The nice guy in me is over

[NYCJoey22]

TWICE in the same month, I've been stood up by two different girls. One from POF, we planned on meeting up at the movie theater by 9PM. She was a no-show, I was being patient by waiting for an hour and a half, I've sent 3 texts and a few phone calls and got nothing in return. I decided to leave and head home. Once I got off the train at around 11:15PM, I decide to give her another call. To my suprise , she answered the phone and her excuse was that she wasn't feeling and been dealing with a cold. I basically cursed her out over the phone because she should have told me that from the getgo. I was fuming and let her have it. We haven't talked sense and deleted her number.

2nd girl... It was a very rainy night but she agreed to come over in front of my house to pick me up at around 9:30-10ish after i leave for work. I usually leave work at 9 PM. She texted me at 8:30 that shes taking a quick nap. I resoonded by "wtf? lol im leaving work in a half hour" blah blah blah.. at around 10 I get to my house. sent her a text that I'm in BK... called her 5 times and of course no response. She texted me the next morning at 11:21saying "hey hun I'm sooooo sorry I'm just waking up" I know this is BS because who takes a nap right before a first date and a nap doesn't last all night and all morning. that was basically her excuse.. she said sorry a few times. This chick actuallly approached me on some meetup site and she doesnt have many friends and looking to meet people. She seems nice but I have zero tolerance for the BS wheter shes nice or not. I've thought about giving this girl a second chance but leaning towards not to.

Also, with the 2nd girl, we were supposed to meet at memorial day, but she cancelled on the same day cuz of work incident. She's a registered nurse.But to be fair, there's been a couple of times in between where she wanted to see me but it was bad timing for me. Advice? thoughts?

 

[Tiguere]

good for cursing them out. sometimes you just have to let the steam out. forget the pussies in here who advocate NEXTING without letting her have a piece of your mind. if they knew anything they wouldnt be keyboard jocks.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

TWICE in the same month, I've been stood up by two different girls. One from POF, we planned on meeting up at the movie theater by 9PM. She was a no-show, I was being patient by waiting for an hour and a half, I've sent 3 texts and a few phone calls and got nothing in return. I decided to leave and head home. Once I got off the train at around 11:15PM, I decide to give her another call. To my suprise , she answered the phone and her excuse was that she wasn't feeling and been dealing with a cold. I basically cursed her out over the phone because she should have told me that from the getgo. I was fuming and let her have it. We haven't talked sense and deleted her number.

2nd girl... It was a very rainy night but she agreed to come over in front of my house to pick me up at around 9:30-10ish after i leave for work. I usually leave work at 9 PM. She texted me at 8:30 that shes taking a quick nap. I resoonded by "wtf? lol im leaving work in a half hour" blah blah blah.. at around 10 I get to my house. sent her a text that I'm in BK... called her 5 times and of course no response. She texted me the next morning at 11:21saying "hey hun I'm sooooo sorry I'm just waking up" I know this is BS because who takes a nap right before a first date and a nap doesn't last all night and all morning. that was basically her excuse.. she said sorry a few times. This chick actuallly approached me on some meetup site and she doesnt have many friends and looking to meet people. She seems nice but I have zero tolerance for the BS wheter shes nice or not. I've thought about giving this girl a second chance but leaning towards not to.

Also, with the 2nd girl, we were supposed to meet at memorial day, but she cancelled on the same day cuz of work incident. She's a registered nurse.But to be fair, there's been a couple of times in between where she wanted to see me but it was bad timing for me. Advice? thoughts?

Rookie mistake with the POF girl. Never be on time. Wait at home and text/phone her about 10 minutes before the agreed meetup time to see where she is. No response? Assume a no-show and stay at home. If she does arrive, she WILL text/phone you to ask where you are. Say you are running late and ask her where she will be waiting. Then head over there as fast as you can.

What the hell is wrong with you waiting 1.5 hours. That's ridiculous son!

 

[VladPatton]

Dude, those internet dating chicks are whacked, bro. Wait 15-20 tops and jet, it's a no show. The more you look for online hookups, the more you will run into scenarios like this, so be ready.

 

[floydb25]

Meh... don't depend on other people, or assume them to follow through. Don't "wait" for them, or place yourself in a pursuing position.... That's why you are upset - you had expectations and put your trust in them. Problem is, you don't even know them. Never put others above yourself, because they likely won't be doing the same for you.

