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The Anti-Don Juan Manifesto

Deep Dish

Master Don Juan
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Men are dumb, emotionally icy, sexually aggressive monkeys. Whom lie through their teeth, exaggerate desire, understate and hide entanglements, all for one purpose: harpoon the clam. Some whom have three girlfriends at one time. Some whom claim to be tourists, new to town, or about to move out of town. Some whom falsely claim virginity, understate experience, or falsely promise marriage. Some whom make plans for the future, such as mutually going on a vacation. Men use love to get to sex. Young women, of sixteen and eighteen years of age, universally report about old men of forty, fifty, sixty, seventy years of age hitting on them and their friends. Some men even at the rotting age of forty get a thrill of exposing themselves to passerby women. Men are dumb, emotionally icy, sexually aggressive monkeys.

And they decree women “bítches.”

The following essay was scribed as a cautionary note, an unflinching dark commentary intended to prove a positive by demonstrating the negative. Men often hold derogatory views toward women, rife with vulgar vernacular; he may argue love is an illusion and denounce bliss as ignorance but while “Love may not be what makes the world go ‘round, it’s what makes the ride worthwhile.”
I met a young magician who only liked to talk about Harry Houdini. He was a virgin when I first met him. A few months later he had sex for the first time and I never heard him mention Houdini’s name again. We spent our vacation together in Florida going to several car auctions. While test-driving a small vintage race car, I asked him why he never spoke of Houdini anymore.

Magician: It’s true, I’ve all but forgotten Houdini. In fact tonight I’m going to try anal intercourse for the first time.

Me: What does that have to do with anything?

Magician: Pússy takes precedence over all.

Then he pulled a rabbit out of my ear.

—Harmony Korine, A Crackup at the Race Riots
Women rule men. All patriarchy is matriarchy. What does it matter if women rule or the rulers are ruled by the ruled, same difference. The previous President of the United States was blown out of office. Expensive watches, BMWs and Humvees, houses and beachside condos, malls, entire college educations and careers, and of course the entire rubber industry, are motivated by one thing. Gene Simmons once gave insight it is cheaper to buy a prostitute a house than it is to get divorced. Freud may have been right when he opined everything we do in life is somehow motivated by sex. It was Camille Paglia who opined prostitution is man’s escape from womanly domination. We men are the weaker sex and we know it. One disk jockey comically wore a shirt that read “I only DJ for the pússy.”
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

A sixteen year old (Chuck) Barris lies on his back on a couch lazily tossing a football in the air. Tuvia, a thirteen year old girl, sits on the floor playing with a puppy. In the background, throughout the scene, we hear the inept playing of scales on a bass violin.

BARRIS (V.O.)
When I was sixteen I had an experience with my little sister’s friend Tuvia that left an indelible impression.

BARRIS (CONT’D)
Phoebe’s no Walter Page, huh, Tuvia?

TUVIA
I don’t know who that is.

BARRIS
Of course you don’t.
(beat)
Why are you waiting around anyway, listening to this cacophonous cacophony, when you could be in your own abode disrupting the lives of your own siblings?

TUVIA
I don’t know what anything you say means.

BARRIS
No. You wouldn’t, would you.

Barris watches Tuvia playing with the dog. She gets on all fours and yelps, imitating the dog. This excites the dog, who bounces around her. Barris studies Tuvia’s exposed white underwear for a while. This excites Barris. Finally he pulls an afghan off the back of the couch and drapes it over his pants. We hear him unzip his fly.

BARRIS (CONT’D)
Hey.

TUVIA
(not looking)
What?

BARRIS
Hey, Tuvia.

TUVIA
(turning)
Wha-at?!

Tuvia sees Barris fiddling with something under the afghan. She gets quiet.

BARRIS
You wanna lick it?

Tuvia snorts, goes back to playing with the dog.

TUVIA
No. Why should I?

BARRIS
Well, for one thing it tastes like strawberry. My sister tells me you love strawberries.

TUVIA
Yeah, well... I hate strawberries.

BARRIS
Honestly, a man’s penîs tastes exactly like a strawberry lollipop.

TUVIA
Look, I know that’s not true, so—

BARRIS
It is true. It’s weird but it’s true. I just read a research paper on it.

Tuvia looks at the afghan.

INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT

Middle-aged Chuck Barris turns from the typewriter and stares out the window at the dark night sky.

BARRIS
(sadly wistful)
My first love.

INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

Tuvia’s face jerks up into frame. She spits.

TUVIA
Uchh. Yech. It doesn’t taste anything like strawberry, you creep.

The dog sticks his head under the afghan. Barris shoos him away.

BARRIS
(curious)
Well, what does it taste like?

Tuvia gets up.

TUVIA
Y’know, I’m gonna tell your mother what you just did.

BARRIS
If you do, I’ll tell your mother you made our dog lick your crack.

TUVIA
I did not!

BARRIS
(shrugging)
So what?

INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT

Middle-aged Barris types as the camera glides over some of the acquired detritus in his room: skin magazines, a gun and silencer, liquor, a copy of Beyond Good and Evil, a disguise kit, a kid’s sprouted lima bean science fair project.

BARRIS (V.O.)
Perhaps my whole life turned at that point. The repulsiveness of my sex confirmed by the tastebuds of a ripening pubescent girl.

