworthy.

By not getting involved with a person like this, you are not being scared, you are being smart.

The purpose of dating is to find out about who a person is and how they act so you can weed them out if they don't meet the qualifications of what you want in a mate.

These women are giving you a glimpse of what they are like. It would be stupid to ignore it.

Just my 2 cents...

Ahh yes, it sounds so good on paper. I agree w/ some of your points. But all that is so easy to say for a woman. But I'm not a woman.

It's like another DJ said, when a girl is unhappy in a relationship, she is told to find another guy that will make her happy. She isn't told to break up w/ him, get her life together, enjoy being single, and wait for Prince Charming.

I can think of maybe 100 girls I know around my age, and I can only think of 2 that are single, I'll let you imagine why. The ones w/ BF's, some are happy, some I know are not, but they stay, until a better catch comes. This is reality.

 

[Survivor]

The thing to remember is that a DJ's relationship with women makes up only one part of his complete existence.

The larger and more important aspect of his life are his personal accomplishments, experiences and relationships *outside and beyond* mere sex.

If a DJ's life *outside of women* is structured, rewardings and fulfilling to *him*, any problems within the realm of sexual relations will be relatively easy to deal with.

So in that aspect crowes22 is right....however...

Past behavior is *still* indicative of future behavior. It is not hypocritical to believe this. It is a fact of human nature. We know its true. For example, some guys are going to read this site over and over, but unless they implement some willpower and discipline, they won't change. Despite this site, their future still equals their past. Unfortunately, this is true for most people. "Once a geek, always a geek!", a girl once told me.

Changes in behavior and opinion require humility, discipline and willpower. Some people have it, most people don't.

What these "monkey" girls are simply doing is saving face, something we are all guilty of. These girls should not be afraid of being alone. But you know what???

NEITHER SHOULD WE!!!

 

[VeryBadGirl]

If a person shows you, by their actions, that they are rude, untrustworthy, disrespectful, ignorant, as*holish, manipulative, b*tchy or any other undesierable trait, any smart PERSON would use that knowledge in their decisions regarding that person. It doesn't matter if you are a man or a woman, it only matters if you are smart.

Why would anyone settle for someone who has shown those traits?


Actually, nice women are taught to dump the guy when they are unhappy instead of waiting for another to come along first.

Those of us who were brought up being taught "Do unto others..." simply think about how WE would feel if a guy put us in the same situation and act accordingly.

But, often, women are blinded by their emotions in relationships. If we fall in love with you, we sometimes don't even realize that we are not 100% happy. Sometimes, the 60% happy or 43% happy blinds us to the other unhappy percentage. Often, women need a wake-up call to realize that they are not getting what they need in a relationship. Often, that wake-up call is another man showing us the possibilities - the possibility of 100% happiness. This hasn't happened to me, but I have seen it happen to friends of mine.



[This message has been edited by VeryBadGirl (edited 02-06-2002).]

 

[Survivor]

Originally posted by VeryBadGirl:
But, often, women are blinded by their emotions in relationships. If we fall in love with you, we sometimes don't even realize that we are not 100% happy. Sometimes, the 60% happy or 43% happy blinds us to the other unhappy percentage. Often, women need a wake-up call to realize that they are not getting what they need in a relationship. Often, that wake-up call is another man showing us the possibilities - the possibility of 100% happiness. This hasn't happened to me, but I have seen it happen to friends of mine.

For something that's never happened to you, you sure do describe it vividly!

(just teasing)

 

[crowes22]

Originally posted by Giovanni Casanova:
Hey Crowes, I usually agree with pretty much everything you say but I'm going to have to disagree this time.

Dating isn't about absolutes, to be sure, but it IS a numbers game. A lot of it is based on probability and chances of this versus chances of that.

For example, a girl who stands you up is probably not worth your time. Now, MAYBE she is worth your time, and maybe you SHOULD give her another chance, but the DJ generally doesn't. Why not? Because life is too f*cking short to bet on a horse with a sprained ankle and a 200 pound jockey. Could it win? MAYBE. But I sure as hell wouldn't bet on it.

The same with a girl who would cheat on her boyfriend for you. Past performance is somewhat indicative of future results. Not always, but often. The DJ knows that HE DOESN'T HAVE TO SETTLE... This chick has cheated on her boyfriend before, and she may do it to you. She is certainly statistically more likely to do so than a girl that you meet while she's unattached.

