The day he learned his real value to her

[backbreaker]

This dude friend of mine, all he talks about is this particular girl. he is crushing pretty bad on her, but she's engaged and to keep her around he basically stuffed his feelings and is okay with being friends. i honestly think he's okay with being friends but i know he likes her.


Anyway all i ever ****ing hear about is this girl. her problems or what she is doing or what she has going on. This dude eats, lives and breathes this girl. he thought he had a really good friend.


so this dude has a particularly ****ty day yesterday and we are all around and he is talking to her and in front of everyone she just basically lets him have it. why is he being such a burden to her? This dude never talks to her about her problems, or the fact that he's single and resents it, or the fact that he's broke, or anything. he stuffs that **** all the time and puts on a good face, and the one ****ing time he can't take it, she calls him a burden. The dude is basically crying he's so hurt and she's calling him a ***** and too sensitive


I came within maybe a second of cursing her out to take care of him but i figured nope.. you need to have the experience yourself, only by seeing a woman's true nature can you ever grow and stop being so dependent on them. so while it hurt to watch and look, he will be better for it a year from now.



this guy make the mistake of thinking that women are in investment. he thought if he invested his time in her she would give some in return. i feel bad for the guy becuase all the guy wanted was to fit in with her. what she wanted was him on her terms, when it was convenient for her


I do not know what I would do if i got a divorce. I really don't. Jesus christ the women these days.

 

[zekko]

Sad story, but you're right, he's probably going to be the better for it. Nothing can teach you life's lessons like life itself. I just hope he's smart enough to learn from it, otherwise he's probably going to find himself back to square one. Maybe now that it's over you could have a little chat with him.

 

[ChrisFloyd]

If you really think about it, she did nothing wrong, not to say she has done that dude a big favor right there.

 

[equinox654]

Women are not your friends gentlemen.

 

[backbreaker]

If you really think about it, she did nothing wrong, not to say she has done that dude a big favor right there.

1. she was being a **** for no reason whatsoever

2. he's not even, at this point, trying to get in her pants. I'm mean, I'm sure he wouldn't mind, but he thought he had a friend. she took a guy who is having a ****ty day and made him feel that much worse about himself. on a daily basis she calls him and *****es about her boss, her parents, her fiancee, her job, her friend at the gym, all types of **** and he's always there for her. the one day he needs her he's a burden.

and even when she was making him feel like ****, he didn't say anything back becuase he didn't want to hurt her feelings. she doesn't gie 2 ****s about his feelings

 

[ChrisFloyd]

1. she was being a **** for no reason whatsoever

2. he's not even, at this point, trying to get in her pants. I'm mean, I'm sure he wouldn't mind, but he thought he had a friend. she took a guy who is having a ****ty day and made him feel that much worse about himself. on a daily basis she calls him and *****es about her boss, her parents, her fiancee, her job, her friend at the gym, all types of **** and he's always there for her. the one day he needs her he's a burden.

and even when she was making him feel like ****, he didn't say anything back becuase he didn't want to hurt her feelings. she doesn't gie 2 ****s about his feelings

I think you have been around this forum too long, you got caught up with all the bullsh!t in here.
Stop putting the guy in the victim role and the woman as the abuser.
He chose to do what he did, and she was not obliged whatsoever to return the kindness back.
And if he keeps being a b!tch to her, that's his choice. It suits him. It does not suit you. That's all.

 

[backbreaker]

there's probably some truth to that. but i see on a daily basis just how he treats her and I see just how bad she hurt his feelings when they were already depleted. That's not what friends do.


All he wanted her to do was care. I feel bad for the guy and it was pretty ****ed up seeing it transpire in person. left a really bad taste in my mouth.


No she's not obligated to do anything for him, but my point is he could have came to me and i would not have did anything like that. id didn't do anything like that once he eventually told me what was going on with him. This girl has the empathy of Hitler at auschwitz. why kick a man when he's down? you don't have to give the guy head or anything but i mean, at least pretend to give a **** about someone other than yourself is all

 

[ChrisFloyd]

there's probably some truth to that. but i see on a daily basis just how he treats her and I see just how bad she hurt his feelings when they were already depleted. That's not what friends do.


All he wanted her to do was care. I feel bad for the guy and it was pretty ****ed up seeing it transpire in person. left a really bad taste in my mouth.