This is definitely an NG's pattern. You're pursuing them, waiting for them, putting your faith into them... then going ape**** when they don't follow through, or disappoint you. Been there.

Don't assume it's everyone else's fault, though. Yea, people are mostly **** and only care about themselves, but you're putting yourself in these positions - because you care too much, and possibly have co-dependancy and neediness issues. You need to reach a point where you stop caring and putting your faith into other people... you're cool being by yourself, and could take it or leave it. It's no big deal if you get rejected, blown off, they lose interest after the initial rush, or whatever. Understand that it happens, and you can only control yourself. Don't expect other people to be kind, caring, etc, just because you might be. There's a lot of selfish pricks out there - and they usually complain about the same things they are; feel entitled; etc. **** 'em. Don't be seeking other people's approval, putting your trust into them, being a follower, acting passive-aggressive, and those things.

This applies to all people, by the way. Don't trust, have expectations for, or put your faith into ANYONE until they earn it over a period of time. And even then, always be prepared for the worst. Never go 100%, and certainly don't wear your heart on a sleeve, wait around for others, put their lives over yours, etc. Most people are all about themselves, and what THEY feel like doing. And if you put yourself in a position where you just comply, tag along, allow this and that - they'll take advantage, and treat you like a doormat or pushover. Don't be the fairweather guy that people exploit.

At the same time, don't become bitter and angry over the actions, words, and lack of regard from others. You can't control them, and you're only hurting yourself by getting pissed off and becoming a jerkface who hates everyone. Been there, too.

Just stop caring so much, or putting yourself too out there. Definitely don't be an NG. People are too ****ty and selfish for that... even those who claim NG's finish last, all guys are jerks, blah blah. They're just as ****ty and selfish and bullyish as the rest... especially when they can get away with it.

So yea, people suck. Get used to it. :kick:

Also, 2 girls in one month isn't bad. Only focusing on 2 girls and drawing **** out to their benefit, however, is. Other NG mistake... Putting your eggs into one basket at a time.

 

[Sleep]

Wise words floydb25, I had a date this saturday, she said in the morning that she was sick. I answered really aggressive "next time decide sooner so I don't get stood up saturday night" she answered "then there will not be a second time, be well", I end up apologizing like kid.

All this could be avoided if I didn't put so much focus on her, it would go smoother and even if I was right and she really wasn't sick, I gained nothing from it.

Lost a plate for sure even if she said we wouldn't stop talking, but I will go NC on her, after apologizing and two calls that she didn't picked up, any respect she had for me, was lost yesterday.

I followed all the advice of this site in the beginning and as time passed through my lonely ass went Nice Guy on her. Thankfully it's hurting like hell and I just finished a bottle of whiskey, I hope the trauma stays so I don't repeat mistakes of the past.

 

[comfm]

dude, those pof chicks are wack. trust me even the ugly/average ones have too many avc chasing them so your just another option. I had my rejection this month from a chick I met twice, the usual ljbf which wasn't genuine.

My advice get the right pics up and move on if they reject but better still getting into the real world bar/club/party scene where the odds are better.

 

[floydb25]

Sleep: Yea, there's no sense getting angry over their lack of regard, OR giving in when they get angry over yours. It doesn't get you anywhere, or accomplish anything positive. Either they find you an irritable, unpleasant ****face, or have no respect for you. and try controlling you.. or both.

People aren't anything special, or worth getting worked up over. Most just want things to happen their way - then cry foul when it doesn't. Very few have any interest in being fair or understanding. It's almost always about them - even when they play the victim and complain about everyone else. It only happens when it affects THEM.

Certainly don't reach the stage where you become hostile, controlling, etc, out of desperation, consistent failure, and entitlement - then becoming even MORE abusive and crazy when it doesn't pan out, or being a jerk is ineffective. Nobody owes anybody anything, and most people are ****. Just gotta accept it, and stop giving a damn... until someone proves themselves to be worthy. But don't feel entitled to have them prove themselves to you - while you do all the deciding, either... even if you got used / played, or whatever by others. A lot of **** is "unfair"... that's life.

I think a lot of people get carried away and look at things completely differently when it's an objection of their affection. Meh... they're no different than anyone else. Yea, you like them differently, and treat them a little differently, but don't go overboard and lose yourself just because it's a potential date. Or getting pissed when it doesn't work out. Who gives a ****... Too early for expectations. Just another person you know nothing about, and might not get anywhere with. Boo hoo.