I've dated so-called "Monkey girls" and girls with boyfriends and they do generally turn out bad. A true DJ can pick and choose the girl that he finds most suitable FOR HIM, and if that girl is a monkey girl and he's cool with that, fine. He knows the risks and he takes them. But if she does the same thing to him that she's done to past guys, he shouldn't be surprised if he loses. Why hit on a 19 when the dealer's showing a deuce?

I'm with you Giovanni on alot of that. But honestly man, I agree about a person's past behavior being importanat, but you know I have found that alot of these monkey girls have been cheated on by their BF, thus crushing their fragile self esteem. They doubt their worth, which may explain them staying w/ him.

I do think it's best to find a good single girl, but that's not how it happens sometimes. You make good points and they are true.

And about settling for a monkey girl, well, I don't ever "settle", simply b/c I know I will walk away if and when I deem it necessary, from any girl, or person for that matter. Or whenever I want to, possibly for another woman.

 

[cyclonus]

Ummm, you are right. There's no guarantee that a single puritantical girl will not leave me for another guy. If the girl is trustworthy, the PROBABILITY increases that she won't cheat. I have not "cheated" on a girl, and i assume..there are girls who can do the same. If i'm looking for a short term relationship, i wouldn't give a crap b/c i know its going to end soon. Just live for the moment. But if i were to look for a LTR, i would be rational to not go after the town mattress.

-cyc.

 

[VeryBadGirl]

What can I say, I am a very intuitive person. You know us women, we are all into that “listening” and “being sympathetic” crap.

 

[Survivor]

VeryBadGirl mentioned something about women constantly searching for 100% happiness.

Could it be that these girls are suffering from the female version of the "Nice Guy" Syndrome, searching for happiness through the opposite sex?

 

[cyclonus]

The majority of people, both male and female are looking for the "one". DJ's and strong females are in the minority.

-cyc.

 

[VeryBadGirl]

What I meant was, 100% happiness WITHIN the relationship.

Obviously, other people can't create your happiness, they only enhance it.

But, within a relationship, you should be 100% happy to be with that person or else it is not worthwhile - in an LTR sense.

That doesn't mean that you don't have ups and downs or that either person is perfect (doesn't exist, of course) - it just means that this person is giving you what you need, you are giving it back to them and there are no "gaps" in your relationship. (That missing percentage. I love him, BUT... Whenever there is the BUT, that is is when the relationship is starting to gap.)

 

[Survivor]

Originally posted by cyclonus:
The majority of people, both male and female are looking for the "one". DJ's and strong females are in the minority.

-cyc.

Yeah. Most fail to realize that the "one" is staring at them in the mirror everyday.

 

[Rebel Leader]

Originally posted by crowes22:
...when a girl is unhappy in a relationship, she is told to find another guy that will make her happy. She isn't told to break up w/ him, get her life together, enjoy being single, and wait for Prince Charming.

The advice you say that girls hear perpetuates the victim mentality. It's bad advice for the girl.

Your advice is better, except for the waiting for Prince Charming. She should fix a bad situation if it means breaking up, and get her life together. That's all she should count on. Pining away for perfect love is a mistake.

------------------
Live ... Love ... Laugh

 

[crowes22]

Originally posted by VeryBadGirl:
If a person shows you, by their actions, that they are rude, untrustworthy, disrespectful, ignorant, as*holish, manipulative, b*tchy or any other undesierable trait, any smart PERSON would use that knowledge in their decisions regarding that person. It doesn't matter if you are a man or a woman, it only matters if you are smart.

Why would anyone settle for someone who has shown those traits?


I have no idea. Why do women love guys that treat them like dirt. Why do they stay w/ cheaters? Wife beaters? Druggies? Deadbeats?

Actually, nice women are taught to dump the guy when they are unhappy instead of waiting for another to come along first.


This is horseshyt.


Those of us who were brought up being taught "Do unto others..." simply think about how WE would feel if a guy put us in the same situation and act accordingly.


