The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Teac-her]

Hey guys I'm joining the group. I was in a 7 1/2 year relationship until I got dumped and friend-zoned Tuesday June 23rd. I did not react in a needy way. I did not beg or blow up her phone. However, I did keep in touch with her - we sent each a few text messages - until Sunday June 28. That Sunday I called her and told her I was not interested in being her friend, and therefore, I did not want to keep in touch unless she changed her mind.

We did not talk or contact each other until Wednesday July 8. She called me that night but I ignored her call. However, I caved in the following day and I called her. I even tried to set up a date with her. I think back and I realize how pho-king weak that was. Since July 9, she has text me several times, but I have been strong and not replied to any of her messages.

Luckily, today, I found this fantastic challenge. I know I was not doing the best I could do, but I could do better by cutting off contact COMPLETELY. So, like most of you fellow brethren, I will join you and we will get through this.

No contact officially started July 9 for me, however, for the sake of this challenge, I will consider today the first day.

 

[Shadowbite]

Time to go no contact for 30 days. Screwed up already within first two weeks, pretty much asking her back. I know she isn't going to reply, so I decided to delete all social media and things relating to her.

Day 0.

 

[Lozboss]

Welcome Teacher and Shadow.

Stay strong- stick to NC like a life raft. Even in your darkest times do not cave in.

It will Hurt and it will take at least 30 days before you feel materially better.

In this time I suggest you focus on yourself only (I don't advocate spinning plates in this period). Hit the gym and have a diet and get in shape physically while you're repairing mentally. Reading to spin plates after day 60.

Any thing you need- PM me.

 

[Shadowbite]

Welcome Teacher and Shadow.

Stay strong- stick to NC like a life raft. Even in your darkest times do not cave in.

It will Hurt and it will take at least 30 days before you feel materially better.

In this time I suggest you focus on yourself only (I don't advocate spinning plates in this period). Hit the gym and have a diet and get in shape physically while you're repairing mentally. Reading to spin plates after day 60.

Any thing you need- PM me.

Thanks for the welcome. I'll be on here daily :rock:
Me and this chick have had a rocky relationship for years, off and on with it taking never less than 30 days of reuniting .. So this will definitely be a challenge.
I'm pretty sure if I finish it, My life will see new horizons and heights.

 

[fafo]

Welcome Teacher and Shadow,

Very good advice from Lozboss there. Work on yourself and wait before spinning plates.

NC day 37

Well. Yesterday was rough but it could have been much worse. A friend tought it was a super idea to tell me that he learned that she entered in a relationship right after leaving me and that I was now ready to know it. That it will help me move on. Wow. That was definitely not easy to take, even if I'm not stupid and already guessed that she dumped me for someone else.

Honestly, maybe this friend was right telling me. I have felt much better since day 30 where she texted me (ego boost) and knowing that she did that while in a relationship in enough for me to stay strong forever.

Starting my new job in 3 weeks. Can't wait.

I was in a situation close to yours :yes:
But mine was kinda worse she forgot her Viber signed on my PC so I could watch her flirt with her new guy. Yea I know its wrong on so many levels but I didn't care at the time. I deleted viber from my PC when I felt nothing watching the chat. Most people smolder in the fire of negativity and sadness slowly for days, weeks, sometimes years after their ex but I jumped right into the fire and that way became a lot stronger a lot faster.
My confidence was molded from anger and frustration, I couldn't believe how this guy is typing paragraphs of love AFC **** , lowering his value and she is melting.
As this was happening I was reading the DJ Bible and 3% Men books, started gym training and cared only for my needs only because before I was thinking about hers almost all the time. This gave me just the right formula to banish any thoughts of her.

Mutual friends were also talking to me about her but they couldn't tell me anything that I didn't already knew so I was laughing when some of them attempted to make me sad with stories about my ex. Their faces were priceless when I didn't even blink at the "news" and continued to drink with other friends ignoring them completely

I dont really know what to advise you but you will feel less and less as time passes. If you converse and flirt with other girls, time will pass soo fast.
Im not sayin you should spin plates, at least not at this point but flirting is very uplifting especially if the girl responds and makes you forget all other ****.
Also starting a new job is very good because you can give it all you've got. I started my new job 2 weeks after we broke up and now Im giving it all, got a paycheck rise already and everything is going smooth(going to Germany tomorrow for a business meeting and beer tourism ).

I'm only curious how will things with the new AFC guy turn out but that only time can show I'm not in a hurry and feel better than ever (you will too )

 

[fafo]

Thanks fafo,

You are right about flirting. I have been doing a bit of that in the past few weeks and it feels great.