MONTAGE

Sequence of young Barris unsuccessfully attempting to pick up girls at bars, unsuccessfully attempting to cop a feel on a date in a movie theater, standing on a front porch unsuccessfully attempting to kiss a girl good night, standing outside of a movie theater in the rain, holding an umbrella over his head and checking his watch.

BARRIS (V.O.) (CONT’D)
And so I found myself in a downward spiral of debauchery. Endlessly chasing pússy. My only focus in life: to get laid, to get blown, trying to fool myself into believing that given the right combination of circumstances and deception, maybe the Tuvias of the world could desire me the way I desired them. I only wanted to be loved.

—Excerpt from Charlie Kaufman’s script to the film Confessions of a Dangerous Mind (one of the most underrated films)
The heart from which sprouts problems is when a boy or man gives away his virginity. Girls lose their virginity, boys do not. We happily give it away. Boys are sucked into a vortex to which wit decades are wallowed in warm liquidity forever enslaved and literally will do anything for to get women is what demands him. Standards are practically annihilated for under proper deprivation whales feel good to ride when no one is looking, indifferent to quality of vessel carrying the vagina receptacle but only his next fix. Some men almost need to be physically restrained upon smelling the presence of perfume. Understandably, when guided by our lower regions we may easily get into relations with people whom we should otherwise avoid and consequently we may also put ourselves into environments and situations which may distort our attitudes.

A man can have sex with many women but know neither himself nor women. For instance, a man whom had a physically or sexually abusive, emotionally or physically abandoned childhood will be irresistibly attracted to chaotic women, either drug addicts, strippers, or that segment of the population otherwise popularly known as psychos. So he has sexual relations with those chaotic women, thinking he is attracted to normal women when in fact he is only attracted to women whom are either chaotic or unavailable. After some while he determines that since all the women he hooked up with were all chaotic, despite whatever his initial evaluation of them (“I could have never known”)—that god damn all women are crazy.

One of this author’s favorite past-times is listening to the syndicated radio show Loveline hosted by Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew Pinsky. Once, a young man called in claiming to have slept with about one hundred women. For argument sake, let us assume he was truthful. He reported the nagging problem that when he treated women (that he liked) nicely on dates, he could never get a second date; furthermore, he reported he had had only one girlfriend, whom was psychotic. Firstly, the women were probably sensing the hidden agenda behind being nice. More importantly, the answer is not contained in an analysis of “What is woman?” or “Yeah, that just shows how big sluts women are. Forget about love.” Think. What kind of young man is this young man? Remember, how much a man sleeps around does not necessarily reflect his worth. This young man was nothing but a warm vibrator to those women and the only woman he could snag was problematic. You will never attract anyone whom is mentally healthier than yourself. The player perspective, which to wit the player would immediately pounce, proclaim, is “See! Being nice doesn’t work. Be a fúcking jerk!” It should be self-evident why that player perspective misses the whole point. His problem had nothing to do with him being nice, a red herring. If he slept with one hundred women, and his one girlfriend was psychotic, that more points to issues of mental health than women abroad. Dysfunction attracts dysfunction.
 

Deep Dish

Master Don Juan
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The following is a similar question asked to Dr. Drew.
Q: She’s a mess, but she’s hot. Should I date her?

A: Judging by the way you talk about this young woman, it’s clear you’re not interested in her as a human being—to you, she’s just “hot.” Statements like that really show how far a guy will go to be with someone he’s attracted to, regardless of the circumstances. Have you ever considered that by objectifying this woman, you’re creating more havoc in her life?
Most young men, especially those young men who say “She’s a psycho, but she’s hot,” never seem to realize how they amplify the chaos in a chaotic woman’s life.

Lies men tell themselves

1. “Women are psychos”

For the record, psychotics lose touch of reality but much which may be colloquially called psychotic, such as someone having a borderline personality or obsessive-compulsive or narcissistic behavior, is not clinically considered psychotic. For anyone who has watched the film Fatal Attraction, was the woman (played by Glen Close) a psycho? “Yes!” many would say, but no, women with a borderline personality are not psychos, they are not out of touch with reality but rather try to change it with deception and coercion. On the other hand, women with a bipolar personality do experience psychotic breaks with reality. This all may seem a squabble over semantics but the point is men use abnormal psychology to condemn women. They look at diagnostic criteria for personality disorders such as the histrionic personality disorder and proclaim, “Does that sound like every woman you know!... See, they’re all psychos!” But very few women are clinically histrionic or narcissistic (which are not psychotic), for instance. Relatively speaking, few women qualify for psychosis. In all fairness, one out of five people suffer some form of mental illness—including one out of five men reading this—but among those only a certain portion of them fall under psychosis. Furthermore, we can not even universally define what is abnormal behavior and what is normal, although that has never stopped society from trying.

Many young men seek “fun” girls, many frowning upon “boring” and the predictable, but only then to find the fun girls are “psychos.” But they dig their own hole. Emotion is by definition instability. The greater and higher the capacity to feel emotions, the larger the swings, the lower the low of emotion they can tumble downwards. People whom are emotionally stable are often “boring” and predictable. To illustrate, often when someone takes anti-depressants the drugs knock out their personality, simply because you can not eliminate the lows without eliminating the highs. But here again many young men dig their own hole. One factor towards emotion management is a strong family background, but such backgrounds are often indirectly disdained upon because such things as high religiosity inhibits the young man’s ability to get laid. In fact, this author has come across many “players” whom asked the question, “She’s highly religious and waiting for marriage to have sex. How do I fúck her?” I ask, what’s wrong with respecting someone’s values and if upon a fundamental clash to move onto someone else?

