The key to popularity:initiate and accept!

[check_mate_kid_uk]

There is something very important you need to do in order for people to like you and look up to you and that is to initiate. When you meet new people in a group, be the one to offer your hand, be the one to start the conversation. When your freind is leaving the group be the one to go and hug her. When the club is getting boring be th eone to suggest you find another club.

When you initate you show leadership and you are also givieng acceptance to people, this will make people want to be with you. Suddenly when oyur freind wlaks in to the room, you will be the first person he goes to talk to.

Sure you need to be able to converse, this on its own is not going to guarntee you success, but it is probably more important then a sense of humour and is something that anyone can do with some practice.

A big part of this is actualy giveing compliments, this makes people happy, it gives you a huge amount of power, you are accpeting people, makeing them comfortable, the power comes not because you make them feel good but because you could withdraw it if you wished to do so. By doing this you are demonstrating that you are of higher value then the other person, on a sub consious levle, with out having to try and act dominant over them.

A very important part of this is doing faovurs for people and then asking for a faovur in return.

If you do as i have said, thou you may not be the most liked person in the world by defult, as it depends on your other attributes, you will certainly see some improvement from your current position, i have!

 

[theSpeculator]

Wrong! If you try this you would likely come off as "trying too hard to impress everyone." The best and probably the only way to become popular is to be confident and approachable. By confident I mean have confidence, the kind that you have to develop through hard work. It should not be confused with acting confident because trust me people will see through it eventually. And by approachable I mean that you do not act stuck-up like you're better than everyone. It means you come off as someone that people can easily talk to.

In other words, you want to do this because people are basically attracted to strong confident guys that are nice and approachable. The key words being "strong" and "nice." Got it!

 

[flippinfreak]

Speculator

speculate about approaching for a second...

if nobody approached... everybody would be waiting... would that mean everybody was confident?

Take check matte kids advice... APPROACH a few people

it won't come off as a try-hard, it will come off as confident.

 

[theSpeculator]

How checkmatekid's method will come off depends largely on the person's character. If the person has true confidence, then it will come off as confident. In contrast, if the person has low self-esteem, then it will come off as trying too hard. Why? Because what he is doing externally is incongruent with how he is internally. It's basic psychology, how you feel internally will show externally no matter how hard you try to hide it. Now most people here probably has low self-esteem to start out with. So if they use his method, it would come off as trying too hard.

One more thing, just because you approach does not make you confident. Confidence is about how you feel inside. In the long run, you are better off building it from the inside instead of getting it externally.

 

[flippinfreak]

lol, what do you expect to happen than?

This is a confidence builder at the base of it.

On a higher level it is meant fro those with confidence to just straight up accept the fact and to start involving themselves in numerous social interactions.

If somebody is too shy to approach somebody and shake their hand, than this is not the tip for them. Duh, most every tip on this baord depends on somebody having basic confidence...

There is a huge section for people who have none whatsoever.

 

[theSpeculator]

Maybe you don't understand my point because you don't know someone that does the exact same thing checkmatekid suggested. Instead of getting respect, he gets laugh at behind his back. I gave my advice and it's your decision to either take it or leave it. 'nuff said.

 

[flippinfreak]

Than you should add constructive advice instead of goading me on.

When your friend does these kinds of things what is he doing wrong?

 

[check_mate_kid_uk]

Well i have made an effort to be the first to greet people, i have made sure i initiate conversations. Result from the other night, this guy i know offers to buy me a drink. I got in to a conversation with this cute girl who seemed very intrested going by the fact she wouldnt shut up, thing is i hardly heard a word she said so the conversation did quickly run dry! I was invited to a party of a guy from my old school, in the past even tohu we where freind most of the time, i was lower status and he would have never invited me. Now we are equals.

Everything has extremes, but by initiating you seem confident and you make people comfortbale and feel accepted. Sure if you jump up all excited to greet some one and then dont say a word to them, its going to seem weird, but i did say initiate conversation, even if its just small talk.

I find that a good sense of humour is good to work alongside this if you can mange that. My problem is, if i spend some time with a girl(s) not talking to guys, well i can easily have them laughing, i go back to the guys, i say something ment to be funny and they just stare at me! Problem is, girls seem to laugh so easily, and guys less so.

 

[Matheau]

I think, as mentioned before, this is something that largely is only going to work for certain people and not in every situation anyways.

You do need to be careful with compliments though. You really shouldn't compliment people for the sake of giving compliments, it usually comes off as trying to flatter them, especially if you compliment something they know they didn't put any effort into. Granted if there is something to compliment, you should compliment it, but freely giving out compliments almost always comes off as trying too hard.

However, the tip is probably only going to work for people already comfortable doing this anyways.

 

[check_mate_kid_uk]

When compliments are mentioned, sincerness is asumed, since i never said try and flatter anyone.

 

[Matheau]

Flattery doesn't just mean being insincere. Excessive, but still sincere, praise is also flattery.

If you give compliments out easily, they lose their value and can be construed as flattery.

 

[check_mate_kid_uk]

If you give compliments out easily, they lose their value and can be construed as flattery.

Then dont!

 

[smoke city]

Compliments are fine...in moderation. I do know people who give out compliments very liberally and it DOES seem insincere and slippery sometimes. better to just show a genuine interest in people, and remember things about them...what's better than a compliment?
Something like this:

"Hey good to see you _______. You know I was thinking about you the other day when I saw this TV show about _________ ... I remember you're really interested in that stuff, so..."

INSTANT conversation. instant rapport.

Something like this requires more effort and thought than dealing out compliments, but people know that and they respond MUCH more to it.

 

[check_mate_kid_uk]

hey smoke, of course that true, thing is almost every one gives out far less compliments then they ought. Most of us ought to give out more, assuming you can find something sincere, i would say we should try and say at least a couple of nice things about people every day.