So is this


But, often, women are blinded by their emotions in relationships. If we fall in love with you, we sometimes don't even realize that we are not 100% happy. Sometimes, the 60% happy or 43% happy blinds us to the other unhappy percentage. Often, women need a wake-up call to realize that they are not getting what they need in a relationship. Often, that wake-up call is another man showing us the possibilities - the possibility of 100% happiness. This hasn't happened to me, but I have seen it happen to friends of mine.


OK you say never get involved w/ this type of girl b/c of the negative traits she has shown. But you said that yall are sometimes blinded by emotions, and it takes a man to wake you up, happened to your friends, right? Are they bad people you wouldn't reccomend dating? The fact is women don't know if they are happy, so how in the hell am I going to assume she has the capacity to realize she is unhappy and do herself a favor and break up with the guy and be single.


[This message has been edited by VeryBadGirl (edited 02-06-2002).]

 

[VeryBadGirl]

You can think whatever I say is crap...

But, I broke up with my last ex with no guy in the picture and was single (casually dating) for 2 years after that.

That is what I would want a guy to do to me. Lingering relationships (what I like to call relationships that should have ended a long time ago) are a major problem and cause a lot of pain to people. I try not to perpetuate pain towards myself or others, that is why I try to aviod the linger.

Women have strong emotions - that is pretty much a fact. Would I say they are bad people for this? No. I have strong emotions as well. Are some blinded by them on occasion? Yes. But this doesn't make them bad people in my mind either. When you are in love and there are MANY happy things about the relationship, it is hard not to focus on the good stuff.

Because, in these types of relationships, with some lesser percentage of happiness, women are getting SOME of what they need to be happy. But, because they are not getting all of what they need, they begin to start looking at other guys. (That is the bad part)

So, to answer your question, how can you know if a woman can recognize her own unhappiness? You can't always. Just like you can't tell whether someone is 100% trustworthy.

But, there are SIGNALS that you can look at -which have already been mentioned. If she has a BF but is looking elsewhere (cheating, flirting, etc) then chances are she is one of those girls who doesn't realize she is unhappy, or she might be that other type of girl who realizes it but is too mean to be a nice person and end it.

Either way, that is just one more reason to stay away from those types of women.

[This message has been edited by VeryBadGirl (edited 02-06-2002).]

 

[crowes22]

But, I broke up with my last ex with no guy in the picture and was single (casually dating) for 2 years after that.

Then this would make you extremely rare.


Women have strong emotions - that is pretty much a fact. Would I say they are bad people for this? No. I have strong emotions as well. Are some blinded by them on occasion? Yes. But this doesn't make them bad people in my mind either.

OK, so now the girls that are blinded by these emotions (monkey girls) aren't bad and are acceptable as a mate, where as before they were not acceptable.


Because, in these types of relationships, with some lesser percentage of happiness, women are getting SOME of what they need to be happy. But, because they are not getting all of what they need, they begin to start looking at other guys.

Same scenario as a being in a relationship w/ a girl for sex, then meeting a knockout he wants to have an exclusive relationship with, and ditching her for the knockout. Only difference being that girls tend to place more emphasis on a "relationship" and being in one for social, security reasons. It may not be a true "relationship" in her mind, but she remains in it until a guy comes that she thinks she can have a real relationship with.


So, to answer your question, how can you kwhich have already been mentioned. If she has a BF but is looking elsewhere (cheating, flirting, etc) then chances are she is one of those girls who doesn't realize she is unhappy, or she might be that other type of girl who realizes it but is too mean to be a nice person and end it.

Either way, that is just one more reason to stay away from those types of women.


WTF?

 

[VeryBadGirl]

Sorry, I think what is confusing you is that I don't think that they are bad people because they are blinded by their emotions. Most women are temporarily blinded by their emotions for a moment on an occasional basis, but then intellect, self-knowlege and awareness kick in.

The bad part happens when women act like crap when blinded and never wake up to what they are doing. (This is what makes these particular women unacceptable as a mate.)

I don't see blinded by emotions as an excuse for women to go out and be disrespectful and untrustworthy.

Lack of self-awareness is not a good excuse in my mind. And, this lack of self-awareness and inability to realize that they are not happy is ANOTHER good reason not to date them. (Along with the fact that they are disrespectful, untrustworthy etc)



[This message has been edited by VeryBadGirl (edited 02-06-2002).]