The Art of Walking Away II

[WestCoaster]

I posted the art of walking away a long time ago, obviously it fell on deaf ears.

One of the most empowering things a man can do is walk away when things aren't working out. It shows that you are strong and you deserve better. In my royal AFC days (in my 20's) I tried to clamour back, win the woman, beg for mercy, etc. I was pathetic ... and guess what? It got me nowhere.

Since I've learned the art of walking away, I'm happier, and more often than not it's the woman who is trying to lure me back.

Listen to Joekerr and me and others ... walk away with then the sh-t starts hitting the fan. I'm not saying leave at the first problem, but when major things happen (like psycho chicks screaming or freaking out or cheating or being mean) just walk away. Please, do it.

* One sentence I've NEVER heard in my lifetime: "You know what, when I was dating my wife, she was a real b-tch, but since we've gotten married, she's become really great."

It's the reverse of this folks ... they don't get better, so if they're bi-ching at you NOW in the dating stage (which is supposed to be fun), it will only get worse. You can bank on that ... and all your good deeds, efforts, and kindness will NOT change her.

So walk away.

 

[joekerr31]

wc,

i think the board needed this thread about now.

the reason most guys cant walk away is because most guys are totally miserable on their own.

same reason why most women dont walk away when they should, but instead will stay in a relationship LONG after it should have been over until they get a replacement lined up.

both sexes suffer from the same afflicition, the inability to stand on their own two feet.

if you can't stand on your own two feet in this life, you are f*cked. it's a sad reality, but if you let people do whatever they want to you, guess what, they will.

People are NOT empathetic generally speaking. People will NOT "feel" your pain. so its idiotic to keep letting them hurt you figuring that eventually they will stop.

life is NOT that hard when you respect yourself and always value yourself. It's really not. If you're alone for a while, no big deal, lots of time to focus on other pursuits then.

its just horrible to see these guys literally throwing away their lives over a no good woman. i've seen guys screw up their careers. they go to work, deal with the stress of the workplace, then go home to some nagging b*tch of a wife. eventually their performance starts to tank and they eventually get canned.

whereas ive seen other guys who are juiced and ready to go all the time. and my money says its because they either dont have a woman or they have a good woman.

but unfortunately most guys are addicted to women as if they were heroin.

learn to walk away once a woman clearly shows you that she is not going to treat you with the love and respect that you deserve.

just walk away.

:woo:

 

[WestCoaster]

What I'm amazed by ...

... is despite pages and pages of the DJ Bible saying walk away, be cool, collected, don't let a woman's thoughts, words, actions work you up ... and despite some of us here saying walk away over and over and over, guys on this site keep going back to the same ol' crap and wondering what went wrong.

Some of the stories I hear -- a guy having to pin his girl down on a bed to get her to listen or shut up -- are mind boggling. If it comes anywhere near that, you should've walked away eons ago.

I'm baffled as to why guys put up with this sh-t, despite that this board says don't do it.

Just quit putting up with sh-t and walk away.

You must unlearn years of hollywood brainwashing about winning a girl's love. You won't win ... walk away.

 

[Ricky]

I was pretty good about this last year. The girl I dated for 3 years started a fight that was way off base. We had fought off and on anyways.

Finally she said something that pushed my button way too much. I walked away and haven't looked back since. She does still call and we are on a friendly basis now, but i knew not to tolerate her behavior.

Another girl right after that was a total ***** one night. She was fine before this, but that night she was unacceptable. I had plans set up for a few weeks down the line to celebrate the holidays with her. I cancelled it all. She didn't mind. I walked away, she kept in touch.

The other ex though, well she's the tough one. She's the one that changed her mind about moving to be with me, even though originally it was her plan and idea to do so. That one hurt.

But I forgive her finally. This is the key. Forgiveness.

Under the right circumstances I might be back with her, but it would have to be the right deal.

