The common bad advice that I keep seeing given over and over on this forum

[The Logical Player]

Telling a guy to get various hobbies in order to be more interesting - this is very bad advice for someone who may be a loser or an AFC.

Here is why - If the man wanted to learn how to salsa dance, or cook, or do Yoga, or paint, HE WOULD HAVE DONE IT ALREADY.

Why is there such a big assumption that men want to learn how to salsa dance or do any of these other hobbies that they are not interested in??

In essence, the advice "get hobbies so that you are more interesting in women's eyes" is VERY bad, because you are telling the AFC to do things that he does not like to do simply to make women like him more.

Please tell me, what do the following three AFC acts have in common:

1) Man buys a woman a $200 dinner and a $100 gift on the first date, hoping this will make her happy and help him get laid.

Or

2) Man has no interest in rock climbing, but still signs up for 10 lessons for $300 in order to spend some time learning to climb rocks, thus having a hobby just for the purpose of later telling a woman that he rock climbs, in hopes that it will turn her on enough and help him get laid.

3) Man has no interest in salsa dancing, in fact he prefers to grind with the hotties in a club, but still decides to sign up for 10 lessons of salsa dancing that set him back $300. After he is done with his lessons, he can salsa dance a little bit, and now he can tell all of the women he meets that he dances salsa, in order to make them happy and hope that it turns them on enough to help him get laid.


What do these have in common? THE MAN ENDS UP DOING SOMETHING THAT HE THINKS HE NEEDS TO DO TO HELP HIM GET LAID.



I am very very much against guys getting hobbies doing things that do not interest them thinking that it will help them with women. This is why I see posts from guys that go something like "I do this, this, this, I am so interesting and such a catch, but why can I not attract women??""

BECAUSE ITS IN YOU, NOT ON YOU - that being GAME, SEDUCTION SKILLS.

Seduction skills and game are learned ONE way and ONE way only - interaction with as many females as humanely possible, with the intent always being to at the very least hook up. Not just friendly interaction, but actual GAMING of women, that is the ONLY way to become good with women. Hobbies that you do not even like that much will only help as much as paying for a $200 that you didn't want to pay for (but still did).


Why should a young guy NOT have a girlfriend?? Because having a girlfriend usually means he is not out there interacting with other women on a sexual level, and not working on his game - then when the poor loser gets dumped when his college girlfriend cheats on him, he all of a sudden has to enter the game with NO game - just another reason I advice young guys to not settle for the first piece of azz that "wants" to commit (aka wants you all to herself) but has no intention of spending her life with you.

You guys see now how this is all tied in? Having a girlfriend = ability to pick up women at will slowly deteriorating.

Tricking yourself into doing a hobby that you never really had interest in = trying to compensate for not having the ability to pick up women.

Hitting on as many women as possible = PRACTICE = the ONLY way to develop enough game to consistently get the results with women that you truly want.

 

[Maxtro]

You forgot one point.

What if after doing the hobby the guy realizes that he enjoys it?

Did I enjoy dancing before I took my first salsa class? No. But after doing a few classes I realized how much fun it is. Now I plan to take a dance class every semester.

The moral of the story is, do not be afraid to try new things. You can not really know that you will not like something until you try it. Listing obvious stupid examples like getting hit by a car don't count.

The whole point of telling somebody to get a hobby is so that person may find something that they enjoy doing. Women have nothing to do with it. I dance because I enjoy it, not because it may or may not help me get girls.

 

[Nutz]

I want to learn to dance because I want to learn to dance. Same with martial arts and lifting. I do it for me. With dancing though, I like doing to clubs to meet women. I hate not being comfortable dancing and would love to be able to pull them to the dance floor and cut a rug or even just grind. At moment it's not a skill I really have and don't feel comfortable when I do it unless I'm drunk.

 

[Al Moh.]

Hey The Logical Player,

"Telling a guy to get various hobbies in order to be more interesting - this is very bad advice for someone who may be a loser or an AFC.

Here is why - If the man wanted to learn how to salsa dance, or cook, or do Yoga, or paint, HE WOULD HAVE DONE IT ALREADY."

This is wrong. He wouldn't have done it. Most Nice Guy are pretty shy and not outgoing. They stay at home were there is a feeling of safety. The people I know who are typical AFCs, my former self included, have something in common: They don't like to try out new stuff. And they are smart. They could write a book on the reasons WHY they don't want to do new stuff. You can argue with them about it all day long.

"It's lame"
"I'm too busy to work out."
"Dancing is for girls."
"Studying is for geeks."
"Yeah, but I don't have the money."
"I don't feel like it, maybe later."
etc

A Nice Guy, after having read the DJ Bible, has to get OUT OF HIS SHELL. He has to go out, try out new stuff etc.

