Spirit Fingers
Don Juan
- Joined
- Jul 6, 2005
- Messages
- 159
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The Law of Equal Value Contribution: In order for a relationship to work in the long term, both people must contribute roughly equal amounts of value to the other person's life. If they don't, the person contributing more value will become dissatisfied because they know they could get more value in a relationship than they are getting. They will then subconsciously or consciously sabotage and destroy the relationship.
In this post I'll cover the three ways which you can contribute value to another person's life in an relationship to maintain equal value, and how you can make the law of equal value contribution work in your favor. They are:
1. By contributing social value
2. By contributing sexual value
3. By contributing monetary value
Social Value
Social value is the main way to contribute value to a woman's life that is covered on this board. Dimitri has a very good post on this -- "Distractions vs. Solutions." Basically, in order to have a relationship with a woman in the long-term, you must not just be a distraction from her real needs, you must fulfill her needs.
There are a few different ways to do this. The first is to maintain the same level of fun, energy and excitement after sex as before sex. Be the same person who you were when you first seduced her. This spells problems for people who use lots of routines and don't have the personality to back them up. If you're routine dependent, you'll never get anything more than one-night stands because once all your material is used up, you're right back to being a loser.
The advantage of learning skills like spontaneity, mutual value escalation, frame control, congruence to intention, and alpha BL and tonality are that they will benefit you in a relationship just as much as in initial pickups. If you want to have healthy relationship, focus on developing these things rather than material that can only be used once.
The same goes for indirect vs. direct game. Indirect game is useful in initial pickups. I will often use it myself in certain social situations. HOWEVER, in a relationship, you can't be backturning her and calling her your bratty little sister all the time. It is clear that you guys like each other, so in order to maintain a relationship with her you have to be direct in your intention. You must qualify her well, and genuinely care about her. Again, if you wish to improve your social value in relationships, work on your direct game.
It is absolutely critical that you provide the girl with genuine love and affection. If not, you're not fulfilling all her needs, and she'll look somewhere else for a relationship. This is a deep social need a woman. You must provide her with security -- she must know that you're not going to leave her on a whim, and that she is important to you.
Another way to contribute social value to a woman's life is to become exclusive to her. This increases her social status, because she got you in a relationship on the terms society says she should. Low value guys are forced to become exclusive to girls because they can't contribute value to their lives in any other ways.
A way to contribute social value to a man's life, on the other hand, is to leave him free to pursue other relationships. High value guys can do this with ease, because the women must conform to the law of equal value contribution, or the relationship will fail.
Exclusivity is not actually as much social value as you might think. If you aren't exclusive to a girl, you can still contribute social value to her life by letting her show you off to her friends, genuinely caring about her, never causing drama or creating unneccessary negative emotions, and providing security for her. If you are low value and her friends think you're a loser, you're neurotic and pick fights, and cause her to think you might break up with her anytime, exclusivity isn't going to do you much good. But, often for guys who are moderately below their GFs in value, exclusivity is the only way to keep them.
A big misconeption in relationships is that women like drama. This is completely and utterly false. Normal, non-psycho women don't like drama because picking petty fights and arguments is beta. It creates negative emotions and detracts value from her life. Women only prefer drama to boredom, which they hate more than anything.
In order to maintain a loyal girlfriend, you should listen and care about all her concerns about the relationship. Build the connection that you have, and minimize those things which break down the comfort and trust between you. If she is acting badly, tell her firmly but calmly that she's acting weird, and while you care about her and don't want to see her sad, she needs to get back to being her normal happy self if she wants the relationship to work.
Sexual Value
Sexual value is by far the most important form of value you can contribute to a woman's life. It contributes about 70% of the value in a relationship, while social and monetary value combine for the other 30%.
Most guys don't realize this. Even ASF guys, who know, at least intellectually, that women want and need sex more than men. For all the talk about "escaping the Matrix" in the community, most sargers still have society's model of sex in their mind and don't realize just how important sex is to women.
An example of this is the "Rocks vs. Gold" routine found in the Layguide. If you're not familiar with it, the gist of it is that women want rocks, which stand for dinner dates, gifts, etc. and men want gold, which stands for sex. In order for a relationship to work, there must be a tradeoff between what the man wants (sexual value) and what the woman supposedly wants (social and monetary value).
This is a terrible routine invented by a low value guy who has no idea how female psychology actually works. Men only have to "pay" for sex with dates, gifts, etc. IF THEY ARE OF LOW SEXUAL VALUE. If they are of high sexual value, they can work the equation in the other direction and get women to buy them dinner, gifts, etc. in exchange for sex.