When men refer to a woman as a “psycho” they, of course, in actuality, almost always mean that the woman is a “bítch”. The following are some conversations I have been in company of which portray the typical vocabulary of lady successful men:
  • A “Don Juan” speaks of how he has a live-in girlfriend. He refers to her as “that bítch.”
  • A “Don Juan” gets a phone call (at work) from a lady he was having sexual relations. When he sees the caller ID, he groans “Fúck, this bytch’s calling. I tell you, man, once you bang them you can’t get rid of them.”
Yes, most women are headaches. Nineteen out of every twenty of them give me a headache. This author contends that rather than sleeping around with the ladies whom invariably give headaches in one way or another—and this author opines basic incompatibility is often a significant contributing factor to headaches—to hold off until found what is considered to be a quality lady. This author contends most headaches are caused when men settle for ladies by shifting standards, by not knowing what they wanted in the first place and mirroring it to the woman—“Hey, she’s what I was looking for”—or by lowering their standards and being with a woman whom they use for the meantime until “the right lady comes around.” They dig their own hole.

2. “All women are sluts”

This author has experienced men literally laugh in his face for looking for love. One laughed, “Why’d you want to commit to those hoes? They just wanna fúck ‘ya then leave ‘ya.” Sure, women may certainly treat him as such, but the larger question than defining “all women” is do women treat all men like that? Men know a great woman when he sees one and may only want non-commitment to all the rest; women know a great man when she sees one and may only want non-commitment to all the rest. The assumption in the perspective of men is that they are great, but what if that man is not? Consider the plight of the previously mentioned man whom supposedly slept with one hundred women yet could only snatch as a girlfriend a “psycho.”

Women are sexual beings and to want sex is only human. Men champion how quickly to bed their woman in assembly line process yet then bytch when she develops strong emotions, which is only human since sex is emotionally dangerous. While the man may cognitively block out the deep psychodynamics compelling him to have sex, there is always a string of emotion attached. Blocking from the consciousness the emotions involved in sex can last only so long, because even in fúck buddy situations where both parties agree the arrangement will never be more, eventually someone will always want more.
Of all the pivotal characters in Hamlet, Ophelia is the most static and one-dimensional. She has the potential to become a tragic heroine—to overcome the adversities inflicted upon her—but she instead crumbles into insanity, becoming merely tragic. This is because Ophelia herself is not as important as her representation of the dual nature of women in the play. Ophelia’s distinct purpose is to show at once Hamlet’s warped view of women as callous sexual predators, and the innocence and virtue of women.

The extent to which Hamlet feels betrayed by Gertrude is far more apparent with the addition of Ophelia to the play. Hamlet’s feelings of rage against his mother can be directed toward Ophelia, who is, in his estimation, hiding her base nature behind a guise of impeccability. Through Ophelia we witness Hamlet’s evolution, or de-evolution into a man convinced that all women are wh0res; that the women who seem most pure are inside black with corruption and sexual desire.

—Shakespeare-online.com
3. “It’s HER loss. I have this wonderful world SHE is missing out on.”
There are great benefits to positive thinking and optimism does your body good, but both you and her lose out on the opportunity, for better or worse. What if her life is better than yours? What if she is a more well-rounded individual than yourself? Furthermore, if a woman is a devout Christian and you are an Atheist, from both perspectives the other averts the better life. Think positive but “keep it real.”

4. “Game”

This author is tired of all these Don Juans with super-inflated egos, whom say that it is what they do that counts. When this author received some support by a self-proclaimed “master” he said, “Now you can take all those skills I taught you and apply them.” What was that! In all fairness nothing was taught, he only provided some support.

It is said that to get women you must customize your strategy to her desires; to take party girls to nightclubs, take artsy girls to art museums, take punk girls to mosh pits, and to take sluts to bedrooms. If you have common interests, by all means take that artsy girl to an art museum if you like art, or party girls to nightclubs if you like listening to John Digweed. Sharing common interests and exploring new interests are encouraged but my point is for the man to remain true to himself, to like things and experiences because the man likes it and not for sake of others.

Furthermore, many men mold their character around the targeted woman; good guy around good girls, bad boy around abused women, himbo around the scantily dressed. True, a man may yield more ladies by reflecting and fitting his persona to the ladies, but life is not a race to see who can score the most ladies, rather about achieving emotional satisfaction, and this author opines greater emotional satisfaction results from being that concrete pillar of personal definition. It is a matter of knowing what you want. What do you want? Too often, when a man finds an attractive- and willing-enough lady, he thinks, “She is what I was looking for,” without knowing. It is a recipe for disaster.
Some might suggest that you first find out what the woman wants, and then meld to that. But often they give the wrong information anyway. They may say they want a relationship, but only say that so they don’t look like a slut when they fúck you that night. Some may move things along very quickly, but only to get into a position to sink their long term relationship teeth in you. But most often, the woman is waiting for you to tell her what you want, so she can decide if she wants to play by those rules. The best thing to do is define the rules and then let her decide. Yeah, you may miss one or two on the way who may happen to be looking for something specifically different, but being indecisive is placating and results in far more lost opportunities.

