The Art Of Conversation
According to the DJ Bible the main rules for conversation are somewhere along the lines of:
-Don't talk about yourself. It ruins the 'mystery'.
-Keep asking her questions, chicks love to talk about themselves.
Now I can see how this MAY help a newbie who is prone to telling girls their life story and bragging, but it doesn't seem to work for me. If you are an attractive man with DJ qualities I can see this working, only if you manage to create a lot of attraction. For the normal guy I can see him trying to do that and the conversation ending up like:
"How are you?"
"What you been up to?"
"What’s your favourite ____"
"Have you ever____"
"How do you feel about that?"
"And how do you feel about that?"
Now maybe a skilled conversationalist can get away with that, but it seems to fall into the interview category very easily. Even if you are asking the right questions (about emotionally charged experiences etc) it's still missing something if she is doing all the talking.
What I find works best is actually talking about myself. This way I don't even have to ask that many questions unless I want to know something more about what she's said. This is what you will find Juggler recommends, for any of you guys who are more familiar with the PUA side of things. If you think about it it's similar to routines from Mystery Method apart from I wouldn't use routines I would just say whatever comes up in a natural conversation.
By talking about myself I mean things like this:
"Oh yeah that reminds me of the time where ______"
"Hm yeah well actually I would be more likely to ______"
Where the gaps are I don't talk about facts regarding my life I would talk about experiences. This has a few advantages. Firstly it flows much more naturally and it's easier to keep the conversation going. Secondly it grounds you in reality so you see like your being real, honest and yourself (unless you are making things up). Thirdly it gives her a chance to find similarities with you. It might have been given a bad name by AFCs using it as their main tool for attraction "omg I love that too, and that, and that, and that, we are soo similar." However it is a legitimate way to build interest as long as you are being honest and the similarities are real. If you disagree with something occasionally the rest will seem much more genuine.
Another benefit of talking about your own experience is that it gives her a lot more material too continue the conversation with. What people do is follow your lead and tell their own stories, which in turn makes it a lot easier for you to continue the conversation. You will also find a lot more about them even if you don’t know their favourite colour or what their middle name is. And It just seems more normal. Chuck some playfulness, light ****y/funny, push/pull and roleplay into this and you are everything you need for great conversations building both attraction and connection.
Without actually talking about yourself there's nothing that the girl can connect with. What is she going to think about and remember you by if you don't reveal anything to her? Now of course without attraction you are still going to end up as a friend, but now you can have a connection too. It's this kind of thing that makes a girl think 'wow I get along with him so easily and we have so much in common'. As long as you stay away from bad conversational topics, the questionnaire, lying, bragging, you should be fine. The 'DHVs' will come naturally.
That's just my opinion from my experience. I not a brilliant DJ and make no claim to be, but I find this covers basic conversation. It made conversations a lot easier and a lot more naturally for me. So it's worth thinking about.
Opinions?
According to the DJ Bible the main rules for conversation are somewhere along the lines of:
-Don't talk about yourself. It ruins the 'mystery'.
-Keep asking her questions, chicks love to talk about themselves.
Now I can see how this MAY help a newbie who is prone to telling girls their life story and bragging, but it doesn't seem to work for me. If you are an attractive man with DJ qualities I can see this working, only if you manage to create a lot of attraction. For the normal guy I can see him trying to do that and the conversation ending up like:
"How are you?"
"What you been up to?"
"What’s your favourite ____"
"Have you ever____"
"How do you feel about that?"
"And how do you feel about that?"
Now maybe a skilled conversationalist can get away with that, but it seems to fall into the interview category very easily. Even if you are asking the right questions (about emotionally charged experiences etc) it's still missing something if she is doing all the talking.
What I find works best is actually talking about myself. This way I don't even have to ask that many questions unless I want to know something more about what she's said. This is what you will find Juggler recommends, for any of you guys who are more familiar with the PUA side of things. If you think about it it's similar to routines from Mystery Method apart from I wouldn't use routines I would just say whatever comes up in a natural conversation.
By talking about myself I mean things like this:
"Oh yeah that reminds me of the time where ______"
"Hm yeah well actually I would be more likely to ______"
Where the gaps are I don't talk about facts regarding my life I would talk about experiences. This has a few advantages. Firstly it flows much more naturally and it's easier to keep the conversation going. Secondly it grounds you in reality so you see like your being real, honest and yourself (unless you are making things up). Thirdly it gives her a chance to find similarities with you. It might have been given a bad name by AFCs using it as their main tool for attraction "omg I love that too, and that, and that, and that, we are soo similar." However it is a legitimate way to build interest as long as you are being honest and the similarities are real. If you disagree with something occasionally the rest will seem much more genuine.
Another benefit of talking about your own experience is that it gives her a lot more material too continue the conversation with. What people do is follow your lead and tell their own stories, which in turn makes it a lot easier for you to continue the conversation. You will also find a lot more about them even if you don’t know their favourite colour or what their middle name is. And It just seems more normal. Chuck some playfulness, light ****y/funny, push/pull and roleplay into this and you are everything you need for great conversations building both attraction and connection.
Without actually talking about yourself there's nothing that the girl can connect with. What is she going to think about and remember you by if you don't reveal anything to her? Now of course without attraction you are still going to end up as a friend, but now you can have a connection too. It's this kind of thing that makes a girl think 'wow I get along with him so easily and we have so much in common'. As long as you stay away from bad conversational topics, the questionnaire, lying, bragging, you should be fine. The 'DHVs' will come naturally.
That's just my opinion from my experience. I not a brilliant DJ and make no claim to be, but I find this covers basic conversation. It made conversations a lot easier and a lot more naturally for me. So it's worth thinking about.
Opinions?
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