Women are controlled much more by their sexuality than men. They are constantly having sexual fantasies which they never tell anyone about -- about getting ****ed by a stranger, getting ****ed by two guys at once, getting gang-raped, etc. These sexual feelings are all the more intense because women are forced to repress them. Additionally, women experience at least ten times the pleasure men do in the bedroom. They can have many different types of orgasms, as well as having multiple orgasms in rapid succession. Additionally, because they are not the one in control of the intercation and are being dominated, the emotions and sensations they experience through sex are much more intense than ours.
Men, on the other hand, are controlled mostly by the immediacy of our sexual needs. Because of basic biological reasons, it is very hard for a man to go even a few days without getting laid. However, if you have multiple relationships and are having sex 10+ times per week, this consideration disappears. The sexual value of any individual woman drops, because you never feel the urgency to **** right away.
Women judge a man approximately 70% on sexual criteria and 30% on everything else. People tell you that great relationships are build on compatibility and chemistry (social value). While you need social value too, the foundation of great relationships is always great sex. If you want to have good relationships, you must become good in bed. Otherwise, you'll only score 30/100 in her book, even if you do everything else right and financially support her.
If order to be extraordinary in bed, you must do two things. I writing a full post on becoming good in bed soon, but here's a brief summary.
1. Psychologically satisfy a woman by completely dominating her. At their core, women want a guy who will treat them like a piece of meat in the bedroom, that can pin her arms to the bed while he ****s the **** out of her and makes her tell him what a slut she is. Think Tyler Durden ****ing Marla Singer in Fight Club. That's what you're going for.
IMPORTANT NOTE: This is NOT how women want to be treated outside the bedroom! Given the choice, she will pick the guy who treats her like this all the time over a guy who cannot dominate her, but ideally she wants a guy who can love her and appreciate her as a person outside of bed, and also knows what she wants in bed. Most guys can't do this because they have inner game issues and are secretly disgusted by girls acting like sluts in the bedroom. You have to learn that there is nothing wrong with female sexual desire, and that she can be an intelligent and wonderful human being and still have those desires.
2. You must physically satisfy her needs by having the size, strength and stamina to **** her hard for long periods of times and make her ***. Obviously size you can't do much about size, but as long as your **** isn't freakishly small, it's nowhere near as important as strength and stamina is the bedroom. Increasing your strength and stamina is akin to training for a powerlifting event or a marathon. In order to become good you need some basic technique, then it is just a matter of training your body until you are a superstar.
You'll know when you're contributing more sexual value to the relationship than she is when she starts wanting sex more than you do. At this point, you are in control of the relationship. You are contributing more sexual value to it than her, and you can continue it on your terms indefinitely.
In this post I'll cover the three ways which you can contribute value to another person's life in an relationship to maintain equal value, and how you can make the law of equal value contribution work in your favor. They are:
1. By contributing social value
2. By contributing sexual value
3. By contributing monetary value
Social Value
Social value is the main way to contribute value to a woman's life that is covered on this board. Dimitri has a very good post on this -- "Distractions vs. Solutions." Basically, in order to have a relationship with a woman in the long-term, you must not just be a distraction from her real needs, you must fulfill her needs.
There are a few different ways to do this. The first is to maintain the same level of fun, energy and excitement after sex as before sex. Be the same person who you were when you first seduced her. This spells problems for people who use lots of routines and don't have the personality to back them up. If you're routine dependent, you'll never get anything more than one-night stands because once all your material is used up, you're right back to being a loser.
The advantage of learning skills like spontaneity, mutual value escalation, frame control, congruence to intention, and alpha BL and tonality are that they will benefit you in a relationship just as much as in initial pickups. If you want to have healthy relationship, focus on developing these things rather than material that can only be used once.
The same goes for indirect vs. direct game. Indirect game is useful in initial pickups. I will often use it myself in certain social situations. HOWEVER, in a relationship, you can't be backturning her and calling her your bratty little sister all the time. It is clear that you guys like each other, so in order to maintain a relationship with her you have to be direct in your intention. You must qualify her well, and genuinely care about her. Again, if you wish to improve your social value in relationships, work on your direct game.
It is absolutely critical that you provide the girl with genuine love and affection. If not, you're not fulfilling all her needs, and she'll look somewhere else for a relationship. This is a deep social need a woman. You must provide her with security -- she must know that you're not going to leave her on a whim, and that she is important to you.
Another way to contribute social value to a woman's life is to become exclusive to her. This increases her social status, because she got you in a relationship on the terms society says she should. Low value guys are forced to become exclusive to girls because they can't contribute value to their lives in any other ways.
A way to contribute social value to a man's life, on the other hand, is to leave him free to pursue other relationships. High value guys can do this with ease, because the women must conform to the law of equal value contribution, or the relationship will fail.