David Shade
 

Deep Dish

Master Don Juan
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Many people, “Don Juans” included, hide certain aspects of their persona out of fear of being a turn-off and henceforth present a façade, an “agent.” Players call this being a “mystery.” This author contends it is better to reveal oneself, even if in consequence turning off some or most women. It is better to turn women off on a first date than to turn her off five dates later. Time, money, heart is saved. The true composure of the man will eventually be all exposed, better it be sooner than later. This author contends it is better to face up to one’s own flaws or disagreeable aspects than to feign another borne identity. Let it not be mistaken, this author is not advocating doing things to intentionally turn off women, nor unnecessarily revealing facts on the first few dates that for instance if the man is a depressed alcoholic or telling his life story. That is plain stupid. Be genuine. The depressed alcoholic should find happiness in life before dating, because anyone who is not happy being single is not ready for a relationship, which for the depressed alcoholic may require counseling.

“Every man is an island,” Jon Bon Jovi. In the brilliant film About A Boy (2002), Hugh Grant’s character (Will) faces a question from the quote, is every man an island? Will lives a care-free life of not working because one Christmas song written by his father decades ago became a freak hit and Will lives comfortably off the yearly royalty generated by it. He resides in an impressive bachelor pad and has the quirk of dividing his life into intervals of thirty minutes. He is a confirmed bachelor whom enjoys playing women and will not commit to them. Early in the film, Will realizes there is an untapped gold mine of hot and horny single moms just waiting to get banged by him; we hear him think this and it is exactly this seductive player mentality which I place special emphasis. He finds one single mom, whom seems an overall good and definitely hot woman, and plays her under the false pretext of him having a kid. In time he gets set up with a second but rather unstable and ugly single mom. If this was any other film the storyline would have ended with Will getting with the ugly mom but luckily this film is British! Will finds a beautiful and well-rounded, worldly single mom; but during a dinner conversation with her, Will realizes he is about... nothing. Despite everything he owns and despite his long history of satiating his sexual appetite, he is about nothing. There are other insights and plot points which could be highlighted however this author needs to remain concise! Suffice to say, by end of the film Will abandoned his player mentality and the final shot of the film is of him with his lady and some other people, with a voiceover of him saying “Every man is an island... but in a string of islands.” As a literary aside, the film was based upon the novel by Nick Hornby whom also wrote High Fidelity.
INT. SUBURBAN HOME – DAY (Present Day, 1998) - Sequence A

CAMERA DOLLIES IN QUICK towards a TELEVISION in a living room. It is playing an infomercial, shot on video with a hot shot guy FRANK T.J. MACKEY (30s) looking into the LENS.

FRANK
In this big game that we play it is not what you find and it’s not what you deserve – It’s What You Take. I’m Frank T.J. Mackey, Master of the Muffin and author of the Seduce and Destroy System of audio and videocassettes that will teach you the techniques to have any hard-body blonde dripping to wet your dock!

CAMERA moves INTO THE TELEVISION, QUICK DISSOLVE TO:

INT. BAR SET/LOCATION - THAT MOMENT

We are in the video (paneled 1.33) sales pitch/infomercial. Various settings: The bar, a supermarket, a bedroom, a parked car. Each has a few semi-geeks talking to a bunch of sexy young girls.

FRANK (contd.)
Bottom line? Language. The magical key to unlocking any woman’s analytical ability and tap directly into her hopes, wants, fears, desires and panties. “Seduce and Destroy,” creates an immediate sexual attraction in any muffin you meet. Learn how to make that lady – “friend” your sex-starving-servant. Create an instant, money-back guaranteed trance-like state that’ll have any little so and so just begging for it. I don’t care about how you look, what car you drive or what your last bank statement says: “Seduce and Destroy,” is gonna teach you how to get that naughty sauce you want - fast!
(dramatic stop, then)
Hey—how many more times do you need to here the all too famous line of: “I just don’t feel that way about you.”

INT. BURBANK HOLIDAY INN/BANQUET ROOM

FRANK steps into a CLOSE UP and holding a mic, says:

FRANK
Respect the cvnt and tame the c0ck, boys.

REVERSE, THAT MOMENT. The crowd of fifty GUYS who are taking the “Seduce and Destroy Seminar” that Frank is teaching today laugh and play along;

Frank is on a slightly elevated stage. Behind him a huge banner for, “Seduce and Destroy,” whose logo is a scared pússycat and a large wolf with a big bulge in his fur. It reads: “No Pússy Has Nine Lives”.


FRANK
And you did hear me right. Tame it. Take it on, head first—with your skills at work and say, “No. You will not control me. You will not take my soul and you will not win this game.” ‘Cause it is a game, guys, you wanna think it’s not—go back to the schoolyard and have a crush on Mary Jane—respect the cðck—you are embedding this thought: I’m in charge. I'm the one who says yes, no, now or here. Shít, man. Sad but true. Sad But True. And you wanna know what? It must be the way. The thing about chicks and the thing about this course that we’re going through today is how universal the whole thing is. I mean: I wish I could sit here and say that it's not—because the reality? If each chick had something new, something really new that I’d never seen before? Fúckin’ hell: I’d be in the money! Because I’d have to create a hundred new cassettes, a hundred new books, a hundred new seminars and hundred new videos just to deal with each and every situation a chick could create—but that is just not the case. They are universal. They are sheep. They are to be studied and watched—they have patterns that must be stopped, interrupted and resisted. I’d be makin’ a fúckin’ butt load if they were actually as much of a challenge as they want you to think they are! Reality: They Are All The Same. Each and every one of them. And once you learn these methods: You're Set. You Don’t Have To Come Back. That’s it. In solid. Boom. Done. Over. Why? Because all women are the same. Period. End of discussion. Sorry. It’s true. Sad But True. And anyone who wants to say that these methods we work by are “unfair?” Yes, they are. Guilty as charged. And so’s the world. It’s a harsh, hard unfair place, but it’s not gonna stop me from getting my fair share of hair pie—Period. Sorry. End of discussion.

