The "Special Mommy" Archetype

[DonJoel]

In reviewing my lifelong history of one-itis I've discovered a central focus of mine that seems quite common for beta men. I call her the "Special Mommy." The Special Mommy is the sweet, effeminate, regular girl. She is attractive but not perfect, in the HB5-7 range. She is pleasant and attainable. She is the one that you think you could just settle down with and be done with the whole SMP, just make a family and be happy together doing family things. She will love you. She thinks you're smart and wonderful just the way you are, and you feel the same.

Sounds great? It's an appealing fantasy of women that many men share, especially the less confident ones.

But by and large she is a fantasy. Why? Because the only woman who could possibly love you just the way you are is your mother, and this woman is not your mother. Mothers do not have hypergamy with their children, but female mates will always be subject to it. If circumstances change and her SMV goes up dramatically or yours goes down, watch out. She may not be able to do any better in which case she will stick, but she will never renounce the option of improving her mate.

So that's the mommy piece of the name. The second factor is the "special" element. She is "special" in the beta's eyes because she sees the specialness of the beta. The fantasy is that she can see the greatness that is unique to you, that she does not see in others. She is a woman who will love and cherish you in a special way even though you're not any different than a thousand other dopey beta schlubs that surround her.

I realize I am probably making a restatement of an observation that has already been made around her before, but it was an epiphany moment for me when I realized my lifelong pattern. I've stumbled over a few of these women in my life that I've kept a long-running case of backburner oneitis for and I put a name to the phenomenon. The Special Mommy is an illusion, she isn't going to love you like a perfect mother would, and you're not special to her.

 

[SoSuave666]

Interesting. What happens is, if you are above this woman who is a 5-7 in SMV, once she gets with you she automatically becomes your SMV. So if you are an 7 and she is a 5, once you become exclusive with her she becomes a 7. She now hangs out with 7s, lives the life of a 7, experiences the world through the lens of a 7, Other men may not view her as 7, but in her mind she is now a 7. In order for her to leave you another 7 (that has something she really likes that you don't) or above must show interest in her. This is basic hypergamy and why NO MAN is safe, because a woman automatically adopts your SMV when you become exclusive. These lower-tier types are no different, they just seem so because they start out at such lower value.

Women who date well out of their SMV, like a 6 getting with a 9, usually end up as alpha widows. Because although she perceives herself as a 9 due to mating with the alpha, everyone else sees her as a 6 still. These women will go through life searching for another 9 never being satisfied. I have fallen into the same trap as you when dating women 2 grades below me thinking they will never leave or find anyone better than me. It's a false sense of security because even 8s and 9s that are men can be thirsty blue pill men.

 

[highSpeed]

In reviewing my lifelong history of one-itis I've discovered a central focus of mine that seems quite common for beta men. I call her the "Special Mommy." The Special Mommy is the sweet, effeminate, regular girl. She is attractive but not perfect, in the HB5-7 range. She is pleasant and attainable. She is the one that you think you could just settle down with and be done with the whole SMP, just make a family and be happy together doing family things. She will love you. She thinks you're smart and wonderful just the way you are, and you feel the same.

Sounds great? It's an appealing fantasy of women that many men share, especially the less confident ones.

But by and large she is a fantasy. Why? Because the only woman who could possibly love you just the way you are is your mother, and this woman is not your mother. Mothers do not have hypergamy with their children, but female mates will always be subject to it. If circumstances change and her SMV goes up dramatically or yours goes down, watch out. She may not be able to do any better in which case she will stick, but she will never renounce the option of improving her mate.

So that's the mommy piece of the name. The second factor is the "special" element. She is "special" in the beta's eyes because she sees the specialness of the beta. The fantasy is that she can see the greatness that is unique to you, that she does not see in others. She is a woman who will love and cherish you in a special way even though you're not any different than a thousand other dopey beta schlubs that surround her.

I realize I am probably making a restatement of an observation that has already been made around her before, but it was an epiphany moment for me when I realized my lifelong pattern. I've stumbled over a few of these women in my life that I've kept a long-running case of backburner oneitis for and I put a name to the phenomenon. The Special Mommy is an illusion, she isn't going to love you like a perfect mother would, and you're not special to her.

Couldn't agree more, great post, especially the fantasy part. Remember, she is not what she purports herself to be, that is the exact right term, fantasy. She is a mirage, she exists only in your and her head. She may actually believe she is that person or more likely, she is only playing that role for you, to trap you. But either way you are hooked. And once you marry up that mirage, it's like you reaching for the coke machine in the desert, it disappears and you're left with only sand in your hand.

The worst thing you can do? Be bitter over the fact that you let yourself be deceived by the mirage. That's where she wins. Learn from your mistakes, don't make them again and improve yourself.