Tense? You don't have to be...

[Sophomakhos]

We all know that feeling, be it a constant reality or a distant memory, of tension and apprehension (nice use of internal rhyme there; Carol Ann Duffy would be proud) before either approaching a girl or ringing her up. Well, here's a couple of techniques that I find helpful.

1. It has been proven that when a muscle is tense and then relaxes suddenly, it is more relaxed than it was before it became tense. Try for instance stretching the fingers on your hands out as far as possible, holding them there for a moment, and then letting them return to a natural, comfortable postion. Not gripping anything - just rest them on your lap. The same goes for shoulderand neck muscles. Try to stretch your shoulders down and your neck up, hold it for a moment, and then release them again. Your face has a vast number of muscles in it - do the same with it. Note though that if you do this in public you may get funny looks. But try it, and you'll find that it really does work.

2. Breathe from the pit of your stomach. Don't necessarily breath slower or deeper, just try to shift the focus of the action. Some people however (like me) find that thinking about breathing makes you more tense.

3. Stress isn't just in your muscles, it's also in your mind. Talking to a girl isn't actually any more stressful in reality than talking to anyone else - you've just associated this act with high tension in your brain. Here's a tip - when you're performing the above techniques, try to think about what it would be like to chat to that girl. Try to imagine it as your relax. After a while, you'll start to associate conversing with girls with feelings of relaxation. This may require a long term effort, but it can be worth it.

4. Ultimately you must remember - you are not staking your future happiness on this one girl. Even if you do mess it up with this one, there'll always be another coming along soon.

 

[wheelin&dealin]

Being tense is all psychological. If you placed me on top of a building and tell me to walk a tight rope. I will obviously be tense. If you tell me to walk a tight rope that is 6" above the group I won't be tense at all. It's all to do with your perception of the situation.

 

[[o_0]]

this post sounds like you got huge personal problems. i think you should drink a little booze or eat some pills. stress like that because of chattin with a girl is not normal. no offense.
pzzzzzzzzzzz

 

[Sophomakhos]

Hahaha! 'Huge personal problems' - I bite my tongue, but I can hardly stop laughing! Stress like what, may I ask? I'm simply referring to slight nerves. And I'll think you'll find that it's fairly widespread among men - hence this website.

Now, as to your suggestion to drink booze or take pills, I could hardly dignify that with an answer, it's so stupid. I make a post about relaxation techniques that involve simple muscular exercise (and besides, whoever said I was referring to myself)?, and all of a sudden it's a better idea to take drugs? I think that you may have overreacted somewhat. But I don't mind - since you obviously have about as much a grasp of English as a four year-old Peruvian who has been brought up by donkeys (not that I mean to offend the poor little Peruvian), I'm sure that you merely misinterpreted what I said. What's your native language? We might be able to converse better in it. Just to be sure, I'll write my advice for you in several different languages:

Learn to read and write English!
Apprenez à lire et écrire l'anglais!
Lernen zu lesen und Englisch zu schreiben!
Impara a leggere e scrivere gli inglesi!
¡Aprende a leer y escribir inglés!
Leer te lezen en te schrijven Engels!

Then we might be able to talk normally.

And what the hell does 'pzzzzzz' mean?

 

[Triple X]

stress like that because of chattin with a girl is not normal. no offense.

Er... actually it is. You mean you've never gone to call a girl you like up without thinking 'what if I say the wrong thing?', 'what if i totally f*** this up?', 'i hope she likes me' etc..?!

Well that's not normal. No offense.

 

[[o_0]]

triplex - remember that the guy is only 18. hes meeting the world, and thinks he knows everything. thats why i dont argue with young kids. he wouldnt see truth even if it knocked him into face.
anyways.
pzzz is for peace. safe.

 

[Sophomakhos]

What the fvck have you been smoking man? You may not have noticed that triple x was telling YOU that you were wrong.

he wouldnt see truth even if it knocked him into face.

That sentence makes no sense in English. 'Knocked me into face'? Come on, what's your native language?

I may be 18, but bear in mind that I'm studying classical history and ancient languages at the finest university in Europe (Oxford University), and you may realise that I am considerably the more intellectual of the two of us. You probably don't understand that sentence though. I wouldn't say that I know everything, but I would say that I at least have considerably more intellect (and linguistical ability) than some people here (ie. YOU). Just what was so false about the original post anyway?

 

[[o_0]]

sure mate. still im masters and you are on 1st year. so give yourself a little and make you will get learn. btw with this type of acting you wont get any girls. so better be quiet and read my posts. aite?
halla!

 

[librito]

shophomarkass said.llllllBut I don't mind - since you obviously have about as much a grasp of English as a four year-old Peruvian who has been brought up by donkeys (not that I mean to offend the poor little Peruvian),


that was a low blow man. I liked you until you said this.
what's that about being peruvian and being raised by donkeys?
Im not peruvian but that was a mistake in your part.
stay out of trouble and show some class( which I think you do have) and dont mention stuff like that brother.

 

[Boner da Stoner]

flamers *****ers complainers....


where does the term afc come from? men who act like women...!

I don't know any man who cries as much as you guys in here!

What the man was saying was...

People get tense... tell me I'm wrong, and I'll get 5 people to tell you that you are an idiot and should not be posting.

 

[Jariel]

Originally posted by Sophomakhos
1. It has been proven that when a muscle is tense and then relaxes suddenly, it is more relaxed than it was before it became tense. Try for instance stretching the fingers on your hands out as far as possible, holding them there for a moment, and then letting them return to a natural, comfortable postion. Not gripping anything - just rest them on your lap. The same goes for shoulderand neck muscles. Try to stretch your shoulders down and your neck up, hold it for a moment, and then release them again. Your face has a vast number of muscles in it - do the same with it. Note though that if you do this in public you may get funny looks. But try it, and you'll find that it really does work.

I think the advice as a whole is great, but this is something I really liked as it's very practical and really does work! It's used as a warm up in many meditation exercises. I also notice I feel more relaxed after a heavy workout, for the same reason.

Obviously the cause of the stress is in your head, but the effect is in your body and reducing the physical symptoms can make you feel less aware of the stress and thus put your mind at ease.

Another few additions I'll make is that it's incredibly effective to slow down. When you're tense, you rush, your pulse accellerates and you get clumsy and even more stressed. Taking things slow and thinking about your actions breaks this cycle.

Also, try putting more focus on sounds around you (the wind, your footsteps, even the sound of your own voice) as it's claimed to relax you.

Anyway, nice to see some practical advice here. Get's 5 stars from me!

 

[Jariel]

Ps. Take no notice of the trolls. They have too much time on their hands and are just trying to provoke a reaction to cure their own boredom.

 

[Sophomakhos]

Sorry if you misunderstood the comment about Peru. I was not actually making generalisations about the inhabitants of Peru. I'll explain. The point was to get across the guy's poor grasp of English. Well, Peru is a long way away from Britain, so a young child there would not actually have a good grasp of English. Someone brought up by an animal would have no grasp of English. There was no connection in nationality intended. Believe me, I'm a left-wing internationalist. The emphasis was supposed to be on linguistical competence, believe me. I have nothing against Peruvians.

you wont get any girls

Er, yeah, tell that to my girlfriend...