"What do these have in common? THE MAN ENDS UP DOING SOMETHING THAT HE THINKS HE NEEDS TO DO TO HELP HIM GET LAID."

You forgot Speed Seduction. Speed Seduction is all about doing something that you think you need to do to get laid. Picking up a new hobby is always good, sticking with it just to impress the ladies is bad.

The difference is simple: I DO NOT advice anyone to pick up a certain hobby to get girls. My advice is to try out different hobbies and find something you like.

The AFC doesn't need a girl. He needs to realize, that his unhappiness comes from other sources, and that his mind, rather then admitting he has a problem, comes up with this crazy idea that a girl might solve his problems and make him happy.

There is an important difference between a PUA and a Don Juan. The PUA still thinks getting women equal success and happiness, that's why he focusses on more and more techniques to get them. The Don Juan realizes, that he has to put the focus on himself. He has to become a person he likes.

Seduction skills and game are learned ONE way and ONE way only - interaction with as many females as humanely possible, with the intent always being to at the very least hook up. Not just friendly interaction, but actual GAMING of women, that is the ONLY way to become good with women. Hobbies that you do not even like that much will only help as much as paying for a $200 that you didn't want to pay for (but still did).

It's true that you have to go out and meet women to learn seduction. When I first came here, this was what I did. But then I realized something:

All those techniques, all those DHVs, this style I was supposed to create, they were all static. As soon as I changed myself, as soon as I improved I had to change my "game" too. Because my style changed. The amount of kino I had to use, the stuff I had to concentrate on etc.

But even while improving myself, the focus on the fun stays. Sexuality stays the same. The Great Catch mentality stays the same. By learning these basic principles, you are ALWAYS going to win. I don't mean you'll get every woman, don't be silly. But you'll always have enough skill to get what you want.

We can debate all day long what to do and how to do it. But all I want the Nice Guy to do is to get out there, discover the world and to find happiness. Happiness that doesn't depend on women.

 

[Duffdog]

Bad post. Plain and simple. You are going against everything this site tries to teach. Being attractive to females because you ACTUALLY ARE is more valuable than thinking you are and endlessly rationalizing in your head why you are "the prize" even though you are not. Being the prize because you do things like men who actually are prized is the true key to happiness.



Telling loser males to get out and DO something is the best advise anyone could ever give. Forget the idea that someone suggested it, the fact that somebody is doing something instead of sitting at their computer rotting for the rest of their lives is a much better way to live.

Do I want to salsa dance? No, I hate latin music and latin dancing
Do I want to lift weights? Yes, I like that it makes me physically stronger and better able to defend myself

Neither of those things will "get" me any females, but they will make me closer to what some of them consider desirable. Would I be better off sitting at home for the rest of my life crying because I didn't meet any girls and nobody ever suggested doing anything outside? Of course not, just the simple act of trying something new and being someone who is not afraid of new things is another desirable trait. One has nothing to lose by venturing out and living life, but everything to gain from it. I believe that if more people turned off their computers and went out and experienced life, there would be no need for sites such as this.

 

[Five To One]

why are you still here?

 

[Exhumed]

Maxtro wins this topic.

Yes, obviously the point is "Get out and do something," not "Get out and salsa dance."

I think the advice is "Join fun activities where you can meet cool guys/girls and become a more interesting person with interests you can talk about. If you're not sure you'll like it, try it, it's something new."

Not "Go learn to salsa dance! I don't care if you don't like it, girls will think it's sexy!"

The topic creator...sort of has a point, but...I think most people are smart enough to interpret the advice correctly.

 

[Warrior74]

Getting hobbies = polite way to say "get a life"

Do things you think you might enjoy, or things you used to enjoy. Just get out and live and stop worrying about women. That's the point. According to you everyone should have already written that great american novel because they would have already done it. Not really the best bit of logic there Logical Player. I get what your saying, but no..the gunshy, non social, never been laid AFC needs to learn to be a person and to find out who they are by trying new things. Get their Yes Man on. Doing the same ole things are gonna get you the same ole results.

BTW. I'm taking up writing again. Working on some short stories I never finished and helping a friend plot out his graphic novel. Nerdy? Maybe. Fun for me? Yes. I'm doing it for me, not for some chick. Most chicks probably wouldn't understand it or respect it anyways.

 

[Alle_Gory]

What do these have in common? THE MAN ENDS UP DOING SOMETHING THAT HE THINKS HE NEEDS TO DO TO HELP HIM GET LAID.

Everyone here is AGAINST doing hobbies and activities to please the girl. The number one rule is: Do it for yourself! It's for self-improvement and enjoyment out of life. Not for getting that one girl. Where did you read this BS from?

You guys see now how this is all tied in? Having a girlfriend = ability to pick up women at will slowly deteriorating.