No she's not obligated to do anything for him, but my point is he could have came to me and i would not have did anything like that. id didn't do anything like that once he eventually told me what was going on with him. This girl has the empathy of Hitler at auschwitz. why kick a man when he's down? you don't have to give the guy head or anything but i mean, at least pretend to give a **** about someone other than yourself is all

Right, then it just means you a nice person, and she is a mean person.
It does not means she is wrong, and you are right.
It does not means all women are mean, and all men are nice.

And it certainly does not mean "I do not know what I would do if i got a divorce. I really don't. Jesus christ the women these days."

I said that you caught up with the bullsh!t in here specifically because of the above statement, which I see is the common theme of your recent posts.

And think about this, if the guy is a real man inside, and I say IF, cause there is a chance he is not. Who do you think would help him more, you being a nice friend, or she being a b!tch?

 

[RangerMIke]

Women really can't be a friend to a man. I'm sorry, that seldom works out. It's too bad this gal didn't have a little more class, but unless the woman is you mother, sister, or wife.... going to them for emotional comfort makes no sence to me.

Truth is women ALWAYS know how you feel about them... she most likely knows EXACTLY how your friend feels about her, and she's pushing him away, and doing him a favor by teaching him that weak behavior is no way to attract a woman.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Breaker,
I am with you on this one...maybe you and I have seen a little more of life....Women should be seen as another species,the best one may hope for is a Symbiotic relationship,once the benefits for her are gone,she will be looking around....Of course it goes both ways,things will change with Children or dedication to some other unifying objective...Must say Orientals are different,with them once you are regarded as family you can always count on them,however other things come along to upset the apple cart,as you fit in a hierarchy where Parents come first.then children and then you.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Ranger,
"Women really can't be a friend to a man"....Not always the case,they make great confidantes,as long as you keep Porky safe and secure behind your trouser Zip LOL.

 

[MikeOck]

Your friend is a classic "Nice Guy". He is under the misguided belief that if he is nice, generous, and compassionate to a woman, it will eventually make her thighs moist and she will "Dump That Jerk" when she realizes what a "Perfect Catch" he is. The reality is that every single time a man tries this tactic, his target loses ALL respect for him (to be fair, it is difficult to respect a doormat).

If you care to save this friend of yours some time, you might buy him a copy of "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert A. Glover.

 

[Huffman]

Well, I hope he is still young, gets really angry, and finally starts taking life into his own hands.

 

[synergy1]

It is one of the most difficult axioms I have had to learn in life : women find weak men utterly abhorrent. While weakness is subjective, I think that we all can agree generally what it means. (The post above this one already says it all). This isn't one of those things I have learned from reading, but having been on both sides of the spectrum.

So your buddy is in the dumps. A lot of us have. I think he needs to take this time and really reflect on what has worked, what has not worked and take it upon himself to be the change he needs to be in order to be successful. This is the mark of a true successful person, not reveling in ephemeral affirmations of women that have no involvement in ones life.

good luck

 

[mikey2012]

and to think ppl say I'm a women hater with this thread

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=223160

 

[btownbuck2012]

I've noticed that my whole life.

Guys will generally "feel for you". Even if it's a guy you have a problem with or don't generally like, if he's going through some rough **** in life you feel somewhat bad for him.

Women are ice cold. Not only do they not have any empathy, they act like the fact that you're going through some **** is in somehow inconvenient for them.

I'm in sales and I cold call every now and then, and I've noticed that if a guy doesn't want to talk, or isn't interested in what I'm selling, or is just a jerk in general, they'll just tell me to "F off", "take me off the list", "not interested".

But women, get personal with it. Real mean sh*t.

 

[jc_80]

There's a good lesson in this. I tend to view people as investments. If they're in my life, then I'm expending resources of some sort on them, be it time, energy, feelings, etc. So I do my best to assess whether they're going to be an asset or a liability.

Many people, and not just women, are users and too self absorbed to be worth your time. Some of them aren't aware of it. It's more a weakness than something intentional. Aside from relating to each other and being compatible, friendship and any relationship only works with reciprocity. I'm not a "nice guy" in the pejorarive sense, but I'd say I'm a good guy in general. So I'm inclined to be there for people if they need something. However, afterward, I quickly and reasonably test their capacity for appreciation and reciprocity. You'd be surprised how sh!tty some people are. This new guy at work, years ago, asked for $10 so he could get some gas and he'd get me back next day. He did. Cool. I had to break a $20 but no big deal. A few days later at the vending machine I asked if he could get me a 75 cent drink and I'd give him a dollar the next day. Dude said he would but really didn't want to be stuck with a quarter. I said I'll take the quarter then. Then he actually got pissy and said fine, man, whatever, take the quarter too. I didn't bother getting the drink.

