jophil28
Master Don Juan
Gentlemen, I hope that this thread explores this topic in detail and enlightens some of us who have been tormented by the idea that we can " please" women into being involved with us. I think that all good men want to act in ways that pleases the significant woman in our lives, BUT often times our campaign of doing 'nice' things for her results in her exploiting us,cheating on us or sticking us in the FZ.
Firstly, we are all aware that women are motivated by security, safety and the emotional protection that can flow from an LTR. "NIce" guys seek to supply these needs in abundance. Manytimes their attempts to do so are initially successful. THus the women 'FEELS' desired and pursued and therefor sexually attractive. Her sense of needing emotionally security are being met.
However,within weeks or a few months, a curious thing may happen.
She starts to pull away, be less affectionate, be unavailable or she turns into a flake or a bytche. Why? Have her primary needs suddenly changed ?
No !
There is another competing need which has gone unmet. That is the need for excitement, unpredictability, emotional turmoil, that gut churning anxiety of wondering about 'him'. Will he call ? Will be be faithful. Will he be always loyal.
Will he -won't he ? Does he want me, does love me. Is he seeing someone else ?? All these questions have been resolved by the attentions of the Nice Guy. There is little left for her to agonize about.
The need for DRAMATIC and anxiety fueled feeling and thinking is so strong in women, that they will risk perfectly good relationships for a few minutes of flirting with a "bad boy " stranger.
Women are IN LOVE with the FEELING of UNCERTAIN AFFECTION mixed in with the opposite feelings of a SECURE life. They want to FEEL emotions from polar opposite ends of the continuum. They want safety yet uncertainty . They seek stable men and seek to contol men into being a "reliable" partner BUT chase and fantasize about jerks who could care less about them
A Paradox ? Inconsistent and contradictory ? Inconguent behaviors ?Yes !
Men. Being in an LTR is often times confusing to our logical minds . WE usually are CLEAR about out wants and objectives ,and we project that same notion onto women. We expect them to be "thinking" people,and when drama breaks out we attempt to "discuss' it with them.
I have had MANY LTRs and I can say from experience that "talking" logically to women is pointless and a sheer waste of your valuable energy.
I do not know what the solution is. Maybe it is my mind which is deluded into thinking that there IS a solution. (I am a physical scientist)
Thoughts ?
Firstly, we are all aware that women are motivated by security, safety and the emotional protection that can flow from an LTR. "NIce" guys seek to supply these needs in abundance. Manytimes their attempts to do so are initially successful. THus the women 'FEELS' desired and pursued and therefor sexually attractive. Her sense of needing emotionally security are being met.
However,within weeks or a few months, a curious thing may happen.
She starts to pull away, be less affectionate, be unavailable or she turns into a flake or a bytche. Why? Have her primary needs suddenly changed ?
No !
There is another competing need which has gone unmet. That is the need for excitement, unpredictability, emotional turmoil, that gut churning anxiety of wondering about 'him'. Will he call ? Will be be faithful. Will he be always loyal.
Will he -won't he ? Does he want me, does love me. Is he seeing someone else ?? All these questions have been resolved by the attentions of the Nice Guy. There is little left for her to agonize about.
The need for DRAMATIC and anxiety fueled feeling and thinking is so strong in women, that they will risk perfectly good relationships for a few minutes of flirting with a "bad boy " stranger.
Women are IN LOVE with the FEELING of UNCERTAIN AFFECTION mixed in with the opposite feelings of a SECURE life. They want to FEEL emotions from polar opposite ends of the continuum. They want safety yet uncertainty . They seek stable men and seek to contol men into being a "reliable" partner BUT chase and fantasize about jerks who could care less about them
A Paradox ? Inconsistent and contradictory ? Inconguent behaviors ?Yes !
Men. Being in an LTR is often times confusing to our logical minds . WE usually are CLEAR about out wants and objectives ,and we project that same notion onto women. We expect them to be "thinking" people,and when drama breaks out we attempt to "discuss' it with them.
I have had MANY LTRs and I can say from experience that "talking" logically to women is pointless and a sheer waste of your valuable energy.
I do not know what the solution is. Maybe it is my mind which is deluded into thinking that there IS a solution. (I am a physical scientist)
Thoughts ?