Exclusivity is not actually as much social value as you might think. If you aren't exclusive to a girl, you can still contribute social value to her life by letting her show you off to her friends, genuinely caring about her, never causing drama or creating unneccessary negative emotions, and providing security for her. If you are low value and her friends think you're a loser, you're neurotic and pick fights, and cause her to think you might break up with her anytime, exclusivity isn't going to do you much good. But, often for guys who are moderately below their GFs in value, exclusivity is the only way to keep them.
A big misconeption in relationships is that women like drama. This is completely and utterly false. Normal, non-psycho women don't like drama because picking petty fights and arguments is beta. It creates negative emotions and detracts value from her life. Women only prefer drama to boredom, which they hate more than anything.
In order to maintain a loyal girlfriend, you should listen and care about all her concerns about the relationship. Build the connection that you have, and minimize those things which break down the comfort and trust between you. If she is acting badly, tell her firmly but calmly that she's acting weird, and while you care about her and don't want to see her sad, she needs to get back to being her normal happy self if she wants the relationship to work.
Sexual Value
Sexual value is by far the most important form of value you can contribute to a woman's life. It contributes about 70% of the value in a relationship, while social and monetary value combine for the other 30%.
Most guys don't realize this. Even ASF guys, who know, at least intellectually, that women want and need sex more than men. For all the talk about "escaping the Matrix" in the community, most sargers still have society's model of sex in their mind and don't realize just how important sex is to women.
An example of this is the "Rocks vs. Gold" routine found in the Layguide. If you're not familiar with it, the gist of it is that women want rocks, which stand for dinner dates, gifts, etc. and men want gold, which stands for sex. In order for a relationship to work, there must be a tradeoff between what the man wants (sexual value) and what the woman supposedly wants (social and monetary value).
This is a terrible routine invented by a low value guy who has no idea how female psychology actually works. Men only have to "pay" for sex with dates, gifts, etc. IF THEY ARE OF LOW SEXUAL VALUE. If they are of high sexual value, they can work the equation in the other direction and get women to buy them dinner, gifts, etc. in exchange for sex.
Women are controlled much more by their sexuality than men. They are constantly having sexual fantasies which they never tell anyone about -- about getting ****ed by a stranger, getting ****ed by two guys at once, getting gang-raped, etc. These sexual feelings are all the more intense because women are forced to repress them. Additionally, women experience at least ten times the pleasure men do in the bedroom. They can have many different types of orgasms, as well as having multiple orgasms in rapid succession. Additionally, because they are not the one in control of the intercation and are being dominated, the emotions and sensations they experience through sex are much more intense than ours.
Men, on the other hand, are controlled mostly by the immediacy of our sexual needs. Because of basic biological reasons, it is very hard for a man to go even a few days without getting laid. However, if you have multiple relationships and are having sex 10+ times per week, this consideration disappears. The sexual value of any individual woman drops, because you never feel the urgency to **** right away.
Women judge a man approximately 70% on sexual criteria and 30% on everything else. People tell you that great relationships are build on compatibility and chemistry (social value). While you need social value too, the foundation of great relationships is always great sex. If you want to have good relationships, you must become good in bed. Otherwise, you'll only score 30/100 in her book, even if you do everything else right and financially support her.
If order to be extraordinary in bed, you must do two things. I writing a full post on becoming good in bed soon, but here's a brief summary.
1. Psychologically satisfy a woman by completely dominating her. At their core, women want a guy who will treat them like a piece of meat in the bedroom, that can pin her arms to the bed while he ****s the **** out of her and makes her tell him what a slut she is. Think Tyler Durden ****ing Marla Singer in Fight Club. That's what you're going for.
IMPORTANT NOTE: This is NOT how women want to be treated outside the bedroom! Given the choice, she will pick the guy who treats her like this all the time over a guy who cannot dominate her, but ideally she wants a guy who can love her and appreciate her as a person outside of bed, and also knows what she wants in bed. Most guys can't do this because they have inner game issues and are secretly disgusted by girls acting like sluts in the bedroom. You have to learn that there is nothing wrong with female sexual desire, and that she can be an intelligent and wonderful human being and still have those desires.
2. You must physically satisfy her needs by having the size, strength and stamina to **** her hard for long periods of times and make her ***. Obviously size you can't do much about size, but as long as your **** isn't freakishly small, it's nowhere near as important as strength and stamina is the bedroom. Increasing your strength and stamina is akin to training for a powerlifting event or a marathon. In order to become good you need some basic technique, then it is just a matter of training your body until you are a superstar.
You'll know when you're contributing more sexual value to the relationship than she is when she starts wanting sex more than you do. At this point, you are in control of the relationship. You are contributing more sexual value to it than her, and you can continue it on your terms indefinitely.