—Excerpt from Paul T. Anderson’s film Magnolia (1999)
In an interview printed in the foreword of the book version of his script, Paul T. Anderson remarked he based the Frank TJ Mackey (Tom Cruise) character around Ross Jeffries, and remarked he thought what Jeffries was pushing was destroying women.

On the bonus material DVD, we see the uncut version of the seminar. It includes Frank giving a step-by-step example of the “Seduce and Destroy” system, “Form A Tragedy.” He shows up a woman’s house over an hour late for a date, emotionally distraught, and lies about how “you hit a dog on the way over to pick her up and you had to rush it to the animal hospital but by the time you got there — ...and its paw was sticking out... and it was too late. It was too late.” In the examples we watch as the woman was interested all along, yet being unnecessarily and cruelly played. We watch as the woman was exceptionally caring, compassionate, warm, and whom would have probably had sex within a few dates and without the need for manipulation.
 

Deep Dish

Master Don Juan
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5. “No female friends”

If you watch closely at the film Magnolia, during the “Seduce and Destroy” seminar there is a poster on the wall which reads, “How To Turn That Friend Into A Sperm Receptacle.”
Frank TJ Mackey:
I've said “enough is enough.” Because why? She’s not gonna be your pal. She’s not gonna be your friend. You think she’s gonna be there for you the second you need something? Think again.
Friendships with the ladies can be enriching to one’s life and, yes, be there for you in times of need. While there is always sexual tension in the beginning of a male-female friendship, by at least one party—because sexuality is the motivating force—after awhile the tension withers down and hence genuine friendship. The sexual tension dies down as we get to know the ladies better and also because the visual always suffers with prolonged exposure. Of course, “Frank TJ Mackey” wouldn’t know anything about that while abandoning women.

6. “Never listen to women"

Women are naturally more socially intelligent than men. Women have many good insights into people and relationships, which is often discarded by men as “psychobabble.” They should not be discarded simply for their anatomy. After all, they are in the center of sexuality and know men better than most men.

Marriage

“Don Juans” are often anti-marriage. It has been said bachelors know more about women than do married men because otherwise they would be married, too. It has also been said that let the man choose marriage or bachelorhood because either way he will regret it. Certainly, there are valid considerations towards be cautious towards marriage; infidelity, divorce, abuse, bratty kids, financial burdens; but as Benjamin Franklin said, “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards.” The films Magnolia and The Italian Job (2002) share one almost identical line delivered in each by an old man saying, “All that bullshít is true. Find a good one and hold on.”

In the film Seven there is a dinner scene during which Tracy (Gwyneth Paltrow) asks Detective Somerset (Morgan Freeman):
TRACY
Why aren’t you married, William?

SOMERSET
Any person who spends a significant amount of time with me finds me... disagreeable.
A common phrase by divorced men towards their younger counterparts: “Don’t do it! It’s a FRAUD!” Those men failed at marriage and supposedly thereby no man should marry. We do not know why their individual marriages failed but their failures in married life does not necessitate marriage will not work for another. Marriage is not for everyone; there are some men truly uninterested in relationships, inherently lacking the desire, and some men truly too chaotic of individuals, and for both cases it is fair enough to abstain from marriage. Men whom vehemently rail against love and marriage secretly desire it but that for some past reason(s), e.g. having been cheated on, they cognitively spurn the notion; a man whom earnestly shrugs his shoulders with non-interest is most credible. My point is that if a man does not want to get married or is too dysfunctional to get hitched, fair enough, but if he does then he should not swear it off because it didn’t work for other men.

Men Behaving Badly (Or Stupid)

On October 13, 2004, a time of the month which sometimes falls on a Friday, it was reported by The Smoking Gun (thesmokinggun.com) that Bill O’Reilly, host of the FOX News Channel television show The O’Reilly Factor, was knocked with a sexual harassment lawsuit by former FOX News producer Andrea Mackris. O’Reilly is considerably conservative, a big supporter of (conservative) “family values.” Mackris had audio taped O’Reilly’s advances onto her which provides for juicy—and for O’Reilly, embarrassing—reveal.
[During a dinner] Defendant BILL O’REILLY said to Plaintiff ANDREA MACKRIS: “And just use your vibrator to blow off steam.” When Plaintiff reddened, Defendant BILL O’REILLY asked lewdly: “What, you’ve got a vibrator, don’t you? Every girl does.” When Plaintiff responded indignantly, “No, and no, they don’t. Does your wife?” Defendant replied: “Yes, in fact she does. She’d kill me if she knew I was telling you!” Plaintiff was repulsed.
Bill O’Reilly is a married man. Key point.
During the course of their dinner in early May 2002, Defendant BILL O’REILLY proceeded, without solicitation or invite, to inform Plaintiff ANDREA MACKRIS that he had advised another woman to purchase a vibrator, and had taught that woman how to masturbate while telling her sexual stories over the telephone. O’REILLY told Plaintiff ANDREA MACKRIS she knew the woman from FOX. Defendant O’REILLY then boasted that the woman had her first orgasm via masturbation as he spoke to her on the telephone.

