The perfect balance

[voodoolover]

Hi guys, it's been a while!

I want to gather some opinion on the way you fellas treat the women you're dating. I'll be honest: when it comes to the key principles of the forum, I don't have any problems. I know through experience that the techniques talked about trigger attraction. But what about in the long run?

I've been finding that a few weeks down the line from meeting a girl, she starts to want more. She starts asking why I don't act like other guys. Why don't I call her more often? Why do I look at other girls? Why don't I tell her how much I like her?

Sure, the first couple of girls to spring this on me, I'm thinking "great, I'm doing it right!". But they get sick. The attraction isn't enough any more - they want a guy who licks their a55 25/7. And onto that guy they usually move.

I occasionally read articles that talk about making the woman feel special, making her feel good. I'm not as sure as I have been that the principles taught on this forum can genuinely make a girl feel good.

Granted, I never lose face any more. Nor do I ever lose control. But I DO lose the girl.

I can't help feeling there are some holes in the DJ framework. What I wanna know from you guys is: how do YOU keep the girl?

All input will be much appreciated

VL

 

[uniassign]

There is a distinction between CHASING a girl and KEEPING a girl.

Once the chasing is over, you move into the KEEPING phase. During the chasing phase, you don't call as often, withhold info, tease and bust her more often etc. Generally in this phase, you keep her guessing.

After you have slept with her a couple of times, and that she has passed all your tests, it is time to work at KEEPING the girl.

This means less busting, more rapport. You can call her more often, tell her about yourself more etc. Just don't over do it.

 

[voodoolover]

I see where you're coming from man, thanks.

Surely, though, toning down the challenge is gonna lower her interest level?

On the other hand, my recent experience has shown me that maintaining the challenge also lowers interest.

 

[stormwriter]

Voodoo,
Are these girls you are talking about girls you want to be in a relationship with? Are these girls long term relationship material? Do you really like them?

I would think if you like her, you can start being nicer. I think its a ratio:

the longer the relationship goes, the more you start being nice (to a point, of course) It's kind of like she's EARNING your gift of being nice by proving to she's loyal and dedicated to you and the relationship.

Do manly things though. A thoughtful note on her car windshield, etc. Don't do stupid things that go against your DJ code and make it look like supplication, like buy 50 dozen roses, and lay rose petals all over her apartment. In other words, do simple creative things, not BUY her with gifts and AFC stuff.

 

[uniassign]

You can't keep up TOO MUCH challenge forever. The secret to keeping a chick is for her to feel that she is number TWO, with the POSSIBILITY of becoming number ONE.

Now, to become even number TWO, you need some deep rapport and comfort with the girl anyway. You have to show her that she is important to you on a personal, spiritual and mental level and not just a piece of A$$. This means getting to know her, and her to know you. This means calling her to find out how her day was, how her little puppy is doing etc.

Of course, you really cannot get away from doing this early in the CHASE. But once the chase is OVER, this will earn you MAJOR points.

 

[voodoolover]

stormwriter - I like the idea of her "earning" my gift.

Sure, some of these girls I'd consider for a long term thing. But even with those I wouldn't, it'd be cool to know I could keep hold if I wanted to. You know what I mean?

 

[voodoolover]

uniassign - again, you're spot on.

You say you can't keep up too much challenge forever. I'm totally with you on that one.

But I'm not talking about anything like forever. The challenge tends to work for 3-4 weeks, sometimes even less. Have you ever found this?