 

[joekerr31]

i agree with forgiveness. but at the same time i think thats a lot to ask for most.

also, i think too many people forgive to soon. i mean, i forgive when i see some genuine understanding that the person has figured out why what they did was wrong. barring that, i don't look back.

nine times out of ten its better to just move on.

now thats easy for me, im a pretty tough bastard, hehe. i believe bigger and better things are waiting for me down the road, and if i feel someone will just drag me back i'll forgo the "lets just be friends" thing.

for me its very simple. once a woman has displayed the traits that would make her an unfit wife i'm out. now that doesn't mean on the first date, it takes a while to get to know a woman. but i won't waste a second of my time on a woman that isn't what im looking for long term in a mate.

when i was 20 yes, of course i would. at my age now, NEXT

J

 

[WestCoaster]

I believe in walking away before forgiveness. Sorry, but I think forgiveness is for marriage and engaged couples. Early on if you're crapped on you'll be crapped on in the future. Forgiving bad behavior enables that person to commit more bad behavior.

Walk away ... nothing bothers a woman more than a MAN who can walk away. Well, actually one thing bothers them more: seeing the MAN with another better woman. That drives them nuts.

 

[GirlCrazy]

To expand on WC's ideas with my own personal experiences:

Time Investment

The amount of consideration given should be proportional to the time you have invested in the relationship. If you've been with her for a week, you don't owe her jack when you walk away. If you've been with her for a year, then she's probably due an explanation of why you are walking. After 5 years, 10 years, maybe you shouldn't be so quick to walk.

Best Behavior

At the beginning of any relationship, assume that your chica is going to be on her best behavior. During this period, multiply any red flags by a factor of about 10. If she's a bit of a nag now, she's going to be a full blown nag if you marry her. If she's a little manipulative now, she's going to be your worst nightmare down the line. Anything you don't like about her now is going to be much worse later. Don't fall into the trap of assuming you can change those tendencies, because you can't.

Think before you walk

When I met the woman I married, I almost walked away because I thought she was too good to be true. No woman had ever treated me that good, and it raised a red flag for me. I figured it was all an act, and sooner or later, the "real her" would come out. Even a year later, I was ready to NEXT her at a moment's notice, thinking maybe it was just a super duper act.

7 years later and she still does all the little things that made me dig her in the first place (cooking, back rubs, stopping to get me coffee, etc.) I was looking for reasons to walk away when none existed, and I shudder to think of all the good times I would have missed out on.

For those of us that tend to walk away too soon, it's probably best to temper that tendency, while still keeping your eyes and ears open to potentioal red flags.

 

[wheelin&dealin]

I think alot of people don't walk away when they should because they get into patterns. It's very hard to break a pattern. It's like trying to quit smoking. Most people get so comfortable in the situation they're in and they've invested so much time that it seems ridiculous to walk away. After my 3-year relationship ended, it was a total shock to my system because I was doing the same things for the last 3 years. It was like I was completely lost for a short while afterwards even though I should have walked away a long time ago.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Let me give you brothers an example of walking away:

I was in a LTR, 7 years total 5 of 'em married. In that span she and I built a pretty succesfull life. Each of us have very respectable careers and built the proverbial House on the hill surrounded by the white picket fence. I thought I could change who she was when we got married. I was duped, not by her, by myself. I didn't have the sac to stand up for myself and recognize what was going on. She had an affair. I found out over a year later during marriage counseling ( Which I, in my AFC glory, did under duress) I knew something had happened with a guy in Oklahoma but couldn't pin her down. Finally she came clean in the middle of our second session. I was utterly devastated. We walked out of the session complete strangers. As the days grew longer and more sullen I knew I was heading towards major depression and had to change my life. I had to do it.

Told her the following morning I wanted a divorce, I couldn't get past some redneck slappin' his nutts on her a$$. I wanted to sell the house and split everything 50/50. She lost it. Said she has friends in local law enforcement and would call them and say I beat the $hit out of her. It was at that instant I realized who I was dealing with. I'm not going to jail for anything. I have too much to lose, self respect and my demeanor not withstanding.