 

[Die Hard]

Don't take sh!t from women, guy. You have no reason to, since they have nothing you need.

Pvssy? Yeah, it's awesome stuff but so is internet porn and your right hand. Ever jacked off like 5 times in a row? Do it sometime and ask yourself right afterwards, how much you need a woman/pvssy. You'll find that they really don't matter ONE BIT at that moment. In other words, you can live a happy life and do just fine without pvssy, a fact that you will realize right at that moment, but forget during everyday life.

Validation? Fvck that sh!t... Validation is what you wanted from mommy and daddy when you were a child. You made a painting, then walked to your parents and they'd tell you: "Wow, you made that all by yourself? It looks wonderful!" And then you'd start glowing all over and feel so proud of yourself!
That sh!t is over, either your parents gave you enough validation or they didn't. If they didn't, then you need to fill in the missing gap by giving validation to YOURSELF. You bring out the best in yourself and achieve things, get good at things and improve yourself. Everytime you achieve something, you will be proud of yourself and give yourself validation. You do that YOURSELF, don't ever, ever, ever think that you need women to give you that feeling. Coz they don't, they're all fvcking selfish wh0res, who can't be trusted and will destroy your soul if you make the mistake of putting your sense of validation in their hands.

Pvssy, validation, what else is it that women bring us? Meh, I can't even think of anything else. So basically, you don't need women at all. You WANT them, but you absolutely don't NEED them. Get that through your skull, my man!

So as I said in the beginning, you have no reason to take any sh!t or disrespect from women, coz you are not dependent of them at all. So make that change you talked about NOW! TODAY!! It's no more Mr. Nice Guy for you from this moment on. You are the man, you rule your own world and women are only there for decoration. If you don't like the decoration, you put it with the trash and go find some new decoration.

 

[Sleep]

Sleep: Yea, there's no sense getting angry over their lack of regard, OR giving in when they get angry over yours. It doesn't get you anywhere, or accomplish anything positive. Either they find you an irritable, unpleasant ****face, or have no respect for you. and try controlling you.. or both.

I totally agree, we had a couple of dates and stuff was going great, I became attached and my inner AFC/Nice guy emerged and took hold of me. That was reflected the way I talked to her, I re-read all the convos we had in FB between dates (which I shouldn't do it or at least keep it to a minimum) and after every date, after some action I became more AFC.

I created an illusion around her, this already happened several times and every time it's the same stupid feelings for someone that barely gave me any value.

I wish I could dig deeper why I try to put women on a pedestal even though I know that giving too much value to women that don't deserve I end up losing them for atrocious reactions. Sometimes I wish I had zero libido and be a complete psycho, but since I don't I need to learn the hard way. No more single plates, no more girls on pedestal ("But this one is different than the others")

 

[Aristippus]

This is part of a comment someone else made that I totally agree with. Realize the truth behind it and you'll be better off.

Mark Minter said: "No matter how beautiful a woman is, no matter how accomplished, no matter how much she brings to the table, she is still a cost, a liability, a compromise, an aggravation, and she will bring inconvenience, bring grief, bring anger, expense, work, and most of all, stress, biological, chemical, health damaging stress into his life. He is the prize and she is a cost. "

This is always true on some level. Even with the ones that really like you. The difference is deciding if the trade-off is worth it. Does she bring enough to the table to offset the liabilities she is going to bring with her. If you find a woman that doesn't like you, be thankful she didn't waste your time. You can go home in peace without the stresses that come with dealing with a woman on a regular basis.

Right now, as I'm typing this, I'm alone. Not single, but alone for the moment. Guess what? It's nice. As much as I love my woman, sometimes I just need to get away from her. She loves me, she's crazy about me, and I love her. She's a good cook and she's got many other good qualities. Still, she does or says things that get on my nerves sometimes, and I have to have my space. The good positives definitely outweigh the negatives. I would say one way to kill your desperation is to value your freedom, time, and peace of mind. Then if a woman isn't interested, you'll be glad you didn't waste time on her and you'll still enjoy your freedom and the peace of mind that comes from not having to deal with her. When one comes along that you enjoy, great! But in the meantime you can enjoy yourself without making a big deal about the ones who aren't worth your time.