The story might seem a little petty, but it's kind of in line with what happened with your friend. He's there for her time and time again and gets himself invested in her but he finds out there's no true appreciation and reciprocity. This would be like my coworker constantly borrowing money and repaying it always. That's cool but if he's not willing to return a small favor then why should I continue to loan him money without a fee?

My point is that in my opinion it's best to figure this out sooner than later. Find out someone's true nature early and set your terms of trade with them early and you'll make better investments in people.

 

[backbreaker]

Guys will generally "feel for you". Even if it's a guy you have a problem with or don't generally like, if he's going through some rough **** in life you feel somewhat bad for him.

It's not even about feeling bad. I've been there. sometimes you just got to get **** off your chest.

It is one of the most difficult axioms I have had to learn in life : women find weak men utterly abhorrent. While weakness is subjective, I think that we all can agree generally what it means. (The post above this one already says it all). This isn't one of those things I have learned from reading, but having been on both sides of the spectrum.

That whole ordeal with him, and then looking back on my very own life, I think this is why, women subconsciously like losers. Losers... part of the allure of being a bum / loser / party guy is that you don't have enough on your plate to ever have to stress out. When you do have bad **** going on you drown your own problems in party and drink and drug.


My wife looks at me today and she thinks I run ****, and i do lol but if she knew me 10 years ago, she would not have given me the time of day. Going from piss poor to where I am now took a lot of work, a lot of ups and a hell of alot of downs, and a lot of the times, I was everywhere emotionally. Crying like a little ***** lol, needing someone to talk to becuase it was just too much and regardless of what I was trying to do, how hard I worked, women saw that as weak.


my female friend is marrying a guy that is a pizza store manager and she tells me all the time part of the reason that she loves him so much is that he's quiet and strong.. and i'm like (at least thinking) no **** lol. if my sole responsibility in life was to go to work and manage how much tomato sauce we used for the day I wouldn't stress out over **** either lol.



I've said it before and I"ll say it again. women this day in age do not know what a successful man looks like, until he's already successful and by then it's too late. This dude in the OP he's gonna be okay and he's not a cry baby or anything he was just having a ****ty day and it was too much.

 

[VikingKing]

This is the reason why women shouldn't ever be allowed to have an power over a man. Imagine if she was his boss or somthing.

 

[ChrisFloyd]

It's not even about feeling bad. I've been there. sometimes you just got to get **** off your chest.



That whole ordeal with him, and then looking back on my very own life, I think this is why, women subconsciously like losers. Losers... part of the allure of being a bum / loser / party guy is that you don't have enough on your plate to ever have to stress out. When you do have bad **** going on you drown your own problems in party and drink and drug.


My wife looks at me today and she thinks I run ****, and i do lol but if she knew me 10 years ago, she would not have given me the time of day. Going from piss poor to where I am now took a lot of work, a lot of ups and a hell of alot of downs, and a lot of the times, I was everywhere emotionally. Crying like a little ***** lol, needing someone to talk to becuase it was just too much and regardless of what I was trying to do, how hard I worked, women saw that as weak.


my female friend is marrying a guy that is a pizza store manager and she tells me all the time part of the reason that she loves him so much is that he's quiet and strong.. and i'm like (at least thinking) no **** lol. if my sole responsibility in life was to go to work and manage how much tomato sauce we used for the day I wouldn't stress out over **** either lol.



I've said it before and I"ll say it again. women this day in age do not know what a successful man looks like, until he's already successful and by then it's too late. This dude in the OP he's gonna be okay and he's not a cry baby or anything he was just having a ****ty day and it was too much.

What responsibilities you are having (or were having) more than the pizza guy lol? your wife? your kid? or your business? Those are all the things you choose to have. The only real pressure you have more than him is that you are black lol.

There are strong men and weak men. Weak ones are whiny and crying whenever they meet hardships in life. Strong ones rarely do that or never. If you feel the need to be a cry baby, you are fvcking weak, that's all. No matter what you have to go through, there is no excuse.

And to me, real men are supposed to be strong, but it's mostly genetic also.