She wanted the house and her stuff. The only words out of my mouth were " Where do I sign the divorce papers?"

You brothers may think it's AFC'ish and perhaps it is. But I have my dignity and I didn't have to toss a salad. . .

Walking away from everything she and I had was the most liberating thing I've ever done for myself. I've learned a tremendous amount from guys like Brothers Joekerr, Egoist and a couple others ( not that damned Wyldfire though!).

Guys need to be self reliant and stop pissin' in your own rice bowls.


Here's to a much stronger (emotionally and mentally ) me,

Karma

 

[Heretolearn]

great thread - thank you!

My not walking away comes from Hollywood, stubborness and a good dose of being brought up by my mother after my father left us.

However, it is never too late to exorcise your demons!

 

[WestCoaster]

That's a chilling story Karma

I'm glad you got out of it and I do agree with marriage counseling, it's not AFC. Much of the art of walking away I post here is about getting out of bad, stupid relationships or minor dating stuff. The dynamics change when it comes to very long term relationships and marriage, especially marriage where property, finances and sometimes children are involved.

But I commend you for getting out of it. Truly amazing how she was going to fabricate abuse to get what she wanted. She obviously is pure evil and I hope some day she is homeless begging for mercy living under a bridge ... and I'm serious. Anyone with her morals/attitude deserves the worst. Scary thing, if she would've made up the abuse and got it to a court, a judge would've believed the story.

Props to getting out of it, in that instance I agree with your walking away.

 

[joekerr31]

yep. walking away is advice i give once you know ALL the facts.

this means your girl has been doing dumb stuff repeatedly. You've communicated with her that what shes doing is inappropriate. she continues to do it. etc.

walking away isnt a first or last option. I dont even think of it like an option. its what you HAVE to do when you are sure of what are you dealing and sure that its not what you want from life or from a woman long term.

in the case of a marriage, im all for councelling. i think one of the great things with our day and age is that there is no longer a stigma about people fixing themselves and their lives.

i think Karma's story is awesome. More men need to realize that they won't die from leaving a woman, that their life isn't going to come crashing down around them forever and that they CAN stand on their own two feet.

i think the most liberating thing in life is when you realize that yes, you can make it on your own if you have to. its only when you realize this that you will have the conviction to sort out the crazies from the keepers.

which is why i don't advocate marriage before 27 at the earliest. you just dont have the insight to know the difference between a good woman and one who is only pretending to be good.

nor have you developed the conviction to know that come hell or high water, you can handle life's bumps yourself.

to many men want to go straight from mommy to LTR/marriage.

women are not the answer to "fixing" your life. only when you can stand strong on your own are you ready to even take a crack at a serious LTR.

J

 

[WestCoaster]

Great points Joekerr

Originally posted by joekerr31

in the case of a marriage, im all for councelling. i think one of the great things with our day and age is that there is no longer a stigma about people fixing themselves and their lives.

i think Karma's story is awesome. More men need to realize that they won't die from leaving a woman, that their life isn't going to come crashing down around them forever and that they CAN stand on their own two feet.

i think the most liberating thing in life is when you realize that yes, you can make it on your own if you have to. its only when you realize this that you will have the conviction to sort out the crazies from the keepers.

which is why i don't advocate marriage before 27 at the earliest. you just dont have the insight to know the difference between a good woman and one who is only pretending to be good.


J

Great points. On the first one, yes, counseling is a good thing. If your car is broken, you get a mechanic; if your body is broken, you see a doctor; if the most powerful organ we have (our brain) is messed up, we're often told counseling is stupid. What's stupid is not going and getting an outside perspective. And like mechanics and doctors, there are bad ones out there that can ruin everything. Counseling is more empowering than detrimental, IMO.

