Kinda long post but I really need help, been struggling with this for 4-5 years.
Been with this girl for a year now.
Lately, she's been insecure about the relationship. She feels I dont care about her as much as I used to, which I acknowledge, I've been less caring and I've been trying to make the situation better.
Lately she's been *****y and kind of disrespectful to me. On my last relationship, my gf was disrespectful and I tolerated it every time, which ended up in me being the doormat wuss and she being disinterested in me. So this time, whenever I feel my gf is being disrespectful, I tell her I wont tolerate her attitude and wont talk to her until she cools off.
Now, deep inside I know she's acting like this because she is insecure about the relationship.
Last night, i was at a bar with friends of mine and her. One friend arrived and I hugged him and began talking go him for 5 minutes or so, close to him cause I couldnt hear him well cause of the loud music. Suddenly I felt a horrible pain on my back, she was pinching me as hard as she could. I told her "what happens?" and she told me "why the f*** did you close me, i have been staring at your back for the last minutes".
At this point I don't know If I did the right thing:
I told her that I wont tolerate her acting that way and that if she wanted to tell me that, she shouldve tell me in a good way to what i would've responded, " im sorry, i didnt noticed baby, I love you" and thats it. But her talking to me like that and pinching me is unnacceptable. She got furious and told me "are you telling me Im the one who's wrong??" and began to talk in a bad way. So I told her "thats it" and walked away with some other friends, leaving her alone. (I was with all my friends there and she only knew one person).
After that things just went downwards, which ended in me searching for her in all the nearest bars cause my friend told me she walked away alone. I had her cellphone. When i found her I was furious and told her I was really concerned. She told me "what, you were being a **** and I came here alone for a beer and to chill, you weren't even noticing me, you're not a princess and I don't have to follow you around if you walk away and leave me alone like that". Shouting. This ended in me telling her I wouldnt be in a relationship.with someone who acts this way. She went home by herself.
Deep down inside, i know all this came because she doesnt feel I love her that much, and all this little things make her angry because she feels that way (its not the first time we fight over little things.).
I don't know if it's the right approach. I know when she get disrespectful (hangs the phone on me out of nowhere, gets mad cause I told her I needed 10 minutes to eat and I'd call her after that, "your food is more important than talking to me", she said) I get really mad, I remember my last GF doing this **** and I took it, so this time I immediately cut her off, but she says she perceives me as weak, "anything gets to me"? "You feel like a princess entitled to everything" and that I don't care about her, because everytime she's mad I just walk away.
Maybe the right approach would be remaining cool, asking her what's the prob, reassuring I care for her, and THEN telling her It wasn't right to do that? I don't want to be the doormat who takes everything and then just goes "ooh no I didn't do it on purpose, I love you, I didn't notice" and she being mad and I being the one who begs because I did something I didn't even notice would bother her?? sheez I'm getting mad just by writing this....
Please please, help, I've been struggling with this the last 4 years. I don't know how much to take, to tolerate. When to remain calm. The thin line between being her rock/mountain who won't get moved by her emotions and being the doormat who takes everything and just loves her.
EDIT: Also, we're back together, which ended on me being sorry for telling her hurtful things like I don't want a realtionship with you or, "I don't need to follow you around, I can get any girl I'd like so stop behaving like I'm here to follow you". Now she says she feels like she's in a toxic relationship like her friends but she loves me still, and feels bad. I ended up acknowledging I got mad too fast and that shouldn't have left her alone knowing there were no friends of hers, just mine. So now I'm in a relationship where I feel I'm the one trying to make up what I did. I'm the one that has to show her I'm worthy now, because I "mistreated" her. I'm the one who has to show her I really care for her. I don't know how to switch power positions. I don't even know If I really did mess up and she deserved an apology or she's acting like a princess. **** this please help me I'm confused as ****.
Been with this girl for a year now.
Lately, she's been insecure about the relationship. She feels I dont care about her as much as I used to, which I acknowledge, I've been less caring and I've been trying to make the situation better.
Lately she's been *****y and kind of disrespectful to me. On my last relationship, my gf was disrespectful and I tolerated it every time, which ended up in me being the doormat wuss and she being disinterested in me. So this time, whenever I feel my gf is being disrespectful, I tell her I wont tolerate her attitude and wont talk to her until she cools off.
Now, deep inside I know she's acting like this because she is insecure about the relationship.
Last night, i was at a bar with friends of mine and her. One friend arrived and I hugged him and began talking go him for 5 minutes or so, close to him cause I couldnt hear him well cause of the loud music. Suddenly I felt a horrible pain on my back, she was pinching me as hard as she could. I told her "what happens?" and she told me "why the f*** did you close me, i have been staring at your back for the last minutes".
At this point I don't know If I did the right thing:
I told her that I wont tolerate her acting that way and that if she wanted to tell me that, she shouldve tell me in a good way to what i would've responded, " im sorry, i didnt noticed baby, I love you" and thats it. But her talking to me like that and pinching me is unnacceptable. She got furious and told me "are you telling me Im the one who's wrong??" and began to talk in a bad way. So I told her "thats it" and walked away with some other friends, leaving her alone. (I was with all my friends there and she only knew one person).
After that things just went downwards, which ended in me searching for her in all the nearest bars cause my friend told me she walked away alone. I had her cellphone. When i found her I was furious and told her I was really concerned. She told me "what, you were being a **** and I came here alone for a beer and to chill, you weren't even noticing me, you're not a princess and I don't have to follow you around if you walk away and leave me alone like that". Shouting. This ended in me telling her I wouldnt be in a relationship.with someone who acts this way. She went home by herself.
Deep down inside, i know all this came because she doesnt feel I love her that much, and all this little things make her angry because she feels that way (its not the first time we fight over little things.).
I don't know if it's the right approach. I know when she get disrespectful (hangs the phone on me out of nowhere, gets mad cause I told her I needed 10 minutes to eat and I'd call her after that, "your food is more important than talking to me", she said) I get really mad, I remember my last GF doing this **** and I took it, so this time I immediately cut her off, but she says she perceives me as weak, "anything gets to me"? "You feel like a princess entitled to everything" and that I don't care about her, because everytime she's mad I just walk away.
Maybe the right approach would be remaining cool, asking her what's the prob, reassuring I care for her, and THEN telling her It wasn't right to do that? I don't want to be the doormat who takes everything and then just goes "ooh no I didn't do it on purpose, I love you, I didn't notice" and she being mad and I being the one who begs because I did something I didn't even notice would bother her?? sheez I'm getting mad just by writing this....
Please please, help, I've been struggling with this the last 4 years. I don't know how much to take, to tolerate. When to remain calm. The thin line between being her rock/mountain who won't get moved by her emotions and being the doormat who takes everything and just loves her.
EDIT: Also, we're back together, which ended on me being sorry for telling her hurtful things like I don't want a realtionship with you or, "I don't need to follow you around, I can get any girl I'd like so stop behaving like I'm here to follow you". Now she says she feels like she's in a toxic relationship like her friends but she loves me still, and feels bad. I ended up acknowledging I got mad too fast and that shouldn't have left her alone knowing there were no friends of hers, just mine. So now I'm in a relationship where I feel I'm the one trying to make up what I did. I'm the one that has to show her I'm worthy now, because I "mistreated" her. I'm the one who has to show her I really care for her. I don't know how to switch power positions. I don't even know If I really did mess up and she deserved an apology or she's acting like a princess. **** this please help me I'm confused as ****.