I have a date (I don't know if it really is a date, doesn't matter) on Saturday with a girl from my past. There was a huge connection between us at the time but she was married with children lol. She is divorced now, haven't seen her in years. Will be fun.

You are talking about the 3% man book. Is it worth it ? I have been thinking about buying it. Loved the rational male. Changed my life. I bought "no more mr nice guy" but hated it.

I hated no more mr nice guy too but loved the 3% male. You can get it for free if you subscribe at corey wayne website. I think the free version could be found with google at some funky site for online reading(cant remember the name).
Im about to read the rational male as there is mostly positive feedback about it.

I had a date with the ex of my ex's new guy but nothing happened and I was AFC because I was thinking she only wanted information and didn't escalate or kino at all :crackup: + she had a bf i guess( fb pics and ****).
She had interest but I think I messed it up by not making a move at all.
Anyway last time we chatted 3-4 days ago I said i want to go out for some ice cream. She told me next week but she got only night shifts and I work all day, anyway no offer of a free day yet. I don't care about it but If it wasn't for the Bible and 3% I could have gone in needy AFC mode, now i'm confident and centered, this doesn't phase me at all.

My point is you should always assume she is attracted to you if she is ok to hang out. Worst case scenario she isn't up for sex or relationship but at least you tried and didn't shot yourself on the foot

 

[Shadowbite]

Liars, be liars. day 0. :box:

 

[Teac-her]

LozBoss and Allin - Thank you guys.

Quick update: I had not done this, but I googled her name today and I felt like reaching out to her. I really do not want to talk to her about anything. I do not have romantic feelings for her - I see her as a friend. I do miss having contact with her though. I miss having someone that is always there. Anyways, pho-k-it! Life goes on!

I feel like seeing and talking to other females at this point. The only thing holding me back is that I have not had time for myself. I have been in a relationship since I was 15. The greatest time I have gone without being involved in a relationship is one month. I think I owe this to myself to go at least 60, if not 90 days without being involved with anyone at all. This includes dating.

 

[Insidout]

I lost track of NC days.. it should be day 20 by now..

I found that counting the days only makes it worse. thinking that you're not contacting makes you want to contact her even more..

anyway, it felt much better after few days.. however, I still can't get over her and move on or even stop thinking about her..

yesterday I accidentally found some of our old pics on my cell phone.. made me shed few tears and ruined my whole day.. couldn't think of anything else the whole day yesterday and even today.

people study hard, work hard.. people would do anything to be happy. but have to ignore what matters and what really makes them happy. why is that?

I can see that the rest of you are doing great.. keep it up guys

 

[Lozboss]

I lost track of NC days.. it should be day 20 by now..

I found that counting the days only makes it worse. thinking that you're not contacting makes you want to contact her even more..

anyway, it felt much better after few days.. however, I still can't get over her and move on or even stop thinking about her..

yesterday I accidentally found some of our old pics on my cell phone.. made me shed few tears and ruined my whole day.. couldn't think of anything else the whole day yesterday and even today.

people study hard, work hard.. people would do anything to be happy. but have to ignore what matters and what really makes them happy. why is that?

I can see that the rest of you are doing great.. keep it up guys

Mate you need to snap out of this mindset. I haven't seen one positive post from you.

You need to be positive and see this a good opportunity to move on and find someone better- and in the meantime improve yourself. Unless you can do this you WILL never move on.

If it's depression then you need to see a therapist you trust who will talk it through with you.

Step up and be a Man now. Sorry if that seems Harsh-we are all here for you but you need to be the one who climbs out of this hole.

 

[beatjunkie]

Back on this thread for the second time over the same chick almost a year later. Except this time it's two chicks and not one that I am NCing. Guess thats a good indicator of somewhat improved pick-up game.

Let's do this!!!

DAY 1

 

[beatjunkie]

Ps. Story posted on new thread titled The Dilemma of Two Chicks

 

[RacerEx]

Well, I blew it again. Year-long intense love with, yes, the love of my life, who has quite a few Cluster B characteristics. Broke up over Christmas, and it was devastating for us both. It's been almost 7 months since the break-up, and I've emailed her a few times, very short remarks. I haven't had closure, of course. Got into a rebound relationship right away and still haven't really grieved her. I have to fix that...meanwhile, I emailed her, lightly reminding her of how powerful our connection was - she'd admit that - and wondering if time and circumstances had changed her perspective, and inviting her to talk. I haven't had closure yet, and I have a feeling I'm about to. Grrrrr! Day 0.

 

[Wisconsin144]

Liars, be liars. day 0. :box:

Hey shadowbite, welcome to sosuave. Just a few tips I like to tell others that really helped me!