Secondly, Karma's story is a good one, though I'm sure painful. He nutted up, got out of it, and maintained his sense of manhood. Good job!

Finally, I would say unless you find the ultimate woman, marriage before 30 is kind of whacky. Most personal development comes during the span of 20-30, despite that everyone says it occurs much earlier. I would say 3/4's of people who get married around 20-22 are bored with it at 30 and looking to get out at 35. They haven't developed themselves personally or professionally and are wondering why they sacrificed their fun-loving 20's to be settled down. There are many exceptions to the rule, but more often than not it's a mistake.

And yeah, I had a friend from college who moved back to his mommy's house after graduation, then got married. He's been whipped his whole life, it's pathetic. He asks his wife when he can sneeze, it's sick.

 

[STR8UP]

So, so true.

I would have had a much happier life had I been willing to walk early on when I was younger. It's humiliating to think back to a time when a certifiably insane woman was the one breaking up with YOU, not the other way around.

Originally posted by WestCoaster
Finally, I would say unless you find the ultimate woman, marriage before 30 is kind of whacky. Most personal development comes during the span of 20-30, despite that everyone says it occurs much earlier. I would say 3/4's of people who get married around 20-22 are bored with it at 30 and looking to get out at 35. They haven't developed themselves personally or professionally and are wondering why they sacrificed their fun-loving 20's to be settled down. There are many exceptions to the rule, but more often than not it's a mistake.

I tell people this all the time. There are just too many variables and distractions in today's world that make a marriage difficult enough without having the added pressure of being immature going into it.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Accept my thanks to you brothers who understand where I'm coming from.

I won't lie and say it's been the easiest road for me to pave but it's enriched me moreso than anything I've done thus far in 32 years.

Funny thing is, Once she (Ex-wife) heard through the grapevine that I was out with women younger and much prettier than she, Her attraction towards me went through the roof. She came by my apartment and fell on the floor sobbing and saying how sorry she was and how much she wants her husband back.

I saw this for what it was, A ploy to get back what she realized was the best thing that she'd ever had. I didn't take the bait and kindly escorted her to my bed and did things to her that are illegal in Thailand.

When I was done firing hot clam chowder up her dirtchute, I asked her to please leave and never come back or I would call the authorities and have her arrested for trespassing.

What I know now is the more I believe in myself and my abilities
the happier and more stable I become.


Props to you guys out there livin',

Karma

 

[Yeto]

my opinion

1) I think that walking away is easy, the hard part is when she makes a move, then, staying away is hard.
2) My experience tells me that Karmasutra is not telling all the truth, if he thought she had a case and decided to give up his 50% is because a reason, not that she was a punching bag but there is something that is clear to my eyes.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Re: my opinion

Originally posted by Yeto
1) I think that walking away is easy, the hard part is when she makes a move, then, staying away is hard.
2) My experience tells me that Karmasutra is not telling all the truth, if he thought she had a case and decided to give up his 50% is because a reason, not that she was a punching bag but there is something that is clear to my eyes.

If I gave a $hit about your opinion I would've given it to you.

What "experience " do you think you have?

Spend more time poppin your fvckin' pimples and leave the deep thoughts to the grown ups.


Karma

 

[Yeto]

got it

I was right, you are violent and impulsive, leaving you was the best for her, probably at this moment you want to beat me and you don't even know me, realize that?, control your emotions.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Could you use another comma please?


And no, I am not violent towards anyone undeserving of an a$$whoopin'.

With such a singular line of thought you must have a vagina?

Stop trying to overthink and overanalyze situations of which you have zero experience.


Karma

 

[Heretolearn]

Great thread!

Perfect for me. I am struggling to recognise behaviour that is 'walk away'. I guess it will come with experience.

I loved this quote:

'women are not the answer to "fixing" your life. only when you can stand strong on your own are you ready to even take a crack at a serious LTR. '