If you only hang out with your girlfriend, then yes. It depends on the guy and the relationship he set with his girl.


TLP, you need to realize that things are never black and white but in between.

 

[prairiedog24]

I completely disagree.

Step 1) You start something...

Step 2) you start getting good at it...

Step 3) you start building confidence...

Step 4) you start actually enjoying it and the feelings it brings

Step 5) repeat steps 2-4

eventually...

Step 6) profit.

 

[oakraiderz2]

Stop looking at the negative aspects of this site and go mack some girls or something.

 

[fertileTurtle]

Stop looking at the negative aspects of this site and go mack some girls or something.

It's about time to see some field reports from this LP. He's got good advice, so I would be interested to hear how some of his conversations go.

 

[Jaxon]

The whole point of telling somebody to get a hobby is so that person may find something that they enjoy doing. Women have nothing to do with it. I dance because I enjoy it, not because it may or may not help me get girls.

This.

 

[Dannyrt34]

Finding a hobby just to impress girls is WRONG. You seem to think that's the only reason to have a hobby.

Maybe when you start tying new things, you'll eventually find something you love. This is a huge defining moment in your life. Why? Because the moment you find that special hobby, you realize that you can be HAPPY without women. Life has a purpose now, it's not just about chasing after girls 24/7. The REAL reason you become more attractive to girls, is when you don't need them.

Now stop being so negative and go pick up a dam guitar or something.

 

[Daydream Engineer]

Getting hobbies = polite way to say "get a life"

Do things you think you might enjoy, or things you used to enjoy. Just get out and live and stop worrying about women. That's the point. According to you everyone should have already written that great american novel because they would have already done it. Not really the best bit of logic there Logical Player. I get what your saying, but no..the gunshy, non social, never been laid AFC needs to learn to be a person and to find out who they are by trying new things. Get their Yes Man on. Doing the same ole things are gonna get you the same ole results.

BTW. I'm taking up writing again. Working on some short stories I never finished and helping a friend plot out his graphic novel. Nerdy? Maybe. Fun for me? Yes. I'm doing it for me, not for some chick. Most chicks probably wouldn't understand it or respect it anyways.

Warrior this is how i see my life. We think alike, thats fascinating
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[Jitterbug]

Finding a hobby just to impress girls is WRONG.

I started learning dancing just to meet girls. I ended up finding out that I'm a natural at it, got really good and made it an integral part of my life. Through that hobby, I've met, dated & slept with many women.

I'm glad I didn't get on an Internet forum and listen to some guy telling me that my initial reason for taking up dancing is wrong.

The key thing for me was to get out of my comfort zone. I needed something to motivate myself at the time. Meeting girls was a good enough reason.

 

[Kal0051]

this is one of those few times that I agree with you TLP. You never do something you don't want to do because your hoping that it will get you laid or a girl. Do things you want to do, if you have a interest in something (even if it's tiny) try it. Even if you don't think you would like something try it first.

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

I think guys are getting the wrong idea on here about hobbies. People should not only have hobbies to get chicks. That is just for the wrong reasons.

Hobbies are things you enjoy doing for yourself. Keeping your life enhanced and fun. Doing the same thing gets boring and your not improving yourself as a whole.

 

[Poonani Maker]

Um, the point in engaging in new activities, hopefully with girls around, is to SHOW them how well-coordinated, intelligent, funny, confident, sexy, happy, you are to let them get a load of YOU. This is why you go out and do whatever new thing you feel like doing. Who says you gotta practice? I've done things for the FIRST time, and done them better than someone who's been doing them for a long time. You MUST be in a good happy cheerful loving state, then all things you can do, be it bowling dancing playing cards shooting guns making a fire playing a Wii (with a chick) shooting pool. It's about the process, not the product. Enjoy yourself and others. Don't be a sourpuss, or AFC.

 

[TakenDirectly]

I'm not a Don Juan by any means, but I'd think your post is wrong OP.

The reason such advice is given over and over again is because the same type of guy that comes in here asking "why can't I get this girl? why doesn't this girl like me?, etc." share one common trait. They are all low in confidence and tend to be doing nothing about it. You gotta understand that a guy coming in here saying "something is wrong with me, what is it?" tends to have more than an issue of being bad at talking with girls. They are low in confidence, they are in a state of depression that they dwell over for days and weeks and months, they do nothing about it, they almost "allow" themselves to stay this way. These are all very bad things to allow yourself to fall into. The idea of picking up a hobby is to help them focus on something else besides what's happening in their life, give them confidence in knowing how to do something (and do it well) and give them something interesting in their lives to do. You can't take every post here so literally as "well it'll help you get girls". That's one of the benefits the people here HOPE it will have on you, but it's obviously more helpful than just that.