The "Spark"...which I know is very similar to attraction, but I'm going to use that word because it's what I heard recently from a woman.
I've been seeing this woman on and off for about 6 months now. Long story short, she has big time abandonment issues (Her father left her when she was younger, one of her LTR's passed away about 5 years ago, etc. etc.) and commitment issues. I can sympathize, but I still have to look out for me. So things go great for a while...we go out and have a blast together, stay home and cook dinner/watch a movie, etc. Talk quite a lot...pretty much like we're together. Then all of sudden, she says "I'm getting overwhelmed" or "This is too much right now" and will back off for a few weeks. After a few weeks, she comes back and wants to do things over again, saying "I feel emotionally attached to you" and "You mean a lot to me...I'm ready to be with you now" and so on. Even goes so far as to plan out stuff for the future.
Now, I've read a ton of Alpha Male stuff and used to frequent this site very often. I used to be a big time AFC, got smacked around a lot by women, and finally got myself out of that rut and turned the corner for the better. I stayed single for a while to gain my confidence back and be happy with myself. So, even with that said...I stupidly fell for this gals tricks and decided to give it another shot.....twice.
Anyway, I think I've pretty much been friend zoned at this point, or I think I have because a few days ago she said to me "I don't feel a spark between us". She said she doesn't know what she wants but is willing to see if a spark developes, but she doesn't feel it right now and expected to after this many months. I took that to mean that I wasn't physically attractive, but I'm curious to know what the experts here think the "Spark" actually is...how you get it, how you keep it.
I've heard, plenty of times (and have said it to people myself in this situation), to just move on. The thing is, I have quite a few obstacles against me. I'm turning 30 next year (not rushed, but I do want a family at some point), I travel 4 days a week for work and I'm out of shape/overweight. I'm dieting and working out to address the weight issue, but still have these obstacles in the mean time.....bottom line, "spin more plates" isn't a viable option for me at this point. I'm not settling for this girl either because of my situation...I genuinely care about her, so much so that I don't have the desire to sleep with other women. Maybe I'm just getting old...I don't know.
Anyway, my first question is...Do you think this gal is just "giving me chances" to prove myself, or is she not interested anymore...in other words, should I pursue it further. My second question is...What is the "Spark"...how do you get it, how do you keep it and, in my situation, how do I get it with her?
Thanks in advance for any advice.
Puck
I've been seeing this woman on and off for about 6 months now. Long story short, she has big time abandonment issues (Her father left her when she was younger, one of her LTR's passed away about 5 years ago, etc. etc.) and commitment issues. I can sympathize, but I still have to look out for me. So things go great for a while...we go out and have a blast together, stay home and cook dinner/watch a movie, etc. Talk quite a lot...pretty much like we're together. Then all of sudden, she says "I'm getting overwhelmed" or "This is too much right now" and will back off for a few weeks. After a few weeks, she comes back and wants to do things over again, saying "I feel emotionally attached to you" and "You mean a lot to me...I'm ready to be with you now" and so on. Even goes so far as to plan out stuff for the future.
Now, I've read a ton of Alpha Male stuff and used to frequent this site very often. I used to be a big time AFC, got smacked around a lot by women, and finally got myself out of that rut and turned the corner for the better. I stayed single for a while to gain my confidence back and be happy with myself. So, even with that said...I stupidly fell for this gals tricks and decided to give it another shot.....twice.
Anyway, I think I've pretty much been friend zoned at this point, or I think I have because a few days ago she said to me "I don't feel a spark between us". She said she doesn't know what she wants but is willing to see if a spark developes, but she doesn't feel it right now and expected to after this many months. I took that to mean that I wasn't physically attractive, but I'm curious to know what the experts here think the "Spark" actually is...how you get it, how you keep it.
I've heard, plenty of times (and have said it to people myself in this situation), to just move on. The thing is, I have quite a few obstacles against me. I'm turning 30 next year (not rushed, but I do want a family at some point), I travel 4 days a week for work and I'm out of shape/overweight. I'm dieting and working out to address the weight issue, but still have these obstacles in the mean time.....bottom line, "spin more plates" isn't a viable option for me at this point. I'm not settling for this girl either because of my situation...I genuinely care about her, so much so that I don't have the desire to sleep with other women. Maybe I'm just getting old...I don't know.
Anyway, my first question is...Do you think this gal is just "giving me chances" to prove myself, or is she not interested anymore...in other words, should I pursue it further. My second question is...What is the "Spark"...how do you get it, how do you keep it and, in my situation, how do I get it with her?
Thanks in advance for any advice.
Puck