When Plaintiff responded that she never engaged in phone sex, Defendant BILL O’REILLY professed disbelief, and told her that the sexual stories he told were all based upon his own experiences, such as when he received a massage in a cabana in Bali and the “little short brown woman” asked to see his penis and was “amazed.”
Listen up! How Bill lost his Virginity!
[During another dinner] Defendant BILL O’REILLY, without solicitation or invite, regaled Plaintiff and her friend with stories concerning the loss of his virginity to a girl in a car at JFK, two “really wild” Scandinavian airline stewardesses he had gotten together with, and a “girl” at a sex show in Thailand who had shown him things in a backroom that “blew [his] mind.” Defendant then stated he was going to Italy to meet the Pope, that his pregnant wife was staying at home with his daughter, and implied he was looking forward to some extra-marital dalliances with the “hot” Italian women.

—Excerpts from Mackris vs. O’Reilly sexual harassment lawsuit as provided by The Smoking Gun
O’Reilly is a married man. He is among, or showed the inclination towards being in, that forty percent of men whom cheat on their wives. So much for “family values,” right. He wrote a children’s book in which, when broaching the subject of sex, opined people should not view others as sex objects, that sex is best when between two people whom love each other. One can not blame him too much for putting on a public face in front of the kiddies, but why ignite sex in a children’s book? It is possible O’Reilly did not hypocrite himself by, on the one hand, what he said to children and, on the other hand, his raunchy private life. It is possible because men tend to have compartmentalized value systems; that while it is true men shouldn’t view their woman as a sex object and that sex is best when between lovers, he was going for meaningless sex. That is to say, view the women you are intimate lovers with as people, which is best, but if you just want some action with some “hot piece of ass”, sexually objectify all you want. It is a distinction this author finds many men slice (including myself). One fact O’Reilly can not escape: he is married.

The lawsuit was settled two weeks after filing.

In summary

In closing remarks, it’s readily easy for men to condemn women but it’s harder for men to turn around the focus and criticize men. The primary argument throughout this essay was that whatever is a man’s view of women he must take on as a view of men; he cannot hold men up high while denouncing women, as men are equal to blame for the woes of dating. Men tend not to care about keeping their dîck in their pants and that causes problems. As was stated earlier, when guided by our lower regions we may easily get into relations with people whom we should otherwise avoid and consequently we may also put ourselves into environments and situations which may distort our attitudes.

This author has heard from many men how college-aged women are laidback but that dates with women starting around the ages of 27 or 28 feel like being on job interviews. Many other men have complained about being “tested” by women. This author contends these men may do well to take one from women and apply greater scrutiny in their dating and sexual decisions.

Bonsoir!
 

izza

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I agree with you. There are too many on this forum who are angry at women, and call them nasty things. There are too many who basically blame women for the problems they see in their lives.
A Don Juan, properly defined, is not a player or a woman hater. A Don Juan loves women, a Don Juan has his life in order and knows that women are equally beautiful and virtuous as himself.

I don't understand: what do you want men to do better or differently?


I don't understand what your overall point is - or did I already get it?

--Izza
 

Maverick_DJ

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I agree with what you've said there.

However, although these 'men' proclaim themselves Don Juans, they are not. No-one is, thats the secret, there is no Don Juan, it is just an aspirational phrase. Since coming to these boards I feel I have improved myself greatly, and as a consequence my success with women has improved significantly. However, I am not goin to claim I am a Don Juan since this doesnt really exist, I am just a better version of my former self.

The men who blame women for their misgivings with the opposite sex are just insecure. I see it all the time amongst friends. They break up with a girl or get rejected and its the same response every time 'Shes a f*ckin psycho' 'I dont know whats wrong with her' 'Jeez, all women are the same'.
What they fail to realise is that with all the women that this happens with there is only one common denominator and that is themselves, they consistently fail to look at their own problems and always blame others, and then get angry.

If people would only realise that the blame often lies with themselves, then things would become alot easier!
 

Zonder

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I've always respected your opition and I actually read through the whole thing. More than once. I don't see why you bothered to write all this stuff up. It does portray men as inferior to women, but it's like you never bother to prove it. Most of the proof comes from speed seduction cliches, fictitional characters, and pathological subjects. You're not actually telling me you spend all this time researching the subject without finding actual real-life examples? O'Reily? Shakespeare! Movies!!! If you're doing it for academic purposes, it's a great research. If you're doing it for us, show us you've seen it happen in real life, not just in fiction and in O'Reily. If you didn't see any real-life examples after all the time you obviously spent on the subject, then you're just plain wrong, man.

"the fun girls are “psychos.”

Since when are fun chicks bad? I find that chicks who know how to have fun (in a non-drunken state) are pretty balanced. More so than the gloomy and deadpan ones. The ones who aren't fun to be around seem to have more issues. I know there are many examples to the opposite, but you can't say teh more fun a chick is, the crazier whe will eventually turn out to be. By the same token, the more fun we're chaving, the closer and closer we get to insanity. So the better personality a guy (or girl) has , and the better his game is, the more fun he will be socially, and the more "insane" he will be! I mean this is the general sense, not in the clinical one. And it doesn't make any sense!