1. Delete all contact, do it in the heat of the moment, and when you feel weak, you won't know her number or have her on social media.
2. Don't rush into sex or relationships with new girls, flirting is fine usually, but give yourself the correct amount of time to heal. If you rush into new relationships, you'll just cause more pain.
3. Keep yourself busy and use this time to better yourself, I recommend reading some self-help books or getting in touch with old hobbies.
4. Remember one thing, she's your PAST, not your FUTURE. There are billions of girls, don't let this girl stop you from meeting others.

Good luck on your sixty days, I know it sure as hell helped me out.

-Jared

 

[Wisconsin144]

Mate you need to snap out of this mindset. I haven't seen one positive post from you.

You need to be positive and see this a good opportunity to move on and find someone better- and in the meantime improve yourself. Unless you can do this you WILL never move on.

If it's depression then you need to see a therapist you trust who will talk it through with you.

Step up and be a Man now. Sorry if that seems Harsh-we are all here for you but you need to be the one who climbs out of this hole.

Seriously, this is something I agree wth 110%. Trust me I was there man, I know the mindset, try reading my old posts. But you need to remember, she's gone. And if you are depressed, see a doctor. I switched medication for depression and now feel like a whole new person. You can do this, but that means YOU have to do it. Or you'll never get better...

 

[Wisconsin144]

Well, I blew it again. Year-long intense love with, yes, the love of my life, who has quite a few Cluster B characteristics. Broke up over Christmas, and it was devastating for us both. It's been almost 7 months since the break-up, and I've emailed her a few times, very short remarks. I haven't had closure, of course. Got into a rebound relationship right away and still haven't really grieved her. I have to fix that...meanwhile, I emailed her, lightly reminding her of how powerful our connection was - she'd admit that - and wondering if time and circumstances had changed her perspective, and inviting her to talk. I haven't had closure yet, and I have a feeling I'm about to. Grrrrr! Day 0.

I never had closure with my ex, but you just have to tell yourself, it's over, she's gone, I'm alive, I survived. Life sucks sometimes, but if it was always perfect why would we cherish those good moments. Stick to NC and who knows, you might meet the REAL love of your life!
-Jared

 

[BlueAlpha1]

Edit

 

[Wisconsin144]

Met a new girl, had a good time with her the other night. Safe to say the ex means nothing to me now. Keep up with the NC guys. Healing takes time but it comes. Don't give in, stay strong.

-Jared

 

[KiddyA]

Dumpee Reporting. DAY 7.

Hello guys! New guy in the group and forum.

I've got dumped by my girlfriend for 9months on 2nd of June. Yep, she dumped me for another guy who I found out is most probably a sociopath. (Yes they got together after knowing each other for a month, and have plans of getting married at 21, HAHA!)

For the month of June I have been uncovering the lies he told her while they were still friends and I was still with my ex(month of may). Might be stupid of me but I placed trust that she would safeguard her feelings for me and let her hang out with him while I was busy at work (shes waiting for her school semester to start in november )

He has been telling her lies such as
1. His father was in debt (lie)
2. He has a nose tumour and has only 30% chance of survival after surgery(lies)
3. Needed 5k to pay for his school fees (lies)
4. Faked a suicide attempt (yes i went down to his house to find him with my ex)

It was hard for me to join in NC rule as I still had strong feelings for her and seeing her with a sociopath further motivated me to reveal his lies and hopefully for her to come back to my side. But she still chooses to trust in his lies and thinks im trying to break them up.

I have realised it is time for me to move on and HERE I AM!
although it pains me to see my ex with a mentally unstable guy, I have to do this for my own sake and I think I have done enough the past month which has been extremely painful for me.

Today is DAY 7 for me.

What I have done up til now(before i started NC) is to inform my ex's parents and friends of the lies so that they can keep an eye on her.
I offered to be a source of help for her if they sense that anything is amiss( dont know if its a good idea)

From time to time, I am still reminiscing our old times together and it hurts so bad, especially when I imagine her with another guy.

I thought NC would be a good idea to not let my presence hinder the sociopath from showing his true colors.

I still have the urges to call/text her to talk to her to make sure everything is okay with her.

Currently im doing a real estate salesperson course while waiting for my University term to start in mid August.

I still have hopes of being together with her when she realizes what a jerk this guy is, and how much I've done for her to pull her out of this mess.

Hope that NC would help me to have a clearer state of mind to face this matter and help me to lead my life normally again.

 

[Wisconsin144]

NCing this other girl. Turned out to be a flake. Not that worried though, good to see I still have some sort of game lol.

-Jared