The Ex-boyfriend

[BigBeast]

Things are going good at the moment with my gf of 5 months. I manage to keep her IL high at most times, great sex and everything. However there is this issue with her ex-boyfriend. They broke up a month before I got into the picture. The guy lives overseas and they had a long distance relationship (seeing each other every couple months) which lasted for 2 years. Things didn't go right at one point and he initiated to break up with her, saying that she deserves a better person. Later he tried to get her back but she refused. My girlfriend told me she didn't notify her ex that she's started dating me, because he gets very jealous and she didn't want him to start asking questions. They talked regularly over the internet, until one day she changed her relationship status on facebook, then the guy stopped talking to her completely.

Now I'm worried because before the guy stopped talking to her, he asked her out once to meet (at that time we were already dating), and she agreed but somehow couldn't make it, otherwise she would of went. And my girlfriend is only telling me this now. When I told her I'm fine with her meeting up with him as long as they stay just friends, she goes "it's not like I'm gonna ask you for permission! "

Like WTF! Is this some kind of test? Trying to make me jealous?

After hearing that I make it clear to her I would walk away if she's not completely done with her ex, and that I don't get into love triangles.

Thing is, she brings him up a lot in our conversions. Normally i just act like ok whatever. She would be telling me what a good boyfriend he was, that she misses him and would like to meet him one day, because they used to be really close together and talked everyday. It's really starting to aggravate me.

How should I handle this situation? I want to let her know that I don't appreciate this behavior, yet I don't wanna come off as jealous/controlling.

 

[Puck508]

Sorry to hear about this situation...sounds rough.

I read an e-book one time talking about a trait of Alpha Males that keep their women at their side. Basically, you have to act like a father figure to her. I don't mean tell her what she can and can't do, but what does a father do when you do something they don't like? They punish you for it. If she talks to this guy, "punish" her...as in, don't speak to her for a day or two or take away something that she really likes (holding hands, talking on the phone, whatever it is).

But, before you can do this, you need to set the boundary, both for you AND for her. You need to explain to her that you're not jealous (jealously will only make it worse), but that you find it very disrespectful that she speaks about him and their past relationship. She needs to understand, without you coming out and literally saying it, that this won't be tolerated anymore. When she does do it, you "punish" her for it.

The boundary's that you must set for yourself are what you're willing to put up with. Don't let her walk on you, but also don't let your jealousy get the best of you if she talks to him for 5 minutes online (This would even be unacceptable to me considering what she's said to you recently). Remember, she's with you FOR A REASON and she didn't get back together with him FOR A REASON. Don't forget that, and use it to your advantage.

You have the upper hand here...even though she's testing your boundaries, you have the power. It's up to you to make it happen.

Good Luck.
Puck

 

[Myrrdin]

1. I don't think she's over her ex. I think you're the rebound boy. Nasty situation.

2.

"it's not like I'm gonna ask you for permission! "

This might be a sign that she lost respect for you (if she ever respected you in the first place). It will only get worse now that she thinks she can get away with it.

Leave. Pure and simple. Her attitude will only get worse with time and the moment you stand your ground there's a high probability that she will leave.

Of course I could be wrong, take it with a grain of salt

 

[joe henny]

sigh* I have a feeling this might be a long post....this story remindds me of myself when I was in a serious relationship, but not that bad, Ok here we go my advice

DUMP THE B1TCH!

She has made it apparent she is not over her ex by saying she would have met on a date with him while you guys were going out. You have no clue how much of a weinie you sound like in your post, I was there ttoo. One way to tell if your coming off as a weinie is just to repeat the situation over aloud like this:

My ex told me she would have went on a date with her ex behind my back if she could have

My ex told me she doesn't need my permission to see her ex

I told my ex she can see her ex as long as it's only as friends.

Now you see. Come on man I know this hurts but you need to hear this. You need to get rid of her she is trying to creep on you. One day you'll look back at this thread and think I can't believe I was so blinded by "love".

 

[Kailex]

Now I'm worried because before the guy stopped talking to her, he asked her out once to meet (at that time we were already dating), and she agreed but somehow couldn't make it, otherwise she would of went. And my girlfriend is only telling me this now. When I told her I'm fine with her meeting up with him as long as they stay just friends, she goes "it's not like I'm gonna ask you for permission! "

Like WTF! Is this some kind of test? Trying to make me jealous?

After hearing that I make it clear to her I would walk away if she's not completely done with her ex, and that I don't get into love triangles.

Thing is, she brings him up a lot in our conversions. Normally i just act like ok whatever. She would be telling me what a good boyfriend he was, that she misses him and would like to meet him one day, because they used to be really close together and talked everyday. It's really starting to aggravate me.

How should I handle this situation? I want to let her know that I don't appreciate this behavior, yet I don't wanna come off as jealous/controlling.

Flip this situation around.
Imagine it's YOU who keeps talking about your ex-girlfriend.
Imagine you kept bringing her up in conversations and telling your new girlfriend how good of a girlfriend your ex was. Imagine you telling her that you two used to be really close together.

Imagine you asked her permission to go see your ex and you told her that you weren't really asking for permission.

How do you think she would react?
Do you think she would like this?

We both know the answer is: SHE'D F*CKING HATE IT.

You have EVERY right to not like this.
5 months in and you're dealing with this???

I'll echo Joe in his sentiment to just be done with this situation. If this is what it's like NOW, don't even for a second think it's going to get any better.

I usually tell people to NEXT immediately because a lot of posters here don't have the emotional reserve to continue using their girlfriend while starting to see new plates again. It's not a safe bet, but what is a safe bet is that your girlfriend is disrespecting you. She's in the middle of branch swinging BACK to her ex.

Best solution: Walk away. NOW.

Things are going good at the moment with my gf of 5 months. I manage to keep her IL high at most times, great sex and everything.

I guess, things aren't as good at the moment. You THINK they are, but they aren't. You started off your post with that and then the rest of it is just proof that it ISN'T as good as you think it is. If you are with a woman and she keeps bringing up how good her ex WAS and how she wants to meet up with him, guess what, you're just the guy she has because she has no other options in the meantime.

Unfortunately, you were rebound girl... bounce her out.