In spite of what I said so far, I agree with most of what you wrote. But you ARE taking extremes as examples, so you can't really be wrong anyway. Some guys only use women for one thing, so they naturally don't want any female friends. To each his own.

Besides, you're not taking the average guys' perspective. You're taking the DJ extremists' one. Posting it here is a bit like shooting fish in a barrel, ain't it?

Your main complaint is that men are losers and criticize women. I take this to mean that DJ's critisize women. Men in general seem to be quite willing to neglect women's er... differences. Lower quality men (90% of us) obviously get lower quality women (90% of them) and the DO have a lot to complain about. Don't blame them for it. The women do the same anyway!
 

Magico

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Seems to me that you've been hanging with everything short of DJs. Maybe PUAs, players, DJ wannabes, AFCs...but certainly not DJs.
Congrats on your research. On the other side, you can't rely on movies cause they're just someone else's view on things.
It is also pointless to discuss ethics (example of married man from FOX) because moral values are variable, depending on social class, age, nation, gender...
I see your point is "man’s view of women he must take on as a view of men", and I'll offer you an alternative: "man's view of a woman he must take on as a view of other women".
Anyways thanks for sharing.
 

Pedro

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I firmly believe women just want to take advantage of us men, JUST for social exhibition in front of other women.

Does that make me insecure ????
 

izza

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Originally posted by Pedro
I firmly believe women just want to take advantage of us men, JUST for social exhibition in front of other women.

Does that make me insecure ????
Yeah.

--Izza
 

Deep Dish

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I will give a response to some replies by either tomorrow or Monday.
 

cinephile

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I don't think some of y'all understood the point that Deep Dish was trying to make. These are some of the traps that we can fall into in our pursuit of women. It is very easy to lose our objectivity and common sense when we let ourselves be driven by our lowest desires. I mean, honestly, we complain about sluts, but also we are partially responsible for their creation.
 

Deep Dish

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I wanted to write an essay that at first seemed controversial but, upon further reading, readers would find it rather agreeable. Zonder pointed out that it portrayed men as inferior to women but my intent was to unleash as much venom as I could onto men as many do onto women, as to say “Knock it off!” The most effective way to demonstrate a positive is to illustrate the negative and preferably in the most unflinching, unrelenting manner. In hindsight, I could have written a more unflinching essay; as some topics which I did not have time to address were the lifestyles of NBA basketball players, disease, the sosuave personal life of Ted Bundy, and a palimony (not alimony) suit that was against Bill Maher; but the essay sat on my computer for one extraordinary long time and was such a monster to edit that I figured to just post it.

In an early draft of the essay I tried to define the “Don Juan” for semantic purposes but that was reluctantly removed. While it’s noble to define a “Don Juan” by some loftier standard than sex, sex must be the defining characteristic because otherwise you soon run into absurdities. By the loftier standard, virgins can be “Don Juans” and otherwise socially, physically, and sexually competent men who frequently get laid—e.g. players, “pick-up artists”—can be considered not one because they somehow fall short of the loftier standard. Tell that to people outside of this website and they would be justified in wondering “WTF?” We all know a “Don Juan” when we see one but since he cannot be universally defined I avoid the term.

I like to reference films because whereas many people like to dismiss films as works of fiction, in quality films there are always underlying dynamics, archetypes, themes which are based on truth, which is what separates great stories from all the rest. There is that one popular author on this forum who prolifically loves to quote from literary sources and he does so for the same reason. Moreover, anyone can rent a DVD and see what I am talking about (in more detail), whereas no one can reference check my friends or acquaintances. I could talk all day about people I know or have known; for example, a good friend who cheated on his first twenty girlfriends; for example, a divorced 30-something restaurant manager who plays no discernable role in his kid’s life; for example, an uncle who knocked up a woman who he promised to marry and then immediately moved across the country; for example, my father. But, again, anecdotal accounts are weaker for illustrative purposes. (One can notice that in my three long-winded essays that I never quote anyone from this website—it’s not by accident. And yes, I hold far greater amibitions for the material than merely posting on a website full of high school and college aged kids.)
Zonder:
Since when are fun chicks bad? I find that chicks who know how to have fun (in a non-drunken state) are pretty balanced. More so than the gloomy and deadpan ones. The ones who aren't fun to be around seem to have more issues. I know there are many examples to the opposite, but you can't say teh more fun a chick is, the crazier whe will eventually turn out to be. By the same token, the more fun we're having, the closer and closer we get to insanity. So the better personality a guy (or girl) has , and the better his game is, the more fun he will be socially, and the more "insane" he will be! I mean this is the general sense, not in the clinical one.
To review, what I said was that the greater the capacity to feel emotions, to feel sensations, the greater the potential fall for someone to plummet when things go wrong in their life. To state it another way, abnormal psychologists have the terms overarousal and underarousal. People who are physiologically overaroused can sit at home every weekend reading a book, not really do anything, and feel completedly satisfied. (“Boring” people.) Whereas, people who are physiologically underaroused are the ones who tend to go out partying, jump out of airplanes, speed down roadways, sleep with many partners, or whatever. (“Exciting” people.) At first these terms may seem counterintuitive but it makes sense as underaroused people need external stimulation whereas overaroused people don’t need as much since they are already satisfied.

All in all, I don’t think there was a fundamental disagreement. Although, I personally cannot say that boring women seem to have more issues than fun ones.

About two years ago I struggled with the catch-22 of fun vs. stability and eventually came to the conclusion I will probably never find an exceptionally fun, exceptionally emotional woman who is emotionally stable, but that by the same token that’s not necessarily such a bad thing; it’s part of the human experience, it’s part of what makes life worth living. The problem for fun is when arousal and stimulation are intrinistically linked to chaos, dysfunction, turbulence. It’s a problem I face because I am within that category of men who are irresistably attracted to dysfunction, because of an abusive childhood, and thus my “radar” for what’s good is skewed. Ever since I was thirteen, I have noticed that every single girl or woman I have been strongly attracted to has turned out to be either a drug addict, stripper, or simply crazy. No exceptions. “Normal” “stable” women bore me. When I was a virgin, the infamous high standards and aversion towards sex which virgins have kept me safe from harm, but now I must be extra vigilant as by the sheer virtue of my being attracted to a woman means there’s something really f*cked up about her.
 

Arioch

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Don Juans need proper grammar, too.

This may be a regional thing. I apologize for making this criticism if you are not from the US, for though I have experience with British-English, I am sure I don't know all the differences, so the British might not even have this rule. However, improper grammar on the Internet pisses me off (not spelling, just grammar).

"Whom" is not a word one uses just because it sounds smarter than "who." "Whom" is an object pronoun, used as a pronoun being acted upon in the predicate of a sentence. It is the same as a "him," a "her," a "them," or a "me."
This author is tired of all these Don Juans with super-inflated egos, whom say that it is what they do that counts.
Consider this sentence. Look at the part after the comma, "whom say that it is what they do that counts." That is a full clause right there, with a subject, "whom," and a predicate, "say that..." etc. The way one can tell if you used the "whom" correctly is to replace the "whom" with a "them": "them say that it is what they do that counts."

Now, I'm no English major (honest. Computer science all the way), but that does not sound right at all. The correct pronoun is "they," because it is the subject of the clause. "They say that it is what they do that counts." The subject pronoun counterpart to the object pronoun "whom" is "who."

"This author is tired of all these Don Juans with super-inflated egos, who say that it is what they do that counts."

I appreciate what you are doing, and I read your entire post. However, the length and the overuse of "whom" makes you sound like a person who is just trying to sound smart. I'm in college, and I can smell fake smarts from a mile away.

Once again, I learned American English. This could very well not apply to non-Americans. If English is not your first language, consider this a free lesson in a grammar rule that many native English speakers fail to grasp.

--
Arioch: Tall. Long. Grammatically correct.
 

Arioch

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Me no think ladies like you if you no speakee so good. The same goes for employers and college admissions officers.
 

Zonder

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It's a great thread. Maybe even bible-worthy.

The personal examples did make it much more powerful.

Deepdish: When you gave the examples I figured out what you meant when saying that fun chicks are crazy. I'd noticed the same connection years from ago, but from a very different angle, which is why I didn't realize you were talking about the same thing.

I partially solved the problem by dating women who have the potential of being exceptions to this rule. That is, by dating fun chicks (obvious from the first convo) who have indicated they do not need emotional stimuli in the society, such as drinking or drama, to achieve something. Like chicks with college degree, or with intellectual hobbies, such as writing (you can learn this in the first convo too). If they had the discipline to go through 4 years of academic work without succumbing to the temptation to spend their whole time partying, then they must at least somewhat balanced. It's far from a silver bullet, but it's the best I've been able to come up with.
 

cazzie

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I hear what you are saying but I think the main problem is still that most men don't define thier own lives. WHO CARES WHAT WOMEN WANT. You say women are "socially" better than men but alot of social norms are arbitrary. Like "wear this to that function" or "blue is the fall color". I think you are right that men should not blame women for their problem but to live life on your terms and find a woman who likes that. It's that simple.

As far as marriage. Even if a guy wanted to get married really bad, more than likely he will still get a divorce. I listen to my elders all the time and they say "don't do it". They have legitmate reasons for it too. At the end of the day my personality is to independent because I will not negotiate with a woman on every little thing. I rather be single and just meet different women.
 
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Arioch

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I would just like to clear up the fact that I thought this was a very nice essay. It's great that people put so much effort into this board. My intention with the grammar remark was not to insult Deep Dish, but merely point out a grammar rule that many people don't understand and misuse. I did this publicly so everyone could learn the rule. Better learn it now than wait for a wiseass like me to point it out when you're gaming on the ladies. The second remark (which was directed entirely to Don Pablo) was meant to point that out.
 

Don Pablo

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Originally posted by Arioch
I would just like to clear up the fact that I thought this was a very nice essay. It's great that people put so much effort into this board. My intention with the grammar remark was not to insult Deep Dish, but merely point out a grammar rule that many people don't understand and misuse. I did this publicly so everyone could learn the rule. Better learn it now than wait for a wiseass like me to point it out when you're gaming on the ladies. The second remark (which was directed entirely to Don Pablo) was meant to point that out.
I know how to use the words correctly, but I didn't see the need for you to bust his balls. If your intentions were purely helpful, so be it.
 
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